Sen son not allowed in play centre party hewas invited to

[Justrealised]

My son was invited to a party. First party invite in years. It was fir a child a few years younger than him. He has many diagnoses and has learning difficulties, severe autism.... he understood that he was going to a party and was excited to go. We turned up, went into be told that he hand to stand against a sign (not a height sign, a please do not run sign), he was a cm over, one lousy cm. They wouldn't let him in, they offered to put some balls on a table for him so he could watch the others play. We left, he was so upset it was awful. He didn't understand why we left, he doesn't have that level of understanding. He was heart broken. I'm heartbroken for him. No AIBU really, I'm just venting and looking for opinions. They could have let him in couldn't they.

Whereas, like most, I have empathy for you, it isn't the fault of the play centre nor the staff that work there.
He was taller than the height restriction so no able to share the facilities with dc that might have been considerably smaller.
The poster who is saying about making things up because he has SEN is being ridiculous. Even the OP say it gives the information on the website.
OP has said the party was for a child who is a few years younger than him, and, chronologically - so, as not said otherwise, presumably physically - we are talking about an 11 or 12 yr old in soft play for potentially 6 yr olds. If he had been allowed in, and the parents of other 6 yr olds were on MN, there would be threads abundant about much bigger children being allowed in the area for little children.

Shit OP, that must have been horrible. I don’t know how people can comment ‘that’s the hight limit’ etc. JFC. This is about an excited little child who couldn’t go into the first party he had been invited to in years. Have a heart!

At least the Grandma was mortified and sent a kind message. Could you maybe ask her if you could organise a play date together somewhere else, where your child can go and play with the Birthday child? At least then your son won’t completely miss out. You could take cake and make a day of it.

it’s like when people are caught speeding at 31mph in 30 zone

Nobody gets fined for doing 31mph in a 30 zone. Because, while technically correct, that would be ridiculous. Most forces (and all cameras) work with a margin of 10% or more.

I’m so sorry this happened- no-ones fault, but the website or a sign at the desk should make it well known. As pp have said not a disability discrimination issue, if height rules are there for safety.

Like the suggestion of trying to arrange another get together.

I would’ve just taken him to a play debate or similar and gif him treats to make up for it.
Unfortunately, if there’s a height restriction, it’s a H&S risk. It could be for their insurance so they can’t “just turn a kind eye”

I'm glad the gran is putting a complaint in. She's the person paying for the party so she is actually the one they have a contract with (or whatever, however it is handled with soft play!)

I'm sorry for your boy

@TheRealityCheque Reading all these entitled opinions who think SEN is an excuse for different rules. SEN is by definition a REASON for different rules. It means you have NEEDS others don’t.

I sincerely doubt that a sign attached to netting can measure accurately +/- 1cm. I’d measure him and see if he switching the allowed height. Was everyone asked to stand in front of the sign?

This is about an excited little child

That's the whole point though - it isn't.
The Op's ds is either 11 or 12. She has posted that he should be in Yr7

Physically, there is a MASSIVE difference between an 11/12 yr old and children (to quote OP) " a few years younger "

I feel your pain here. My DD has global developmental delay and she's 12 now, and tall for her age, but because of her learning disabilities she's interested in things for much younger children. It's awful that she's too big for everything she wants to do and wear, and the toys she wants to play with too. It's one of those moments that chips another crack in your heart. We are strong, however, and we'll glue the cracks together again.

@WonderfulYou

I cannot imagine how anyone could read that OP and then post this. Really.

Some of these replies are ridiculous.
It was a height sign which is exactly why he couldn’t go in.
Why else would he be measured against it? 🙄

It’s really rubbish OP but they have those rules for a reason and it would not be worth them breaking the rules over 1cm as if he got hurt it would be their neck on the line.
The only silver lining is they’re at an age where soft play will soon be a thing of the past.

For his birthday could you invite his friends somewhere fun that they can all join in with?

How heartbreaking for him to get there and be turned away 😭 not sure of the relevance of the SEND though.

"The only silver lining is they’re at an age where soft play will soon be a thing of the past....not sure of the relevance of the SEND though."

There speaks someone for whom special needs are not a consideration.

Please understand, a child with SEN may NEVER grow out of soft play-type activities! Or watching In the Night Garden, or wanting tops with Thomas the Tank Engine on at age 15, or pants with Bing Bunny on at 10, or toddler jigsaws ... bloody hell, the list goes on.

Unfortunately, our children grow 'too large' or 'too old' for other people to consider it's acceptable for them to still be interested in these things. Please use a little imagination and understand what it's like, trying to find things that your older child with SEN will enjoy at their own level, but that they'll actually be allowed to do. It's a nightmare at times.

And if you can't see the relevance of this mother saying her son has SEND then you really haven't got the point of her post.

Please understand, a child with SEN may NEVER grow out of soft play-type activities! Or watching In the Night Garden, or wanting tops with Thomas the Tank Engine on at age 15, or pants with Bing Bunny on at 10, or toddler jigsaws ... bloody hell, the list goes on. this ten thousand times this.

I'm so sorry. I have dc with SEN too. Mine are at that stage where so many things they want to do/wear/play with they are not allowed because they are too old/tall. Sort play is literally the only place I can take my 7 year old on my own safely. I'm dreading him being too old.

The flip side of this though is that height isn't the same as emotional age.

I developed an eating disorder as a result of hating my height as a child. One of many memories that's stuck with me is attending a softplay on a primary school trip. Nothing was said about my height meaning I couldn't take part until we arrived, and either my teachers decided or the softplay did that I was 'too large' and would 'hurt the other children.' I had to sit and watch with the teachers... except the ones who went into the softplay to supervise and went down the slides, swung on the equipment etc. I was much taller than the other children on the trip, but I was the same age as them. I was also far from the heaviest.

The language we use around telling children they are not the 'correct' size to play with children their own age really does scar. Having an age cut off doesn't carry the same emotional weight.

@GlomOfNit my own child has SEND and I work with kids with SEND and SEMH so I’m fully aware of what kind of activities many of them enjoy.
However in this scenario it’s irrelevant. The non SEND kids obviously enjoy it too as that’s where the party was.

There is a height restriction for safety reasons.
Watching in the night garden has absolutely no impact on their health but going on something that has a height or weight limit absolutely could have.

The silver lining is that his friends will soon also be too tall to go to this particular place so chances are he won’t be too tall for the next party he’s invited to, which may or may not be at a soft play area.

Theres some heartless replies on here! A little boy excited to go to a party gets turned away while his friends can go in and play and some of you are saying that theres a reason for height restrictions! Shame on you.

OP I hope your boy is OK and gets another party invite soon

[quote WonderfulYou]@GlomOfNit my own child has SEND and I work with kids with SEND and SEMH so I’m fully aware of what kind of activities many of them enjoy.
However in this scenario it’s irrelevant. The non SEND kids obviously enjoy it too as that’s where the party was.

There is a height restriction for safety reasons.
Watching in the night garden has absolutely no impact on their health but going on something that has a height or weight limit absolutely could have.

The silver lining is that his friends will soon also be too tall to go to this particular place so chances are he won’t be too tall for the next party he’s invited to, which may or may not be at a soft play area.[/quote]
So doesn't your heart ever break when your child desperately wants to do something, that they are not able to, purely because their neurological level is not the same as their physicality? When they desperately want the cute t-shirt because they love it but it's only for kids under 5? Or they want to play on the ride-on toy but they physically can't because their legs are too long? Because, like OP, these moments break my heart.

@LabelMaker

They have a height restriction for a reason

Wow. This sort of lack of empathy makes me more worried for the human race than climate change does.

The silver lining is that his friends will soon also be too tall to go to this particular place so chances are he won’t be too tall for the next party he’s invited to, which may or may not be at a soft play area. this is such an odd post from someone with so much direct experience. Ds was invited to two non family parties in total and is an older teen. He STILL loves soft play and really can’t access the experiences his peers have grown into. Surely this is a given if your emotional and social interactions are delayed.

It isn't lack of empathy though, and nor are the replies heartless.

I don't know the OP's ds, but I do know that some children with significant needs still remain significantly delayed when they are 14, or 18, or 30 or 44.
Do you think it appropriate for a man in his mid 30s to be playing in soft play with 6 year olds ? As so many have said, there is a safety reason that older, bigger, heavier dc aren't able to take part in physical play with smaller, light dc.
That does not mean people don't empathise with the OP - many have said they do, but you have to take everyone's safety and wellbeing into account.

I think lots of adult men play with their children in soft play. As the parent of an older disabled child can we be very careful about how we characterise adult men with learning disabilities and what is “appropriate”. They are a very misunderstood and vulnerable group.

@Mermaidwaves

Theres some heartless replies on here! A little boy excited to go to a party gets turned away while his friends can go in and play and some of you are saying that theres a reason for height restrictions! Shame on you.

OP I hope your boy is OK and gets another party invite soon

I felt that way too. I know the reasons, etc, and they are valid but the least we can do here is empathise with the op and her son; it was heartbreaking for him and for her to witness. Hopefully he will have perked up by now and definitely by tomorrow morning - Mother's Day! Something kids often enjoy more than their mothers :-). I used to call it, 'Harrassment Day", because I was woken up so early - worse than Christmas from that pov. It is lovely though.

Op, enjoy tomorrow and leave today behind.

@Kite22

It isn't lack of empathy though, and nor are the replies heartless.

I don't know the OP's ds, but I do know that some children with significant needs still remain significantly delayed when they are 14, or 18, or 30 or 44.
Do you think it appropriate for a man in his mid 30s to be playing in soft play with 6 year olds ? As so many have said, there is a safety reason that older, bigger, heavier dc aren't able to take part in physical play with smaller, light dc.
That does not mean people don't empathise with the OP - many have said they do, but you have to take everyone's safety and wellbeing into account.

There is a HUGE difference between a child a year older than the rest of the party children being barred from soft play and a 30 year old man.

He isn't a year older.
He is "a few years older".
It is in the first line of the opening post. The OP writes It was for a child a few years younger than him
This is the point. So many posters seem to be missing this. He isn't 1cm taller than the rest of the rest of the children, or just a couple of months older.

But the point was really to posters saying that some people will always enjoy things that we would usually expect neurotypical children to grow out of at a young age, rather than to the OP specifically.

He was 1 cm taller than the height limit. When ds was younger he went to sn soft play sessions where there were age 4 to about age 16 on the play frame. No one got hurt. Perhaps parents of children with sn actually watch and supervise our kids. Perhaps that makes the difference.

If adults can go on the equipment to play with their children what is the issue with a larger child doing it?