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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the woman who allowed her dd to stalk us and our dds around the swimming pool

78 replies

CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 21:59

DDs are 1 and 2.2. We took them swimming today and the minute we got in to the pool, a little girl, about 8 years old came up wanting to hold dd2, I told her that she could hold her when we ot out, but it was too slippy in the pool. She kept asking and trying to take her off me, I kept politely turning away from her, but it was so obvious. It completely ruined our 'swim', because she just followed me around everywhere and would not take no for an answer. Then I noticed her mother who had been lounging in the same, very small pool the whole time, she didn't say a thing to her dd, but had been watching the whole time.
I can really understand that it's nice to have a break, but I would never allow my dds to just bother someone else in that way, but on the other hand, my oldest is only 2.2, so perhaps I'm not quite jaded enough yet. What do you think?

OP posts:
bellabelly · 06/01/2008 22:00

YANBU at all!

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:01

I think she was interested in babies because she's an 8yo and you sound a bit mean. Why would the mother intervene? Her daughter was fascinated by a baby, there's nothing wrong with that.

emkana · 06/01/2008 22:01

You can't be sure that the girl doesn't have special needs, so it's difficult to judge the situation.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:02

And to use the word 'stalk' of an 8yo is unreasonable and attributing motives she didn't have. you could have politely said "it's been lovely talking to you but we'd like to be on our own now, thank you" if it bothered you.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:02

I think the mum should have been more perceptive and sensed your discomfort and waded in. She was clearly a twonk

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:03

...with no manners!

kittylouise · 06/01/2008 22:03

yanbu that would have pissed me off too.

Oblomov · 06/01/2008 22:04

stalk ? not a nice word, did you really mean that ?

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:04

Oh ffs - cut the semantics crap. It's just a word.

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:05

She wasn't special needs, she was quite bright, and it was sweet that she was interested in dds. She was also interested in dd1, but less so, but that was better because dd1 was delighted by the attention. The problem was I just couldn't shake her off, so couldn't play with dd2 at all because she kept asking f*ckwit questions like "have you fed her today?"!. I know I sound mean, you're probably right www, but my patience was wearing a bit thin after half an hour of her!

OP posts:
wannaBe · 06/01/2008 22:06

if you didn't like her behavior why didn't you tell her that you didn't want her to keep following you?

would have been inclined to say "I did say when we got out the pool you could hold her, but for now please will you just let us swim in peace?"

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:07

She's 8, obviously I don't think she's a stalker!

OP posts:
LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:07

Yes yabu.

The woman may not have realised that you were irritated by her DD. When I'm in the swimming pool, I can't wear my contact lenses so am practically blind. I would not be able to see the expression on someone's face (or even their face, tbh, just a blur) or read their body language.

It's a bit odd that she didn't want to play with her DD herself though.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:08

The point is that her mother who was responsible for her, should have stepped in

Fireflyfairy2 · 06/01/2008 22:08

I am thinking that the child perhaps had special needs. she sounds like my neighbours dd who would have done the same in the pool She wouldn't have been stalking you though, she would have been genuinely intersted (to the point of obsession) in your dd.

And my neighbour wouldn't have interfered either, maybe because she was too exhausted or because she would have caused a huge scene by trying to ask her dd to leave you alone. I have experience of this! My neighbour's dd opened my son's highchair when he was just under a year... she was 8! It was my 4 year old who had to tell her it was dangerous

Sorry your trip was uncomfortable for you though. I bet her mum was uncomfortable also, but was afraid she would have caused a scene & perhaps embarrassed you if she interfered?

madamez · 06/01/2008 22:09

A NT 8 year old is quite old enough to be told politely and kindly that you need to be left alone now (but not quite old enough to pick up on gentle hints). Her mother may well have thought it was nice that she was being friendly to other children and not picked up that you had had enough of her.

LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:09

No HMC, the point is that the OP was irritated and didn't express that clearly.

I think it's unreasonable to expect everyone else to be mindreaders.

noonar · 06/01/2008 22:09

um, i took my dds aged 3.5 and 6 swimming today. it was hard enough to supervise them in a busy pool by myself. if i'd had the same exp as you CA, it'd have been downright dangerous!

i can see why you were annoyed with the mother, but i think also it can be easy to be too harsh when judging older children, when yours a v young. i used to find reception children a bit a threat to my dd1 when we went to softplay, but now she's beyond that age herself, they seem harmless, iyswim.

paddingtonbear1 · 06/01/2008 22:09

hmmm I can understand the 8yo being interested, I wouldn't have minded this too much I don't think. Maybe I would have included her in some way, even if it didn't mean actually holding the baby as such. If I was the mother though and I could see my child was bothering you, I'd have probably asked them to steer clear.
My dd has often had slightly older kids interested in playing with her while out swimming. She is older though (4) and likes having a playmate to splash about with.

fingerwoman · 06/01/2008 22:10

I agree with WWW. she obviously loves babies and just couldn't hold back.
The mum presumably thought she was just chatting with you and it wasn't a problem- though persoanlly I'd have come over and asked if she was bothering you (ds has a tendency to do this lol) to make sure it was ok.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:11

So it's appropriate for an adult that is not well known to an 8 year old child to show 'irritation' towards that child is it? I think OP was in a difficult situation (nobody wants to be unkind to a child) and the mother should have had the wit to intervene

JeremyVile · 06/01/2008 22:11

Oh god she sounds intensely irritating.
The mother is clearly useless.

mollythetortoise · 06/01/2008 22:12

i think the mother probably thought her daughter was being kind and helpful and that you found her charming and delightful. We all think our dc's are a delight to others don't we! My dd has known to "stalk" other little girls in playgrounds etc, because she desperately wants to play with them. I encourage her to go up to girls her age and ask if they want to play cos i think it's good for her social skills etc and 80% of the time , the other girl does want to play and they have lots of fun together. Perhaps the other mother encourages this type of social behaviour too??

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:13

And I do expect mothers to be 'emotionally intelligent' (is it not on the job description?), but there is no requirement for mind reading

noonar · 06/01/2008 22:13

CA, i didnt like your f*ckwit remark. it sounded mean. she's still a little girl. you will realise that when yours are a bit older but...i do think its dangerous to have somone try to take LO from you, so understand your concern.

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