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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the woman who allowed her dd to stalk us and our dds around the swimming pool

78 replies

CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 21:59

DDs are 1 and 2.2. We took them swimming today and the minute we got in to the pool, a little girl, about 8 years old came up wanting to hold dd2, I told her that she could hold her when we ot out, but it was too slippy in the pool. She kept asking and trying to take her off me, I kept politely turning away from her, but it was so obvious. It completely ruined our 'swim', because she just followed me around everywhere and would not take no for an answer. Then I noticed her mother who had been lounging in the same, very small pool the whole time, she didn't say a thing to her dd, but had been watching the whole time.
I can really understand that it's nice to have a break, but I would never allow my dds to just bother someone else in that way, but on the other hand, my oldest is only 2.2, so perhaps I'm not quite jaded enough yet. What do you think?

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 06/01/2008 22:14

This girl was obviously not displaying the kind of social skills any right-headed parent would want to encourage.
She was being an irritant.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:14

I agree - fuckwit was a step too far

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:14

I think it's true, I really have no idea what an 8 yo is like, my neighbours dd is 8 and seems so grown up, looks like a 15 yo, it's really hard to remember they're still really young.
I though that I was very clear with her, telling her I would come over to her when we were leaving, saying see you in a bit etc etc, but she's 8, I can see why she didn't pick up on it! I have it all to come I guess!

OP posts:
LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:14

No of course not. She could have expressed her irritation by politely asking the girl to piss off for a while, there's a dear (not using that exact expression, obv.) as other posters have suggested.

Honestly, you can be assertive with kids without being unpleasant to them.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:15

But didn't she try to do just precisely that?

Reallytired · 06/01/2008 22:16

Why didn't you talk to the girl's mother if you had a problem. Its unfair to expect other mothers to read you mind.

LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:16

Yes and if it doesn't work, you just get more direct. Kids are used to being told what to do, they don't get hurt or upset by it the way an adult would. (As long as it's done nicely, obv.)

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:17

I'm sorry, I think words like fuckwit are funny, (it doesn't translate well in type!) and part of the reason for that is the fact that they are so desperately inappropriate when describing things an 8yo has said. She wasn't a fuckwit, she was 8 and annoying (can I say that???)

OP posts:
ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 06/01/2008 22:17

little bella - do you not wear glasses when supervising your los swimming? what if they were in trouble and they were just a blur to you??

ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 06/01/2008 22:18

cloudatlas - yanbu imo

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:19

I'm pigheaded I know, but I still think the parent had primary responsibility for ensuring that their child is not bothering other people.

Children don't have the same highly developed social skills as (some) adults and need guidance

noonar · 06/01/2008 22:19

i personally think that the mother shouldve intervened, and that CA has a right to feel annoyed, but i dont like the way she talks about the 8 yr old!

but then, CA, you have acknowledged that you have it all to come! just try to soften up a bit as far as older children are concerned. theyre not monsters, you know.

Misdee · 06/01/2008 22:21

dd1 is almost 8. her classmates are between 7-8. some of the girls are very very interested in babies, last year they 'mothered' dd3 quite a lot on the playing field at the end of day. but if they were being a bit too much , iwould ask them to go and see their parents for a bit and give us a break.

8year olds arent mind readers and not brilliant at reading social cues as well as older children.

and saying she was asking fuckwit questions is IMO very rude. she was just interested in your dd's.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:22

Hmm, it wouldn't have occurred to me if I had been the mother of the 8yo, that a grown woman with 2 children couldn't tell my child to bog off if she was irritating her. Gosh, the 8yo wasn't hitting babies or anything, she was just being friendly and interested ni children smaller than her. Poor thing. I think it's sad.

Oblomov · 06/01/2008 22:22

Maybe you should have had a quiet word with the mum herself.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:22

I feel i should apologise to CloudAtlas for being a bit brusque and err rude

LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:23

They don't go far enough away from me to be in trouble. We only go in the little pool atm as neither of them can yet swim.

This is waht I really hate about not being able to see. Although I'm planning to get prescription goggles now, as not seeing is a real disincentive to go swimming for me.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:24

But HMC, I wouldn't think, if my child was talking to a woman and showing an interest in her babies, that she was 'bothering' them. And I'd expect the adult concerned to be able to politely say "thanks, we'd like to be on our own now" to a child. I don't think the 8yos mother was remotely in the wrong here and neither was the 8yo.

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:25

lol, I shall remember that it is perfectly OK to tell children to bog off. If I'd know that there wouldn't have been any of this trouble!

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:25

I think you can tell children, nicely, that you;d like to be on your own now. They don't know otherwise, they don't pick up adult nuances and subtle signals.

noonar · 06/01/2008 22:26

but www, if your child was tagging along with another family for say half an hour, surely you might consider that she'd outstayed her welcome??

Misdee · 06/01/2008 22:26

same WW

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:27

Oi! HMC I didn't notice you being rude to me! What did you say? Would it make me want to tell you to bog off?

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:28

Noonar, honestly, I'd expect the adult IQ to be able to do that. And I wouldn't automatically assume everyone was unhappy or not enjoying it. I've had small children attach themselves to me in public places and I've enjoyed their company. I know it depends on your mood/the child/lots of things but no, my default position isn't 'oh my child must be annoying them now'

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:29

WWW, maybe it should be???

OP posts: