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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the woman who allowed her dd to stalk us and our dds around the swimming pool

78 replies

CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 21:59

DDs are 1 and 2.2. We took them swimming today and the minute we got in to the pool, a little girl, about 8 years old came up wanting to hold dd2, I told her that she could hold her when we ot out, but it was too slippy in the pool. She kept asking and trying to take her off me, I kept politely turning away from her, but it was so obvious. It completely ruined our 'swim', because she just followed me around everywhere and would not take no for an answer. Then I noticed her mother who had been lounging in the same, very small pool the whole time, she didn't say a thing to her dd, but had been watching the whole time.
I can really understand that it's nice to have a break, but I would never allow my dds to just bother someone else in that way, but on the other hand, my oldest is only 2.2, so perhaps I'm not quite jaded enough yet. What do you think?

OP posts:
noonar · 06/01/2008 22:29

no, mine isnt either, but after a while....

LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:29

It's very sad that our default position has to be that our children are bloody annoying to other adults and that any other position is socially inept.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:30

But I don't want to live in a world where children are seen as annoyances and where the default position is that they're annoying.

IME of 8yos many of them are v good company. But I am an adult and perfectly capable of saying I'd like to be alone if I want to be.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:31

Yes but www, the OP describes
how she kept politely turning her back on the child. That's should be quite clear to the parent that the attention from the 8 year old was OTT and a little unwelcome?

I'm sure the 8 year old girl was a little love. It's sweet that she was interested in the baby. I can imagine that my (younger, age 5) dd would be similarly captivated - however, having been followed around by an older child at soft play when with then baby ds, I can personally vouch for the fact that it can be irritating after the first 5 minutes. Accordingly I 'monitor' interactions between my children and adults (in a low key way) - to ensure that everyone is happy with the contact. That sounds really anal, but I think most of this happens almost subconsciously

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:31

Snap littlebella, quite agree.

noonar · 06/01/2008 22:32

nor do i, www. i like 8 yos. (see previous posts ) but i'd think that after a while, the family might want some space. doesnt mean that i think my/ other people's children are inherently annoying.

Heated · 06/01/2008 22:32

I'm with WWW on this - the sane voice of reason!

LittleBella · 06/01/2008 22:33

The problem with most English people, is that if you say to them "is she annoying you now", they'll politely say "oh no, no, not at all, that's quite all right, sorry" and then seethe inwardly that you haven't taken their hint that they hate you and your kid and wish you would both go and drown yourselves and leave them alone.

Baffling. Absolutely baffling.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:33

Well I think the OP was rude then to keep turning her back on a child. I think it IS OK to say "thanks but we;d like to be on our own now" but it's not ok to expect an 8yo to pick up on subtle social signals. Well, not that subtle but I would expect an 8yo to be bewildered rather than offended. She almost certainly wouldn't have thought 'they want me to go away'

lennygrrl · 06/01/2008 22:33

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:33

I don't think it's about children being annoying. It's about a bit of personal space sometimes, and ...being the knackered and frazzled mother of 2 Pre-Schoolers (I am alluding to my past rather than CloudAtlas's position) not wanting to have to find the headspace to deal with another child demanding your attention.

C'mon, where is your empathy?

saadia · 06/01/2008 22:34

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable. She went swimming with her dds and didn't want to entertain someone else's child. Much as I love children I wouldn't want to either.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:34

LB, ha ha ha, quite true about The English. They NEVER say 'oh yes, she's a pita, please do take her away' - OP wouild you honestly have said something along those lines had the mother come over?

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:35

I honestly believe in my heart that my dc are universally adorable. I have to force myself to remember that the person on the next table to us in a restaurant, having initaiated a hilarious game of peepo a few minutes ago, is probably tiring of it now. I then encourage my 2 year old to engage with something on our table, I feel it is my responsibility to do this. I would not want my dd humiliated by someone telling her to 'bog off' and I would not want to put someone else in the position where they needed to when I could so easily do something about it.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:36

Quite saadia - she had her hands full enough as it was.

It takes a particular type of bravery to take a 1 and 2.2 year old swimming with just one parent. People with bigger age gaps can't begin to understand

(flees having made cheeky and risque remark)

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:37

HMC, that's fine, if you don't want to talk to another child, you can tell them, nicely, that you want some time on your own. I do think that's fine and I understand wanting space etc.

I do think sometimes parents of v small children are a bit unsympathetic towards older ones and expect them to display a level of maturity they just wouldn't necessarily have. I think that's the case here.

Phatmouse · 06/01/2008 22:37

I would have asked my 8 year old to back off if it looked like the mum wanted to spend some quality time playing with her babies.

WideWebWitch · 06/01/2008 22:38

"people with bigger age gaps wouldn't understand" er do you mean me HMC?

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:39

OOh, no, MY dh was there too, I'm not that brave!!! I hope I wasn't misleading. It was hard because dd2 wanted to stay with me in the pool, although we did try to swap over a couple of times, she wasn't quite so full on when my dh had her.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:40

In all honesty www I can't remember what age gap you have between your children, so no I really didn't mean you.

Talking purely in the generality. But I do believe that people with a bigger age gap will usually not really understand what it can be like

JeremyVile · 06/01/2008 22:41

OK, the girl was being an irritating 8yo and you cant really expect different, but what makes this sort of situation a pain is that the mother should be the one to see when her daughter is being over-enthusiastic and step in.

handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:41

Apart from the really perceptive ones (backpeddles furiously)

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:42

yes JV, my point exaclty

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 06/01/2008 22:43

In that case CloudAtlas, if dh was there too, you were just being a wuss

Original poster
CloudAtlas · 06/01/2008 22:43

I know!

OP posts:
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