School don’t get it when I say I can’t

[NeverEndingFight]

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

First of all doesn't have to be badly behaved to have an echp. That's an education care health plan .. It's for things adaptations to do with her education like the apps and things they say you need to buy this provision can be written in..she needs these things with the list of diagnosis you describe. School can often say no they don't need it etc as irs a lot of work for the alnco. But you should have this for her and for her future exams written tests etc.. apply your self www.ipsea.org the standard letter request to assess . Send it to your council inclusion officer do it ASAP
The other thing that will help is DLA apply its for her care needs not diagnosis.. what extra does she need to be at a level witn a typical child of her age...
My son has an echp he has no behaviuor issues and isn't behind academically at all is advanced in maths.. but he has health issues and other things like hypermobility he needs support with.

I don't want to add to your overwhelming list of responsibilities. I applaud you for all you have to do alone. Have you had a thorough assessment for your daughter wherein they also looked at the possibility she is autistic. The meltdowns and upset at home that's hidden at school brought this to my mind.

You may access more support with a full, clear diagnosis ( if you suspect that). Private assessment would be faster but would cost about £1000.
I am so shocked by how much the public bodies throw back off their workload. I've experienced this myself. They don't seem to be taking their SEN responsibilities seriously at all. You can ask for more formal support without an EHCP

@ProfessorScarlett

Could you move her to a school with wraparound care so you can work full time and then pay for the apps? Not sure why you chose one with no wraparound care? Ultimately she's your dd and not the teachers, so your time is probably better spent sorting your life so that you can afford to provide for her needs. No disrespect but it sounds like you're expecting the school/Council/anyone else to solve all your problems. Being a single parent doesn't make you a victim.

I know its hard, I work 40+ hours a week as a single parent with two primary aged dc. I hope you can find a solution that works for your family

No disrespect!! Live the life of a sen parent them comment on their work life balance

Don’t buy anything you can’t afford and don’t stop her after school activities they will help with her psychomotor skills and hyper mobility etc , which an app can’t help with ever.

Go to the library and ask if there are books for children with dyslexia etc. There are bound to be. Take them out and tell the school what you have done to shut them up. Of course she needs more support than others but apps are lazy and reading with her and doing work books etc when you can will be 100% more helpful than sitting her on a screen to learn something.

I’m also a single parent & worked around school hours when my son was in primary. I never got any support from my child’s father. Your ex sounds very selfish. The school also sound, misguided, for want of a better word. Contact Gingerbread and Citizens Advice. Also speak to your local Councillor & challenge the “not naughty enough” BS, which sounds sexist. As for the idea that you should curtail her social activities - that’s ludicrous. All kids need a social outlet, it’s as important for future life skills as any academic subject.

I felt sick reading this-it’s a horrible situation to be in. I was told my son was ‘failing’ at school at 6yo. It was really school failing him and it reflects badly on them when they don’t support a student properly. He has dyslexia and SPD. I had a lot of family support and was able to withdraw him. I learnt that he was able to learn in his own time but pressure made everything worse! maybe you should make a formal complaint about the lack of support and see what happens. You are doing the best you can and your child’s mental well being is more important than whether she is at the same level of reading as other kids in her class. It’s important she feels proud of her achievements and she might not get that much from school. Good luck x

@Troublesometooth

Push the school to use some of their PP funding to buy the apps for you. That’s exactly what it is there for.

What interventions are the school putting in place? Even without an EHCP the school are expected to use their funding to pay for interventions and support to help SEN children.

This is exactly the advice I was going to give.

I work for my local LA and it's my job to determine whether children meet the various thresholds for EHCPs and behaviour is not a determining factor. Really it boils down to how far behind a child is and whether there are unmet needs despite a school's best efforts; it sounds as though the school are putting the issue squarely at your door.

You could always try SENDIASS to help give advice re: tribunals if needs be.

Make the perfectly reasonable request to have her PP funding spent on a school device with the apps in question installed that she can access in and out of school. That's what we have done for many of our pupils with similar difficulties.

I am not in the education sector but my understanding is that the school should arrange for your daughter to be statemented. if she has a statement the local authority will allocate funding to support her educational needs. I see others have referred to this as the ECHP. Keeping her activities going sounds very important for her well being. If you can ask the school to lend you a laptop you can use www.starfall.com/h/ltr-classic/. A lot on the site is completely free and it is really excellent at teaching children with dyslexia to read. it is also brilliant for maths. Julia Donaldson has written fantastic phonics books all rhyming - Mr Brown and Mrs Brown live upside down is one. The school could also order these for your daughter as other children will benefit too
GOOD LUCK

@NeverEndingFight I think sometimes they live in a dream world. DD’s music teacher asked if she played an instrument. I said no because we can’t afford. I was told it’s not as expensive as I might think! Clueless

Just a thought but if she's on pupil premium they have allocated money to spend on her to help her catch up. What are they spending it on? If they think these apps are vital then they should pay using this money.

Agree with others about contacting IPSEA for help with EHCP application.
Contact Cerebra for support filling out new DLA, they have a step by step guide. They might also be able to help with EHCP process. cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/
Also wondering what school have spent her SEN budget on (£6K per pupil on SEN register if memory serves). Part of the EHCP process is proving that they need more than this, hence application.

I am still here, just taking everything in. have made notes and will spend my day off tomorrow looking through the website to see if there's any mention of PP spending.

The HT is actually really lovely and has always been fine if I say I can't afford to donate to something, so I might have a word (rather than written complaint) with her and just explain. I am happy to buy different reading books, overlays, pencil grips, anything that may help and if not have some resale value (not that I see my DD as a way to make cash but if it doesn't work for her I might as well try and get some of my money back), and I have a printer for work (which I paid for and still buy the ink for) so I am happy to print off any worksheets even on different coloured paper, it's just these apps that I see no logical use for.

I will also look into free trials so I can at least say I tried.

@NeverEndingFight

I asked if she could try the apps in school to see if they'd be suitable with the thinking that if they were I could afford maybe 1 of them but I've been told school can't afford them either as they'd have to buy the tablets as they only have a few,

Not sure what city you live in, but there is usually a parent partnership group that can advocate on your behalf. Sadly lots of people have to appeal for EHCP being refused but appeals are successful. Have you applied for disability support/benefits? You may be entitled to more help that way. School cannot demand you pay for apps and they can provide support.

I haven't read all the responses - but if she is working 2 grades below age expected expectations, regardless of behaviour - you can apply for an EHCP.

You can apply as a parent of school won't, so gather your evidence, reports, emails etc. the school will be obliged to supply evidence when requested.

Tell the school you plan on applying for one, but would rather do it with their evidence - than without to give her a good shot.

Schools sometimes shirk the responsibility because it is a loooong and lengthy process and they can feel disheartened at the lack of EHCP's that are granted...

I’d go back to your GP, if only to find out why her arm tires so quickly when writing. Could be there’s a different issue going on here?

Teacher here. It's an unbelievable story. I'm not doubting your side but it is staggering. PP is for exactly this. Document correspondence. PP is for exactly this and if it is recommended by an Ed Psych as vital, the school refuses to help and she falls behind any OFSTED inspection would see the proverbial hit the fan. It is the schools responsibility to use PP funding to allow any PP child to avoid difficulties due to parental money difficulties. It isn't a bottomless fund but this should be straightforward.

You do not mention if you are on the waiting list for a paediatric assessment? The waiting list where I am is now about 2 years but it's the gateway to a formal diagnosis of what conditions your daughter may have. Where I live you aceess them through your GP. My GP referred me on, no question. Tell them your concerns and the effect it's having on her mental health and wellbeing.

I suspected my son had dyslexia/ ASD/ ADD from a very young age. The school were near to useless. Had he not had a good group of friends I would have moved him. Told me a formal diagnosis wasn't important and they would get the local authority to just support his literacy. In the end I paid for a dyslexia assessment and it's the best thing I did. I found with a formal diagnosis I could no longer be fobbed off. It also made the world of difference to him, as he knew there was a reason he was so behind, and it was not to do with his intelligence. I can't express how much of a difference that made to his self esteem. I appreciate you don't have the money to pay for it, but I'm wondering if any local charities will fund this. I also got a behavioural optometry assessment which also confirmed that although he has 20/20 vision, he has issues with focus and eye coordination. You might be able to access a free assessment by a student through your local uni?

I genuinely think that diagnosis is key to targeting how to genuinely help a child rather than suggesting generic apps that will most probably send her down a dead end and more frustrated.

With my son, I just concentrated what he was good at rather than spend his energies on things that he might never be good at. I pretty much ignored all homework, demanded they stop forcing him to write cursive ( this is what a lot of their efforts focussed on but no one ever asked him whether he could read his neater joined up writing!) Told him to not worry about any tests, and when he had an issue I made sure he knew I was on his side.

Primary school is shit for kids with literacy problems as it's so focussed on reading and writing. I kept on instilling into my son to not confuse education with learning to read and write and it doesn't matter if he never gets it. After all, he can use a laptop to write, he can use audio tech to read for him. What matters is learning. His outcomes at primary were always waaaaay behind that of his peers, but now he's at secondary where the focus is on subject rather than literature, despite his difficulties his outcomes are average to above average.

It might be work tapping into local homeschooling groups. If they have local educational meet ups like forest schools etc you could get the school to let you take your daughter along. I managed to get my son's school to agree to a different educational setting once a week and it made a huge difference to my son coping at school. But honestly, I don't think they would have taken me seriously or out up with my requests had I not had a formal diagnosis to wave under their face.

Good luck. x

You have to pay for them? We use these and the school provides a free login. X

OP what is her visual diagnosis? Is she under ophthalmology? If so, they should refer her to your local sensory support service (and the Audiologist) so she can she receive support the qualified teachers of the hearing and vision impaired. This may help with securing an EHCP.

It’s astounding the school are saying she must have these apps. They shouldn’t assume all households have tablets or can afford apps but more importantly, an app is supplementary aid not a replacement for teaching! If an app can teach a child to read then so can a human. If they feel the app is vital then it is their duty to provide it (but an app should never be the be all and end all for a child).

If you are struggling to access dla or pip, try benefits and work online. www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/
They have really helpful guides and information packs to help fill out the forms. You should be getting some financial help for her.

I feel your pain. Please don't give up, it is a long, hard process trying to secure an EHCP but from what you describe id be astounded if she got turned down at tribunal.
Sounds like your daughter is showing signs of Auditory Processing Disorder. I'm not medically trained but my daughter has this. She often "misinterprets" sounds. So she might not know if you're saying eg "please or police" etc It makes it very difficult to learn phonics and and together with dyslexia, she defo needs help.
Please get your GP on board. Ask for a referral for hearing tests. Let them know your concerns with re mishearing sounds.
If she's distracted with sounds outside the window - have you ruled out ADHD. Many people think of this as a behavioural problem but it's actually about lack of focus and attention as well.
I wish you all the best, it's a long road. Don't give up.
Does she need to see CAMHS ? They carry a lot of weight.
Best wishes

OP, your school is in receipt of pupil premium for your child, so the school does have the money to purchase these apps.
In the absence of an EHCP the school can and should use pupil premium to assist with this purchase. The point of pupil premium is to assist with the education of disadvantaged children and your daughter's school needs to be reminded of their duty . Good luck

@NeverEndingFight

I asked if she could try the apps in school to see if they'd be suitable with the thinking that if they were I could afford maybe 1 of them but I've been told school can't afford them either as they'd have to buy the tablets as they only have a few,

I've not RTFT but they don't need ipads or computers in school if they want you to use them at home. Surely them paying a fiver a month for you to use an app at home is cheaper than a 1-2-1 TA or similar. And what happened to all the tech they would have been given during lockdown?

I will not be stopping her activities don't worry.

She made a Mother's Day Decoration at Brownies earlier in the week and has been hiding it from me all week saying it's a surprise, she ran in this morning shouting "You can see it now mummy" she was pleased with it, was telling me how she made it and how her friend who sat next to her helped her to tie the ribbon but she painted it you know? And she chose the colours herself and everything! and yes I will be emailing Brown Owl and saying not only thank you but also how lovely it was of the other Brownie to help DD and to say thank you to her too

I've never seen her so happy about anything like I have Brownies. She also does Gymnastics (good for her mobility with her HM) and swimming lessons which she also loves.