Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School don’t get it when I say I can’t

277 replies

NeverEndingFight · 26/03/2022 15:18

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

OP posts:
Isaidno22 · 26/03/2022 20:22

Pupil premium is £1345 per year. It’s likely this money has already been spent on something like employing a teaching assistant and paying for things like trips. The money is given to the school to spend how they want to ‘close the gap’ but it’s certainly worth asking what it has gone on.
Schools also have a hardship fund which is used for things like this. I agree with others in that the school should have an alternative to apps. They are causing you distress with this constant badgering. You are well within your rights to make a formal complaint. This could be to the Head, the chair of governors or the local council. I would go back to the school and say firmly that you will not fund the apps, you are not in a position to do so and if they keep pushing this, you will make a formal complaint. Ask them to suggest an alternative.
Being ‘naughty’ is certainly not a pre-curser for an EHCP. You can reapply each year so start gathering evidence for how she is at home to support a reapplication. It’s a complex process with a lot of reports to collate and paperwork to complete. I’d question the ability of the school to do this effectively if they are misleading you about her behaviour, badgering you about the apps and putting their faith in these apps. Be aware that an EHCP may not actually change much to do with your daughters current schooling support but will open up more avenues of support for you. It depends on the wording in the report (must and should give different outcomes). Schools fund the recommendations and do not necessarily get more funding for SEN.
This must be exhausting for you. You sound like you are doing a brilliant job with your daughter. Being a parent is hard.

BlueOverYellow · 26/03/2022 20:22

@MyDcAreMarvel

People are getting g very confused about pp , unless it’s for current or ex care leavers or military children it’s not ringfenced. The pp could all be added together and used to pay a TA’s wages. You can’t ask for specific things for a child.
This is not true.

You can ask for an accounting for how a child is benefiting from pupil premium monies received if they are eligible for it. And you can ask for specific things, especially where a TA isn't being funded for them. Eg, music lessons in some schools, for pupil premium children are provided, or a sports club fees are paid for clubs run after school, field trips are covered fully or partially, etc

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/03/2022 20:24

My prescription gave me a headache too and I had to reduce it, but they gave me slightly different lenses which are designed to help when eyes are fatigued, called prism here, and they meant I could see clearly with the lower prescription.

The inability to separate sounds in a busy environment could mean she has Auditory Processing Disorder. I'm not very familiar with it myself, more ASD/ADD, but that's how a friend described it.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/03/2022 20:30

@MyDcAreMarvel

People are getting g very confused about pp , unless it’s for current or ex care leavers or military children it’s not ringfenced. The pp could all be added together and used to pay a TA’s wages. You can’t ask for specific things for a child.
No. My school did that and ofsted said it was unacceptable. It has to be for the benefit of the named child. It could be used to pay a TA if his/her time was divided between the OP children.
Shtfday · 26/03/2022 20:32

Not read the thread so maybe repeating advice already given

  1. Apply for a EHCP yourself, if they refuse appeal (make sure it is specific and measurable so school and LA cant wiggle around the support)
  2. Get help with application from NDCS, Contact Charity and specific charities that have experience of the things your child struggles with
  3. Contact charity can have an advocate attend meetings with you ( this will help too)
  4. look into other charities which help with equipment (this will give options at home but school/EHCP should fund equipment too)
  5. Dont be pressured into stopping activities she likes. she will be gaining self esteem, confidence and a wealth of other skills. not all education happens in school
Peppapigforlife · 26/03/2022 20:34

@ProfessorScarlett

Could you move her to a school with wraparound care so you can work full time and then pay for the apps? Not sure why you chose one with no wraparound care? Ultimately she's your dd and not the teachers, so your time is probably better spent sorting your life so that you can afford to provide for her needs. No disrespect but it sounds like you're expecting the school/Council/anyone else to solve all your problems. Being a single parent doesn't make you a victim.

I know its hard, I work 40+ hours a week as a single parent with two primary aged dc. I hope you can find a solution that works for your family Flowers

She's hardly expecting the school to solve her problems- they're the ones putting pressure on her to provide something she clearly doesn't have the means to provide right now.
Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 26/03/2022 20:40

The school doesn't sound great, but reading in between the lines I would say they are telling you they want DD working on her reading and learning outside of school. We never paid the subscription fees for these apps because there are SO MANY free learning websites and free trail periods that there was simply no need, and my kids liked variety. Also there are SO MANY great videos on YouTube. Think learn to read, phonics songs, numbers, maths ANYTHING. We have them on in the background all the time. You sound like a lovely mum but you really need to take a few minutes of your time to search these things out for your DD. Take the time to put them on. Sing along with her! Learning can be fun.

Innocenta · 26/03/2022 20:47

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese OP is working with her daughter outside of school; she mentioned it in an earlier post.

scoobydoo1971 · 26/03/2022 20:50

When my daughter was 6 or 7, she was unhappy at school and teachers had behavioural concerns. They blamed me as the wicked working mother with a disability who could not control her child, and denied the possibility of SEN. I knew something was wrong so pushed for an assessment by the speech and language therapist who visited the school, and saw my GP for a referral to an NHS child development clinic. The net result, after a long wait, was a diagnosis of severe dyspraxia, Irlen syndrome affecting reading, sensory and auditory processing disorder, alongside anxiety. She has since been diagnosed as a child with higher functioning autism with a high IQ. She has been home educated since 8 as I was not happy with the school and their treatment of her at all. She thrives at home. My advice to you would be to push for referrals, and if the school are obstructive then go to your GP. Do not take NO for an answer, as I was fobbed off a lot at the start. Write down all signs and symptoms for any practitioner you see. As a child with additional needs, your daughter may qualify for disability living allowance and this would help with funding intervention. The local authority may have pockets of 'child in need' funding to cover services and treatment.

BanditoShipman · 26/03/2022 20:53

Pm me and I’ll send you funds for the the one off £60 one xx

BridgesofMadisonfan · 26/03/2022 21:01

@BanditoShipman

Pm me and I’ll send you funds for the the one off £60 one xx
What a lovely thing to offer!
sunnypigeon · 26/03/2022 21:03

Also not sure if it's been mentioned upthread but keep a paper-trail from now on. When you ask for anything do it via email, or follow up any face to face discussions with an email summarising what was discussed/agreed. You may need it to apply pressure to school or as evidence for an EHCP.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 26/03/2022 21:04

Yes I can see that she is, I meant more that she doesn't need these particular apps and she can tell the teacher she is doing xyz with DD and also that having songs on in the background of their daily life is something I've found helpful and not intrusive.

Dee00 · 26/03/2022 21:07

I get what your saying but I think these apps are brilliant. We used reading eggs, my DS (year 1) completed the whole app in less than 3 months, and he is top of his class for reading and phonics - literally can read and write anything.

We have now started a maths one, again it’s helping him massively. The teacher caught me after school on Friday to say she can’t believe how good he is at his times tables. They have hardly touched on them at school yet.

Both apps had a free trial, I hardly paid anything for reading eggs and cancelled as soon as he completed it.

I totally understand what your saying but, try to budget for one of the apps that they are suggesting, honestly they work wonders.

Philisophigal · 26/03/2022 21:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Tiddlesthecat · 26/03/2022 21:14

Could you approach a dyslexic charity for help? They might now of some free apps. Can you get a free trial to see if the apps work? Can you ask the PSA if it is something that they would consider helping fund?

Peppapigforlife · 26/03/2022 21:29

Are the activities she does based in the school? I'm wondering if you could suggest to the school that they waive her activity fees so that you can pay for one or two of the apps? But I don't agree that you should be funding the resources she needs for her education just because she doesn't learn the same way as her peers. I also wonder if your local library might have access to some kind of online programme she could use instead or could sign post you to dyslexia resources.

Underfrighter · 26/03/2022 21:35

They're being complete shits.

Reading eggs have a free trial though, I'd sign up, try her on it, and go through and get an idea of all the 'lessons' and try to re create them at home.

I tried them, things like tracing a 'D' with their finger on the screen I didn't find any better than a cheap wipe clean booklet from aldi.

There the educational authority, they're responsible for giving her material to help her. Ask them for an alternative since you can't afford it, I'm pretty sure they all subscribe to twinkle and it's all the same

glitterelf · 26/03/2022 21:45

Please continue the out of school activities and drop the bulk of the homework focus on reading and limited spellings school should also be saying this not pushing you to spend a fortune on apps. My DD has just received her diagnosis for dyslexia and like your daughter she behaves well at school bottling it in until she comes home. Just this week I had a meeting with the Head because my DD thinks she's rubbish and stupid she's far from it but struggles to get her ideas on paper due to her dyslexia. In fairness her school are buying in some resources for her and I've asked for a list so that I too can purchase the same items for use at home. The important thing is the head said stop the homework only focus on the 3 spellings and continue the reading that we do as it's so important that children get down time. You're a great mummy who's currently struggling and you certainly do not need any extra pressure from them Thanks

RegardingMary · 27/03/2022 07:53

Next time school bring it up, tell them to phone her dad and tell him, because you pay for everything from the roof over her head to the socks on her feet while he spends nothing on her.

When that doesn't work out for them, tell them that if it's so important you're sure they'll be able to use her PP to buy the apps as a trial or find some other maybe booklet based thing.

ldontWanna · 27/03/2022 09:23

What interventions do the school offer her? Are any of them geared towards her dyslexia?

EthelTheAardvark · 27/03/2022 10:31

@StaplesCorner

Have you taken advice from IPSEA or SEN SOS? I reckon they could cut through the schools bullshit pretty quick.
That's SOS SEN.
KisstheTeapot14 · 27/03/2022 17:24

School should pay for the apps not put pressure on a single parent when they have no idea of your finances and the financial squeeze is on for many families. School are responsible for her education. You can help her in many other ways which don't have to cost money and they should be guiding you on how you can support her literacy.

I have a son with many of the same issues - you just have to keep bouncing it back to school.

KisstheTeapot14 · 27/03/2022 17:27

@sunnypigeon

Also not sure if it's been mentioned upthread but keep a paper-trail from now on. When you ask for anything do it via email, or follow up any face to face discussions with an email summarising what was discussed/agreed. You may need it to apply pressure to school or as evidence for an EHCP.
totally agree. paper trail every step of the way.
busymomtoone · 27/03/2022 17:32

You sound like you are doing a brilliant job , I’m sorry the school are being so unsupportive. If they think these apps will “ get her reading” they should be providing them. There is a budget for PP and SEND. In the meantime, phonics play has some free access , also try the CBeebies apps/ games. Absolutely do not stop her activities if she is benefitting from them. I do think in the long run a more supportive/ sympathetic school might be needed.

Swipe left for the next trending thread