School don’t get it when I say I can’t

[NeverEndingFight]

DD is on PP due to my low income.

I’m a single parent.

I do work part time but have no childcare so literally work 4.5 hours a day. There’s no school wrap around and the childminders and external wrap arounds that go to DDs school are full with closed waiting lists.

DD is 7 nearly 8. Is suspected dyslexic and suspected dyspraxia/dcd. She also has hypermobility and vision and hearing issues – she can hear but struggles with subtle differences. I get that she’s complex.

She’s generally well managed at school, behaves well and has friends. She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters. She can write but her arm tires quickly and due to spelling ability most of her writing is nonscense.

In the assessment reports we’ve had so far they recommend some apps for DD, I keep being told by school I have to buy them. I can’t afford them; some of them are subscriptions costing £5/month there’s 4 of them and 3 of them want the subscription, the other is a one off cost of £60.

I’m told I should stop DDs out of school activities if it’s a problem as these apps are needed – there’s no guarantee they will work and I only let DD go onto her tablet for a few hours on my weekends, her dad doesn’t let her on at all – they’re apps like Nessy and Reading Eggs but more geared to dyslexia.

Her activities are the love of her life, she doesn’t really enjoy school so she lives for activity nights, and I do think they help her overall. She has gained confidence, and learnt her own abilities. She’s also made friends outside of the classroom.

School then say I should ask her dad for help as he sees her regularly, EOWend only and he doesn’t pay maintenance, if I ask him for money he tells me I’ve got more than him and see her more so it’s my job to pay for things – the CMS can’t find an income for him.

I get told without these apps she will fall further behind, I’m told to work more hours, I asked for them to guarantee her a spot at the wrap around at one of the two external companies so I can work more and got told that’s not their job or up to them.

I asked if school had these apps that DD could try to see if they’ll be suitable but I’m told school can’t afford them either and it’s the parents job to help her progress. School keep saying “If she can crack this we’ll have her reading”

I’m terrified for her future as I know she will struggle for the rest of her primary years. We’ve been rejected for an EHCNA so taking the council to tribunal over that, school are saying we won’t get any more assessments as she’s “Not badly behaved enough”. She behaves in class, but then lets it all out at home, gets very upset over every little thing.

I despair and don’t know what to do. This is the second primary school she’s been to and her last one said the same “She’s not badly behaved enough for an EHCP or 1-1”. I don’t want to move her again as she hates this school slightly less than her previous one.

Just ranting really. I’m sick of fighting. This has come after yet another email last night (that I've only just read) from her teacher saying she needs these apps. I think they think I can't be bothered or expect school to do everything - I read with her daily, I battle her to do homework, I always go to parent workshops, I go to parents evening, I do every medical appointment alone.

I would also add that difficulties in auditory processing are going to cause difficulties when trying to learn to read using phonics. I have taught dyslexic children who have achieved greater depth in reading at Y6 but who, in Year 2, were totally unable to blend a three letter word yet could read fluently. The teaching of reading needs a far more flexible approach then we are currently allowed to give it. Phonics doesn't work for every child.

Email the school and ask what the PP has been spent on.

Request the apps are paid fir under PP using PP criteria:
-targeted academic support
-wider strategies

I believe it is paid to the school quarterly - ask for the next instalment to be used for the apps.

If you haven’t already get school to put down in writing (email them but don’t say it’s evidence gathering) what they’re saying about her falling behind without these apps and why they expect you to buy them/ why they won’t. You can use this as evidence that they’re not meeting her needs for your appeal. It’s educations responsibility to ensure she has what she needs to learn in school. She sounds like she should qualify for an EHCP to me if they can’t put things in place without. Good luck.

@Ashard20

I would also add that difficulties in auditory processing are going to cause difficulties when trying to learn to read using phonics. I have taught dyslexic children who have achieved greater depth in reading at Y6 but who, in Year 2, were totally unable to blend a three letter word yet could read fluently. The teaching of reading needs a far more flexible approach then we are currently allowed to give it. Phonics doesn't work for every child.

@Ashard20 Totally agree, nowhere on my uni applications or any jobs I've gone for has it asked me how I learned to read, so in the long run it doesn't really matter.

I agree with asking the school if they can use her pp to pay for the extra help.
Do you have a relationship with your ex in-laws? If so could you suggest they buy her the app for her birthday. Also is there anyone who could tell you anything about where her father is working, just thinking out loud here. The CMS are shocking and this behaviour is disgraceful.
Have you tried a library? They might be able to suggest alternatives.
This is dreadful for you and your dd op.
I also agree in not stopping the activities she enjoys.

@Sushi7

She’s working at around Reception level in Literacy and Year 1 level in Maths. She can only read 3 letter words, can’t blend, can’t spell, struggles to hear the difference between sounds due to her hearing, and due to her vision issues struggles to see the differences between letters.

I wouldn’t say this is dyslexia. In my experience, dyslexics sometimes stumble on their words when reading aloud and make spelling mistakes. However, they don’t have issues with chunking and blending or spelling things phonetically (the reason for their spelling mistakes). I’m not sure what’s causing your DD’s low reading, writing and maths abilities, but it sounds like there’s a “block” in the processing part of her memory, meaning she can’t retain information she’s learned. You need to keep pushing for a diagnosis, especially as she’s at the age where schools start to acknowledge SEN diagnosis.

This is a good point.

Has she been assessed for auditory processing disorder?

A lot,of her academic struggles sound like they could indicate this.

@NeverEndingFight

With each post it becomes even more glaringly obvious that your daughter needs an EHCP. She is being failed appallingly.

School refusal is a clear indication of unmet needs. Make sure you include this in your appeal evidence.

This might be totally not what the issue is, but (as a pp mentioned overlays earlier) have you had your DD assessed for Irlens? It's twice as common as dyslexia, but almost no one has heard about it, and schools are often clueless (as are GPs and the vast majority of opticians, sadly).

But when you consider that dyslexia is reckoned to affect 10% of the population, but Irlens 20%, and yet the two conditions can often present with the same issues with reading/writing, you can see how it's probable that many children are 'suspected to have dyslexia', but may only have Irlens.

Yes, you can have both (my DS has) but they can also exist without each other, yet cause issues with processing print if that print is black on white.

From what you say, OP, it may not (sadly) be as simple as 'just' Irlens, but it would be something to double-check - which in itself may add strength to your argument that your DD needs more support.

She deserves so much more than your useless ExH and school are giving her right now

@Gowithme OP’s Dd is in Y3 and nearly 8yo. She can only read 3 letter words. I would say that there is something more there than dyslexia. Yes, dyslexics have info processing issues, but this is a bit more extreme. It’s awful that OP’s Dd doesn’t have an EHCP and therefore no additional help.

You have all my sympathies. The EHCP process is complete shit. All you can do is make a nuisance of yourself and keep pushing for it.

Definitely look into DLA again. When I applied for DS it was surprisingly quite straightforward. Perhaps I got lucky, but it was a lot easier than the EHCP stuff that’s for sure! In the meantime, perhaps you could get free trials of some of the apps or similar ones, just to see if they are actually useful. If they are crap, at least you can come back to the school and say you’ve tried them.

Not read through sorry.

Please contact Family Fund, if you haven’t.
They give charitable funds for things like apps and iPads.
Sorry if you’ve done this already but you might be able to get a charity to fund it. Try different ones.

Is there any local foundation/trust/charity to whom you could apply? Sometimes in a town/village there is a local fund to which you can apply for £££. Also the school governors can be contacted and asked for support. My granddaughter, an August baby, struggled at school, had an LSA for core subjects and we applied to the governor's for GCSE study guides, payment for residential study trips etc. We just outlined her circumstances, ours and each time got the grant. Granddaughter has just received 2 unconditional uni places and 3 other conditionals. Don't give up.

@ItWasAgathaAllAlong Irlens is not universally held to be a medically valid diagnosis, so I'd be wary of recommending OP pursue this; it could be an expensive and time consuming resource suck.

@NeverEndingFight I hope you know you're an incredible parent. It's clear you're putting absolutely everything into supporting your DD.

We have had reading eggs before. The technical team is really good. I would maybe reach out to them and let them know your situation and see if they can give you a deal. They sometimes have better offers/ trial periods.

Like others, I would ask school to use her PP money to pay for these things. If 5th refuse, I would ask for a breakdown of how her PP is used for her individually? Schools have to report how they spend PP. if the SENCO cannot give you that information, I would ask the school governor with responsibility for SEND: (1) how daughter’s PP is spent; (2) why the school are demanding you spend money you don’t have on apps for learning.

@Ashard20

I would also add that difficulties in auditory processing are going to cause difficulties when trying to learn to read using phonics. I have taught dyslexic children who have achieved greater depth in reading at Y6 but who, in Year 2, were totally unable to blend a three letter word yet could read fluently. The teaching of reading needs a far more flexible approach then we are currently allowed to give it. Phonics doesn't work for every child.

100% agree. It may work for most but not everyone.

@TheBeautifulMoors

Not read through sorry.

Please contact Family Fund, if you haven’t.
They give charitable funds for things like apps and iPads.
Sorry if you’ve done this already but you might be able to get a charity to fund it. Try different ones.

I think they are reliant on getting DLA aren’t they?

I am a Senco. I would apply for an EHCP for her as a parent. She is working 2 years or more behind so this should be possible. They then have a legal responsibility to provide whatever she needs to progress. As a parent this is not your responsibility.

If you want any help with how to do this in your area feel free to PM me

People are getting g very confused about pp , unless it’s for current or ex care leavers or military children it’s not ringfenced. The pp could all be added together and used to pay a TA’s wages. You can’t ask for specific things for a child.

Could you move her to a school with wraparound care so you can work full time and then pay for the apps? Not sure why you chose one with no wraparound care? Ultimately she's your dd and not the teachers, so your time is probably better spent sorting your life so that you can afford to provide for her needs. No disrespect but it sounds like you're expecting the school/Council/anyone else to solve all your problems. Being a single parent doesn't make you a victim.

I know its hard, I work 40+ hours a week as a single parent with two primary aged dc. I hope you can find a solution that works for your family

You can work through with her without buying the apps. Try toe by toe or similar. It’s about £15 and will take you ages to work through! You can also get loads of advice and resources free online at the BDA etc

It's for Australia not UK, don't know if that matters. If you scroll down on here there's a list of apps and what they help with, some are free or have a lite version. Might be worth a look dsf.net.au/resources/downloadable-resources

I agree with the posters who say you could claim pip/DLA for her, you don't have to not be able to walk in order to get these. Although I disagree with what the school are doing too.

@ProfessorScarlett

Could you move her to a school with wraparound care so you can work full time and then pay for the apps? Not sure why you chose one with no wraparound care? Ultimately she's your dd and not the teachers, so your time is probably better spent sorting your life so that you can afford to provide for her needs. No disrespect but it sounds like you're expecting the school/Council/anyone else to solve all your problems. Being a single parent doesn't make you a victim.

I know its hard, I work 40+ hours a week as a single parent with two primary aged dc. I hope you can find a solution that works for your family

@ProfessorScarlett They had wrap around until March 2020 when they closed it and it's not reopened, they keep sending letters saying they're hoping to reopen it.