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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH BIU- to talk with DSIL about planned baby name

677 replies

fringely · 26/03/2022 10:40

DSIL is 34 weeks pregnant with first DC.
A few weeks ago her and her DP announced the planned baby name.
The actual 'sound' of the name is fine, but it is heavily associated with something which DSIL and her DP were not really aware of. They have been made aware of the association since (as it's pretty common knowledge- not sure how they hadn't heard of it tbh!) but are of the opinion most people won't make the association. DH and I are of the other opinion that most people will definitely make the association, it's not a good association, and genuinely worry that it's not fair to give a baby that name and it's fully possible it could lead to bullying when older.

Whilst DP and strongly agree on the huge issue with the name and agree it's unfair to lumbar a baby with it, I don't think DH should say anything. DH thinks he should have a proper talk with her about his concerns on the name and why he doesn't think it's fair to give to a DN. I think nothing good will come and we should stay quiet.

(So far we have said very little about it. We were notably shocked when told what it was, and clarified 'X' as in X'?? But other than that have nodded and smiled).

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 26/03/2022 12:53

You're right, TempNamed.

fuckoffImcounting · 26/03/2022 12:54

Guessing it is Lolita - if so, I would have a word with them.

EvilPea · 26/03/2022 12:54

enola?

Sorry op we aren't helping are we?

ldontWanna · 26/03/2022 12:56

@SarahBellam you do know though that the name Isis has nothing to do with the terrorist organisations.

Just how plenty of people (mostly of jewish heritage) are actually called Ira.

EvilPea · 26/03/2022 12:56

If it is this, then its worth pointing out the issues with online things getting crossed over. So if she's googling her name, or the meaning of it, or her friends are, or setting upsocial media will mean she comes across some pretty unsavoury stuff

Herejustforthisone · 26/03/2022 12:58

Lolita.

Herejustforthisone · 26/03/2022 12:59

Oh. It’s a boy. I’m tired.

NippyWoowoo · 26/03/2022 13:00

@LBFseBrom

I've found a list of 50 'sinister' names for a boy: momlovesbest.com/evil-and-demon-baby-names#q0

'Damien' is quite a nice name with associations to a film but I imagine your and your husband's misgivings are not as flimsy as that.

You say the name has been mentioned on 'the thread'; which thread.

Thanks :-).

Evil names but they don't even mention Adolf? Don't trust the list
sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/03/2022 13:00

Despite having watched all the Omen films the name Damien always makes me think of Delboy.
I love Lilith that would be an awesome name.

NippyWoowoo · 26/03/2022 13:02

TBH I'm sure it's a really niche 'infamous' name that only a pretentious few would gasp at

ldontWanna · 26/03/2022 13:02

@fringely is it a name where the association is so strong it's unlikely to ever fade and for people to make a connection regardless of the generation?

For example Pandora, you'd get more people thinking of the charms rather than the greek myth.

Lolita is another one that I think in time will lose it's connotation to a certain level.

Isis might take a long while,but it will get there too.

viques · 26/03/2022 13:05

@Eesha

Charlie?
So cruel to name your child after an iconic 1970 s perfume. The poor child will be in therapy for ever.
Beees · 26/03/2022 13:05

@NippyWoowoo

TBH I'm sure it's a really niche 'infamous' name that only a pretentious few would gasp at
I suspect this is the case. It would be unlikely both parents would have never heard of it if it really was so in your face so I suspect in reality the majority won't make the link.

If it really is a name that is common knowledge then I'm guessing the link isn't as bad as the OP is actually making it out to be and they have decided their fondness for the name outweighs the link.

knittingaddict · 26/03/2022 13:12

@fringely

The name has been on the thread
It's Ghislaine isnt it? (only got as far as page 6)
mam0918 · 26/03/2022 13:12

My oldest DS is called Jesse.

We got lots of the older generation giving us dirty looks and telling us it was an insult that meant 'gay' and 'you might as well call him Fairy', that we were cruel and even had one old person tell me they hope I never have a son.

We used it anyway and It's literally NEVER been an issue because their association is outdated and stupid and no one we have met under 50 thinks like that.

We have met a dozen other Jesse's it's now ranked 70 on the baby names list (so obviously making a huge comeback now) and we get compliments from younger people all the time about how fresh and cool it is.

Your association and beliefs might not actually be right and even if one or two older generations link it to something who cares.

My Niece was born during the whole Madeleine McCann thing and called Madeleine and we all thought it was going to be such a big deal (didn't tell her but there was lots of 'WTF are they thinking' comments behind the smiles when the name was announced) but honestly, it hasn't been and that was top news at the time and is still talked about often.

The association you will form with you Niece/Nephew will far outweigh any other prior assosiations you had to distant stories.

knittingaddict · 26/03/2022 13:17

Scrap that. I think you said boy's name.

Honestly I don't think anyone can say what you should do unless you tell us what the name is.

IVFConfusion · 26/03/2022 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/03/2022 13:19

Jesse I would associate with outlaws tbh. Never heard anyone (even oldies use it to refer to a gay person)

Maireas · 26/03/2022 13:19

I've taught several students called Aryan. Never a problem at all. All coincidentally nice children!

AuntMargo · 26/03/2022 13:22

I think its Jihadi

phoenixrosehere · 26/03/2022 13:22

is it a name where the association is so strong it's unlikely to ever fade and for people to make a connection regardless of the generation?

Good question. I chose a name for our youngest that I loved as a child from a tv show. When my dad heard it, it reminded him of a historical figure.

There are very few names that several generations would make the same connection. I would go as far as saying that Lucifer wouldn’t be as taboo as it was due to less people practicing organised religion and the popular tv show “Lucifer”. Unless the name is Hitler, I don’t think the name is as bad as OP is making it out to be.

Maireas · 26/03/2022 13:22

There's a place in Ontario called Swastika. Funnily enough, the Mitford family lived there before Unity was born. Her middle name was Valkyrie. That she became a follower of Hitler is probably a coincidence.....

BadNomad · 26/03/2022 13:23

There's no need to mention it again. If it does cause problems they can get the name changed later.

Fivebeanchilli · 26/03/2022 13:23

I think it's tricky.
I've seen people on MN saying that people shouldn't use Jonah because of it meaning bad luck to some people - but actually there are hundreds of Jonahs out there so it's very usable nowadays.
Or people say that Gabriel isn't usable due to potential for teasing whereas again there are thousands of Gabriel out there.
But if it's something like Jezebel or Lucifer then that's a bit different.
I can't imagine people not knowing that that would be an issue though so I'm struggling to imagine what name could be bad enough that everyone else knows but your sister in law doesn't.

IVFConfusion · 26/03/2022 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.