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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH BIU- to talk with DSIL about planned baby name

677 replies

fringely · 26/03/2022 10:40

DSIL is 34 weeks pregnant with first DC.
A few weeks ago her and her DP announced the planned baby name.
The actual 'sound' of the name is fine, but it is heavily associated with something which DSIL and her DP were not really aware of. They have been made aware of the association since (as it's pretty common knowledge- not sure how they hadn't heard of it tbh!) but are of the opinion most people won't make the association. DH and I are of the other opinion that most people will definitely make the association, it's not a good association, and genuinely worry that it's not fair to give a baby that name and it's fully possible it could lead to bullying when older.

Whilst DP and strongly agree on the huge issue with the name and agree it's unfair to lumbar a baby with it, I don't think DH should say anything. DH thinks he should have a proper talk with her about his concerns on the name and why he doesn't think it's fair to give to a DN. I think nothing good will come and we should stay quiet.

(So far we have said very little about it. We were notably shocked when told what it was, and clarified 'X' as in X'?? But other than that have nodded and smiled).

OP posts:
WyfOfBathe · 26/03/2022 15:40

@IVFConfusion

13:22AuntMargo

I think its Jihadi

Again an acceptable name.
People on here are so uneducated and uncultured - use the internet to educate yourself at least.

You can call your child whatever you want. But most people don't deliberately give their child a name that will cause problems for them in the country they live in.

DH and I both grew up in French speaking countries. Alizée is a well-known French name and is especially popular in the country DH is from. We wanted that name for DD. However, we live in England. When English people told me they think of Alizé vodka, I didn't stamp my feet about "uneducated and uncultured". Instead I chose a name that reflects our French culture and won't give her problems in the UK!

Maireas · 26/03/2022 15:43

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Can't be Ghengis, you're the first one who has posted it as a suggestion!

I suggested it earlier. However, I think it's more likely to be Lucifer.

SarahBellam · 26/03/2022 15:52

[quote ldontWanna]@SarahBellam you do know though that the name Isis has nothing to do with the terrorist organisations.

Just how plenty of people (mostly of jewish heritage) are actually called Ira.[/quote]
Yes, but in the UK at least, it is much more readily associated with terrorism than ancient Egyptian goddesses. Similarly, Ira.

ChloeHel · 26/03/2022 15:59

I suggested it earlier. However, I think it's more likely to be Lucifer

I don’t see how it could be Lucifer, OP said they weren’t aware of what it meant. I mean, not sure what world they live in if they didn’t know Lucifer was another name for the devil.

Has Azazel been mentioned?

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/03/2022 15:59

Is this your DH sister? In which case he is entitled to express his opinion to her if he wants and it’s nothing to do with you. I would put your energy into encouraging a nice middle name she can switch to.

HardyBuckette · 26/03/2022 16:02

If they're on the way to lumbering the poor kid with something halfway between Adolf and Judas, yes something more has to be said. Your DH is right. Risking a row is the lesser of the two evils.

HardyBuckette · 26/03/2022 16:04

Also if it's a girl and the name is either Jezebel or Lolita, it needs to be pointed out to both parents that they're going to be choosing to increase the sexism their daughter is subjected to, all for the sake of a particular name.

Maireas · 26/03/2022 16:09

@ChloeHel

I suggested it earlier. However, I think it's more likely to be Lucifer

I don’t see how it could be Lucifer, OP said they weren’t aware of what it meant. I mean, not sure what world they live in if they didn’t know Lucifer was another name for the devil.

Has Azazel been mentioned?

I should think they'd be even less aware of Azazel!

ChloeHel · 26/03/2022 16:13

I should think they'd be even less aware of Azazel

That’s the point, OP’s SIL may not know what it means, whereas I’m sure she knows what Lucifer stands for.

Maireas · 26/03/2022 16:14

All speculation. We'll never know

Maze76 · 26/03/2022 16:15

I have a friend named Jezebel , we call her Jez, it hasn’t caused any negative impact in her life.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/03/2022 16:21

OP, have you discussed this with any other relatives, e.g. your parents in law if they are around? Might it be worth them talking to your SIL, particularly bearing in mind her sensitivity and the issue of how upset she will be if she starts getting a lot of flak for choosing this name?

pinguwings · 26/03/2022 16:23

Nixon?

Just seen an acquaintance has names
Her son this and I'm fairly sure she has no idea of the connotations.

edenhills · 26/03/2022 16:32

I agree it can't be Lucifer as there is no way SIL could not know it's the devil. Unless SIL is winding OP up?

2bazookas · 26/03/2022 16:34

Tell them again. Tell their parents so they can back you up and reinforce the message.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/03/2022 16:56

Right now am thinking twins called Lucifer and Lillith would be totally brilliant

jytdtysrht · 26/03/2022 16:57

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

They’ve been made aware. They’ll have to make their own mistakes. I know that the mistake will “belong” to the child - but there is no more you can do.

There is a kid at my dd’s school with a ridiculous name. Nobody bullies him about it because they aren’t mean, but every time someone who doesn’t know him is told his name, they are WTAF?!

Hariboqueen1 · 26/03/2022 16:58

If its Damian its a gorgeous name

L0stinCyberspace · 26/03/2022 17:07

Ira?

WashedupTroll · 26/03/2022 17:19

@edenhills

I agree it can't be Lucifer as there is no way SIL could not know it's the devil. Unless SIL is winding OP up?
There is a thread on here where I'm sure it wasn't a troll and the poster genuinely thought Lucifer was a good name and didn't know the reference.
TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 26/03/2022 17:21

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but I think I know what it is, I know you can't confirm it though "Corona Iris"!

SevenWaystoLeave · 26/03/2022 17:21

I hate threads like these, because without knowing the name it's literally impossible for any of us to say how strong the association is, or how negative. If DSIL etc were unaware of it perhaps it's not as strong a connotation as you think. Nonetheless, your DH has already pointed out the connection that could be made so now they know. Don't really see what more you can do, telling them again could be construed as badgering them and cause bad blood, especially if they're determined to stick with the name regardless. Ultimately it is up to them and you can't control what they call their baby. I think you and DH have already done anything reasonable you can do.

Viviennemary · 26/03/2022 17:21

Point it out if you like. But it's their decision not yours.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 26/03/2022 17:25

I reckon it's Damien. Yes, if you google just the first name the page would be full of references to the film and TV series, but not actually the character himself.
The Omen link didn't put off Elizabeth Hurley, and Damien Hirst seems to have coped with being called it.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 26/03/2022 17:27

I doubt anyone would be concerned about a child being called Damien.