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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH BIU- to talk with DSIL about planned baby name

677 replies

fringely · 26/03/2022 10:40

DSIL is 34 weeks pregnant with first DC.
A few weeks ago her and her DP announced the planned baby name.
The actual 'sound' of the name is fine, but it is heavily associated with something which DSIL and her DP were not really aware of. They have been made aware of the association since (as it's pretty common knowledge- not sure how they hadn't heard of it tbh!) but are of the opinion most people won't make the association. DH and I are of the other opinion that most people will definitely make the association, it's not a good association, and genuinely worry that it's not fair to give a baby that name and it's fully possible it could lead to bullying when older.

Whilst DP and strongly agree on the huge issue with the name and agree it's unfair to lumbar a baby with it, I don't think DH should say anything. DH thinks he should have a proper talk with her about his concerns on the name and why he doesn't think it's fair to give to a DN. I think nothing good will come and we should stay quiet.

(So far we have said very little about it. We were notably shocked when told what it was, and clarified 'X' as in X'?? But other than that have nodded and smiled).

OP posts:
PotteryLady · 26/03/2022 13:57

Is it Jimmy - as in Saville

ImAvingOops · 26/03/2022 13:57

I think that if this is your husband's sister then he should have another conversation if he's really worried. At least it will make her think about it. But as a sil, I agree that it's better if you stay out of it and leave the conversation between the siblings

Ratatoo · 26/03/2022 13:59

Barabas?

IVFConfusion · 26/03/2022 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 14:01

I'm hoping among the 'what's the name?!' There will be some helpful perspectives and advice.

If that were the case, you wouldn’t have said The name has been on the thread

All just pointless conjecture when the answer of “you’ve told them, that’s all you need to do” was there on the first page.

kokoalemon · 26/03/2022 14:03

Surely Damien isn’t an issue?! There are so many famous/well known Damiens (off the top of my head - Hirst, Green, Lewis with a spelling variation). I know someone called Damien and no one ever brings up The Omen or any of the related media Confused

Majority of other names mentioned are the same. You can dig up some old or obscure reference that maybe some people make, but in terms of the public consciousness it’s just not a big deal.

The only names that have appeared on here that I’ve spotted and think would actually stand out as being as close you can get to a name a lot of people could raise an eyebrow at are Judas, Lucifer and Adolf. Mostly Adolf. So fair enough if it’s Adolf it’s probably a poor choice. Otherwise it’s probably not a big deal.

ImAvingOops · 26/03/2022 14:04

Re using a name like swastika, yes you have every right to but you have to balance that with how it will impact on your child if they are growing up in a country where that name has very different associations for the majority.

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 14:04

@BoredZelda

I'm hoping among the 'what's the name?!' There will be some helpful perspectives and advice.

If that were the case, you wouldn’t have said The name has been on the thread

All just pointless conjecture when the answer of “you’ve told them, that’s all you need to do” was there on the first page.

Actually, the reason I confirmed the name had been on the thread was that several posters have said 'if it hasn't been on the thread it's probably not actually that well known', and we are inflating how infamous it actually is. Which is not the case.
OP posts:
PhotosAndFrames · 26/03/2022 14:04

If it's a girl, is it Jezebel?

PhotosAndFrames · 26/03/2022 14:05

Oh, you've already said! 🙈

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 14:05

Thank you for the input everyone, I'm not really sure what the answer is still but there have been some helpful thoughts as to whether DH should say anything further.

I'm going to leave this thread now.

I will however confirm, because I don't want to be cruel, that the name is NOT Voldemort Grin

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 26/03/2022 14:06

Are they dead set on using the name or is it one in the shortlist?

DH could say something non-committal like "why not wait and see if it suits him when he's born, you'll have 6 weeks to register the birth so plenty of time to try it out first" or something tactful like "I'd worry he might be teased with that name" or suggest a more neutral/classic middle name that baby could use if they prefer it.

I certainly don't think DH should be too heavy-handed about not wanting them to use the name, it's their child and their choice, and it's not worth offending them over it, especially not if they might change their mind anyway.

Beees · 26/03/2022 14:08

'if it hasn't been on the thread it's probably not actually that well known', and we are inflating how infamous it actually is. Which is not the case.

It doesn't actually help though as names like Charlie and Jonah have been on the thread alongside Putin and Voldermort.

If the name really was as contentious then they wouldn't need telling. They don't live in bubble so they would have heard of it if that really was the biggest association and it really was that noteworthy.

godmum56 · 26/03/2022 14:12

I think that Ghislaine has connotations now but I don't think they will last and neither should they. There must be loads of other Ghislaines in the world who are good ordinary people.

IVFConfusion · 26/03/2022 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 14:21

@Beees

'if it hasn't been on the thread it's probably not actually that well known', and we are inflating how infamous it actually is. Which is not the case.

It doesn't actually help though as names like Charlie and Jonah have been on the thread alongside Putin and Voldermort.

If the name really was as contentious then they wouldn't need telling. They don't live in bubble so they would have heard of it if that really was the biggest association and it really was that noteworthy.

RTFT. I've clearly said it's nothing along the ilk of Charlie or anything 'subtle' Hmm
OP posts:
ChloeHel · 26/03/2022 14:22

I don’t think it will be any name with a biblical reference (except Satan or Lucifer) as OP said every generation will know, and let’s be fair not many kids these days know biblical figures!

It’s clearly not that bad if not even the parents picked up on it, and even after pointing it out to them they still didn’t care. I think you be being a bit dramatic OP.

A lot of the names guessed are obvious, satan and lucifer for example - how could the parents not know that may be offensive? Could possibly be Jimmy, but again, kids aren’t going to know about Saville in 10 years time.

It must be either an extremely evil persons name (Adolf), a name that has a sexual reference or sounds sexual (Anal) or just an offensive word (Gaylord). But again all those guesses are too obvious for the parents not to notice.

Massivecoffeecake · 26/03/2022 14:23

Levi

edenhills · 26/03/2022 14:26

My guess is Brutus. I wouldn't have a problem with that name.

BloodyloveGeorge · 26/03/2022 14:27

Rasputin is a great name so your DH should leave it alone now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/03/2022 14:32

Ok I’ve read the whole thread

The name has been mentioned

I cba to write down all the guesses

But if someone wants too feel free and we can decide which one is the worst

Wedonttalkaboutrats · 26/03/2022 14:40

It’s got to be Herod or Lucifer. Or Boris?

user1471457751 · 26/03/2022 14:42

@IVFConfusion but then they wouldn't use the name Bond would they given what it means in their language/culture. While swastika means something positive in some languages, if a person living in Europe calls their child that name then it will have negative connotations.

Northernlurker · 26/03/2022 14:44

I think it's Lolita.

Agree he should do everything he can

ddl1 · 26/03/2022 14:49

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

Ebenezer Goode?

More seriously, I've seen a few threads like this and it usually is Madeleine and some people associate it with Madeleine McCann. Which I think is stretching somewhat (wrong term sorry but can't think of a better word), I would more likely think of Madeleine Albright myself.

I also think you should just leave them the fuck alone! It's been explained to them how you feel, don't push it. I really don't understand why people think they are entitled to criticise other peoples' decisions about their parenting - starting before the DC is even born!

I know a Maddie-short-for-Madeleine -don't know her well enough to know if she's ever been teased about it, but she does not have problems with her name in general.

Now that I think about it, my own surname is quite similar to that of a fairly well-known murder victim and this has never caused me problems.

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