to ask if many people actively enjoy small talk?

[thatsgotit]

Not a journo, long-standing member, just curious. I'm an introvert and can do small talk when it's needed, but oh man, I hate it so much. I do enjoy getting to know people and having conversations that feel to me like they 'go' somewhere, but I just hate the fact that it's not considered socially acceptable to dive into 'meaningful' conversation without the obligatory exchanges about the weather, 'how are you?' (and the obligatory reply of 'very well, thank you' whether that happens to be true or not, rendering the question pointless), etc etc having to be got out of the way first, and as someone who doesn't have kids I'm always forgetting that I'm supposed to ask after other people's, which typically I only remember to do if I actually know the kid in question, or know something significant is going on with them.

If I sound a bit cynical it's just because I find it such a struggle. I accept that small talk serves a purpose in oiling the wheels of communication/breaking the ice etc and it's not that I don't want to find things out about people, I just tend to be more interested in exchanging opinions than facts, I suppose. So I'm curious, do many people actively enjoy small talk?

YABU = 'I enjoy small talk'
YANBU = 'I don't enjoy small talk'

I don’t mind it, I guess I quite like it!
Your status did remind me of a time I rna into a lad I hadn’t seen for about 15 years and he said ‘how’s you’ and I did the obligatory ‘good thanks, you?’ And he said ‘oh not good at all’ and I thought fucks sake 🙈

@thatsgotit

Not a journo, long-standing member, just curious. I'm an introvert and can do small talk when it's needed, but oh man, I hate it so much. I do enjoy getting to know people and having conversations that feel to me like they 'go' somewhere, but I just hate the fact that it's not considered socially acceptable to dive into 'meaningful' conversation without the obligatory exchanges about the weather, 'how are you?' (and the obligatory reply of 'very well, thank you' whether that happens to be true or not, rendering the question pointless), etc etc having to be got out of the way first, and as someone who doesn't have kids I'm always forgetting that I'm supposed to ask after other people's, which typically I only remember to do if I actually know the kid in question, or know something significant is going on with them.

If I sound a bit cynical it's just because I find it such a struggle. I accept that small talk serves a purpose in oiling the wheels of communication/breaking the ice etc and it's not that I don't want to find things out about people, I just tend to be more interested in exchanging opinions than facts, I suppose. So I'm curious, do many people actively enjoy small talk?

YABU = 'I enjoy small talk'
YANBU = 'I don't enjoy small talk'

Mines a mix, if I'm after specific intelligence, then I have to engage in some small talk, if it's a topic in General I want to talk about, then at times it's been said I need too remember the formalities. It's a balancing act, depending on what my goals are from the conversation.

No

It surprised me how much I missed small talk during lockdown, I think it fulfills something in me, not sure what!

I like it too.

For work im in a sales role and it helps me build my customer base in a way. It's not really that necessary either but I do take a genuine interest in people.

We all have different set ups and for people I come into contact with on a daily/weekly or monthly basis it's nice to have sone common ground.

For personal life it's nice to meet friends of friends too. I mean you have a friend in common so there is obv something that's mutual.

I hate it, but I’m socially awkward. I’d love it if someone started with “did you watch question time?” Why yes interesting stranger yes I did!

Oh also I don’t want a deep dive into your personal stuff, thats after we talk about current affairs.

I love it ... I find it easy and I've always worked in customer facing roles so I have plenty of experience! I much prefer it to in depth, deep and 'meaningful' conversations... my own DM is quite intense and loves analysing everything and having long discussions about life, politics, etc etc ... I find that all a bit tedious and because we have different political views I don't want to argue (she's 90 - she'd probably enjoy an argument!) but she is very, very opinionated!

I wonder if people respond differently to 'how are you'.
I mean it could be a question about your health, but in my mind its just an opener, so I respond in whatever way fits at the time.
So might be, 'I'm great, thanks, just been .... (watching question time/planting daffodils/wishing I was an astronaut/whatever), followed by 'what have you been up to/how are things' etc.
I find if I listen to people they'll open up, and then if I want to engage with them it's easy.

Certainly don't tend to discuss my health with strangers. Unless I really don't feel like chatting in which case I might inform the stranger in the bus queue that I have a terrible headache. And the weather can lead to all sorts of things which can be interesting.

Don't really want to get into politics with strangers either, I find articulating and/or defending my position draining. 'Small talk' is the means to find common ground with people, which can lead to more engaging conversation I think.
I'm quite good at switching off from people who talk at me though, and tell me in an endless monologue how wonderful they are or how they know everything. (Dare I say, usually men) I have no problem switching off from them, being sarcastic or just wandering off if they are really irritating/boring me.

I'd love it if someone started with “did you watch question time?”

Curious. My reply to that question would be a rant about how pointless Question Time is, and how insulting I found the suggestion that I might watch it. But I guess I just don't like people talking to me about anything, really.

Out of (feigned) interest, why do you enjoy listening to liars talking shit on television?

I find it so pointless and unnecessary. I'd rather stand in what people call 'awkward silence '. To me this is bliss.

@blockbustervideo

LOVE small talk. Bump in to a mum in the playground? "Hi, your little one is so sweet, how old? What's their name? Are you on maternity leave or taking time out for now? Are you local to this area? Bla bla bla..." that's how you make friends as an adult/mum, I find anyway.

See this fucks me off.

Horses for courses and all that but I loathe this intrusive kind of shit.

Nine out of ten friendships made in the playground are purely superficial.

It's rare to find a decent genuine friend these days. Especially in the school playground.

I really dislike it. Mostly because 'deep talk'(is that the opposite?) is so much more interesting, rewarding and a quicker way to explore who you are talking with. I'd go straight in with a deep question every time if it was socially acceptable!

Surely though if you only enjoy jumping straight into 'meaningful conversations' you only enjoy talking about subjects that are interesting to you? How on earth do you ever find that common ground with people if you don't have any sort of chit chat beforehand? I bet you're equally as put out by people who talk about subjects that don't interest you. And what about people you come into contact with daily but have little time to build a proper relationship with - would you prefer to ignore them? I see someone at work for 1-5 minutes every day but over time I've learnt little snippets about her. It would be bizarre if after several years all we had ever said to each other was hello! We literally don't have time for an in depth discussion though.

I told once as part of a feedback thing at work that although some peers were technically stronger than me in our specialist field, I was consistently more sought after on a project teams because I am considered "open", "warm" and "engaging". I like a little bit of chat. I get along with most people, and I like hearing about their families or latest holidays. It's how you build relationships with people, people do far more for each other when they have strong relationships.

@Twattergy

I really dislike it. Mostly because 'deep talk'(is that the opposite?) is so much more interesting, rewarding and a quicker way to explore who you are talking with. I'd go straight in with a deep question every time if it was socially acceptable!

Realistically that’s inappropriate in lots of situations though. For example in my workplace when I’ve worked in childcare it’s necessary to be friendly and build relationships with colleagues and parents but I would see it as inappropriate and odd to share ‘deep’ or personal things in that setting.

A lot of people say they dislike small talk, and I don’t particularly enjoy it, but it does serve a purpose. It builds appropriate relationships for communication. There is a time and place for ‘deep’ conversation, and a time and place for polite small talk.

It's rare to find a decent genuine friend these days. Especially in the school playground

Maybe that's just you. I've found lots among the school crowd. But then I am a taking part type - I am happy to volunteer on parent committee, attend a fundraiser event etc.

Also for example when you’re in hospital - it would be so uncomfortable for the people to jump in with ‘deep conversation’ but some light talk is necessary to put the patient at ease and make them feel comfortable and as if they’re being treated as a person. Even in shops etc. So many situations where ‘deep and meaningful’ conversation would just come across as socially inappropriate.

Another beautiful day !

I like it. If not for small talk I wouldn't have had a conversation for days on end when my daughter was a baby.

I'm really good at small talk, it never phases me. It's a fabulous way to get to know people and can lead onto amazing conversations. Small talk makes the world go round, it's a valuable skill too.

Well, we wouldn't all be having a chat here on this Internet forum if we thoroughly hated small talk, would be?

I kind of like small talk... On my terms.
I small talk lots with people I know. Real chatterbox. It's light meaningless talk, but no topic is off limits. Sticking to the weather is boring. Though I can chat about that too, off course. Lovely blue sky right now. May well go to the beach. The kids love it. My youngest will collect buckets of shells. Do you have little ones in your life? Blah. Blah. Blah.

With people I don't know... Depends.
Internet forums? That's the whole point of being there, so let's!
Other contexts? Well... I'm pretty goal driven... So unless there's a greater goal (e.g. getting to know a new colleague, because we'll be working together in the future), I'm not that motivated. I also like my peace and quiet, and getting on with my own business. Packed schedule and all that. Random lady discussing the weather over a bunch of carrot in the vegetable aisle is tolerable for about 50 seconds, but then I've got places to be, and I hate being held back.
I don't hate random strangers, I will happily hold the door for them and give them directions. But I hate people getting in my way. And I've got much more patience for slow-walkers (we can't all be young and fit, and if that luggage looks heavy, or that pushchair needs carrying up the stairs, I'll be glad to help) than small-talkers. Sorry not sorry.

I have found small talk very difficult since my first child reached school age. So much so I recently bought a book on it to see if I could improve how I deal with it. Since the pandemic I've had to review how I connect socially as I've felt very isolated. I've realised that although tricky at first, small talk is a necessary way of meeting people you have things in common with and having positive interactions. You can also find out information on things that will benefit you on the long run so although I dislike small talk, I know that if I want to improve my connections as a SAHM and parent then I need to brave those difficult situations in future.

@cantbecoping

Hate it. Cannot BEAR it. Pointless, draining, unnecessary.

I disagree. It breaks the ice when you first meet someone. If on first meeting someone they dive straight into a serious discussion I would find them too intense and full on.

@Twattergy

I really dislike it. Mostly because 'deep talk'(is that the opposite?) is so much more interesting, rewarding and a quicker way to explore who you are talking with. I'd go straight in with a deep question every time if it was socially acceptable!

If you did that to me I would feel judged, exposed, and annoyed…that’s probably why it’s socially not acceptable!