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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - to think this is vulgar as anything?

252 replies

ValerieCupcake · 25/03/2022 12:48

It is not racist. But it is selfish.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10651179/Big-Willy-Collins-widow-accuses-council-RACISM-22-ft-high-200-000-headstone.html#newcomment

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 25/03/2022 22:43

The pantomime in progress

AIBU - to think this is vulgar as anything?
aModernClassic · 25/03/2022 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

SenoraMiasma · 25/03/2022 23:57

There are badly behaved people in all communities. I can’t undershot we are so careful about the way we use language nowadays and so aware of its impact and yet can still generalise about all travellers.

There are travellers who work in offices, local government, teachers, there’s a traveller woman in the Irish equivalent of our Parliament (Dail)

Can you imagine how hard it is to push through that as a child when you want to study, get educated, join a profession?

It is some people, only some. The news only focuses on the criminal element in the same way that knife crime (for example) identifies some groups in London but we don’t accept it is ok to say all of the people from that group are involved.

This is what upsets me - we extend so much understanding to some groups yet none to travellers - it’s the discrepancy and that discrepancy is based on a lack of will to recognise the issues the community experience. How are things ever going to improve if we don’t find ways to make it work as we do for other communities?

Allthestarsabovemyhead · 26/03/2022 00:24

I first saw it on tiktok. It looks so tacky! They keep saying my dad was a “good man”

I think more people will be cremated now

lollipoprainbow · 26/03/2022 00:35

Bloody hideous

TILFA · 26/03/2022 00:39

@RoastedFerret

To be fair the cemetery should have rules in place if they don't want ginormous memorials. I'm not in the UK but here we have height restrictions and all tombstones are subject to approval before they are erected, you have to show drawings or photos before hand. If they didn't want something like this to happen then they should have prevented it, it's a bit late to start moaning about it after it is erected.
They do. No higher than 4' and no thicker than 3"
SenoraMiasma · 26/03/2022 02:11

www.londongypsiesandtravellers.org.uk/story/from-the-fairground-to-university/

This young man is so intelligent and well worth listening to.

I’ve just watched a bbc3 documentary on lgbt in the grt community and it was so sad that these young men have to challenge toxic community in their own upbringing whilst also dealing with prejudice from outside. The suicide and mortality rates are horrendous.

We really need to get rid of this midst that surrounds minorities that forces them to internalise all the hate thrown at them and makes them feel responsible for all the bad things that others do.

PrincessNutella · 26/03/2022 03:40

My stars!! That is really something!!

IncompleteSenten · 26/03/2022 07:22

The number of people saying the cemetery should have rules if they didn't want something like this to happen when the linked article clearly states they have rules and the plans submitted followed them then they just built what the fuck they wanted instead 😂

ReadyToMoveIt · 26/03/2022 07:25

@IncompleteSenten

The number of people saying the cemetery should have rules if they didn't want something like this to happen when the linked article clearly states they have rules and the plans submitted followed them then they just built what the fuck they wanted instead 😂
I know, it’s embarrassing how many people don’t actually read the article but think their opinion (based on an incorrect assumption) is still valuable!
DdraigGoch · 26/03/2022 09:41

@AndAsIfByMagic

The widow is issuing threats of violence. Time for the old Bill to have a word.
You must be joking. The police run scared of them. Remember when we all had strict limits on funeral attendees during the first lockdown? A traveller funeral took place in Manchester with hundreds attending. The police didn't intervene until a gun got fired and someone got stabbed.
EmeraldShamrock1 · 26/03/2022 11:08

Unfortunately the bad eggs give everyone within the community a bad name, some counties in Ireland are a no go area with the bad eggs, mainly Longford.
It's a pity as there's some beautiful affordable housing in the county it cannot be sold.

SenoraMiasma · 26/03/2022 16:00

@EmeraldShamrock1

But we are better than that. We rightly pull up anti Irish stereotypes, generalising about the black community, etc.

It is still attributing the behaviour of some within a particular community to all people of the same heritage which is the definition of racism.

SenoraMiasma · 26/03/2022 16:00

Besides no one wants to live in Longford as there are no jobs.

DdraigGoch · 26/03/2022 19:46

@EmeraldShamrock1

The travelling man buried in Ireland similar charges relating to burglary was buried in a 22 ct gold plated coffin wearing expensive jewellery including a rolex. The grave had security until his family had a heavy marble covering on it. The funeral costs estimated quarter of a million.
You'd think that something could be done to recover the proceeds of crime such as this.
themessygarden · 27/03/2022 10:17

" even the most liberal, broad minded and kind hearted of my friends struggle with many aspects of Traveller culture, based not on prejudice and artcles in the Daily Mail but on their own lived experience of how many (and more than a small minority of) travellers live their lives and in particular, their treatment of women, children and animals."

This, absolutely !!!

A jukebox blasting out Joe Dolan music no less !

Threats of war if they are forced to have it conform to the rules of the graveyard and council !

Why don't they set it up in their private halting site which has his WC initials on the entrance gate, they can have access to their £200,000 mausoleum day and night !

Apparently the money to build it was raised from donations from the Traveller community !

derxa · 27/03/2022 11:07

I admire their cheek to be honest. Also their attitude to celebrating life and death.

Anystarinthesky · 27/03/2022 11:22

Themessygarden Quote
Why don't they set it up in their private halting site which has his WC initials on the entrance gate, they can have access to their £200,000 mausoleum day and night !

I really think this would be the best idea, the monument will be such a target for vandalism. Apparently they have CCTV coverage but this won't stop attacks.

I think the jukebox and lights should be removed now regardless of what else the council decides.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/03/2022 11:37

I had never heard of Joe Dolan and had to look him up. I can't understand why a 40-something guy would be into that sort of cheesy rubbish. I bet it plays Elvis songs too.

lollipoprainbow · 27/03/2022 11:42

I admire their cheek to be honest. Also their attitude to celebrating life and death.

Really ??

SamphiretheStickerist · 27/03/2022 12:00

@Sciurus83

Haha wow! I mean, it's pretty ostentatious but it's not harming anyone now is it
Except for those people who visit their lived ones graves and are subjected to music from the jukebox, the sheer physicality of the bloody thing and the thoughts that they had to abide by the rules and yet there it is... fucking massive and against the planning they did have.

It isn't cultural or we'd all have seen such things in many other graveyards. It's not like Victorian mausoleums, they were of their time, accepted. It's just ostentatious, huge and garish for the sake of it.

And I would bet that it will stay now the race card has been played. Devaluing all the other very real organisational racism so many people experience.

Brefugee · 27/03/2022 12:39

I think it's hideous, not to my taste at all. However it is in keeping with his culture so i'll overlook the size and look of it (my granny and aunt are buried in this cemetry)

but the jukebox? if it's on when I'm there I'll probably try to disable it, i find that over the line.

Brefugee · 27/03/2022 12:40

also "king of Sheffield"? Sheffield? I didn't vote for him Wink. That can fuck right off

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/03/2022 14:03

*Brefugee

also "king of Sheffield"? Sheffield? I didn't vote for him wink. That can fuck right off*

Me neither. I don’ t even k is who he is! He’s occupying lots of local newspaper space though.

My king of Sheffield would be Jarvis Cocker🤴🏻Not some plonker I’ve never heard of.

Tillymintpolo · 27/03/2022 16:51

Sean Bean is the king of Sheffield. !!