AIBU- Can't afford to work

[MissRja]

Just trying to work out a return to work after having a baby In December ( also have a 4 year old in full time school ) unfortunately, my original plans for childcare have fell through, which now means we are looking at paid childcare. My current job have declined My flexible working request , which means I am looking for another job. Due to school pick up/ drops offs I am looking returning on reduced hours over 5 days or term time only. Have worked our I will be bringing home roughly £1200 after tax per month. Nursery fees will be £1100 for a four week month, or £1375 for a 5 week month. This does not include before / after school club fees. If I was to use my wages alone to pay childcare fees I would actually be losing money to work , especially when factoring in petrol , work clothes etc. Surely this can't be right. How in this day and age can I not afford to go to work !! Its ridiculous. The whole reason I am going back is because we can't afford to live off DP wages alone , but it doesn't seem like it will make a difference if i do go back to work. Am i missing something here ? What does everyone else do to work around this ? Would love to hear your experiences / advice !!

When mine were little I worked at weekends when we had one child. When the next one was born child care for two children meant I could not work and then husband did not want to look after children on his own at the weekend. We managed by going into debt and paying it off later when the children were at school. not ideal but that's how we managed.

Definitely not being unreasonable...we had 2 dc in 18months and worked out it cost us £17000 per year in childcare. I only earned 18! We weren't eligible for any help either. So I stayed home after 1 year in work until they both went to school. It still costs £500 per month in after school care. Easy to see how some people get stuck in benefits cycle

Just need to point out it’s not free - it’s subsidized

It’s a lose lose unfortunately because the flip side of not working for a few years because it’s not gaining you money means you become so much less employable when you then try to go back which is how I have ended up with no job for 7 years. 3 years after at leave waiting for child to enter school then discovered I was basically unemployable because no one wanted to hire someone who had been out of work for 3 years and so I decided rather than wait around still unemployed I’d go to university and get a degree so add a few years for that. I finish my degree this June so hopefully as an adult with a degree that I did recently proving my brain still works and previous 7 years work experience in an office and older children requiring much less childcare with no intentions of any future children will make me more employable. If not then I don’t know what employers do want.

And it only covers the childcare element not anything else like craft materials, food, expenses etc

This sounds so much like my own situation. I returned to work in November after having my second child. Both children are under 3 so needed to pay for childcare. I returned 3 days a week and we only needed childcare 2 days a week, however even with the 20% top up from the government I was basically working for £50 per month. I left work yesterday and we are going to live off just my husbands wage. I decided that the kids were my calling over my career and after being on mat leave twice in the last 3 years it had massively paused my career anyway. I’m quite happy to start again in a few years time. I just made sure I moved my current pension in to a private pension and we will pay in to that monthly. It is completely up to you how you and your DP work out your finances and if you feel that your job has career prospects (only you know that) you can’t miss out on. The only other thing is you could see if your employer offers a career break, I was offered a 5 year one but had decided I didn’t want to return to that job which they were understanding about.

Definitely sit down with your Dp and work out all your finances and think about what you need.

You won't lose NI credits if child benefit payments are in your name and you are caring for children under 12. They will be added automatically.
You say in your OP that the main reason you are returning to work is due to income levels (rather than worries about a career break). If so, you are likely better off financially staying at home, enjoying spending time with your baby. You will save on travel costs, have time to shop wisely and to economise. It also offers the time and opportunities to build a good network of like-minded parent friends who can be a great support network once your child starts school and you return to the workplace. I do think the value of this is hugely underestimated.

Why stress yourself out with paid work and juggling childcare issues if you're no better off? If you feel you need some social contact through work, find a part time evening or weekend role for one or two sessions a week.

My husband and I worked opposite shifts so basically when he was home I worked in the evenings and weekends so we could afford to have extra money but no childcare costs. You could also claim the TFC for the children so that will help as it’s per child

Why is childcare just coming from your salary while your DP keeps up with career progression, pension and NI payments?
Presumably because OP says she needs to go back to work because they can't afford to live off just his wage anymore.
So where are they going to magic up expensive childcare costs out of his?!
You can't just pull money out of your arse, if you haven't got enough you haven't got enough!
OP YANBU, childcare costs are extortionate and the reason I couldn't afford to go back to work for years after having two kids and had to wait until they were older.

I pay £3000 a month childcare (two toddlers in full time nursery in the South East, close together in age). It's pretty much what I earn per month after tax. There is no financial short term benefit of me going to work, and when you work out commuting costs, I'm literally paying to go to work. It's awful. BUT I'm thinking of the bigger picture. In the long term, it's better for me to just suck it up and try to survive this period until they're in school. I want to keep my career and pension.

Everyone keeps mentioning NI contributions. If you get child benefit your contributions are automatically paid so you don't miss out when it comes to getting a pension.

@MissRja
I think you are either underestimating the help you can get from UC or your idea of a high earner is different to some. Not being flippant but your DP would need to be on over 45k to not receive UC help with those child care costs. More if you rent.

Could you take the career break and retrain now?

Did you not consider this before falling pregnant for the 2nd time?
Why not stay home and raise your family?

@Angrywife

Did you not consider this before falling pregnant for the 2nd time? Why not stay home and raise your family?

Op says that her plans for childcare fell through so she now has to pay for childcare. So presumably childcare with a relative or whatever was expected but now isn't.

Sorry I know it won’t be a popular opinion but I do think your being unreasonable. Not regarding your employer turning down flexible working (without good reason) but the assumption that the work involved in caring for your children for that time should be of any less value than the work your doing or that you should be given even more subsidies than already on offer so that you and hubby work while the children are so little. If your household income overall is that low you’ll be entitled to universal credit and further childcare support. We’ve got 2 little ones as well and between us have worked but it has meant compromises for us both to maintain a career but we didn’t expect anything else when we decided to have children, we’re very grateful for the TFC and funded hours paid for by tax payers (and glad there’s further support for people worse off than us) but no way do we somehow think in this day and age or not we should be entitled to even more funding for our childcare. I paid more than my salary in childcare when I went back to work, this wasn’t unreasonable as I needed full time childcare due to unpredictable hours. However after a few months I got flexible working and has made a huge difference, that’s definitely the angle which should be pushed, no an insistence on further childcare funding

Why are you only looking into this now though?

You are right, it’s ridiculous, in 2022 you should be able to work and to have access to affordable childcare! My only suggestion is to a) check out working tax credits b) consider the money that will get paid into your pension c) the NI credits that go towards your old age pension.

It’s more than the pay on your hand although I appreciate that the here and now is v important.

Hope you find a watt though …

Whilst I 100% agree you should be able to go back to work and be confident you're earning a decent amount - please don't feel like you're working for nothing. All your salary goes on paying for something, eventually, why is paying for the care of your children a bad thing? Also, don't underestimate the benefits of staying in work - the pension contributions, the potential for moving to bigger and better things. If your DP is not earning a good wage and you are struggling, then maybe it's time for him to give up a hobby company and be an employee. If he is earning a decent amount just not enough for your outgoings, still apply for UC.

Our rail fares and childcare costs were just over £18k per year at one point and I know many of my mum friends didn’t go back as they felt it didn’t make sense to go back to work for no money and for someone else to have their child for those precious early years.

I did got back and we sucked it up for the long term gain. I don’t think I would have been able to get to my current salary and flexibility if I hadn’t hung onto my job and instead left the job market and the tried to get back in.

My kids are 9 and 11 now and all we have is a bit of after school club to pay for now and then and post-pandemic, we are working from home.

You didn't need to have children

@Daffi

You didn't need to have children

You didn't need to post here and be vile and yet here you are

www.gov.uk/30-hours-free-childcare

@Daffi

You didn't need to have children

You are aware no man is an island?

Have you looked at the birth rates in the UK?

When you are 85 year old who do you expect to be your bin collectors, cleaners and sewage workers as well as your doctors, nurses, fire fighters, paramedics, police officers etc?

[quote Moll2020]www.gov.uk/30-hours-free-childcare[/quote]
This is fine, in 2.5 years when OP's child is 3!