To say this pissed me off about my booking appointment ?

[chattycaterpillar]

I had a pregnancy booking appointment recently, and was talking to a friend about this yesterday, and she agreed this equally pissed her off about her's too, ( she had hers 12 months ago in the same NHS trust).

The actual medical questions were almost skimmed over, ( I wasn't asked if I had any medication allergies, even though I have a serious allergy to doxycycline). But the amount of nosy, social questions asked to "judge," your suitability to parent was ridiculous.

Examples on the proforma list included:

• How long have you been with your partner ? ( Yes, it is a long-term relationship so wasn't an issue for me, but my friend's child was conceived after a short fling and she didn't want to be answering exactly how long it was).

• What is your highest level qualification/ are you educated to degree level ? ( I'm educated to degree level, but interested in the medical relevance of this. Imagine getting asked that at any other medical appointment ...)

• Are you employed ? Is it full time work, what do you do for work ? What does your partner do for work ? ( Why on earth is it medically relevant what my partner does as his job ? )

• Does your partner have any other children ? ( No, but again, not medically relevant...)

• Do you own or rent your property ? ( Why, do you want to take a look at my mortgage deeds....)

Seemed to be a lot more interested in asking a list of nosy, intrusive questions than either a) a serious physical health condition I have that could impact the birth, or b) my medication allergies.

I'm just trying to work out in what other medical scenario this would be appropriate...

@crispmidnightpeace

I had a baby in 2016 and do not remember being asked a single one of these questions. I went to Liverpool Women's and had my baby and was basically left alone and nothing intrusive was done. This must be new?

Quite a few children have been killed by their parents since 2016, so I expect this has come as a response to that.

Oh and even 26 years ago Ingot a very snotty look from the midwife at the home visit who after asking if my baby had the same father as ds1, when in response to her "how long have you been with your partner" got the answer that I didn't have a partner I had a husband. She was beyond "right on" and had no cognizance that some people get engaged, married, love each other and make sure they are financially secure before starting a family.

Woah you’re an angry pregnant lady

Op, in the kindest possible way, not all pregnancies go to full term and a number of these are lost between booking and your dating scan. I can assure you that your midwife will care about your medical problems once the pregnancy is confirmed as viable.

@NumberTheory

I think this is all part of the lack of respect the medical profession has for mothers.

These questions have a purpose, but that purpose isn’t what you were anticipating. The booking in appointment is superficially sold to women as a physical medical appointment, not an emotional support or social services one. And the paucity of resources available to help build up social or emotional reserves makes that aspect a fairly judgmental process with, at the end of it, the threat of losing your child. That threat is tiny, and necessary, but it’s there without being really acknowledged.

The treatment is patronizing and frequently disingenuous. It treats women as vessels for the child more than people in their own right who have devoted significant biological resources to nurturing new life and are demonstrably, on average, more concerned for their child than anyone else. It is manifest in the disregard for consent that is so frequently discussed on these boards when discussing child birth and it continues after birth with health visitors and, later, schools.

👏👏👏👏

Some people on this thread lack nuance in their thinking.

I thought it was odd too, until I realised it’s a load of safeguarding questions to look for potential issues.

Something that actually pissed me off, my eldest daughter died when she was a baby. At the booking appointments for my second and third (current) pregnancy I was asking ‘first baby?’ despite filling in the details of my daughter on the booking form. She died in the same hospital and the midwife was too lazy to read my booking form so I had to relive the entire trauma.

@JellybeanMama

My husband and I got asked if we were related prior to marriage at both my booking in appointments with different midwife’s…… (we obviously are not)

I laughed when we got asked this at our wedding license appointment. I had no idea these questions were asked. Nothing of this ilk was asked at pregnancy, unless I've forgotten which is possible.

Yes , I got asked the same, (again obviously not !) But surely someone in a secretly incestuous relationship is not going to say to the midwife, "yes, my brother's the father !" it's to identify cousin marriages. You don't seen to understand these are the same set of questions they ask everyone. It's not to judge its to identify the small number of people who have married their cousin.

Mental health is also a medical issue and a lot of these questions have bearing on your risk of post natal depression.

Whilst the questions seem intrusive, I do appreciate that they're there for safeguarding you and your future child.

I did feel like shit during the appt because I work freelance which would come to an end during pregnancy, I rent, I have some MH conditions, it felt like all my failures were being highlighted, but the midwife has been invaluable during my pregnancy, with helpful advice at every turn.
I have a 14 year age gap between the baby I'm carrying, and my eldest so I feel less prepared than even if this was my first- how much advice has changed in that time?!

The information has allowed for more tailored advice to our situation

@2022IamHavingYa

Op, in the kindest possible way, not all pregnancies go to full term and a number of these are lost between booking and your dating scan. I can assure you that your midwife will care about your medical problems once the pregnancy is confirmed as viable.

I agree with this. They'll also probably ask again about your partner when they know you are in your own.

You seem hell-bent on disliking the midwife and disapproving of the service, but in case it helps you or others to understand, here are the reasons those questions are asked:

• how long have you been with your partner?

This ascertains whether there is a long term, stable relationship into which the baby is entering, or whether things are up in the air and therefore the mother may need some additional support which generally a long term partner would provide. In terms of the actual support - free parenting classes, financial resources, additional birth partners, specialist midwife support, support group information.

• what is your highest level of education?

Sadly, there is a large amount of evidence that there are better pregnancy outcomes for women with higher levels of education. This is likely due to the amount of research and medical cognition that aligns with education.

• Are you employed?

This is to see if you need help accessing additional resources that are available to those with low or no income which would benefit you and your baby.

• does your partner have any other children?

This is relevant on many levels - it could be indicative of safeguarding issues, but is also medically relevant as may lead to information about potential hereditary conditions. It’s not a question do giving the mother stick because the father is a shit dad, it’s a question of finding out any information that helps the midwife to provide the best and safest outcome for the baby.

• do you own or rent your property?

Does the baby have a stable home to go to

• partner’s date of birth

As with the age of the egg, the age of the sperm can increase the likelihood of certain conditions in the fetus.

• are you and your partner related?

There are areas in the uk where consanguineous marriage is very common, largely amongst particular cultures, and consanguinity is a huge issue in genetic conditions in the baby. Bradford, for example, has the highest rate of cousin marriage in the uk and has a huge amount of birth defects and conditions as a result. This question is routinely asked in areas where cousin marriage is common in order to help identify any potential genetic issues early on.

My sister is married to our cousin so it does happen. They don't have children though.

@Rrrob I feel your pain. I am sorry they continue to be so crass. Personally I think a lot of them are just a bit thick and that's scary bearing in mind their responsibility.

If I were you, I'd ask to be seen by a Dr for the remainder of your pg. I found that far preferable.

@RosesAndHellebores thank you. I thought about complaining first time but I think I will this time, more as an education piece.

I’m on my way to my first consultant appt now, so don’t think I’ll see the midwives too many more times.

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@Rrrob I feel your pain. I am sorry they continue to be so crass. Personally I think a lot of them are just a bit thick and that's scary bearing in mind their responsibility.

If I were you, I'd ask to be seen by a Dr for the remainder of your pg. I found that far preferable.[/quote]
I can assure you that midwives are nota bit thick. They are degree qualified, autonomous practitioners.

So don’t answer them 🤷‍♀️

The questions will be there for a reason you don’t get, not to judge your lifestyle but to gather information. Nobody puts a gun to your head, just move on to the next question.

I thought that type of questioning was a screen to see if you need a social worker for the baby. Even so, I do agree that medical staff need to be dealing with the medical stuff. They are too stretched as it is.

I agree that the booking appointment was jarring compared to every other medical appointment I’ve had. For those saying the questions are optional, that isn’t really made clear when they’re firing through them. I did find it intrusive and the reason why personal questions were being asked wasn’t shared. I didn’t feel like tests were being offered to me on an consent basis either, just being told that XYZ would be happening or needed. They looked taken aback when telling me they were going to test my carbon monoxide level and I declined.

I’m glad to be moving to consultant care if that’s more medical based than socio-economic.

Surely they are just statistical questions?

I’m pregnant with my third DC and was asked if my husband knew about the pregnancy and if he was the father 😂 I didn’t take offence. It must be awkward for the poor midwife too having to ask all these really personal questions. They’re obviously just trying to look out for you and your baby. You can seriously think they’re just really nosy!

I think it's the norm. I was asked those sort of questions with both mine and they are 11&6! With my oldest my situation wasn't great, I was 19, unplanned, had only been with his dad (ex partner), a few months and he was a dick, living in my mums over crowded council house, no steady job. Ultimately become single during pregnancy. But I didn't feel judged at all, I think it's to determine who may need some extra support.

As for my second, it felt like it was the total opposite. Longer term supportive partner, living in my own house, steady income etc.

I didn't feel I was treated any differently between the two but maybe given some deal of extra support with my first!

I’m glad to be moving to consultant care if that’s more medical based than socio-economic.

You're bringing a baby into the world. The socioeconomic aspects of this are really important and shouldn't be ignored.

She was beyond "right on" and had no cognizance that some people get engaged, married, love each other and make sure they are financially secure before starting a family.

Yes, you’re just so much better than she was. I’m sure she struggled to gasp the social construct that has been the backbone of society for centuries until relatively recently, but which still forms the basis of our societal narrative around families.