To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

I have boys they also have pink t shirts etc its not purely for girls
My 16 year old gym going rugby stero typical boy has several pink t shirts , they don't see it as only a girls colour

I couldn't get worked up about my girls wear pink, blue, green, black (which caused an odd reaction from PIL), my nephews rock a pink shirt. It's just a colour.

When people are struggling for money you were vvvu to throw away brand new things when someone else could have been happy to use them.

And why on earth didn't you take the dress that your DM bought back to the shop and ask to swap it for something else?

I usually try and see where everyone comes from but this seems a bit of an over reaction and a bit absurd to be honest.

People buying you clothes for your child is kind and a lovely thing to do - it simply is in no way a negative thing that undermines your role as a mother or is it in any way related to your values.

Values are things that are important to you - family, trust, honesty, etc. What colour your child wears doesn’t compromise your values.

A colour is only sexist if you let it be. The world has changed and kids can wear any colour. Just because it’s pink doesn’t mean it’s sexist. If you don’t like it, fine, but it’s just a colour.

I have been gifted clothes for my daughter that haven’t been something I’d buy for her but I have made an effort to put it on her if I’m seeing that person so that they know I am grateful for the thought and the effort. It doesn’t matter if I like it.

You’ve covered the regret of throwing the clothes in the bin which is good but maybe the over reaction that made you do this should be recognised as a whole as the way you are reacting to this is over the top and quite ridiculous.

Just to be clear, I do shop in charity shops (and used to volunteer in one too). Quite a few of DD1s Christmas presents came from a BHF shop near me, and they were really good.
All the stuff about Primark being fast fashion and bad for the environment etc. Totally agree if it's for adults or older kids, but when they are so small and regurgitate milk over it for a few weeks and then outgrow it, then I'm less sure.....

Re-reading your OP and your username OP I've gotta ask - are you actually ok? It's fine to have a preference (I didn't like my eldest DD wearing pale pink because it made her look ill) but to be so upset over something relatively trivial to the point of making an effort to put them in a public bin is a bit weird. Sorry if I'm totally off the mark here but I had PND with my second and had totally irrational thoughts - this is exactly the sort of thing I would've focussed on.

I hope this doesn't sound patronising, I just thought I'd ask because when I was in the depths of it I didn't realise I was - I had the same age gap between my 2 and found those early years impossible.

If you're feeling overwhelmed I take my 'privilege comment back - you aren't 'just another bad mother', you're human - I really doubt this is about pink

If pink isn’t ‘just a colour’ it’s because people like you OP cast such a bizarre and paranoid judgement on it. But your views are foolish and luckily many people don’t pay much attention to such misogynistic bullshit. Throwing away perfectly good clothes due to an illogical dislike of colour also reeks of entitlement and privilege.

What's the problem with pink?! This sounds ridiculous. And the whole "pink limiting poorer girls"... what the heck does that mean?!

What an absolute waste. Sell it if you don't want it. I too am anti pink but allow 1 or 2 pink things a season as pink is a perfectly valid colour.

@incognitoforthisone

*My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations. Never made any offensive generalisations about what poor girls wear. And don't see how this comes from a background of misogyny. I am objecting to the idea that girls should be wearing pretty pink dresses.*

1. You have taken it upon yourself to decide what colours 'poor' people's children should/shouldn't have available to them, based on your personal prejudices.
2. You also seem to think that a 'poor' person who walks into a charity will be incapable of actually just making a choice for themselves, and that if they see a pink frilly dress on the rack they will somehow be brainwashed into choosing that instead one of the dozens of other items.
3. The fact that you see anything society equates with femininity as weak and inferior, and that you believe girls who like 'girly' clothes don't climb trees or follow politics, absolutely reeks of internalised misogyny.
4. By throwing those clothes away instead of donating them, you are not 'objecting to the idea that girls SHOULD wear pretty pink dresses. You are objecting to the idea that girls CAN wear pretty pink dresses. There's a very big difference between those two things.
5. If you ever have a baby boy, and someone buys him a pair of navy blue dungarees, would you throw those away too on the grounds that it's sexist and limiting to put boys in blue or trousers? My guess is you absolutely would not do that, because it's only when gender-specific items are 'girly' that you object to them. And that's where your misogyny shines through.

Everything this PP says.

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@greyshoelaces
Definitely not wishing I had sons. I love my girls to bits, I just don't think being a girl is all about being constantly in pretty pink dresses. Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics and providing you have XX chromosomes then you are a girl is my mantra![/quote]
While I agree that I don't like the "girls wear pink, boys wear blue" brigade, this extreme banning of all pink sounds like internalised misogyny, where anything feminine is seen as "less than" and not as good as more masculine colours/traits.
Why can't your girls climb trees and follow politics AND wear pink?

@Tiredmamaaa
People buying you clothes for your child is kind and a lovely thing to do
I just can't agree with this when you know it's something they would hate

Throwing away all those clothes 😫
They could easily have been donated, sold or given away to someone in need. I see your point but it’s all a bit frivolous when you put it into context. How lucky you are to have the option to throw out perfectly good baby clothes that aren’t to your taste.

Why not have a bit of balance? A mixture of all colours and styles, including a bit of pink. Your absolute control over what your daughters wear has an expiration date as they grow up, don’t make it a major battle. Also be grateful for kind family and friends - you can easily make a bit of extra cash from gifted items you really hate to put towards other clothes for them.

I would also agree with you that them buying stuff when you have told them your child won't be wearing pink is a dig at your values. They want your child to wear stuff you don't and they think you are silly.

@JustAnotherBadMother there was a lot of pink clothes I know as i avoided them and dresses as was not for me
It just wasn't seen as a thing
Also what is wrong with pink and girls if thats what they want?
There is tons of non pink in the shops at the moment
I have been buying some new baby items for family lately and loads of non pink
But some do like pink , incl boys
I think you just need to hand back to your family and refuse saying you have too much stuff
Maybe keep the odd thing even if has a little pink , that way you expose your kids to all colours
They will like what they like eventually
I hated character clothes but guess what mine loved them and my mil bought some horrendous character coats and shoes
Some i gave away , some boys wore as they loved them or we used as messy play clothes

i dont know why you are making such a big deal about tbh. sounds werid to make such a big deal about a colour. i'd be grateful.

@zingally

What's the problem with pink?! This sounds ridiculous. And the whole "pink limiting poorer girls"... what the heck does that mean?!

Basically it means someone better off has decided that if she throws a bunch of brand new clothes out then the stupid poor mothers will be forced to dress their girls in Thomas the tank engine overalls instead, breaking the cycle of misogyny and poverty.

What seems to be being missed hugely is that firstly most ‘poor’ mothers would want clean new clothes for their baby regardless of colour, and secondly that there are appropriate outfits for different circumstances. Just because someone buys a pink dress doesn’t mean their child is forced to sit on the bench, legs crossed at the ankle, watching other kids play in the park lest they dirty their feminine garments. Most kids have pretty clothes for parties and trackies/leggings for sports and jeans/overalls for the park and rain suits for a walk in the puddles etc.

What a horrific, horrific waste. I only wish your principles around the environment were as strong as your principles around the colour pink.

Your hatred for pink is pathetic honestly. If you don't like them, give them back so they can return them.

I've never heard such shite in my life ffs. A girl with a poor family would be grateful for any clothes, regardless of colour. Not everybody shares your silly ''I want to act like a big, hard feminist' views. Your daughters will be scared to approach you about anything in life and be open if you react so stupidly to a bit of pink clothing.

I think it's daft to not allow your daughters to wear perfectly good clothing because you don't like the colour.

My daughter wears pink, yellow, blue, green, white, purple, black, all the colours, polka dots, stripes, dresses, jeans, skirts, dungarees.

AND here comes my bashing, if I show her a choice of dresses, she naturally gravitates towards what she wants (normally it's a dress, and it's normally pink, but not always!)

I'm not a girly pink princessy kinda woman myself, never have been. She has 2 older brothers, naturally you'd assume she would be a bit of a tom boy, but she's not. She chooses her own stuff. She's happy to play with her pink cars, and her blue cars too.

It's just a colour, don't be so wasteful. I can't understand the drama of not being able to/refusing to dress your kids in pink, it's a bit weird imo.

If you have a son, will he be allowed to wear blue? Green?
Would he be allowed to wear pink?

It's only ever girls and pink I see these threads for.

YANBU. I don't like pink either and I hate the way girl's clothes tend to be pink.

As an adult, I find sportswear and sports shoes tend to incorporate pink and I won't buy them on principle.

Years ago when a dear friend had a baby and I wanted to buy a present for the baby. Looking around pretty dresses in M&S, I realised that my friend would have her own idea of how tp clothe her DD, so I got something that wasn't an item of clothing.

YWBU to bin the clothes.

Your DM and DSIL are being disrespectful by ignoring your wishes, because they know better than you.

Nip it in the bud now

While I agree that I don't like the "girls wear pink, boys wear blue" brigade, this extreme banning of all pink sounds like internalised misogyny, where anything feminine is seen as "less than" and not as good as more masculine colours/traits.
Why can't your girls climb trees and follow politics AND wear pink?

Completely agree!

If they've been told and they still continue to do it then just sell it and buy stuff you like or give it away to charity. YABU to dump it in a public bin. Lets hope some needy person who doesn't mind what colour clothes their child wears has found it and is having a great day because of their lucky find.