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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To throw away pink things?

483 replies

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 15:14

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

OP posts:
BlueOverYellow · 24/03/2022 16:41

@FoxyFoxyLoxy

Throwing away is ridiculous. And so is the idea that by giving pink clothes to the charity shop you are somehow stopping "poor people" achieving their dreams.

You do sound like you have a real stick up your backside about the whole pink issue. It's just a colour.

Have to agree with this. How incredibly wasteful of you to throw out perfectly good, new clothes because you don't like a colour. So many struggling people out there right now, not to mention the last thing our landfills need.
RhiWrites · 24/03/2022 16:41

Lots of parents don’t like pink. Others do. Dumping the clothes because you don’t want to expose other children to pink is wasteful and futile. For that YABU. Find a better solution.

Itsbackagain · 24/03/2022 16:41

Can't believe you put brand new clothes in a bin - what a waste, just because you don't like pink. There are lots of children who would love new clothes irrespective of the colour.

worriedatthistime · 24/03/2022 16:42

@KirstenBlest there are tons of non pink clothes but many do like it
Boys clothes do also sometimes come in pink as well
But its called choice shops make girls clothes in pink, blue , green etc then people buy what they like
Plenty of all black/ blue womens sportswear but again other colours sell so thats why they do it

Suedomin · 24/03/2022 16:43

I think you are being unreasonable making an issue of a colour. It's not really very important why does it matter if some of their clothes are pink
What will you do if they want to wear pink when they are older? You will find that pretty soon they will have strong opinions about what they want to wear and it might not be the same as the things you like.
I also think you are being very unreasonable throwing perfectly good clothes away when other people could benefit from them especially when so many families are struggling to feed and clothe their kids regardless of the colour.

Hiphophippityskip1 · 24/03/2022 16:43

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EdenFlower · 24/03/2022 16:43

Pink is just a colour. I can't get on board with the 'I buy my girl's clothes in the boy's department brigade' because at the end of the day pink looks nice, as do other nice colours. Grey, navy and khaki are pretty dull and boring colours- we should be pushing for it to be acceptable for boys to wear pretty colours like pink and purple and pastel greens if they wish, which are my favourite colours, rather than insisting girl's can't wear pink!

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 24/03/2022 16:44

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BHX3000 · 24/03/2022 16:44

Throwing away perfectly good clothes when there are kids that go without them, is simply disgusting.

When we were little and my parents had literally no money for clothes, they wouldn't have cared less about the colour of clothes in a charity donation bag.

From an ethical and environmental point of view, it's in very poor taste to throw away brand new clothes simply because you object to poor girls being limited to pink. It's much better that they go without, in your opinion...

EmmaH2022 · 24/03/2022 16:44

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@EatSleepReplete
This is basically what I want to do. I just don't think I'll be able to with my SIL as she's so forceful and it'll end up with everyone in tears....[/quote]
She sounds horrendous
Really, is there no way you could just do that exercise once? Maybe with support?

Or ask for the receipts?

The other thing you could do is write a list of items that have been given away, send it to them, and tell them they might as well donate to charity. That way they won't be in your home when they see the message, or at least it can be organised that way!

Fairislefandango · 24/03/2022 16:44

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations.

This is one of the most patronising things I have ever heard in my life. 1) A pink t-shirt does not have 'sexist connotations'. It's just a pink t-shirt. 2) A 'girl from a poor family' is just as capable as anyone else of choosing a t-shirt in a colour she likes from a charity shop. 3) Are you assuming only poor people buy things from charity shops?!

SanFranBear · 24/03/2022 16:44

You binned them Shock What an absolute waste..

If you're worried about 'poor girls' getting their hands on them, how about donating to a refuge - DV hits every class and the richest of women sometimes leave with the clothes on their backs. Really shocking behaviour, OP. I can't get over the waste!!

Drinkingallthewine · 24/03/2022 16:44

@zingally

What's the problem with pink?! This sounds ridiculous. And the whole "pink limiting poorer girls"... what the heck does that mean?!
For what it's worth I know exactly what the OP means. I have a colouring that pink looks hideous on and I was a poor kid and when my DM needed to buy me a coat from a charity shop the priority was that it was:

a) within her meagre budget
b) in my size or larger
c) sufficiently warm enough for the winter
d) had all it's buttons and wasn't torn or stained

Anything like wear and tear, style or colour wasn't something that she could even afford to have on her radar. If it was itchy tough shit. It was warm and my size.

Often what I did end up with was some out of date pink monstrosity, so I would hide my bitter disappointment because I knew it was all my DM could source and also I endured the endless bullying at school over my hideous coat. It 'othered' me even more. It compounded the feeling of poverty compared to other kids who actually went to real shops with their mother and picked out a coat they liked.

Winniewonka · 24/03/2022 16:44

Until about 1920, it was the reverse with pink being deemed more suitable for boys and blue for girls. If I remember correctly in the 1960s baby clothes were pale pastel colours. Children's clothes were brighter in reds, yellows, royal blue
So when did all the pink stuff start? I can remember going to a wedding in 1987, the bridal gown was pale pink and thought to be so trendsetting!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/03/2022 16:44

My mum was like you, @JustAnotherBadMother - she hated pink, and I pretty much never had anything pink until I left home and started making (and paying for) my own choices.

I wouldn’t say that I resent my mum for this, but I do feel it was u fair of her to enforce her preferences on me so stringently. Pink is now one of my favourite colours - I’m not saying that I live in a Barbara Cartland pink boudoir, but I wear it quite often, and use it in the crafts I do too.

But it is in moderation - I do agree that the overwhelming pinkness of everything for little girls is far too much - but equally I don’t think it is reasonable to completely rule out any colour. And there are some shades of pink that are much nicer than others - deep cerise, for example is infinitely preferable to sickly Barbie pink.

There are colours I don’t like, but I wouldn’t ban them from our lives, and didn’t ban them from the dses’ lives, when they were kids.

BHX3000 · 24/03/2022 16:45

She has a new born and an infant and acted rashly. Who hasn't?

Those who've experienced tough times in their lives. Talk about privilege, hey...

robocracker · 24/03/2022 16:45

Wait until your girls are in pre school. They will probably want everything pink then!

Well they might not but all 3 of mine have! They are heavily influenced by peers from around 3to about 8 so brace yourself!

I agree that all pink everything everywhere is awful but it's not a horrible colour, it's just a colour! Why not mix it up a bit.

Anyway I think YABU for putting them in a bin. I would never bin new clothes, that's what charity shops are for. I can't believe you get your own clothes second hand but wouldn't recycle the ones you want to get rid of 🤷🏻‍♀️

liliainterfrutices · 24/03/2022 16:46

It's pretty disgusting at a time of real poverty to throw perfectly good clothes away that some mothers would have loved to be able to pick up from a charity shop. The idea that a pink dress is going to stop anybody following their dreams is absolutely ridiculous. I'm really shocked that you just binned it.

JudgeJ · 24/03/2022 16:46

@Whatalovelydaffodil

There's nothing wrong with pink. Do you dislike any other colours?
If she doesn't like it then there is a lot wrong with pink for her! I had this problem over 40 years ago, I would never dress my daughters in pink, loathe the colour especially nowadays where it's far more common.
Makeitsoso · 24/03/2022 16:46

YANBU to not keep clothes that you hate. But please give it to charity. Loads of families would be glad of quality children’s clothes!

Selena55 · 24/03/2022 16:47
Grin

Never in my whole life have I actively wished for a child to grow up as a complete pink fluffy girly girl. But there is a first time for everything.

Absolutely bonkers

EarlGreywithLemon · 24/03/2022 16:47

Word of warning here - my mother was against pink, dresses, and other overtly gendered clothing for the same reasons. I was in boys’ clothes most of the time. It made me truly miserable as a child, to the point where all I wanted was pink, frills, lace, long hair, pig tails, dolls, etc. I still have a thing about it, to the point where I avoid trousers, wouldn’t wear joggers or a tracksuit, etc. My own daughter likes pink and wears it alongside lots of other colours -blue, yellow, white, green, purple, etc Much better to provide your daughters with a balance and encourage their own preferences as they grow older.

Herewegoagain84 · 24/03/2022 16:48

Do you have an irrational hatred of any other colours too? Or is this an attempt at a feminist statement? The problem with that is that pink is simply a colour like any other - assigning it in any way is reinforcing the stereotype that it is only for girls. Boys and girls can wear pink. It's hardly offensive.

nokidshere · 24/03/2022 16:49

As an adult, I find sportswear and sports shoes tend to incorporate pink and I won't buy them on principle.

WHat principle? My 20yr old son just spent the best part of a year saving up for the Pink cricket spikes he's been itching to wear. All the teens/young men I know have some kit with pinks/limes/oranges in regardless of what sport they do.

Selena55 · 24/03/2022 16:50

I’m a mum of two forks and tended to steer away from pink. Not as a rule but I liked them in other colours too.

As soon as they started nursery and socialising with other girls they were all about pink, fluff, glitter, sparkles, unicorns.

My seven year old is coming out of that now, as she develops into her own person with her own tastes etc. but my four year old is generally an explosion of pink. And lip gloss, which is a recent development.

It’s just so not worth getting wound up about. They will be who they will be.