To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

I think some of your opinions are a bit daft and I don't agree, but I think you're entitled to liking and disliking whatever you want.

Your family continuously disrespecting your opinion and doing things you have expressed you do not want or like is rude. I, too, would be annoyed if someone constantly disregarded my values, especially if it's family.

That being said throwing clothes in the bin because you don't want to subject poor girls to having to wear pink clothes from a charity shop is appalling behaviour.

You were so wrong to bin it. That's ungrateful to the point of arrogance and so wasteful. I'm shocked anyone could do that. Why didn't you take it to a charity shop?

Your attitude towards a colour is bizzare and stands to do much more harm to your children moving forward than a balanced sensible approach.

Wearing pink won’t have any more impact on them than wearing any other colour. What will you do in a couple of years when one of them inevitably decides they want to be dressed head to toe is glittery pink fairy outfits?

@queenMab99

I was born in the fifties, my sisters and I never wore pink as far as I can remember, my mother disliked it, there seemed to be a trend towards more practical colours. A pp has said this pink trend should have been ditched in the 70s, but it wasn't a trend in the 70s, childrens clothes and toys were far more unisex then, society seems to have taken a weird turn towards sexist stereotypes, which I don't understand.

I totally agree it's fairly new. I was a child in the 80s and pink was one of many colours. If that was still the case, then I'd be okay with it, but sadly it's not. Definitely this pink craze is 21st century.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time on here! If new DD is only a month old then I'm not surprised your emotions are all over the place.... The fact that everyone ignores your requests not to buy/give pink things might easily make you feel invisible/important only as a producer of babies. Cut yourself some slack.
Next time you get pink just leave it in the car boot to be dropped off whenever you get an opportunity.

Don't let people ignore your feelings - they are just as valid as anyone else's.
And, as a mother of 3 fabulous girls, I agree there is much more baggage attached to pink than most other colours.

You do you and be proud of it. :)

But stop throwing it in the bin. The poor environment.

I’ve just Googled jojo kids coats. The majority are not pink so it’s bizarre she wants to buy the pink. They have green, yellow, blue, orange, navy - loads of choice.

And like others I can't believe you put clothes in the bin. I give clothes away all the time - I gave a whole raft of stuff to nursery so they had spares when the kids had accidents, to other parents at school once DS has grown out of stuff (sometimes hardly worn), charity shops. Please don't do that again.

Oh dear OP, I fear you may descend into an apoplectic rage when they are invited to the inevitable Princess parties at school. And by God, they might even love it. There seems to be more going on here. My DC are older, I know lots of now late teenage girls who all loved pink sparkles as little girls. They are strong, independent young women and have not been damaged by loving a bit of pink as children.

Don't chuck it out!

Dylon
Charity
Ebay
Rags

I think you need to get over yourself a bit.
Give things back to them and risk the fall out, or regift/donate them. Don't make it into a big deal because it's really not.

You may find that as your girls get older, they will be drawn to pink toys or clothes because of your extreme reaction to boycotting the colour!

What will you do then when they get to an age where they can go to a toy shop and choose their own toys and they choose something like a pink pushchair or a barbie doll (for example) will you forbid it?
Or if they go to birthday parties and want to wear a pink party dress? Will you overrule their choices?

I think the main issue here isn't the colour pink, but the fact your family inundate you with unwanted gifts that you've told them you don't want.

FWIW I am with you on the pink thing, and I actually do like pink as a colour on the whole, but when you're faced with a whole sea of it, I get put off it. Plus the obviously sexist connotations that have become attached to it. Also I do think it's a shame because I'm finding that lots of shops these days are getting much better at doing girl's clothes in a range of non-pink colours that are really lovely and attractive, such as Sainsbury's and H&M.

I think your reasons for throwing them in the bill are vile. All the bollocks about subjecting poor children to pink make no sense at all.

Personally my girls have lived in JoJo clothes. They’ve been practical, washed incredibly well and have gone through two children and worn incredibly well. The fact you’ve chucked such good quality stuff in the bin is really awful as someone would have benefited from them even if not to your taste.

Send it my way - I love pink!

Well you'll be fooked if your dd's decide they love pink at some point.

It's odd that it's always typically feminine things that are seen as lesser isn't it.

Quite.

The answer to the problem of women and girls being pushed into stereotyped expectations of femininity is not demonising and sneering at anything that's ever been considered feminine. The answer is to stop with the expectations and provide open choice.

My dd was (and still is) very gender-non-conforming in the way she dresses. She felt like you do about pink, and was also very negative about anything girly, from when she was about 7. At 16 she now looks back and says she recognises this was internalised misogyny - the idea that anything seen as 'for girls' is negative amd inferior.

Maybe the pink was on special offer @jytdtysrht

Pretty sure hating pink purely because of its ties to femininity is just Internalised misogyny.

And you were wasteful and should've given it to a charity shop not in a bloody bin.

@JustAnotherBadMother i was born in the 70's and pink for girls was all around incl the 80's and 90's there is loads of non pink though all over
The 80's was all cindy , barbie and girls world all very pink so no its not a new thing
I was not into pink as a young girl and preferred my football kits
But practically all my friends had pink bedrooms the pink dog duvet was hugely popular
I think people forget and just make a bigger thing of it now

@Calandor yes people can't see this and somehow think they are being trendy or oh so different

If this is the biggest worry in your life then you are very lucky.
Your daughters have an aunt and a grandma who love them.
I am the total opposite to my sister in law and she tended to select leopard print which I'd never pick but actually, I concede some of the outfits looked lovely on her.
Surely for the toddler it's great to have outfits you don't care about? Isn't learning that you can run through a muddy puddle while wearing a pink dress (and often a random tiara!) A better lesson in life?

My daughter is a total Tom boy currently outside hanging upside from a swing with her brother. But my god she loves her hand me down selection of pretty dresses. What will you do when she actively chooses pink?

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations. Never made any offensive generalisations about what poor girls wear.
And don't see how this comes from a background of misogyny. I am objecting to the idea that girls should be wearing pretty pink dresses.

1. You have taken it upon yourself to decide what colours 'poor' people's children should/shouldn't have available to them, based on your personal prejudices.
2. You also seem to think that a 'poor' person who walks into a charity will be incapable of actually just making a choice for themselves, and that if they see a pink frilly dress on the rack they will somehow be brainwashed into choosing that instead one of the dozens of other items.
3. The fact that you see anything society equates with femininity as weak and inferior, and that you believe girls who like 'girly' clothes don't climb trees or follow politics, absolutely reeks of internalised misogyny.
4. By throwing those clothes away instead of donating them, you are not 'objecting to the idea that girls SHOULD wear pretty pink dresses. You are objecting to the idea that girls CAN wear pretty pink dresses. There's a very big difference between those two things.
5. If you ever have a baby boy, and someone buys him a pair of navy blue dungarees, would you throw those away too on the grounds that it's sexist and limiting to put boys in blue or trousers? My guess is you absolutely would not do that, because it's only when gender-specific items are 'girly' that you object to them. And that's where your misogyny shines through.

@worriedatthistime
Agree. I had pink paint on my wall as a child, and was very big on My Little Pony. I do think though the whole pinkification of girls clothes did not happen then. That's defo a new thing, but not saying the 80s were perfect....

I knew you'd get a bashing for putting new clothes in the bin.

I've a DM who just won't listen to us when we tell her not to buy stuff. And she will always buy something that's nice from her point of view. I've given up now and I'm blunt. I will either point blank say "thanks mum but that's not something I'd wear so pass it along to someone who will" or I will put it straight, tags and all into a box I have for donating if it's something that was a gift.

Same DM used to buy really expensive fussy dresses for my DN. My SIL's solution was to dress her up to visit granny - which meant they got destroyed in granny's garden while she was running around with her cousins, or covered in chocolate /ribena. I think it really only took three or four dresses before DM copped on that it was a waste of money.

Has the word ‘pink’ lost all meaning for anyone else? IYKWIM!