To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

You seem to have a disproportionate reaction to a colour, dont politicise pink you're going to give your daughters a complex.

Dye the nicest ones. Pink can go to Red or Purple perfectly well. Don't for goodness' sake throw good clothes away, that's frightful!

@Hidingin

I don’t understand why you think boys clothes are better And I don’t understand what’s so bad about pink if it’s mixed with other colours in their wardrobe which is clearly is Pink isn’t harming them and it’s a weird thing to pick a hatred to, yet be ok with buying them dolls? What part of pink is it that you hate? Fwiw I try to be fairly gender neutral with DC and would hate tons of pink and girls clothes - but that’s the same reason I’ve avoided buying dolls, and play kitchens and all of those ‘girl’ toys exclusively. And I encourage the science and active toys that they often don’t get gifted. The pink itself seems significantly less harmful…

Boys clothes often are better - made of thicker material, looser so cooler in the summer, shorts a better length, have pockets etc.

OP I'm not particularly a fan of pink in that I don't own any pink clothes myself but I always allowed some pink clothes in as I wanted DD to know that no colours were banned and all were fine. I always went for a mix. Really you have a few choices, either don't accept what they give you, accept and charity shop or accept and let your DD wear them (please don't throw clothes away though).

At some point in the next few years your DD might go through a pink phase and I think you should be accepting of that if it happens or she'll get the message that the things she likes aren't good enough.

There used to be a campaign called “Pink Stinks”, run by two feminist sisters, who would be right behind you, OP. They fought the ghettoisation of little girls into pink frilly dresses that deterred them from active play, such as tree climbing and football, and the misogynist attitudes that steered them away from learning spatial skills from “boys” toys such as meccano, lego, etc.

just return the items to the shops and get what you want.

But I do understand what you feel, I hated pink growing up as I’m contrary so hated everything that was “girl toys/stuff” I even hate ABBA for this reason I always enjoyed my brothers toys like mechanio lego carpentry set etc he had no problem sharing them lol
I have 3 sisters and we shared a room it was always painted pink as soon as I had a room of my own I painted blue but my daughter had some pink stuff but not her only choice of colour

I have learnt to allow some pink in my life but on my terms lol I will always be more red than pink

Look I accept that I shouldn't have put them in the bin. I did try and get it back only around 3 hours later, but the bins had all been emptied by then.
I've got most of my baby stuff off freecycle, and have bought loads second hand off ebay, gumtree etc. I actually think that is part of the reason my DM and SIL go so mad in buying expensive stuff that is not my taste at all. I've given loads on freecycle too (mostly just the pink stuff from bags of baby clothes lol).
For me the real issue is the frustration I feel at people who know my feelings and my values continually doing this. It does, frankly, feel like they are criticising me as a mother. They both have a lot more money than me, although I am not at all badly off, and am able to provide for my kids fine. The main difference really is difference in tastes rather than money - if I won the lottery I wouldn't go shopping in "Harrods for kids" coz that's just not me. I personally have no interest in clothes at all, and never have.
It might sound daft but I'd never thought of exchanging them. It wouldn't be that easy as there aren't those sorts of posh shops near where I live, but I like the suggestion of a pp of dyeing them.

@TabithaTittlemouse

Ooooh now I understand the word woke! You are trying so hard to stand against prejudice and sexism that you’ve decided to save the world by getting rid of a colour!

My youngest adored pink and would only eat off the pink plate, drink from the pink cup etc. Luckily he is unaffected by colours.

Not the world. Just the poor people.

Just don’t accept the presents? “No, thank you. It’s pink and you know I don’t dress DDs in that.”

Then they take it back.

The fact that you threw away a whole load of expensive baby clothes when people are barely making ends meet and trying to clothe their children is genuinely mind boggling to me. The high handedness of deciding that they were better off as rubbish than clothing less fortunate children…I can’t get my head around it. So, people with fewer financial resources are required to clothe their children according to your principles, as well? WHY?

Christ, you need to grow up OP.

If you see your your Sil and Mother quite often at your house, just bag up lots of pink stuff,as in ready to get rid of it,, and say I am getting ready to chuck this pink stuff away. It may upset them, but they might get the message about your hatred of the pink things, and not buy anymore. They would be sensible to take notice of this, as they are wasting time and money doing all the Pink buying.

I wouldn't chuck away new things though, there will be other mums who may like all pink babies, and take the stuff off you.

@babyjellyfish

That was not what I said at all. My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations. Never made any offensive generalisations about what poor girls wear. And don't see how this comes from a background of misogyny. I am objecting to the idea that girls should be wearing pretty pink dresses.

FFS.

I buy all my grandchildren's clothes from charity shops and I'm not poor. Just sensible.

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations. Never made any offensive generalisations about what poor girls wear.

Well absolutely OP! You re-educate all the silly 'poor people' tell them how ridiculous they are dressing their child in clean, clothes which are hole and tear free. Who gives a shit if they are cold and underdressed rather than in warm, well fitting clothes that they like? OP has saved them from wearing pink!!

@JustAnotherBadMother

Look I accept that I shouldn't have put them in the bin. I did try and get it back only around 3 hours later, but the bins had all been emptied by then. I've got most of my baby stuff off freecycle, and have bought loads second hand off ebay, gumtree etc. I actually think that is part of the reason my DM and SIL go so mad in buying expensive stuff that is not my taste at all. I've given loads on freecycle too (mostly just the pink stuff from bags of baby clothes lol). For me the real issue is the frustration I feel at people who know my feelings and my values continually doing this. It does, frankly, feel like they are criticising me as a mother. They both have a lot more money than me, although I am not at all badly off, and am able to provide for my kids fine. The main difference really is difference in tastes rather than money - if I won the lottery I wouldn't go shopping in "Harrods for kids" coz that's just not me. I personally have no interest in clothes at all, and never have. It might sound daft but I'd never thought of exchanging them. It wouldn't be that easy as there aren't those sorts of posh shops near where I live, but I like the suggestion of a pp of dyeing them.

OR YOU CAN JUST SAY NO TO THE PRESENTS! Don’t accept them. They can’t make you!

I think you're trying too hard with this. It's just a colour. Don't buy it yourself, regift presents, move on.

I have two DDs, when they were younger one was dressed head to toe in pink whenever she could, the other preferred a chelsea football kit ..... they are who they are! Neither is wrong or right.

I hate pink. As soon as my children were old enough to have an opinion they dressed head to toe in it.

Enjoy having the power of veto now, because it won’t last long!

OP you are in for a lifetime of disappointment. Sadly most young girls clothes are pink / purple / pastel / rainbow / glittery / unicorns. Most boys clothes ends up being camouflage or sludgy colours or has gamer written all over it. Luckily there is the odd retailer that provides a bit of choice

When DS was young we got loads of stuff bought for him that I didn't like (cute slogans, camo) but we wore some of it and the rest went to charity.

Start taking ownership of the situation - so if family buys something you don't like say - oh have you still got the receipt? Can you return it? It would really help if you bought x (and give them the details of what you need, but provide a couple of choices so they feel involved.). Start saying things like, oh it's such a shame the boden(or whatever) stuff doesn't fit well - if you could exchange and buy (appropriate colour stripey top) instead that would be great. it will take years and family will regress but I found this worked and now people ask what we need and I provide links or contribute cash towards something like expensive shoes or coat.

I doubt anyone is doing this to piss you off. They are trying to help and unfortunately they will buy what they like / what's available unless you start directing them

Throwing the clothes away was appallingly wasteful. You really should be ashamed of that.

I was born in the fifties, my sisters and I never wore pink as far as I can remember, my mother disliked it, there seemed to be a trend towards more practical colours. A pp has said this pink trend should have been ditched in the 70s, but it wasn't a trend in the 70s, childrens clothes and toys were far more unisex then, society seems to have taken a weird turn towards sexist stereotypes, which I don't understand.

Put your children in whatever you want, but don't throw stuff away in a public bin. Give it to charity for pete's sake.

I don't understand why a girl can't climb trees play football if she is wearing pink and even a dress if she wishes.
What if you had a boy that loved pink would it upset you as much.
You seem to be the only person putting limits on your girls?

I just don't think being a girl is all about being constantly in pretty pink dresses. Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics and providing you have XX chromosomes then you are a girl is my mantra!

You're forcing your children to follow your diktats of how they should behave in no different a way to someone who makes them wear pink and go to dance class. Life is about giving them opportunities to experience and choose for themselves. You wouldn't insist that a boy should not wear blue and not climb trees because they are seen as boyish things to do. You wouldn't insist they wear pink and study ballet just to make a point. Chill out. Nothing wrong with a warm pink jumper - for girls and boys.

I love wearing pink - it's a really good colour for my skin tone. It's galling to see fab pink clothes for children whilst adults get drab peach pink offerings. Ugh. Buyers out there. More proper pinks for adults please.

This is pretty simple.

You don’t want the pink stuff
And
You don’t want poor girls being the recipient of it if you donate it.

All you need to do is sell it online. If it’s Boden and JoJo then you should get good money for it. If it’s lesser stuff, sell it in bundles. You’ve told them you don’t want pink, so every time you get it, sell it immediately. If they ask after the stuff say - I told you I don’t want pink so I’ve sold it and put the money in my dd’s bank account for her.

YABU for throwing perfectly good clothes in the bin! Give them to charity, there’s many people that don’t rebel against pink and actually like it.
I don’t understand why such hate? If someone gives me a gift I don’t like, I give it away, no drama.

So much privilege.