To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

I also get rid of anything pink we are gifted. Most of it is gross anyway. Also don't accept plastic toys. I try not to accept in the first place, to save the bother of getting rid.

Throwing it away isn't ok, but you know that anyway.

Generally, YANBU.

I would have passed them on to someone else,or sold them . I'm not a huge pink fan but had lots of pink things for my daughters. There's a lack of other colours in that age range in my experience.

I'm sure a 'poor girl' won't be scarred for life because she had a pink dress from a charity shop. You are being utterly ridiculous.

Sounds like you have issues OP. It's only a colour, who gives a shit?

You're unbelievably unreasonable, just for the throwing away of perfectly good unused clothes because heaven forbid another child with less money wears them. You say yourself you shop on free cycle so how do you avoid buying pink, you just don't get pink clothes I imagine if someone in a charity shop saw these clothes they'd have the ability to decide whether they liked the pink clothes in question and choose to buy them.

You're whole reaction is so ott, wearing pink doesn't define a child as an airhead or limit their options that's people like you with this ridiculous attitude.

I say this as someone who in the first year or so dressed their daughter unisex, as I didn't want to limit re using clothes next time around. Now she's a bit older and has started having some preferences she does choose pink. As @Selma22 has put it, thought feminism was about choices.

If you don't want the clothes simply give them back and say they won't get worn and I don't want you wasting your money. I'm genuinely flabbergasted by this thread and that you think you have the moral high ground, in your wish for a pink free world for your daughters.

You binned it all because you didn't want poor girls being limited by it???? I know where your line of thinking is coming from kind of, but the fact you are clearly an idiot means it's not properly formed!

I'm actually enraged about the waste of perfectly functional and according to you expensive clothes. I mean I don't particularly like pink for even me but are you sure something else isn't going on that pushed you to do the binning?!?

My Mum insists on buying DC stuff that I don't like or doesn't fit them I just swap it or sell it on Facebay, no limiting of poor children 😅.

Harder with Jojo and Boden as little or no shops though. Could you not have driven to a JoJo I think they are one of the better ones for doing an excellent choice of none pink 'girls' stuff especially dresses, or is it the styling you don't like as well?

Aside from the fact that I don’t much like pink anyway, and never wear it, I do strongly feel that it’s anti-feminist to think that anything non-girly, must be better. That is by definition implying that there’s something wrong with anything traditionally ‘girls’ stuff’ or feminine, and that anything traditionally boy or man-related, must be preferable.

You might as well be saying that boys/men are intrinsically superior to girls/women.

Pretty dreadful to throw new kids clothes in the bin, I'm shocked at how anti social that was. It's not hard to give them to someone who will make use of them or to a charity shop.

If you have asked SIL not to buy pink clothes and she ignores you just give them straight back to her and ask her to change them for something not pink. It won't take long for her to learn this way.

@Kaleidoscope2

You're unbelievably unreasonable, just for the throwing away of perfectly good unused clothes because heaven forbid another child with less money wears them. You say yourself you shop on free cycle so how do you avoid buying pink, you just don't get pink clothes I imagine if someone in a charity shop saw these clothes they'd have the ability to decide whether they liked the pink clothes in question and choose to buy them.

You're whole reaction is so ott, wearing pink doesn't define a child as an airhead or limit their options that's people like you with this ridiculous attitude.

I say this as someone who in the first year or so dressed their daughter unisex, as I didn't want to limit re using clothes next time around. Now she's a bit older and has started having some preferences she does choose pink. As @Selma22 has put it, thought feminism was about choices.

If you don't want the clothes simply give them back and say they won't get worn and I don't want you wasting your money. I'm genuinely flabbergasted by this thread and that you think you have the moral high ground, in your wish for a pink free world for your daughters.

I think the OP is saying the poor people wouldn't be able to make a choice for themselves? Because after all how would poor people do that?

I can't comprehend getting so worked up by a colour.

@JustAnotherBadMother

The point is pink isn't just a colour. It totally dominates so much of girls stuff, which is what I object to. If it really was one of many colours and both sexes were equally exposed to it, I wouldn't care. But this isn't even really about that - why do they buy this crap when they know my feelings???

I agree with you on this and would have a similar issue if I had a daughter and was only ever bought pink stuff for her.

I think it's also important to try not to demonise an entire colour though. You have a real block about pink and actually it is just a colour, and some of the pink stuff you've been bought is probably nice.

It sounds like an issue of principle more than anything and it's about the way you feel your family members are categorising your daughters. Have you properly discussed it with them?

If you have and they continue to buy it then that it is just offensive and I would just refuse to take it, tell them you have explained why you don't like it, and please could they consider buying other colours so they can have a more rounded wardrobe?

To be fair though, it is also quite hard to buy girls clothes that aren't pink, it dominates so much!

I've only read your initial post, but can you dye some of the clothes?

YANBU but you do need to hand the pink items straight back when they try to give them to you. Be firm and insist they take them when they leave. Just keep repeating I don't put my girls in pink so hopefully you can find someone else who will like this.

Well not wearing pink hasn't done much for the OP has it?

YABVU for putting it in the bin

It’s just a colour and throwing away brand new stuff was just disgusting. You’re OTT about it and come across a bit ridiculous tbh.

Ask them to provide you with a gift receipt when they buy your DC clothing. Use the excuse "in case it doesn't fit" .You can then take them back to the shop and exchange for something that you like.

@CornishGem1975

I can't comprehend getting so worked up by a colour.

Then you obviously don't have a little girl or little girls.

@PinkiOcelot

It’s just a colour and throwing away brand new stuff was just disgusting. You’re OTT about it and come across a bit ridiculous tbh.

Unfortunately it isn't just a colour.

It's also the design and thickness of materials where girls clothes are thinner and more impractical in more ways than just colour. The clothes are not designed for playing in particularly outside.

Some retailers aren't as bad e.g. John Lewis where clothes are just designed for children but others e.g. Primark are terrible for this.

I'm lucky that my DD favourite colour is red and she has been able to say this for when she had an idea what colours are.

Your last two sentences sum it up. You want them to know you're angry with them and that you think they're questioning your values and ability to be good mother.

Instead of binning the clothes in anger (they'll probably never even find out so pointless), have a conversation with them but be direct. Have it all out in the open. The colours you dress your child in are not relevant to your abilities as a mother. You must know this deep down.

Get past this and you can enjoy the relationships with your family again.

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@EatSleepReplete
This is basically what I want to do. I just don't think I'll be able to with my SIL as she's so forceful and it'll end up with everyone in tears....[/quote]
Perhaps you need to consider not accepting these gifts, other than on special occasions? You can say they have too much stuff and with you feel really
with waste. I probably would just donate something like clothing if I know for sure it won't be used. At least it isn't big pink plastic play kitchens!

I also don't like pink (aside from the girl / buy pink / blue stereotype, I just don't like the colour).

My DCs are adults now, but I must have been very lucky as they had very few pink clothes bought for them (I think for some reason it's more pronounced now - all the glittery unicorns and princess dresses).

That said, I was careful not to force my opinion on DCs, as it's just a matter of taste. I have a friend of a friend who HATES all things pink and girly. Dressed her DD in blues and greens and yellows. DD at 4 has decided she IS a princess and won't leave the house without her pink sparkly wellies and tutu!

I haven’t read most of the thread because it all seems to be an opportunity for everyone to get their judgy shouty cost of living crisis pants on

OP, YANBU to dress your girls how you want. I too didn’t dress DD in the pink frilly stuff, and it didn’t get worn when I received any. Now she’s a preteen I do occasionally buy pink things just because the variety of clothes available for that age group is so much wider and nicer than for babies and toddlers, and there isn’t so much of the frilly butterfly sugar pink nonsense that girl toddlers are expected to be draped in.

However, just don’t stress about it. 1. when they give you the clothes, see if you can return them and get something more to your taste. Boden and JoJo also do cute plain stuff and non pink things - after a few instances of you returning the clothes and changing them for a different colour your relatives should get the message. “Oh these new Boden leggings with spaceships on? Well unfortunately the lovely dress you bought didn’t quite fit DD, so I exchanged it for these lovely leggings - thank you so much!”

1. There are great Facebook groups for reselling new or nearly new Boden and JoJo clothes. If you can’t exchange the items, just sell them in and use the money to buy things you do like. Then no waste and no problem.

It’s annoying of your relatives, but it’s really just like any situation where someone keeps buying you gifts they like but you don’t. Smile, thank them, then dispose of them how you like. If the never see DC wearing them then employ routine in number 1. above. Hopefully they will get the message.

I do sympathise, my DSis who has much pinker frillier taste than me kept buying DD stuff that I hated - often DD would only wear it once to show it has been worn. In the end I would just give away or sell the items, and stopped feeling guilty because life’s too short to feel guilty about a pink polyester unicorn dress to be honest

I think it's an absolute disgrace and you should be ashamed of yourself. To throw away a bag of new clothes so that "poor children" won't have to wear them how patronising, you think the only people who shop in charity shops are poor and not people actually concerned about the environment and consumerism. You act like some sort of moral saviour for the poor. For someone so sure of your opinion just don't accept the items, pass them back and say "I'm relay sorry but I don't put x in pink so there's no point in me taking them as they won't get worn, please pass them on to someone else" end of, you don't throw away bags of unworn clothes with people struggling like they currently are and with the state of the environment due to mass production.

I think I'd probably give them to a womens shelter donation place we have here in town. It's a charity shop that offers clothing and household items for free for women and their children, who are in the shelter and starting over their lives, needing everything for the home.