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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To throw away pink things?

483 replies

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 15:14

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

OP posts:
chubbachub · 24/03/2022 20:41

I agree its fine for you to have a preference but why couldnt you either a) ask them for the receipt to exchange them b) sell them on vinted or ebay and buy things you do like with the money or c) charity shop or give to a friend who could use? Why BIN them? What a waste

RealBecca · 24/03/2022 20:45

I don't know whether it's more ridiculous that you binned it or that you talk about "poorer girls been limited by it" when you limit your own daughter by not giving choice.

The most ridiculous post I've ever read.

worriedatthistime · 24/03/2022 20:54

@Kanaloa yes exactly there is tons in the shops of different colours

NerrSnerr · 24/03/2022 20:57

https://direct.asda.com/george/kids/girls-1-6-years/D25M2G1C22,default,sc.html?gl=11aohqtjtjgaYW1wLUNFdS1qT1NjODJ3LXVUbVEwbmlYaUE.

This is the George range from age 1. Lots of different colours.

I buy most of my children's clothes in the charity shop, shockingly they're a mixture of colours. My daughter has some pink but her favourite colour is gold but she wears all sorts.

worriedatthistime · 24/03/2022 21:03

@NerrSnerr i just looked on next as well and loads of non pink for girls and some pink in boys and bright colours as well in both
I could easily kit out a girl with no pink and a boy with no navy for example

Ownedbymycats · 24/03/2022 21:04

It's your choice and a pity they don't respect your wishes, assuming you've made them very clear.
I think where you are being unreasonable is in putting new clothes in the bin or in thinking that donating them to a charity shop will impede some other child's progress.

Groomofthestool · 24/03/2022 21:05

YANBU
I have two family members like this. They buy all pink, even ridiculous scratchy pink tulle dresses for a one year old who can't even walk in it without tripping up. And it's all hand wash only! I gave up telling them. They always say I know it's pink but I thought you'd like it! I complained to DH and he said they buy it for themselves. They like the feeling of buying this extremely girly cutesy stuff so they keep doing it. I know I should be grateful they get my DDs anything but it's so hard when the stuff is useless and they've wasted so much money

Buttercup54321 · 24/03/2022 21:10

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Nanalisa60 · 24/03/2022 21:10

What if your girls love pink !! Are you not going to let them wear it !! are you going to be the party pooper mummy!! They will probably go though a pink phase, then a purple phase. Then the pink stinks phase.

Groomofthestool · 24/03/2022 21:10

Throwing it in the bin is bonkers though

usernotfound0000 · 24/03/2022 21:14

I was a bit like this when DD was born (although would never throw stuff away!), I steered away from pink and would buy from the boys section. As she got older, she liked to wear pink along with other colours. She's pretty 'girly' now at 7 in that she likes crafts and barbies. But she also loves climbing (and out-climbed all the boys at a climbing party), loves science, computers, riding her bike etc. liking pink doesn't define you.
I was most more chilled when DD2 came along and she now loves blue, dinosaurs and Spider-Man. They will like what they like.

autienotnaughty · 24/03/2022 21:18

It's the waste of clothes that's annoying me. Can't you just return it?

winterchills · 24/03/2022 21:36

YABU to throw brand new unworn clothes in the bin! And to try and justify it by saying poor girl pink or whatever. The reality is that some people can't afford new clothes at all so they would have gladly either had them for free or paid a small amount to a charity shop. Disgusting tbh.

What are you going to do if your girls ask for pink clothes? Ban them aswell?

Totalwasteofpaper · 24/03/2022 21:47

I don't looove pink for my DD but a bit of it is fine. I have had a lot foisted on me by DM and MIL... its counter balanced by everything non pink I buy

I dont understand why you don't:
A. just resell it on fb market place and buy stuff you like / put it in a savings account for the baby
B. exchange it at jojo, boden etc. All those types have lots of nice non-pink things
C. Just don't accept it in the first place

shinynewapple22 · 24/03/2022 21:52

I'm guessing you know that putting the clothing in a bin was completely ridiculous and I really hope that somewhere along the line these have been rescued and recycled .

If your family won't listen to your requests in future the answer is either

EBay the items and buy your DC something they would like with the proceeds

Dye the items so they are a preferred colour

Pop them in the charity bag .

CorsicaDreaming · 24/03/2022 21:55

@JustAnotherBadMother -why don't you dye them using Dylon machine dye? £5 a tub of the new all included dye balls. Really easy to do and v effective.

I just cannot agree with this though -

"NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. "

Whatever you do, Please don't bin it. Do Give it to charity. Another child would love it.

Plenty of girls love pink when growing up (I really did, pink clothes, pink wellies, pink bedroom...
I now wear mainly denim, navy, khaki, grey - )

and I have not been limited in any way re career / opportunities or anything else by my former love of pink. I think this view is really a bit OTT and pink is fine if a girl likes pink (and it should be up to your daughters to be allowed to choose pink if they like it too, imo...at least from around 7 years old or so.

JennyHogon · 24/03/2022 22:19

It's pink I object to a) because of the way it's forced down society and is used to restrict how girls play and develop

The colour pink is not what restricts the way that girls play and develop. If you are giving your daughter a well rounded childhood and a good social, emotional and academic education as a preparation for an adulthood in which the world is her oyster and she will become a useful member of society - in exactly the same way as you would for a son - then you really shouldn't be worrying about her wearing a pink coat.

Hawkins001 · 24/03/2022 22:24

This sounds odd, I love the colour purple and florescent orange high vis type clothing, normally I prefer diy type clothes with extra pockets, tool belts, cargo type body warmers with pockets ect.

JuteWeaver · 24/03/2022 22:35

You're pushing your tastes onto your kids and, to be frank, you sound very ungrateful.

As for chucking all those clothes into a public bin, well..you know full well that was unreasonable. There are plenty of parents out there who would have jumped at tge chance to have those, what with the soaring cost of everything these days.

HorseInTheHouse · 24/03/2022 22:41

We got so many hand-me-downs for our babies, and of course presents too. And obviously not all of it was something I would have chosen myself, but as long as it was comfy and practical they wore it. They grow out of things in no time when they're little, it doesn't really matter what they are wearing and the colour won't have any impact on them.

But besides your rather extreme views on the colour pink, I do think it's strange how much stuff they are apparently giving you that if you accepted and used the clothes then your daughters' clothes would be dominated by pink once you'd mixed the presents in with the stuff you get yourself? Even if 100% of the presents and hand-me-downs we got were pink it wouldn't have been all their clothes, and we have the youngest children in the extended family so we did get a LOT handed down. Is the issue more that they are just buying too much for your children? Can you tell them that you know they like buying cute clothes, everybody does, but it's a pleasure you want for yourself as their mother and could they restrict presents to birthdays and Christmas.

Sunshinedreaming2022 · 24/03/2022 22:41

It’s a fucking colour. Colours do not have genitals and therefore cannot be male or female. It’s just a colour.

I don’t like brown but if someone bought my child a brown outfit I wouldn’t go and throw it in the bin. How utterly rude and ungrateful

crackofdoom · 24/03/2022 22:43

Dylon machine dye is your friend here OP. I got swamped in pale blue clothes from well meaning relatives when DS1 was born, and dyed them all purple, green...and pink! 😆

FridaynightCry · 24/03/2022 22:48

I hate the colour pink.
But, given that 80/90% of ALL dds clothes are bought by me, if my mum and sil did this i wouldn't object. It's not like they've thrown pink dye over their entire wardrobe.
And if I hated it with such a passion that I would refuse to even put my dd in it, I'd give it back the moment it was given to me
Sounds like you just accept the items then don't use them. Wasteful and dishonest and they probably keep giving more pink stuff because you keep accepting it.

Cherrysherbet · 24/03/2022 23:07

You completely lost my sympathy when you said you’ve binned brand new clothes.
You need to get a grip.
You sound so selfish. Stop obsessing about something so trivial, and be grateful you have family who care about your children.

QueenOfHiraeth · 24/03/2022 23:47

I think you sound really unpleasant and judgemental.

You speak as though buying from charities, Freecycle, etc and sneering at pink makes you superior. If you'd given the clothes to charity or someone who needed them I'd have just thought it a bit weird but throwing away good quality clothes when others are struggling is really horrid and justifying it as you didn't want a "poor child" to have to wear pink is shameful.
For what it is worth my daughter was obsessed with pink, frills and anything twinkly but, far from growing into an airhead or Barbie lookalike is now a professional woman, qualified to postgraduate level with children of her own. She wasn't doomed by wearing pink, glittery stuff and her children are allowed to wear things of their own choosing and gifts bought by others.
Next time show some courage and refuse the gifts, exchange them, sell them or gift them if you don't want them. Even better, stop foisting your judgemental views on others and show a bit of gratitude that your family care about your children