To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

It's such a cliche for mum's to literally hate pink for girls to the point of throwing it away. God forbid a girl is allowed to wear pink these days. I hate how all traditionally feminine things are SO uncool unless it's a little boy wearing it in which case it's suddenly super cool. Personally I think it's ungrateful and wasteful to get rid of good quality clothes just because they're pink, as well as pretty melodramatic and unnecessary.

YABU to bin perfectly good stuff at a time when people are struggling. Being so anti-pink is ridiculous. Get a grip.

Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics and providing you have XX chromosomes then you are a girl is my mantra!

Hate this attitude. Why would wearing pink be the opposite of climbing trees and liking politics? It's people like you who are linking traditionally feminine things with stupidity or a lack of ability. Why can't a little girl wear traditionally feminine, pretty things AND climb trees and like politics? It's such a midguided attempt at feminism with the opposite outcome of making the feminine weak and dreary while making traditionally male things cool and strong.

@Pandypuff

It's such a cliche for mum's to literally hate pink for girls to the point of throwing it away. God forbid a girl is allowed to wear pink these days. I hate how all traditionally feminine things are SO uncool unless it's a little boy wearing it in which case it's suddenly super cool. Personally I think it's ungrateful and wasteful to get rid of good quality clothes just because they're pink, as well as pretty melodramatic and unnecessary.

A cliche that rarely happens. Interesting definition.

And then you extrapolate from disliking pink to an aversion for anything traditionally feminine. Which OP has stated several times is not the case. That her DD has dolls. Has dresses. Even has some pink in some of the dresses. What she has also said is that she's most pissed off that her SiL and MiL ride roughshod over her requests and provide unnecessary clothing that is impractical as well as not to her taste.

Throwing stuff away is not the most measured reaction, but there's melodrama in your post too.

Bloody hell. YABVVVVVU. 1. For tossing brand new good quality clothes some other mum would be over the moon to have in the bin. You need to get a handle on your issues if that feels like an acceptable solution.

1. Your total antipathy to pink is unreasonable. For context, here is my baby girl right now so you can see I also refuse to buy her pink on pink. Her room is blue. When people give me pink clothes, I smile and say thank you and dress her in them within reason. Your daughter has a good chance of refusing to wear anything but pink with your attitude, the way children are. Pink is not harmful on its own in moderate quantities, but bringing up a child to think reacting that way to a dislike does seem like it could limit their ability to interact and make friends with others.

Your children may very well like pink, why would you deprive them in this way! Stop making issues where there ought to be none. Nothing wrong with pink, you sound uptight about the whole thing tbh. Pink was and still is my favourite colour, and I love many other colours too.

Yeah just get rid of perfectly good clothes away, why not?

@Anoisagusaris

You binned brand new clothes because you didn’t like them? You are far worse than the people buying pink just because it’s for a girl. You have gone far too extreme in not wanting pink items. You sound a bit deranged tbh.

Yup I thought this too

@JustAnotherBadMother - I wonder whether you need to also reflect on the way this thread has gone and if it holds the key to why you aren't getting the response you need from MiL and SiL

You posted they constantly didn't listen about your request for no pink clothes

You really need answers / solutions / sympathy on that issue...

You then completely derail it by adding that you binned the clothes and add a view interpreted by most PPs as "pink is a feminist issue and even poor people shouldn't be exposed to it, so I'm not giving them to charity"

Cue massive explosion of posts (inc my earlier one) saying this is a really unreasonable view...

Just wondering if this in microcosm illustrates the problem with your real life interactions?

You want to ask for something reasonable -
"It is so lovely you want to buy them clothes, but please can you choose colours that aren't pink?"

But you end up derailing that request by adding in some inflammatory remarks that mean your original main point is lost.

Do you think that is what is happening in real life too??

I don't like pink myself, but wouldn't get rid of anything I was given for my daughters just because it is pink. It's only a colour, and no-one is asking you to wear it. I hope you are not going to be as rigid when they are a little older - many a pink-hating woman has ended up with pink-loving children, and if that's what they like then you need to let them wear it.

I love pink on little girls and I make no apologies for that! It's just a colour!!

That sounds tough, I can understand how you'd get to a point with it where you felt overwhelmed and needed the stuff away from you, I hope you'll donate it in future, anger over sexism, misogyny and pinkification is one thing but the amount of mums who'd be so over the moon to find a new warm coat in the charity shop for their little ones has to trump the feelings associated with the colour pink surely?
If your SIL likes to spoil her nieces and shop designer there are so many top end companies which do great colours- Frugi, Kite, Maxomarra etc if you like brights or Gap and La Redoute or little green radicals for a more muted range of shades.
My SIL and my best friend both hate pink so I tried to keep their wishes, although I think I got it a bit wrong with my friends first baby as I got lots of bluey florally bits but she was after more tomboyish styles so I picked up on that and shopped more neutrally going forwards. My SIL was very keen on neutrals and wooden toys and I tried to be respectful of her preferences too.
I think in the early years things can feel particularly intense as you find your feet as a mother and what it is that matters to you in how your raise your children and some of this is rooted in choices around what you consume.

O have to say with my third baby I'm currently getting no look in on my preferences, my older children are mostly dressing her and all the character clothing or things with slogans that I would leave at the bottom of the pile are getting very well worn...but for me them feeling involved and valued is what's important at this stage so I can let go of my preferences around this.
I hope you find a way of moving forwards around this with your family and that your preferences are acknowledged.

Came on to say YABU because pink is just a colour but now I’ve read your OP I voted YANBU! Your DC deserve a range of colours not just one. Keep a few bits of pink but they need to be part of a much wider colour palette. Just dressing your child in one colour would be insane!

No pink at all sounds s bit too trying hard to be different if I'm honest. Each to their own tho I guess but I'm yet to find a colour I hate so much

YABVU to have binned a bag of brand new clothes, regardless of colour. If you don't like them, sell them or pass them on for free.

I agree about the internal misogyny, you're equating pink with less value. It's just a colour!

Having read the thread, I'm still unclear on the link between wearing pink and not wearing jeans/climbing trees/following politics.

My eldest niece is a huge fan of pink and dresses, can shimmy up a tree/tall climbing frame no bother and is very switched on with current events. She's 10 and a huge feminist already.

Her choice of clothing isn't going to hold her back.

My daughter has her hand me downs, so wears a variety of those (mostly pink with many Disney logos) and her brother's hand me downs. Her clothes are never going to hold her back and stop her climbing trees, splashing in puddles or being politically minded.

Out of interest, where do you stand on pink jeans

YABU. There is nothing wrong with pink. Pink is considered feminine. If you reject pink and privilege boys' things, you are essentially saying it's wrong to be girly and that masculinity is better.

They can have both, surely?

Just re read your post, you actually threw the clothes away? Couldn't even be arsed to give to a charity shop? Absolutely disgusting! If your hatred of pink that makes you want to vomit and makes you act so bloody selfishly and wastefully, then you've got a problem, that you have to deal with!

You do realise that you buying recycled clothes and being so right on, is totally negated by the waste of money by throwing those clothes in a bin.

Do you not have any friends with children who could've benefitted and don't have such an extreme reaction to a colour?

I hope your girls turn into pink loving toddlers etc. they can also talk politics, whilst wearing pink.... it is allowed.

Madness.

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@Hell0G00dbye
I HATE the attitude of ‘oh we never put DD in pink or dresses, we only buy gender neutral clothes, we don’t own dolls’. None of these things are inferior. A child choosing to wear a pink frilly dress and play mums is not inferior or something to treat with disdain
Tbf it's in my OP that I have no issue with dresses or dolls - and the latter is clearly not just for girls. Dolls are really important for emotional development etc. Plus Action Man is patently just a glorified doll. Back to clothes, my DD isn't just in sex neutral clothes - she wears dresses which I have bought (and knitted) and wears colours and patterns that I would not put a boy in. But I also buy her lots of boys stuff with dinosaurs, dragons etc bc I think they are in fact the sex neutral ones. It's pink I object to a) because of the way it's forced down society and is used to restrict how girls play and develop; b) the particular context - the way my DM and SIL just ignore my tastes and beliefs etc. It's the only thing I can't stand - they are free to buy pretty expensive dresses and they will be worn, even though it's not 100% my cup of tea. I just draw the line at pink. And it seems to be all they do.[/quote]
How does a colour restrict growth and how girls play? My aunt dressed my cousin in pink all the time. She had no trouble keeping up with her three brothers

You sound really hard work. It’s so try-hard to refuse anything pink because you ‘hate it’. Fine don’t buy it, but if your daughters are bought a gift, you aught to be gracious about it.

What are you going to do in a few years when they are old enough to realise they’ve been bought a gift. Whisk it away from them because it happens to be pink????

I think you need to get over yourself sharpish to be honest.

By 18 months dd was having a meltdown if she couldn't wear a pink tutu over just about everything. You might not like pink but your dd might. It's just a colour the same as every other. Fwiw she's the most in girly 9 year old now but at not much older than your dd anything pink and shiny was what made her happy and who was I to ban it.

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family, and I didn't like them having to wear something which has such sexist connotations.

Fwiw round here charity shop shopping is practically a hobby for the middle class. Your expensive pink clothes would almost certainly end up in the hands of someone more than able to buy them new 10x over. Please stop feeling sorry for us poor folks. We can buy blue from primark for the same cost if we wish 🙄

Its just a colour! I have some clothes i do not like (prints etc) but its a waste to not wear them and definitely to chuck them out!Plenty of kids whose parents can't afford nice stuff ...not even talking about how fashion already is not environmentally friendly

Imagine if your daughter actually grows up liking pink!
I thought feminism was all about having choices...not about restricting them

If you want to protect girls from poverty stop shopping in Primark and buying fast fashion. Or is it just British girls your feminism extends to?

Putting brand new, good quality clothing into a bin is a really shitty thing to do. There are plenty other options, charity shops/charity bins/free cycle/marketplace.

If you’d left them on your doorstep with a ‘free’ sign I’m sure they would have been snapped up.

My 11 year old DS loves pink, my 9 year old DD not so much. They wear what they like as long as it’s practical and clean.