To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

My girls simply would not wear something from the boys section 😂 nursery gave my four year old a pair of dark green socks because she didn’t have any spare socks in her bag. She was furious!

Please don’t bin new things - that’s appalling! At least take them to a charity shop.

Maybe you should tell them bluntly that anything pink will in future be going straight to the charity shop.

I do have some sympathy with anti-pink - I was never a ‘pink person’ - but for me it’s that shrieking, garish pink you see such a lot of. And not because it’s ‘girly’ - more because it’s bloody hideous!

A delicate pale pink is a different matter IMO.

I don't think you're unreasonable to prefer certain colours for your kids, whilst they're little and your family should respect that. I do think you're unreasonable if you think that neither of them will want to wear pink when they get older just because you brought them up to see it as some sort of 'binding' colour.

For the record I was a tree climbing, jean wearing youngster. My favourite toy was a toy garage and I helped my dad make stuff out of wood, laid carpets and helped him mend our dodgy car. But I liked pink among many colours and my wardrobe reflected that. I also had roses on my bedroom wallpaper and wore make up when I got older and loved wearing high heels. I could talk you bandy on politics but I was also interested in the latest heart throbs, fashion and music. Because I'm a complex, rounded human being. Just like I imagine you want your daughters to be. A colour doesn't do that.

However I do think you're very patronising in assuming you're limiting poorer girls by giving your unworn pink items to charity. I would imagine there's more than pink available in most charity shops and, if parents prefer jeans and a t-shirt, they can probably pick them up there too. A 'boy's' t shirt does actually fit both girls and boys at 15 months old you know. And you said you pick things up on freecycle - I would imagine you'd avoid pink on there too. Just like the mum of 'poorer girls' if she had the same aversion to the colour as you do.

Some seriously weird POV on here. I live extremely comfortably and still pop into a charity store, I didn't know they were limited to poor people only...

I like pink and work in a STEM job, have just finished a STEM masters. My dd likes pink and is applying to the top secondary schools now. Dh wears pink and is doing his post grad atm.

A colour could never denote where you'll end up in life. I did have a friend who only wore pink just because she liked it, it was her 'thing' she's an international lawyer now. Still wears pink.
Craziness to base so much on a colour. What would you do if your dd ends up wanting to wear it if her own accord?

You don't have to like it of course but I'd probably think about throwing clothes away in future in this environmentally unfriendly world.

I sympathise. DD has red hair and looked especially gorgeous in greens. I was still given pink clothes by relatives who sympathised as they handed the pink stuff over that it wouldn't look good on DD.

It all went straight to the charity shop. Why would I dress my daughter in stuff that made her lovely red hair a drawback rather than an asset?

She's 20 now, and won't be seen dead in pink because it just doesn't suit her colouring. Still looks gorgeous in green!

Your reaction to pink is a bit extreme. Just donate it next time. It's not going to limit 'poorer girls'. That's a really weird comment. Poverty, lack of access to education, domestic abuse, sexual exploitation are issues women in 'poorer' communities face. Not wearing pink!

This! However, OP, YANBU in being annoyed that your DM and SIL insist on keeping buying pink stuff when you have said you don't like it.

@SoyaChai but your daughter saying pink is for girls and princesses is part of the issue
Do you not correct her and say boys also
Like and wear pink ?

I have stuff given to me all the time that I'm not keen on, however my DS also insists on wearing odd socks... it's just clothes, I wouldn't let it stress you out so much.
Next time definitely donate rather than throw away.

To me it's disrespectful. My brother and SIL won't let my nephew have any gun or army-type toys, from Action Man to a water pistol. Do I think they're ludicrous tree-hugging hippies? Yes. Do I go against their wishes by buyng him a secondhand Glock? No.

Not yet, no.

Hugely unreasonable.

Your 15 month old may start to have a preference for couples shortly.

Pink is not the devil. I really hope this isn't a feminist stance btw. It's not feminist to hate and reject pink. Women can Like whatever colours they please.

Horrendous to put them in the bin. Especially considering you've benefited from freecycle yourself. I find that shocking tbh.

Do you not correct her and say boys also
Like and wear pink ?

Of course I do! And she vehemently disagrees with me. I've always told her colours are just colours and everyone can like anything. But since going to school, she has gravitated towards the boys, who aren't into pink it seems...

@miltonj

Hugely unreasonable.

Your 15 month old may start to have a preference for couples shortly.

Pink is not the devil. I really hope this isn't a feminist stance btw. It's not feminist to hate and reject pink. Women can Like whatever colours they please.

Horrendous to put them in the bin. Especially considering you've benefited from freecycle yourself. I find that shocking tbh.

OP's position may or may not be feminist but opposition to the colour coding that society pushes onto girls and boys is a reasonable feminist position.

The issue isn't that pink in itself is a "bad" colour. It's that it is pushed by society exclusive at girls and then that exclusivity is used to push a gender dichotomy on toys and clothes that is expensive for parents, limits what many kids feel comfortable with and creates greater division between boys and girls than would otherwise be the case.

@JustAnotherBadMother when you buy thing for your nieces(if you do), like toys ,clothes etc what colours do you buy?

Tbh I like the kind of clothes you hate so I would have happily taken the jojo clothes from you as I like their prints. I wouldn't buy from Primark purely because their kids stuff doesn't wash well in my opinion. Even though I probably would have liked the clothes I can see why you are annoyed. You've been clear about your feelings, values and for some reason they are continuously going against them and undermining your parenting. That is not OK and I absolutely can see why this would piss you off. They most certainly do need to back off but since you've already had the conversation with them what else can you do? I know you're not keen but I would donate to charity or if you can be bothered, sell them. Maybe when they don't see your kids in the clothes they will back off?

I've dealt with something similar with my own mum in that I have a 6 month old dd and she is wearing her big sisters clothes, they are all lovely quality things that still look as good as new. My mum would rather buy my baby cheap but new stuff which I would prefer not to put my dd in. Partly because some of the prints are naff and have daft slogans on but mostly because the colours fade or get bobbled after one wash. It was difficult to get my point across without sounding snobby or rude bug I did and emphasised that we don't have an endless amount of space and as I already have plenty of clothes for dd2 to wear she could do with books and baby toys so I'm getting lots if them instead. Luckily you can never have too many books.

@Shmithecat2

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family,

Because only poor people buy from charity shops?

I think that you are doing your girls a disservice. Surely you'd be better off telling them that colours are for everyone and having a broad range of colours available, rather than demonising things that are traditionally seen as feminine? Or they might get the impression that traditionally feminine things are bad and masculine things are good. It's just misogyny by another route.

I must agree with the posters who have said it is utterly wrong for you to throw brand new clothing away, instead of donating it, @JustAnotherBadMother - that is so wasteful and bad for the planet.

Yanbu for disliking pink, but Yabvvu to throw perfectly good clothes out that could have been donated to charity.

@TheEdgeOfTheWorld it only does that because people allow it
And have such extreme views where they push pink away as being only girls
Even if it was purely a girls colour why can women not own it and prove colour of your clothes does not define you

If its usable, always donate rather than just bin. Something you hate will be an item someone else loves.

Your reasons for not donating the clothes to charity is pathetic, ridiculous and somewhat patronising. How dare you decide what colour ‘poorer girls’ should or should not be wearing!

Baffled by all the people on this thread that think pink clothes only consist of dresses. My daughter wore pink joggers yesterday, they are exactly the same as any joggers that boys wear just in pink and she’s perfectly able to climb a tree in them.

@FoxyFoxyLoxy

Throwing away is ridiculous. And so is the idea that by giving pink clothes to the charity shop you are somehow stopping "poor people" achieving their dreams.

You do sound like you have a real stick up your backside about the whole pink issue. It's just a colour.

This.

Wait until your daughters start to develop their own taste. What are you going to do if they love pink, frills, sparkles and unicorns? You need to be a bit more flexible.

[quote worriedatthistime]@TheEdgeOfTheWorld it only does that because people allow it
And have such extreme views where they push pink away as being only girls
Even if it was purely a girls colour why can women not own it and prove colour of your clothes does not define you [/quote]
It only does that because people do it and join in with it - just like OP's SiL and MiL. You aren't "owning it" and proving the "colour of your clothes does not define you" if you wear it and push it onto children in exactly the way in which it is used to divide and define.

I hate pink too, I don't mind dusty pink but pink pink is a big no no. I say thank you, it goes in the drawer and is never worn and then I will give it away when she's grown out of it 😂

FYI she's only 1 month so this is the plan!!