To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

Do you daughters like pink:? Do they like being dressed in boys clothes? Are you forcing your views on them?

We can see Ukranian refugees every day on TV - women with babies and toddlers and
a plastic bag with all their possessions in it. And you claim to have binned brand new
and expensive children's clothes on a point of principle.
Are you congratulating yourself for having saved destitute women and children from themselves?

I get how you feel about pink, and about people disregarding you, but I couldn't get past the binning. So I voted YABU, although you are well within reason to be frustrated by the situation.

@TheEdgeOfTheWorld your making a choice for someone else yes you can avoid a colour you don't like be it pink or whatever but to say you only dislike because its for girls is sexist in its own right

Its not like she's been barbecuing puppies

I can't believe this thread is real. Who the hell bins perfectly good clothes, and expensive ones at that

@SnowdropViolet

I sympathise. DD has red hair and looked especially gorgeous in greens. I was still given pink clothes by relatives who sympathised as they handed the pink stuff over that it wouldn't look good on DD.

It all went straight to the charity shop. Why would I dress my daughter in stuff that made her lovely red hair a drawback rather than an asset?

She's 20 now, and won't be seen dead in pink because it just doesn't suit her colouring. Still looks gorgeous in green!

Redheads can rock pink! Who says it doesn't look nice?

I'm not keen on pink, I didn't dress dd1 in pink but if somebody (usually my df) bought her something pink then I'd put it on her because it was a gift and I was grateful that they had bought for her.
The first colour she learned to recognise was pink and the minute she could choose what she wanted to wear she always chose pink.
Dd2 wore her cousin's cast offs, dsis likes pink so she wore lots of pink. When she chose for herself she always chose green.
You can have your preference but don't be too surprised if they choose pink when they are older. Don't put clothes in a bin drop them off at a charity shop if you don't want your dc to wear them.

Gosh. I'd relax a bit. You won't be able to control what they like as they get older. No need to start buying it, they're obviously exposed to other things. But making it into such a big deal seems a strange hill to die on.

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm not a fan of pink either. I have no interest in judging you on not liking it on your girls for whatever reason, some of these previous replies seem to think they're psychologists and you're doing something awful by restricting how pink you dress your children.

Your family are being disrespectful to you imo. If they want to doll the girls up, they can keep the clothes at their house and dress them up there. I'm 100% against binning decent clothes etc when there's plenty of other options (charity/sell on/return if the tags are still attached and repick an outfit...)

If the girls are old enough to want to wear pink then I assume you'll want to let them be free to choose their own style but honestly, I'd be pretty annoyed if my family totally disrespected my choice and were blatant in forcing their ignorant way on to me/my children. Any more clothes come from them, tell them to keep them at their own houses for when they have the kids over.

The good thing about pink is that it takes several colours of dye very well: red, blue, orange or yellow. Avoid green unless you like murky brown.

Wow, the privilege…

Around 14 million people live in poverty in the UK - they can only dream of having new clothes to put on their children ( and I’m pretty sure they don’t mind the colour). I think you need some sort of reality check in your “Fight against Pink” @JustAnotherBadMother

You seem to be very head strong, is it just in the Internet or in real life too? If so, you should not have any issues with refusing gifts from your family.

@Whatalovelydaffodil If you had a boy would you buy half of his clothes from the girls' section because you don't want him to grow up thinking that blue is his only option because he's a boy?

I'm pregnant at the moment, actually, and we don't know what we're having, and aren't buying any new clothes except to cover anything that's too manky to reuse, so if this is a little boy, he'll be in his sister's hand-me-downs. She had a great mixture of colours and prints and I'm looking forward to seeing them all again soon.

And I happen to dislike the fashion for camo/sludge colours for boys, so yes, if I were buying my hypothetical son clothing, I would try to get him a good mixture of boys' and girls' clothes. As with pink, blue should be one of the many colour options, not the only one - nor should it be something to be derided because it's just a 'boy' colour.

Jesus you sound hard work!
It’s just a colour! You’re making it in to a big thing and how wasteful to put brand new clothes in a bin when some people have nothing! Give your head a wobble…

Boden and jojomamanbebe both offer online options, so why not investigate posting the clothes back for a refund/exchange? Boden generally have lovely customer service and I’m sure would accommodate your requests, although I think they might notify the person who bought it, but then you could tell your mum you’d swapped the clothes for a size/colour you preferred.

Or could you ask your mum to shop at eg Frugi or Kite? So you’d get eco friendly, organic rainbow coloured clothes instead?

You’re 100% correct in choosing to put your dds in the clothes you like for them and - I’m sure you’ve got the message by now - but please don’t throw clothes in the bin. Parents who shop in the charity shops are able to discriminate and chose colours to suit themselves and their preferences, so don’t worry about the colours of the clothes. Imagine if all better off people decided that pink clothes shouldn’t be given to charity shops - then kids whose parents shopped there would never have pink clothes!

[quote worriedatthistime]@TheEdgeOfTheWorld your making a choice for someone else yes you can avoid a colour you don't like be it pink or whatever but to say you only dislike because its for girls is sexist in its own right[/quote]
Who said they dislike it because it's only for girls?

I said it's is a reasonable feminist position to reject it as an overwhelming colour because it is used to code toys and clothes as being for either boys or girls.

What you're describing is saying "I can't wear blue, it's for boys!".

What I'm describing is saying "I'm sick of having pink pushed on me just because I'm a girl."

And that's what's happening here - OP's DD is having pink pushed on her because she's a girl. OP might hate pink in the same way some people hate orange, or she might hate pink because she's sick of having it pushed on her just because she's female. But either way, rejecting it isn't sexist.

What if your child begins to like pink? Would you say no?
Just asking as I was very much concerned with getting too much pink- but my toddler has suddenly decided she likes pink. If given the choice- she would chose a pink top over a yellow top say, or chose pink Levi blocks over green blocks. Completely her choice.

@azimuth299

I think that you are doing your girls a disservice. Surely you'd be better off telling them that colours are for everyone and having a broad range of colours available, rather than demonising things that are traditionally seen as feminine? Or they might get the impression that traditionally feminine things are bad and masculine things are good. It's just misogyny by another route.

I've been pondering how to put this but you've hit the nail on the head perfectly succinctly. This is how ingrained misogyny is in society, someone sees something in a colour thats traditionally been attributed to girls and has an irrational dislike of it.

I can’t get over putting expensive clothes in the bin. Myself and children ended up in a homeless unit last year due too domestic violence. I was so grateful for the thoinfs we had donated. Ok they’re not your taste, but please do not bin perfectly good clothes just because there pink. I do love pink 🤷‍♀️

You sound like you want praise for being so "not like other girls."
The toys and clothes are for your children, not you. Who may very well like pink. I hope they love it

Why didn't you give it away? SO UNREASONABLE!

Yabvu for binning them
What a wasteful thing to do

I've been pondering how to put this but you've hit the nail on the head perfectly succinctly. This is how ingrained misogyny is in society, someone sees something in a colour thats traditionally been attributed to girls and has an irrational dislike of it

I don’t dislike the colour.

I dislike the way it is used to socially condition children into gender roles. You can say we have free will all you like but when children are being told constantly pink is “for girls”, and toys in the shops are colour coded, so they know they should be playing with this, and not playing with that because of its colour. Then the way society treats girls (and boys) from tiny, expecting them to behave in certain ways.

Not to mention the current issues where if a wee boy likes pink and glitter, maybe he has a female brain and is really a girl?

It’s not irrational.

How wasteful. That is all I can think about how you have reacted to this with perfectly good and gifted clothes.

Colours mean nothing. A girl who wants to do more 'boy' typical activities is just as likely to want to do it in pink as in any other colour, so long as she is supported to do so. Same with any boy who might want to do more sterotypical 'girl' activities.

At nursery there is a clear and natural divide in boy and girl play and only a small percentage will behave differently despite adults encouraging and offering a variety of activities to all children equally. The gender divide is natural. It's up to society to ensure that girls and boys have opportunities that give them the best quality of life as adults. Boy activities and girl activities are equally valuable to society as a whole.

You know you can sell JoJo stuff online and get a fair bit for it right???

I cannot comprehend the throwing it away.