To throw away pink things?

[JustAnotherBadMother]

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

Why on earth didn't you give it to charity?! What a huge waste. Terrible.

I used to hate pink with an absolute passion, but it's grown on me since having my girls. I think it's because I realised it really is just a colour and it was only me that was making it into something more.one dd loves pink the other blue. My nephew loves pink too and would always make a bee line for our pink toys when he was too little to understand about colours, he didn't have anythinf pink at home and it was something different, so his mum got some for him and we got him a pink sippy cup which became his favourite!

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@greyshoelaces
Definitely not wishing I had sons. I love my girls to bits, I just don't think being a girl is all about being constantly in pretty pink dresses. Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics and providing you have XX chromosomes then you are a girl is my mantra![/quote]
and that is fine if that is what the girl wants....but pretty much every girl and some boys seem to go through a pink and sparkly phase and surely you won't want to not allow it? Honestly I think you need to chill a bit. Sell or donate the stuff you don't want...i think its a great waste (and overkill) to just bin it. Your family must know that the pink stuff that you are goiven won't get used so I'd just either take it and donate it staright away and tell them that...I am sure they won't be surprised....but honestly I think you really are iover reacting. Pink is only a colour...you needn't choose it for your child but it won't turn her into a Stepford Child. Life is too short to waste so much headspace on something so unimportant and dealable.

OP, I avoided pink stuff for girls when mine were little, so can see your point about that. However, people did buy pink stuff for me. I would normally let the buyer see the DC in the outfit/send them a photo, then give it to charity or to a friend who was keener on pink, or whatever. There's no point being unkind to someone who is trying to be kind, albeit in a way that you don't approve of.

I think you are taking on far too much moral responsibility for "poor children" by not sending pink things to the charity shop. Just like you, some "poor people" like pink clothes for girls and would buy them, and others don't, and wouldn't. You are making a massive assumption about poverty and pinkness. You're also assuming that only "poor people" buy things from charity shops. This would be like me assuming that only people who don't care about the environment or the working conditions of "forriners" buy things from Primark.

FWIW, despite my best efforts, one of my DDs lived in an atrocious pink tutu for about 2 years when she was small. My DC (mixed genders) spent their time playing up trees, in dens, on bikes/scooters etc - you don't have to wear jeans to climb a tree or have opinions on politics (in fact, jeans are very impractical). She now lives in black leggings and black hoodies and Doc Martens. So I would give it much less thought, if I were you.

@nonononone

My mum never put me in pink clothes, at 3 years old I believed this was due to not being pretty. Please do not push your dislikes on to your children.

Surely that wasn't the reason? I never had pink, either! I had a pale blue party dress that I loved, but can't remember anything pink.

Pink can look a bit naff , especially when grubby.
Not a fan of pastels on kids though.

Well, this was a weird thread.
Pink is a beautiful colour to me, I however dislike orange but if my mam buys my lads orange tops they're still worn, because they're not for me.
I can't believe you have been so ungrateful to bin stuff. Just wasteful. You need to, with kindness, realise you're not expected to wear them.
Please dont deny your DDs gifts because you're not keen on the colour.
I have DSs, they all have been gifted football tops, from different teams from different people. Both my DP and I give zero shits about football, but we still allow our kids to wear them!
Come on now OP, have a brew, calm down and think how lucky your kids are people want to spoil them, not every little un is as lucky x

What a waste. They are just clothes 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been gifted some pretty twatful stuff but I still use them because I’m thankful and who the hell cares what little ones wear tbh, they just get covered in shit (quite literally!) it also makes others happy seeing her in clothes they have thoughtfully picked out, even if they aren’t to my taste 😁

What are you going to do if both your girls are pink mad? Want their bedrooms painted pink, only want to wear pink, you going to say no?

Couldn't pay my 6 year old DD to wear pink I think she'd agree with you OP. She only wants blue, black, or red - "pink is for girls and princesses" she says, and she doesn't like that! Ditto skirts and dresses, must have trousers.

Although, as a toddler and young child, she has been in all colours. It's only now she is expressing a preference.

You could be in for a world of pink if you don't relax a bit.

I know someone who also banned pink for her daughter. Both grandparents spent countless hours knitting and sewing for the baby, all to be tossed aside for dark brown, green, navy blue thick knit jumpers and baby jeans. The child was even called what could be a boy's name like Billie.

A few years on, when she was of an age to choose for herself, EVERYTHING was pink, clothes, pjs, bedclothes+++ and when she became 18, she changed her name by deed poll.

Try a bit of a balance.

The irony of an OP talking about values, yet binning brand new quality clothes…rather than donating them to a Ukraine collection point / other charity.

FFS give your head a wobble.
How nice of you in your privileged little bubble to not think twice before binning clothes.
Please don't raise your children to be as selfish as you.

@PennyPenguins

Why on earth didn't you give it to charity?! What a huge waste. Terrible.

My exact thoughts.

A massive, almost criminal waste of good clothing :(

Why, if you like the dresses but not the colours, don't you due it another colour? It is wasteful to throw away new expensive clothing when some poor babies have to be dressed in cheap clothing, or even clothing broken, tatty or too small for them. Next time they buy your dd something you don't like just say no thanks, I don't like colour so dd won't wear it. Take it back and get a refund. It sounds a bit spiteful tbh, if your dd won't wear it, you don't want any baby to benefit from them. You have obviously never been in a position of not being able to afford any new clothes to fit your children, or you would not have done it.

I think you need to address why you're so heavily triggered by pink.

And strong, independent women can wear pink, wether they are rich or poor!

The pink isn't the real issue as you have an abnormal hatred of pink, and you've not even mentioned whether your girls like pink, and I'm sure they'd be upset knowing they had all these lovely clothes gifted to them, and you're not letting them wear them. That's not really fair OP.

BUT I totally get that this constant buying of pink seems like a weird ongoing passive aggressive dynamic that is just weirdly stomping on all sorts of boundaries, with all festering anger in your family seemingly playing out in a buying-and-gifting-and disposing of-pink clothes. It's totally weird and I really get why it drives you mad.

@Lwren

Well, this was a weird thread. Pink is a beautiful colour to me, I however dislike orange but if my mam buys my lads orange tops they're still worn, because they're not for me. I can't believe you have been so ungrateful to bin stuff. Just wasteful. You need to, with kindness, realise you're not expected to wear them. Please dont deny your DDs gifts because you're not keen on the colour. I have DSs, they all have been gifted football tops, from different teams from different people. Both my DP and I give zero shits about football, but we still allow our kids to wear them! Come on now OP, have a brew, calm down and think how lucky your kids are people want to spoil them, not every little un is as lucky x

Agreed...MIL would buy DS clothes, and I was always very grateful for them.

I'm with you, OP.

I mean, throwing new stuff in the bin is wasteful, but the overwhelming pink for girls thing is horribly limiting and the rudeness of your SiL and MiL in constantly doing it is nasty.

I would probably start directly asking them why they feel the need to be so rude. When they give you something and say "I know it's pink but I thought you'd like it anyway." Just say "Of course I don't. Why do you keep doing this?" and hand it back. Then change the subject to something you agree about. That will stop the waste and get the message over faster than pratting about dying things!

Will you let them choose, OP, when they are older? What if your three year old loves pink? Surely you’ll just grin and bear it like the rest of us have to on many issues e.g Cocomelon

My sister and I were brought up in shades of blue and shades of brown. We longed for pink, but our dm thought like you (she only wanted boys, and said so).
Pink is just a colour. A warm, rosy colour. My ds loved pink, and I bought it for him and still do.

I hate this kind of snobbery it’s so immature. You wouldn’t be the one wearing pink.

Also having looked at the JoJo range of coats, you could have easily gone into a shop and swapped it for a navy one if more to your taste. There is actually very little that is all pink apart from the fisherman’s jacket and if that’s the one you’ve binned you should really be having a word with yourself as that’s a £40 waterproof that someone could have made use of.

Honestly I think throwing a load of unused JoJo and Boden clothes in the actual bin is inexplicable. If you’re worried about poor girls having to wear pink (massive fucking eye roll), sell the stuff and buy more stuff from Primark. It’s weird though because I find Primark baby/toddler stuff totally dominated by pink, whereas Boden and JoJo pink is really in the minority. I’ve never forced gender conforming stuff in my kjds, but if I’d gone around throwing clothes in the bin I’d have been a bit worried about myself tbh, it’s not rational.

"Why do they buy crap" you come across a bit ungrateful and rude considering you are not in the best position financially... why not just exchange it for something of a bigger size and colour. Simply let them know your kids currently have enough of xyz.

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti

I have a DD(3) whose clothes are about a 50/50 mix of stuff from the girls' section and stuff from the boys'. I don't want her to grow up thinking that pink is her only option because she's a girl. Similarly, I don't want her to grow up thinking that pink is NOT an option because it's a 'girly' colour - because that's pretty misogynistic, isn't it? We make sure that it's just another colour and that no colours are off-limits to her.

What will you do, OP, if your DDs get older and really love pink? I grew up in my brother's hand-me-downs and still had an entirely pink bedroom once I was old enough to have a say in matters.

If you had a boy would you buy half of his clothes from the girls' section because you don't want him to grow up thinking that blue is his only option because he's a boy?

I get your dislike of pink because I'm the same. I loathe it as a colour and I hate the way that anything pink has a price premium.

I too never bought pink for my girls (until they demanded it) however my close family & friends knew of my loathing and bought other colours.
When we did get pink they wore it or I donated it to charity.

You are being VVV unreasonable to just dump good clothes in the bin for landfill.