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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To throw away pink things?

483 replies

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 15:14

I have DDs aged 15 mo and 1 mo. I hate pink. I hate the way so much girls stuff is pink. I mostly buy them boys things, although I've no problem with dresses and dolls (which I do buy), providing they are not pink. My SIL is the opposite of me in just about everything. She is very OTT in quantity of presents which I find overbearing, and makes me feel bad, and her tastes are the opposite of mine. She buys masses of stuff for my daughters (which I do not need or want), and the vast majority of it makes me want to vomit. It's almost all really expensive (JoJo, Boden, etc), whereas my stuff is almost all a mixture of freecycle and Primark, partly because of money, but tbh personal taste probably plays a bigger role. My mother recently bought some things for my DDs and they were really heavily biased towards pink. She noted herself regretfully that they were overall a bit pink, and commented on how one dress was largely pink but had other colours, when it was 90% pink. My SIL bought an expensive jacket for DD1 a few weeks ago (JoJo, obvs), and said although it was pink she thought I'd still like it.
I don't know why they do it, because they know I absolutely hate pink stuff and it won't be worn. For more than a year all this pink crap has simply been in the cupboard and literally not worn at all.
Today I was just feeling miserable and put a lot of the pink stuff in a bag (inc the new dress my DM bought a couple of weeks ago) and put it all in a public bin. I felt guilty for a few hours and went out to try and find the bag (just to put in the attic, not use), but the bins had been emptied. I think I'm glad about this, but just can't stop thinking about it and feeling miserable about the whole situation.
Why do my DM and SIL do this? If it really was very very occasional and pink was just one of 100 colours I wouldn't care. But it's not. Almost everything my SIL buys is pink pink pink, and a fair chunk of what my DM buys is pink too. I'm fine with pretty dresses which they like buying, but just draw the line at pink.
(NB I would normally give it to charity - I've got masses off freecycle myself - but I have issues with pink and poorer girls been limited by it. That's why not. Plus I'm cross with my SIL and DM for buying all this pink shit when they knew I hate it and it won't be used, and somehow this seemed more appropriate. If they ever find out there'll be more pissed off, which is what I want bc I'm getting upset about all of this. It feels like they are criticising my values and my abilities as a mother.)

OP posts:
DoodleBelle · 24/03/2022 16:50

This reply has been deleted

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Selena55 · 24/03/2022 16:50

Two forks Grin two girls obviously

Rummikub · 24/03/2022 16:51

@EatSleepReplete

FWIW, when DD was a baby/toddler, we dressed her in mostly neutral colours. Quite a lot of boys clothes in green, blue, brown etc as they were more practical for running about. Some dresses but not many. As soon as she turned 5 & started noticing what the other kids in nursery were wearing, she expressed a preference for pink & only wanted dresses. The next time we bought her clothes as she'd outgrown everything, most of it had to be pink as she said she didn't like anything else. She's nearly 10 & still loves pink. Just saying...
This was me too Avoided pink as much as as possible. Ok till your dd notices others children. Then horror! My mum Gave my dd a baby doll and pink Pushchair. Dd1 refuses to play with the train set, construction sets!

I relented as it’s about the whole thing not just pink. I even wear it myself now!

Definitely auburn for throwing in a bin.
Sell
Donate
Return
Exchange

Other cultures dress boys in pink.

Herewegoagain84 · 24/03/2022 16:51

Seen your comment now re sexist connotations. You are perpetuating the issue. Stop making an issue out of pink for boys or girls! It only has sexist connotations because you are giving it that - albeit by rejecting it so strongly.

EarlGreywithLemon · 24/03/2022 16:51

@EdenFlower

Pink is just a colour. I can't get on board with the 'I buy my girl's clothes in the boy's department brigade' because at the end of the day pink looks nice, as do other nice colours. Grey, navy and khaki are pretty dull and boring colours- we should be pushing for it to be acceptable for boys to wear pretty colours like pink and purple and pastel greens if they wish, which are my favourite colours, rather than insisting girl's can't wear pink!
And very much this!! I am expecting a boy now and he will wear his sister’s baby clothes - which include some pink!
elbea · 24/03/2022 16:52

You are limiting your daughters, dressing them exclusively in boys clothes is exactly the same as exclusively dressing them in pink clothes.

How about raising your daughters to know whatever clothes they wear, they can do anything. I wear loads of pink, frilly dresses - never trousers. I also have a degree in agriculture and manage farms. I don’t let my clothing limit me.

WouldBeGood · 24/03/2022 16:53

YABU. Fair enough not everything has to be pink, but you sound over invested in this.

My dad had a weird thing about pink, and purple, and we were only dressed in colours he approved of, and it’s not great.

Shmithecat2 · 24/03/2022 16:54

My point was that if I gave it to charity then it would almost certainly end up (quite rightly) with a girl from a poor family,

Because only poor people buy from charity shops? Confused

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 24/03/2022 16:54

I have a DD(3) whose clothes are about a 50/50 mix of stuff from the girls' section and stuff from the boys'. I don't want her to grow up thinking that pink is her only option because she's a girl. Similarly, I don't want her to grow up thinking that pink is NOT an option because it's a 'girly' colour - because that's pretty misogynistic, isn't it? We make sure that it's just another colour and that no colours are off-limits to her.

What will you do, OP, if your DDs get older and really love pink? I grew up in my brother's hand-me-downs and still had an entirely pink bedroom once I was old enough to have a say in matters.

tsmainsqueeze · 24/03/2022 16:56

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@greyshoelaces
Definitely not wishing I had sons. I love my girls to bits, I just don't think being a girl is all about being constantly in pretty pink dresses. Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics and providing you have XX chromosomes then you are a girl is my mantra![/quote]
Its just a colour , they can still climb trees whilst wearing pink.
What a waste to throw clothes away ,i bet companies like boden etc would have exchanged them for a different colour without a receipt.
Its easy to tone the pink down by adding different coloured clothes .
Your kids are lucky to have loving family that want to buy them clothes .

PupInAPram · 24/03/2022 16:56

Your SIL and Mum are being very dim for chucking money away on stuff your children never wear. Surely they've figured that out. It must be really irritating to have your clearly stated preferences overridden constantly..

Shrekles20 · 24/03/2022 16:56

Yabvu, ungrateful and your comments come across as really controlling.

I suspect this is the reason they’re doing this and continuing to buy pink for your dd because it winds you up so much. I know a friend who does this because her sil is quite frankly a pain who insists on feeding the kids a vegan diet and not allowing dd to wear pink or eat sweets, amongst other things. She feels sorry for the girl and buys her nice pink outfits and passes her sweets when mummy isn’t looking.

Just remember the clothes aren’t for you, they’re for your dd. I think if you continue down this path you’re going to end up with a very rebellious teenager on your hands in several years.

Your views are also insulting. What on earth has wearing pink got to do with whether you’re into politics and climbing trees?!

ABitBesotted · 24/03/2022 16:56

YANBU. They're being twats.

Change123today · 24/03/2022 16:57

I’m not a fan of girls =pink! It wasn’t that my mum brought pink clothes they where just in my eyes very impractical- I preferred to dress my children in clothes that meant they could climb roll over crawl etc and often the girls clothes my Mum brought didn’t work - dresses they’d be trying to crawl in but ended up stuck in them!

Eventually my Mum came around to my way of thinking! I’d tell her the what I needed - body suits etc leggings etc I know she was a little put out but I’d rather her not spend her money on things that the girls wouldn’t wear! She was ok with it (still snuck the odd dress in and I did always make sure the girls wore it for special occasions or visiting my Mum just to keep the peace :)

I would say keep an open mind as they get older - my eldest wouldn’t wear dresses! And was very much a leggings/joggers and top! I assumed my youngest would be the same but ohhh she loved pink glittery and spinning around in dresses!! I just accepted that and had to buy the dresses!

Now they 12 & 18 and still very similar!

JustAnotherBadMother · 24/03/2022 16:58

@ABitBesotted

YANBU. They're being twats.
I'm okay with this description.
OP posts:
MarshmallowSwede · 24/03/2022 16:59

Wearing pink doesn’t stop a girl from climbing a tree.

Girls can and do climb trees in dresses btw.

It seems you associate pink with feminine things which you associate as bad. That’s a while other issue you need to deal with yourself and ask why anything associated as “girly” is bad and infuriates you.

It borders on internalized mysogyny.

StrongerOrWeaker · 24/03/2022 16:59

I hear you. Could you either return the clothes, dye them or somehow exchange them with other parents?

SpringSummerAutumnSpring · 24/03/2022 16:59

I think your view of the world is very skewed and out of sync. Women can enjoy wearing pink whilst fulfilling their potential, and it’s not just ‘poor’ people who buy clothes from charity shops…

Jillyfernilly · 24/03/2022 16:59

Why on earth do you not exchange the items for something else from that shop you will put your children in?

Most shops will do an exchange without a receipt - I know JoJo will if the items still has tags. Not so sure about Boden but their customer service is pretty good in general so I'd be surprised if they don't.

DrWhoNowww · 24/03/2022 17:00

[quote JustAnotherBadMother]@greyshoelaces
Definitely not wishing I had sons. I love my girls to bits, I just don't think being a girl is all about being constantly in pretty pink dresses. Wear jeans and climb trees and follow politics and providing you have XX chromosomes then you are a girl is my mantra![/quote]
I quite frequently watch PMQ, whilst perusing the FT on my lunch break from my BIG job in STEM.

Whilst sitting in my pink chair, in my pink, purple and white decorated home office, fairly frequently wearing a pink item of clothing.

YAB quite unreasonable and judgy. People who like pink aren’t lesser than you.

Pink is not the problem here.

TheIsaacs · 24/03/2022 17:00

I understand the problem with gender stereotyping, and pink being seen as a feminine colour, but it is just a colour. Girls (and boys for that matter) can wear pink and still buck gender norms.

Do you think if you had two boys instead, you would throw away blue clothes and anything with cars, dinosaurs and tractors? Would they have to have “girly” clothes and toys? Or would you accept that they can have both things in their life? If you’d do the first then fine, but if it’s the latter then you’re being a bit unreasonable and demonising femininity for the sake of it.

tkwal · 24/03/2022 17:00

You could a). Put them on your children, they are really too young to care and hopefully your family will bow to your wishes eventually
B)take them back to wherever they were bought and exchange them for garments that are more to your taste
C)donate them
D)dye them yourself

I didn't dress my daughters in all pink , they had all colours. My son had some pink clothes.
If you think dressing girls in pink holds them back in some way I can tell you they are wrong mine were in young farmers clubs and climbed plenty of trees as well as handling large animals and heavy machinery

Have you suffered from misogynistic prejudice in some way ?. Have you always felt this strongly about colours?
With such young children is it possible you are feeling stressed ? Some of what you have said sounds a bit paranoid. You have actually said you want them to be upset by what you have done and that you believe they are criticising and undermining you as a parent..
Other than the issue with the colour, you also seem miffed that they bought expensive brands for your children. I wouldn't spend what those clothes cost on young childre.n either, they go through clothes so quickly and sometimes mine needed changing 3 or 4 times a day, especially while weaning. But , I have no doubt the gifts were well intended? I mean not many people go and buy gifts in order to be bitchy or critical.
I would say your actions are a bit unreasonable, I do understand the issue with the colour and I do think your family are also being a bit unreasonable in not paying attention to what you say but throwing things in the bin, to me, when they could have been exchanged or donated does seem rather irrational. Maybe instead of buying clothes in future they could support you in more practical ways 🤔

dictatorboss · 24/03/2022 17:01

My daughter has always avoided pink and my granddaughter is generally in neutral colours boys and girls stuff ! She is now old enough to have a preference and goes straight to pink everything!
YANBU to dislike girlie clothes but you are Very unreasonable to actually throw away clothes…that is awful!

Synchrony · 24/03/2022 17:02

I agree that it can be overwhelming and annoying to have relatives constantly buying stuff you don't want or need.

I am more disgusted that you threw everything in the bin though. It's a totally bizarre view that by doing so you are saving poor children from having to wear pink. I'm not poor and love pink and would happily have bought your stuff in a charity shop. Donate it, exchange it, dump it on your SILs doorstep, sell it, use it as painting clothes....

I also think that ethically a pink item from a sustainable supplier is better than not-pink from Primark. And if you want to save money, a free pink item from a posh shop which will have a good resale value is also cheaper than Primark.

Calandor · 24/03/2022 17:02

I'd add that you've clearly never seen Legally Blonde 😂

Girls can do impressive things while wearing pink.

@Drinkingallthewine that sounds no fun but surely if the pink coat wasn't there you wouldn't have had a coat at all.

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