To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 3: Return of the Insomnia

[5YearsLeft]

Hey all - We’ve made it to the third thread. Whether you’ve posted before or you’re brand new, if you’re stuck awake, then you’re welcome here. We’ve had people facing it all on the last few threads: grief (loss of DPs, DHs, parents, children, and pets), illness of every sort (cancer, COVID, post COVID, sciatica, antidepressant withdrawals, stomach bugs of every sort, cold/flu, autoimmune problems, and even more diagnoses), ill children and partners (vomiting, crying, unable to sleep… and that’s just the adult family members! Ok I’m kidding, that was mostly the kids), women in labor, women with surgery fears, fears of all other sizes, anxiety, work anxiety, and of course insomnia caused by myriad things (LOTS of peri and postmenopausal insomnia).

Whatever is keeping you awake, you’re always welcome to share it here.

If you’re following in from our last thread, it’s:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4473171-To-ask-what-you-re-doing-awake-post-midnight-Part-2-Insomnia-Strikes-Back

About to go to sleep after dangerously reading thread on cat memes (50% of the reason for the existence of the internetz) whilst lying in bed next to sweetly sleeping DH. Couple of times laughing a bit too much.

I'm awake. I'm in hospital and the other women are snoring like trains. Meanwhile I'm so hot and sticky from the rubber mattress that I feel like I'm lying in an uncomfortable bath. I'm on a huge dose of steroids so my sleep pattern is as disaster. But it starts reducing tomorrow so hopefully things will start improving soon. And I will soon be away from the noisy brightly lit hospital and asleep in my own bed. At least I can nudge DH if he snores.

I'm awake. Woken up by my period pain 😭🥲🥲

I am with my daughter who won't stop coughing, she's 4. I'm also 36 weeks pregnant and utterly exhausted 😞

Lying awake, on indeed, thinking about leaving the NHS. The thought breaks my heart but thinking that I could be earning 30K in an office specialising in garden furniture, which I will never earn in my current role, even as a band 5, is tempting.

Bloody dog has asked to go out for the 3rd time in an hour and a half (and did the same last night) and now I'm wide awake and fed up!

Awake worrying about dd who seems likely to have chickenpox, I’m pregnant and my mum isn’t sure I have had it (pretty sure I have but not certain) so isolating away from her (as much as I can) until blood test comes back. It will take ages to come back and I’m really upset not to be there for her when she is sobbing for her mummy. She has gone to sleep though but I’m wide awake!

@Bunnyfuller Cat memes are incredibly dangerous like that! I’ve definitely read something hilarious while I’m laying in bed and found myself trying to hold my laughter in, in the dark.

@EthelsAuntie I can’t even tell you how much empathy I have for you. No one sleeps well in a hospital; I swear, they’re completely nightmares designed to rob you of sleep completely. Just awful. And I’m sure the huge steroid dose isn’t helping; when I’ve been on huge doses before, they’ve given me insomnia and restless legs so badly that I’d be exhausted beyond reason and still up pacing in my sitting room. I’m so glad to hear you’ll be decreasing them AND that you’ll be in your own bed tomorrow night!!! You just have to make it through tonight and you can totally do it; I believe in you!

@Quirkyme Oh, that’s so unfair! Everybody needs their sleep and to have it disrupted by pain is even more unfair. I so hope you can still get some rest.

@amc8583 Oh no, poor her and poor you. I’m sure she’s having a terrible time and you’re shattered. I hope your DD starts to feel a bit better and that you can get some much-needed rest for your aching body!!!

@amc8583

I am with my daughter who won't stop coughing, she's 4. I'm also 36 weeks pregnant and utterly exhausted 😞

I used to massage my daughters feet when she coughed and it relaxed her down a bit. Vicks do a cough suppressant product for children you might be able to find if she keeps going tomorrow. Honey?

I mean as in give her some honey, not calling you MY Honey 😂

@EthelsAuntie oh steroids are the worst for sleep aren't they. Hospitals are awful to sleep in at the best of times.

I've been having roughly 4 hours broken sleep a night for the past week, and beyond but was doing a little better. Considering trying one of my ds's melatonin tablets tomorrow but unsure on dosage. He's 9 and takes 4mg. I'm sat quietly in the lounge now. My jaw and teeth are really hurting as I've been clenching so badly when I'm asleep. I've just had a couple of cocodamol but they don't seem to make me sleepy. I've also had diazepam previously and it didn't make a difference. I am worried about a few things but they seem so trivial compared to all of you suffering pain and illness

I had to get an ambulance out for my dad a couple of days ago (I live with dad, mum, (I'm her carer), dh and 3x sons). He went all pale and clammy, sweating, cold and felt dizzy. Took blood pressure and through the roof.Called gp and they told me to call 999 (much to his annoyance) his best bp they got was 212/ 121, and told me he's a ticking time bomb for a stroke or heart attack. He gets so so stressed, has done his whole life so trying to keep things calm for him is really hard. He's started on bp tablets now and waiting for a blood test On Friday to check his kidney function as he has diabetes and an underactive thyroid, so they need to check this before he can go on statins. His dad died at 62 from a heart attack (my dad's 60) and his brother had a heart attack at 64 and has stents.
This leads on to him worrying about money, and accepting really strenuous labouring job to start monday. My dh does some things with my dad but does all the school runs, hospital appointments for our disabled son etc. I get carers allowance and universal credit topped up. I'm in the process of filling out pip forms for myself but I'm seriously doubting I'll get anything and writing it all down when it's 80% mental health problems gives me panic attacks so it's slow going.

@likemindedarseholes I can understand that. I’m sure you experience an incredible amount of stress and while we all want to do the best we can at our jobs… we also have to make decisions based on money! Plus you might get a lovely garden furniture discount, ha.

@CandyLeBonBon Ah, sorry to hear that! Sounds like DDog (maybe not so dear at this EXACT moment) is a bit unsettled. I do hope they let you get back to sleep for the rest of the night, though as you say, you’re wide awake now, which is the crap part!

@Passanotherjaffacake Oh no! What a traumatizing time for both you and your DD. I do hope the blood test comes back soon. Of course you’re making the right decision, but that’s so difficult to handle when your DD wants her mum. I’ll have my fingers crossed that the lab hurries it along!

Oops posted too soon. So yeah, money like 99% of us is seriously keeping me awake at night.

And my poor old lab whose finding using his back legs more and more difficult. Trivial but the Hoover broke a month ago and the insurers are still waiting to send us a new one and the floors are stressing me out.

@Haveatakeaway that's a lot to deal with. The jaw clenching is a real sign of stress isn't it? Like an alert that things are too much.

Struggling here too, covid and thyroid (overactive) and feeling too exhausted to do any work last week. Feeling horribly behind all the different things I'm having to do to get the money in too as I am juggling jobs and parenting a very anxious ASD teen.

I hate falling asleep. I'm bad at it. Not sure why. It's always been this way unless I'm in bed with my partner who I'm isolating from!
The bed I am on now is triggering a wee ache of sciatica.

@Haveatakeaway Blimey… you need a tropical vacation and a magical money tree. I’m sorry I don’t have either one to offer. What a complete load on your shoulders. And I’m sure calling the ambulance for your da like that with his BP like that must have been so stressful and scary. And it sounds like you have so many people in your house that need care, including you. I don’t know if people have given you advice for PIP, but your MH problems are very real. The best way to get your “award” is to make it clear that they stop you from being able to do the basic things in life that you need to do (leave the house, get dressed, feed yourself on a normal time table) because my understanding is it’s all points based on how far below “can completely take care of themselves and do everything for themselves in an average day” you fall. You always have to fill out these forms based on your absolute worst possible day; it’s not lying - it’s making sure you have the support you need when your worst possible days occur, because what you actually end up being awarded will still be short of that. Im so sorry you have all these sources of stress and I wish I had a magical way to ease a few. But we don’t have a billion dollar thread trust fund yet, har har har. One of these days…

I always think about that David Bowie line about "All the nightmares came today..." and it's just the stuff that kind of piles up in our minds at night. For me sometimes night is the only time I get to myself. Everyone is asleep and it's just me keeping the lamps burning.

[quote 5YearsLeft]@Haveatakeaway Blimey… you need a tropical vacation and a magical money tree. I’m sorry I don’t have either one to offer. What a complete load on your shoulders. And I’m sure calling the ambulance for your da like that with his BP like that must have been so stressful and scary. And it sounds like you have so many people in your house that need care, including you. I don’t know if people have given you advice for PIP, but your MH problems are very real. The best way to get your “award” is to make it clear that they stop you from being able to do the basic things in life that you need to do (leave the house, get dressed, feed yourself on a normal time table) because my understanding is it’s all points based on how far below “can completely take care of themselves and do everything for themselves in an average day” you fall. You always have to fill out these forms based on your absolute worst possible day; it’s not lying - it’s making sure you have the support you need when your worst possible days occur, because what you actually end up being awarded will still be short of that. Im so sorry you have all these sources of stress and I wish I had a magical way to ease a few. But we don’t have a billion dollar thread trust fund yet, har har har. One of these days…[/quote]
This is really good advice.
A way to also show this is by having your own chart of it. Frequency of issues etc.
sometimes we feel guilty for saying the true thing - thinking we are exaggerating. And if we were to chart, say, how many days we didn't get dressed etc we would see the impact the issue is really having on us.

Big hugs anyway. Magic money tree indeed!

@Passanotherjaffacake

Awake worrying about dd who seems likely to have chickenpox, I’m pregnant and my mum isn’t sure I have had it (pretty sure I have but not certain) so isolating away from her (as much as I can) until blood test comes back. It will take ages to come back and I’m really upset not to be there for her when she is sobbing for her mummy. She has gone to sleep though but I’m wide awake!

:( it makes us cry when our little ones cry doesn't it? Just try and breathe and deescalate the feeling of tension and sadness in your body. She won't remember in a day or two. X

@Quirkyme

I'm awake. Woken up by my period pain 😭🥲🥲

Can you take some painkillers and get back to sleep? Or hot water bottle?

I'm worry about trying to get to sleep in a few weeks on my own as I have to have radioactive iodine therapy and will be radioactive. At the moment with covid I have the cat in here with me but when the iodine treatment happens I can't even have her with me :(

My kid is going to be really upset to not be able to hug for ages. She has health anxiety and long covid :(

Thank you so much. I am diagnosed with agoraphobia with panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression with OCD traits and 'magical thinking'. I can go a couple of months without leaving the house and only do so if I absolutely must or I need to go to the charity shop because I've run out of books, but it has to be a certain one that has it's own car park directly outside the door and I get so panicked I end up not being able to look properly or walking in and out multiple times to see how long it takes me to get to the car, then I get paranoid I look like a shoplifter! I'm a right barrel of laughs aren't i?!
To be honest I am pretty content at home as long as everything is 'right', like everyone at home so I know they're safe, no unexpected (or expected 😂) visitors or phone calls, only have a landline, no mobile phone or social media apart from mumsnet. I'm learning that it's fine to be introverted but I do miss things like going out with my kids, school plays, parents evenings. I've had two rounds of CBT but if I don't practise daily and deal with my fears and panic it logically can't work. Ho hum. Really I'm lucky as I get about twenty hugs a day and I laugh everyday.
Thank you so much again, you're all so kind.

@Haveatakeaway

Thank you so much. I am diagnosed with agoraphobia with panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression with OCD traits and 'magical thinking'. I can go a couple of months without leaving the house and only do so if I absolutely must or I need to go to the charity shop because I've run out of books, but it has to be a certain one that has it's own car park directly outside the door and I get so panicked I end up not being able to look properly or walking in and out multiple times to see how long it takes me to get to the car, then I get paranoid I look like a shoplifter! I'm a right barrel of laughs aren't i?! To be honest I am pretty content at home as long as everything is 'right', like everyone at home so I know they're safe, no unexpected (or expected 😂) visitors or phone calls, only have a landline, no mobile phone or social media apart from mumsnet. I'm learning that it's fine to be introverted but I do miss things like going out with my kids, school plays, parents evenings. I've had two rounds of CBT but if I don't practise daily and deal with my fears and panic it logically can't work. Ho hum. Really I'm lucky as I get about twenty hugs a day and I laugh everyday. Thank you so much again, you're all so kind.

You are doing the best you can and it's all going to have been made worse by the last two years.

I think fear is paralysing isn't it? And peoples depression gets worse with stress and fear. Have you tried the Woebot app?

I've bought fairy lights. Those are my solution for the night fears. I know it sounds stupid but I'm scared of sleeping alone because of spiders. Stupid isn't it?

I'm awake. A combination of a lifetime of insomnia, menopause and sciatica. I dropped off around 11.30pm tonight, then woke around 2.30 with sciatica. I've been down and microwaved a lavender heaty wheatie which has helped with the sciatica, but given me more hot flushes and I'm just awake now. I've eaten a creme caramel out the fridge and a packet of crisps (just in case I was hungry 😀) laid in the dark for 2 hours, just in case I drop off, and now I've given up.
Sorry to hear of everyone else's issues and problems. Mine are trivial really. Overweight and struggling with long Covid, mildly worried about money as we already only scrape by and everything is going up. Mildly worried about what teenage DS will do with his life - at 17 he has no interests, work ethic or direction. Stressed about the fact that we're heading for a week at MILs house in a few days and how shit my sleep will be. At least at home DH and I have separate rooms and I can get up, read, wander around the house, raid the fridge, etc. At MIL, nice though she is, he and I are crammed into the tiny spare room sharing a small and uncomfortable double bed. DS will have a blow up mattress on the living room floor! Her bungalow is tiny and I will simply spend every night lying in the dark, with DH snoring at incredible decibels next to me, whilst I am nearly weeping with exhaustion and fantasizing about holding a pillow over his face!

Sorry that turned into a rant!

@Haveatakeaway Oh we’re all a barrel of laughs around here. Don’t ever worry about a thing in that regard. I’m dying, we’ve got quite a few people on chemo (who I hope will be well again in the future! But are in it right now), people with other constant pain conditions like sciatica, and lots of people who share anxiety with you (maybe not agoraphobia or magical thinking, though I do have some trouble with magical thinking, I suspect, sigh - but I also think terminal diagnosis gives me the right? Ha). @LittleWhingingWoman is absolutely right that you’re doing the best you can.

@MadMadMadamMim Oh, never apologize for a rant - we take it all! Sharing or rants or crying or what have you. Another sciatica sufferer! We have two on the thread, one who is now pain free from surgery (@Coroico97) and one who is still in the throes of it (@Tallisimo). It’s a terrible thing to try to sleep with, or get comfortable with, and then you add the long COVID and the extra weight (which is a complete bitch to try to lose when you’ve already got sciatica), and it’s a bit of a nightmare! Oh gosh… are you SURE you aren’t feeling a touch under the weather, in a way that would be MUCH safer for you to stay home and isolate while DH and DS go to your MILs? She may be nice as pie, but with everything you have going on, you seriously need your rest and you won’t get it there, sounds like. I’m so sorry. I’ll keep brainstorming ways to get you out of it, besides just, you know, doing a runner.

[quote 5YearsLeft]**@Haveatakeaway* Oh we’re all a barrel of laughs around here. Don’t ever worry about a thing in that regard. I’m dying, we’ve got quite a few people on chemo (who I hope will be well again in the future! But are in it right now), people with other constant pain conditions like sciatica, and lots of people who share anxiety with you (maybe not agoraphobia or magical thinking, though I do have some trouble with magical thinking, I suspect, sigh - but I also think terminal diagnosis gives me the right? Ha). @LittleWhingingWoman* is absolutely right that you’re doing the best you can.

@MadMadMadamMim Oh, never apologize for a rant - we take it all! Sharing or rants or crying or what have you. Another sciatica sufferer! We have two on the thread, one who is now pain free from surgery (@Coroico97) and one who is still in the throes of it (@Tallisimo). It’s a terrible thing to try to sleep with, or get comfortable with, and then you add the long COVID and the extra weight (which is a complete bitch to try to lose when you’ve already got sciatica), and it’s a bit of a nightmare! Oh gosh… are you SURE you aren’t feeling a touch under the weather, in a way that would be MUCH safer for you to stay home and isolate while DH and DS go to your MILs? She may be nice as pie, but with everything you have going on, you seriously need your rest and you won’t get it there, sounds like. I’m so sorry. I’ll keep brainstorming ways to get you out of it, besides just, you know, doing a runner.[/quote]
@5YearsLeft I'm sorry to hear this.
In my head I worry I am, but it's just fear that I won't be around for my daughter who really needs me - I'm her only "person" really. So my brain makes up stories and makes me think something bad will happen to me.

I'm sorry that it's actually happening to you. In Blade Runner he says that none of us know. My best friend's son took his life recently - early twenties. I said to my daughter we have to try to make each day meaningful as soon as we can remember to, sciatica aside. I don't know how else to live with all the various fears that we carry in this house. My partner sleepwalks as a side effect of PTSD. The nights feel strange and active very often to me.

Hi all, I’ve been awake for hours. I’ve got covid and have been isolating away from the family since Tuesday as no one can afford to be off work or unwell.

This means me sleeping on a blow up air mattress on the floor in a separate downstairs room. I’m Ill and uncomfortable and not really warm enough on the bed.
DH is no good if I’m ill and will largely disappear as he doesn’t do sympathy or caring. I’ll be lucky to have him open the door twice a day to ask if I want something. If I text to ask him for something he may read it in a few hours time.

Laying here thinking fuck it, I’ll just go about the house as normal and if DH catches it then tough, he’ll have a dose of how it feels.

Not fair on adult DD though who has been kind and will bring anything I ask for. Just wish DH wasn’t such a fucking dick, I despair at the thought of getting older and having a real illness - he would just bury his head in the sand and leave me get on with it…