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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 3: Return of the Insomnia

410 replies

5YearsLeft · 23/03/2022 22:08

Hey all - We’ve made it to the third thread. Whether you’ve posted before or you’re brand new, if you’re stuck awake, then you’re welcome here. We’ve had people facing it all on the last few threads: grief (loss of DPs, DHs, parents, children, and pets), illness of every sort (cancer, COVID, post COVID, sciatica, antidepressant withdrawals, stomach bugs of every sort, cold/flu, autoimmune problems, and even more diagnoses), ill children and partners (vomiting, crying, unable to sleep… and that’s just the adult family members! Ok I’m kidding, that was mostly the kids), women in labor, women with surgery fears, fears of all other sizes, anxiety, work anxiety, and of course insomnia caused by myriad things (LOTS of peri and postmenopausal insomnia).

Whatever is keeping you awake, you’re always welcome to share it here.

If you’re following in from our last thread, it’s:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4473171-To-ask-what-you-re-doing-awake-post-midnight-Part-2-Insomnia-Strikes-Back

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IdiotCreatures · 23/07/2022 05:38

In your shoes I'd order a huge box of chocs through Uber eats, make a large jug of fluid and totally retreat to your bed for the day.
It was actually an argument between us that triggered the whole thing, but she has said she is sorry that she did what she did and that she is really unhappy with the fact she reacted that way.
There's a lot going on with her though and I do think there must be a genetic component, all females on my mums side of the family are a bit crazy crazy, myself included.
My partner is at home and I am sure he will be lovely when we make it back there.

5YearsLeft · 23/07/2022 11:50

Hey all - I originally started these threads and happy to see them used but sorry to see them used, eh? (I got scammed about a job, then got a real job with my old bosses, but they’re in North America, so now when I have insomnia, I can use it to work and communicate with them).

@IdiotCreatures So sorry to hear about things with your daughter. I hope she’ll be able to come home from the hospital soon. These things, they happen. The teen years are horrific and volatile enough without added mental health difficulties. And mother-daughter relationships are difficult enough, too; the teen years are hard on that bond that may have seemed so easy at earlier ages and will hopefully come easily again in future years. I hope, more than anything for you, that there comes a day when this is a memory in the distant past of a stable future for your daughter, and even if it’s not a perfectly stable future for her, at least the distant past of a currently stable relationship between you and her.

@Jibbajabba1 So sorry to hear about your loss. How we deal with these things can feel like a fun park rollercoaster: you have it under control for a few days, and then it slips through your grasp and you feel so sad and dreadful again. It sounds like you have a very good plan for today - there’s nothing wrong with taking a duvet day for grief. I hope being kind to yourself helps a bit and maybe by Monday, things will be looking up a bit.

@icedcoffeeplease There’s a reason that moving house is listed on Stress Inventories as a “major life change” that adds something like 20 or more points to determining how stressed you are, on a list with things like changing jobs, getting divorced, or losing a family member. It won’t surprise you that getting married is ALSO one of those life changes that adds 20 or more points (even if it’s “positive,” the stress it causes is considered equal to many other major life events). So, it’s no surprise if you’re stressed or can’t sleep. Maybe Google stress inventory and try adding one up for yourself. It does sound like at least some of this will be over by Monday, so fingers crossed for you.

@heidihigh I’m so sorry to hear that. Relationships are tough stuff; we do the best we can, we try to communicate, but we can never truly be responsible or control another person or their actions. All you can do is do the best you can, and if he’s willing to resolve this situation, admit his depression and seek help for it, you can try to resolve it together. And if he’s not… then it’s not your fault. It takes two people not just physically being present and living together but also agreeing to listen to each other and communicate and care for each other to make a relationship. You can’t care for him (and by extension, try to help with his depression) if he won’t let you. I wish you the very best of luck.

@HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd Sorry you’re facing such horrible insomnia! In this case, i really do understand exactly how you feel, and joint pain being affected by the weather. I know that pain, and I hate that you’re experiencing it! The weather is so bad where I am and it’s affecting my joint pain and disease so badly that I’m actually leaving for two weeks; the temperatures just aren’t livable. In Geneva, we’ve been having level 3 hazard heat waves for over a week and they’re not stopping yet here. (If anyone thinks Switzerland is all alpine and temperate, no - it’s been absolutely slaughtered by climate change; lost 60% of its glaciers and has experienced a 200% increase in heatwave frequency and intensity, has almost no snow days now below 800m and has had a huge increase in rainfall in the winter instead, experiences heavy rainfall in the summer from heat-induced thunderstorms, and since 1980, has had 20% in sunshine).

I do hope you find your sleeping tablets before tonight hits, or that you found then last night!

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IdiotCreatures · 23/07/2022 12:54

@5YearsLeft that is quite abstractedly terrifying. As in I should be terrified but just can't get my head around it.
DD and I will be off home as soon as a Dr rubber stamps us to leave. We've both been given strict instructions to do little of consequence today.

5YearsLeft · 23/07/2022 12:57

@IdiotCreatures ???? Shite! My comment to you was supposed to be reassuring and I’ve gone and terrified you! So sorry! Erm… no idea what to say this time. I do hope you have a very non-productive, little-consequence day, and you and daughter both get to heal a bit from the last 24 hours.

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IdiotCreatures · 23/07/2022 14:11

I'm easily distracted and just broke down sobbing over Ronald McDonald Houses so it's more a reflection of the last 36 hours and absolutely no sleep last night. I will be a lot more together tomorrow after a good night's sleep.
Wish we could get the drs rubber stamp though and get out of here already!!

5YearsLeft · 23/07/2022 15:47

@IdiotCreatures Ah yes; I feel (and maybe it was reality) that it sometimes took as long to get the doctor’s “good to go home” stamp as my whole hospital treatment, if it was an overnight visit. We’d try to start in the morning and I’d only finally be leaving by 6pm. I hope you get home soon! And I’m still sorry I terrified you. Was simply trying to say that there is a future for both of you, together as mother and daughter and as separate people, that will be better than today. Hang in there.

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IdiotCreatures · 23/07/2022 21:00

I think we got out between two and three pm. In bed Amitriptyline is kicking in and tomorrow is a new day
Fingers crossed everyone who suffers from bastard insomnia gets a good night's sleep.

Confusedmeanderings · 24/07/2022 23:55

Is it weird to say how lovely it is to see this thread revived? Nobody wants to be awake in the middle of the night so its kind of the club no one wants to be part of. But it is such a supportive, friendly thread so its nice to see it back. I have now finished chemo, the last couple of months were really tough. Now I'm about a third of the way through radiotherapy, which isn't too bad in terms of side effects, but plays havoc with every day life because it means daily hospital appointments. All mine seem to be in the middle of the day which really gets in the way of doing stuff!

5YearsLeft · 25/07/2022 13:24

@Confusedmeanderings Very, very many happy returns to life after chemotherapy! I know the end can be brutal, and it’s a marathon, not a sprint, so I’m so, so, so, so glad you made it (and I say that because like with all marathons, there’s no shame for all our friends who sadly didn’t cross the finish line). I know you said you’ve still got 2/3rds of radiotherapy to go, but you’ll get there.

It’s true no one wants to be awake, but (for the most part) I had always hoped this thread could be the best of ourselves because equally, who wants to be an arsehole to someone else who’s struggling in the middle of the night? No one, that’s who.

Keep us informed and we’ll crack thread champagne when your radiotherapy is done. I do always see when the thread is updated so until I’m dead, I’ll always be back.

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Confusedmeanderings · 26/07/2022 03:04

@5YearsLeft Thread champagne sounds great!

5YearsLeft · 26/07/2022 07:11

Oh gosh. I actually need the thread. Anyone up? Not actually the middle of the night but 7am. Fell asleep after being seriously sick to my stomach last night, and fell asleep while I was still having stomach pains, and then had horrible nightmares that a man who was stalking me years and years and years ago came back and did serious violence. Hadn’t thought of him in ages. Why in the world do dreams like that happen? Makes you feel shattered when you wake up, and now I have half a headache. Making myself some tea and hoping that makes the headache, at least, go away. Sometimes even tea doesn’t fix that shattered feeling (I KNOW! Blasphemy).

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Confusedmeanderings · 27/07/2022 00:44

@5YearsLeft I've only just seen your post. Nightmares like that are horrible. I really hope that the tea did the trick in easing the headache. I know that getting out and about isn't easy for you, but I do find a dose of fresh air helps as well. I hope that you sleep better tonight.

IdiotCreatures · 27/07/2022 01:04

This just appeared on active convos hi everyone it's great to be awake, I could do something productive like find the passport I've mislaid but actually no, can't be asked.
@Confusedmeanderings good news on the chemo and hope the radiotherapy is also kick ass and at an end soon.
@5YearsLeft dreams like that suck big hairy balls and I accidentally had a coffee after 9am today, go me, meant to make a decaff but autopilot said no. Sigh. There really is a reason that I avoid caffeine after 9am.
Hope the headache fucked off quick smart!
There is a mozzie buzzing around in here and I have run out of tree tea oil, so am off to order some more from amazon.
And look for the passport.
Hope everyone has very sweet dreams if and when they get there...

Confusedmeanderings · 27/07/2022 04:08

@IdiotCreatures I hope you found the passport. I am always mislaying things and its so annoying! I blame my mother, she was just the same!

Stripsorspots · 27/07/2022 04:29

I have Covid and can't sleep as my throat is so sore and worried that my travel insurance may try not to pay out for a trip I've had to cancel.

Confusedmeanderings · 27/07/2022 04:38

@Stripsorspots that's such tough luck. I hope the insurance does pay out for you.

IdiotCreatures · 27/07/2022 18:54

Found the passport. Feel much better. But job interview in the morning not sure I have it in me to do any prep tonight tho.
It's been a long old day...

Confusedmeanderings · 27/07/2022 21:52

@IdiotCreatures good luck for tomorrow!

Harrystylestutu · 28/07/2022 04:11

@5YearsLeft thanks for keeping the thread running.

how are you doing?

I haven't been to bed yet, I'm with my 14 year old Labrador still. he's got an awful cough and I'm not going to leave him.TMI but Yesterday he had a bloody poo aswell. today's have been normal but he's not well. He makes it upstairs etc and plays still but I know he's not well. He seems content etc but we used to say month to month, now I feel it's week to week. I'm

P. we have taken him to the vets and he has arthritis in his hips and labs get a cough at the top of their lungs as they get older apparently.

IdiotCreatures · 28/07/2022 06:51

My mum has an elderly Labrador. The big downside to pets, their much shorter lifespans. Hope he is with you for a good while yet.

5YearsLeft · 30/07/2022 10:25

Sorry all; I’ve been dealing with an incredibly, incredibly tiring week.

@Confusedmeanderings I know this was days ago but thank you; tea set me up proper to fix the headache and then I just read a bit until I felt better about life and the dream stopped feeling real at all, if you know what I mean?

@IdiotCreatures So glad you found the passport and I do hope the job interview went well; mentally, all my fingers are crossed for you.

@Stripsorspots Im so sorry to hear about this! It’s the last additional stress you need when you’re already ill with COVID. I know so many people who have experienced that “sorest throat I’ve ever had” variant this past spring. I do hope your travel insurance won’t be complete bastards; and I do feel a bit like the government are letting them, by pretending COVID isn’t still ruining a lot of travel plans. My fingers mentally crossed for you too (I don’t qualify for any kind of travel insurance, so I just have to try to take cheap flights and find hotels that are cancellable as late as possible).

@Harrystylestutu Im so sorry to hear about your pup. @IdiotCreatures is right that the biggest problem with animals is that they don’t live as long as we do. It’s so tough to watch them get old. I hope maybe he has a temporary issue making things worse that can be resolved. I wish the best for you both!

I’m having my other thread in this site deleted so I’ll try to keep the insomnia thread here a little more active from now on for people who need it.

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5YearsLeft · 31/07/2022 00:06

Hey everyone; I’m going to try to bring this thread back to life since people were happy to see it, but we’ll see how things go.

As before, we’re the insomnia thread and if you’re struggling with anything that steals your sleep - worry, pain, struggles of any type - this is your thread. Please feel free to either lurk or share.

Weekends can be a bit slow here. but I’ll try to be around for anyone who needs it.

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5YearsLeft · 31/07/2022 01:45

Also, I think I drink more tea as a result of insomnia than any other time. It’s like post midnight, if I can’t sleep already, my tea consumptions doubles.

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Confusedmeanderings · 31/07/2022 02:23

@Harrystylestutu sorry to hear about your dog. its so hard as pets get older.

@5YearsLeft I'm sorry your week has been so tiring. Hopefully next week will be better. i know what you mean about tea though!

I get weekends off from the daily radiotherapy, so today I went up to our nearest city to do a bit of retail therapy. Now, that's the kind of therapy I like! I got very tired though and slept most of the evening, so of course now I am awake!

5YearsLeft · 31/07/2022 03:18

@Confusedmeanderings Glad to hear about the retail therapy!

Soery about the radiotherapy though! That’s always so annoying; when you can’t help but sleep, and yet you know it’ll mess up tour ability to sleep later. But you’re too tired to care. Not your fault! You have to give your body what it needs, ever though those afternoon sleeps can feel more like passing out sometimes. You just do the best you can.

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