To feel robbed of parenthood?

[csm93]

Partner and I are late-20's/early 30's. Feel absolutely shafted with everything that is going on. Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc. I know thousands/millions will be in the same boat. And I'm sure lots of those people view it differently. But we had a conversation last night saying that there is no way we could bring a child into this world, with all the uncertainty, the financial insecurity and the unknown as to what kind of society our child would grow up in.
Feel like our generation has been totally screwed over, and feel resentful of that.

Aibu?
Would you start a family in the current climate??

If you want kids. And are in a good position to have them. Just have them.

Would I? Yes. But I do worry about what the world will be like for the children of today. I also say yes with caveats - no more than two children for me, because I worry about climate change and over population. Also, I wouldn't feel able to have children unless I could afford them. I don't think affording children means sending them to private school or anything - I grew up pretty poor but was happy. But if I had to choose between heating or eating, no.

Pretty depressing having a baby just when mortgage rates shot up to 15% and having to get off the tube when 38 weeks pregnant due to bomb threats but such is life and people had babies. If you choose not to then that is your choice alone.

Only read the first page or so of comments but I’m going to go against the grain and say that I completely see where you’re coming from, OP.
Times are really tough and the future feels uncertain and that’s bound to make you think twice if you’re already struggling.
Personally, I was just getting to be on an even keel as a single parent and finally gotten to a point where I felt vaguely stable financially - then suddenly our fuel bill has doubled and grocery prices are soaring. I’m worried about providing for my children, and I think it’s quite astute of you and your partner to be thinking the way you are, OP. Yes, people will always ‘muddle through’ but parenthood is hard even without the fear of steeply rising living costs all round - it’s hard

Every generation blames the one before…

Great song.

I doubt things were easy in the middle ages, probably quite grim. But people had babies and those babies grew up and had babies and that is why we are here now.

Your child may grow up to cure cancer or end a war.

I would just do what is right for you and don't hold doff on a family because of what is happening now.

Cost of living crisis, war, pandemic/lockdowns, stagnant wages etc

All of these things have happened before with less of a safety net than we have now in the U.K.

I’m not saying that things are easy, or that the safety net is adequate - just that in the very recent past there would have been no safety net. The restrictions were put in place to protect healthcare, but previous generations would just have had to accept large numbers of deaths.

I am the same generation as you. (Early 30s in my case). You’re being dramatic and unreasonable. We as a generation have never yet experienced double digit inflation or interest rates.if we do we will survive it. We were at uni or v early careers or at the stage of grad recruitment when the last recession hit, and none of us remember the Cold War. Again, we’ll deal.

So far we have not been “shafted” we’ve been insulated. I have two children: I feel fine about that, they’re the best thing in my world and my husband’s and we are hopeful about their future.

@Italiangreyhound

I doubt things were easy in the middle ages, probably quite grim. But people had babies and those babies grew up and had babies and that is why we are here now.

Your child may grow up to cure cancer or end a war.

I would just do what is right for you and don't hold doff on a family because of what is happening now.

To be fair, though, imagine if you were living in the late middle ages in England - huge advances in science and medicine? You'd probably think you'd landed in a golden age and things could only get better.

Believe me, crisis come in waves, some at the same time, some affect a few, some affect the many, but they come and go.

You need to learn to live with them, and through them. Conditions will never be perfect.

For starters, you are not being bombed yourself, see that as a blessing rather than concentrating on the damage others are experiencing.

I have 2dc and have had the same thoughts- if I hadn't had children yet I'd be thinking much harder whether to have them now.

Climate change is the big one I think. We know it's coming and our children and their children will pay the price. That's an awfully guilt inducing thought

Some unfairly dismissive responses here. I feel very similarly. I honestly don't get how so many people I know just happily have kids without being seriously concerned for their future?

I'm 35 and me and my partner have decided recently we won't be having kids. It's just one thing after another - all my adult life I've felt like I'm fighting to keep my head above water. There have been very brief moments of stability, before the rug is pulled again... that just seems to be the nature of life today for the average person, and I'm exhausted by it and don't want to pass this life onto my kids.

YABU to have a chip on your shoulder for your generation being screwed over— exactly who is singling out your generation for these unheard of misfortunes?

What about the generation of young women that lost entire male friendship groups and siblings during ww1 ( read Vera Britten testament of youth if you want to persist in feeling screwed over)
What about the generation who were forced to go to war yet again 25 years later during wwii when they were told ww1 was the war to be all wars- mothers who had lost brothers in ww1 seeing their son put up for canon fodder in ww2
What about generation during Great Depression.
What about my mothers generation being heavily pregnant with the Cuban missive crisis going on
What about the generation in 1980s with 3 million unemployed and interest rates at 16%
What about those who have been trying to raise kids in last 22 years of cutbacks and benefit restrictions

You have not been screwed over. You have believed all the hype on social media of everyone else’s perfect lifestyle and you now think that’s how your life should be. Easy. Life’s not like that. There will always be crisis and people have always managed just about. The real news is that in your lifetime you’ll see these cycles of good and bad times over and over.

Stop feeling resentful- who exactly are you resenting? Some fictitious people of previous generations that had life handed to them on a plate. Nope, they have never existed outside the whinging of your generation.

I understand OP.

I am desperate for a child, but then sometimes worry what will happen if my baby is disabled what will happen when I die and can no longer protect them, in a world where resources are only going to become scarcer and tighter.

NHS provision may not exist in 20 years, for example. I live in the US now and type 1 diabetics like me become very ill and sometimes die due to lack of access to insulin.

Yes the world has always been a harsh place. I don't dispute that. I feel I was born in a very privileged time and place, and am extremely thankful for that, but who knows what will happen in the future.

If you feel strongly that you want to be parents but don't want to bring a new life into this world then why not consider options like adoption or fostering and parent a child that's already here and needs parents?

Every parent to be thinks about the future and so much is unknown, and think about it in terms of positives too. Life evolves, what no longer works changes. The world is a better place than recent history, the past 100 years. Post war with Churchill setting up the cradle to grave society, housing, schools, NHS, welfare, education. Bad things will happen but the best outweighs the worst. You'll make fantastic parents. You're already thinking how to put your child first before they're even here 🥰

Climate change is the big one I think.

Yes. This. Food scarcity, water wars.

Lack of resources will mean anyone vulnerable will face a harder battle to get basic needs met.

Great if you're in perfect health and need little other than perhaps vaccinations and spectacles, but not so great for anyone with complex or chronic illness.

You can see this happening already, as food prices rise - people who have restricted diets due to medical necessity who are struggling to buy food are disadvantaged compared to people with no health needs.

I understand. I had my daughter almost 7 years ago and in a lot of ways it feels like a different world even in that short time. I do sometimes look at her and think ‘what have I brought you into’. I understand applying that to the decision to have a child at all. I don’t think it’s something to mock people about.

It's a selfish thing to do whenever you do it to be honest, although now does seem like a particularly bad time

There is ALWAYS a reason why some people think the world is so dreadful right then they can't have children.

Every few years something absolutely dreadful/stressful/horrible happens & life goes on.

You are not the first generation to feel like that, just the latest one but every generation has had the same feelings.

The world doesn't owe you perfect conditions in which to bring up children, but frankly if you live in the UK (or any other first world country) you are about as good as you're going to get.

SarahAndQuack I guess I was thinking if the plague and all.

No one has screwed over your generation. Take some responsibility for your own life and make decisions that you’re happy with. It’s far too easy to play the victim and blame society for everything you feel is wrong in your life.

How many generations do you think DIDN'T worry about the problems the children of the future might be growing up into? What a narrow minded view of history you must have!

If you would like a child, there is no point in worrying about everything that you think might happen now, or in the future.. There are lots of uncertain things in life,, you just have to go forth and try and cope with everything.