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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex with someone 20yrs younger would you do it?

153 replies

fruityloopy · 22/03/2022 15:22

I’m a single 48yr old Mum of one.. I’ve been propositioned by a guy who I’ve chatted to a few times in the pub. I’m not entirely sure how old he is but probably late 20’s maybe 30.
I’m not after a relationship but just wondering am I unreasonable (or completely mad!) to consider it?

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 22/03/2022 18:52

No I don't think I could, they'd be my sons age and that grosses me out

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 22/03/2022 18:53

I don’t think I would

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 22/03/2022 18:56

Totally OK OP if you're both consenting adults. Attraction is nothing to do with someone's age.

CaMePlaitPas · 22/03/2022 19:12

Kim Kardashian is 41 and currently dating a 28 year old. If it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me! Grin

dworky · 22/03/2022 19:32

I have done it.
I didn't set out to, have no added attraction to younger men and did not get any particular thrill because of it! We met, really liked eachother, were both single, there was no power imbalance & it felt ridiculous not to.

lovelyluvvy · 22/03/2022 19:42

I've been with a few men around 15 years younger (I'm mid 40s), and have had some horrible experiences due to violent and abusive sex. A lot of men in their 20s have been viewing violent porn and want a victim to act it out on. I don't want to put you off completely though, just a warning to be careful. I'm currently chatting to someone 14ish years younger, seems nice, but I'd be worried about getting attached to him as I don't think he'd be good boyfriend material. If you can take it for what it is and set some boundaries so you feel safe then go for it. Men don't tend to give these things too much thought so why should we?

Mayorquimby2 · 22/03/2022 19:55

Creepy AF

lovelyluvvy · 22/03/2022 19:59

It's only creepy when you have an older person, male or female, actively pursuing much younger people as a 'type' rather than an individual because they think they're vulnerable and easily manipulated, want a trophy partner etc. In this scenario the younger guy has approached her, so he's not the one being creeped on here.

MCLQC · 22/03/2022 20:03

No.

katseyes7 · 22/03/2022 20:07

I did in my early 40s when l was newly divorced. I went out with someone who was 21 when l started seeing him (22 year age gap) and we were together very happily for two and a half years.
It was wonderful. He was gorgeous and did my confidence the world of good!
The age gap didn't split us up. The fact that he lived at the other end of the country from me didn't help.

AhhhHereItGoes · 22/03/2022 20:10

No - because I'm 32.

If I was 45+ though and it was just casual why not?

Obviously if there was a power imbalance then it's absolutely wrong but if it's a casual thing it's hardly leading into relationship problems.

People are so quick to judge others on their actions, forgetting what they do to someone else may be reprehensible.

TheHoptimist · 22/03/2022 20:21

@Redcrayons

Yes, im 50, so they wouldn’t be indecently young or anywhere close to the age of my DCs.
Im 56 and they would be exactly the age of my children
halfsiesonapotnoodle · 22/03/2022 20:22

Definitely and I have! Nothing to do with our ages, but full on mutual attraction and chemistry.

TheHoptimist · 22/03/2022 20:22

@CaMePlaitPas

Kim Kardashian is 41 and currently dating a 28 year old. If it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me! Grin
If kk is your role model in life you are truly fucked up
Shoxfordian · 22/03/2022 20:23

I wouldn’t judge you op; why not have some fun?

I wouldn’t sleep with someone 20 years younger myself- they’d only just be legal!- but when I’m late 40s, if I were single then yes

Svara · 22/03/2022 20:28

Well I couldn't do it myself as there are 22 years between me and my DS. 20 years younger would be an 18 year old sixth form student! It might be different if I had had a child at an older age.

PinkSyCo · 22/03/2022 20:32

I prefer younger men, so yes as long as they’re older than my (adult) kids then they’re fair game. Why not?

GrannieD · 22/03/2022 20:44

Use protection and dont expect anything long term and enjoy !

SaintVal · 22/03/2022 20:58

I did. I was 47 and he was 28. He was lovely and we ended up having a 7 month relationship. I missed him when it was over but I had to let him go as he really wanted to start a family and get married to someone. I'd not long been divorced and having another child at my age was the last thing I wanted.

He met someone younger in the end and they have a little girl now and both very happy. I'll never forget my time with him.

SarahBellam · 22/03/2022 21:04

Yes! Train them up for the women who’ll come after you. I once had a note of thanks from an ex’s new wife (it was all very amicable and he’d moved to the States a few years before).

Unreasonablyextravagant · 22/03/2022 21:05

You’re both adults so crack on til your hearts content!

Original poster
fruityloopy · 22/03/2022 21:21

Thank you all. I’m laughing & spluttering my vino at the same time.
For what it’s worth I saw him earlier as I’ve said, I don’t know him well, but we chatted & well I think I can no longer go forward with anything.. suddenly he reminded me of a younger version of my Dad!!
Fucks sake that’s not right!!
I can see what everyone is saying about being as young as their son is off putting but this! It’s put a complete spanner in my ‘ready to fling out the windows for sure knickers!’

OP posts:
LoisLane66 · 22/03/2022 21:23

My OH, whom I met in 2013 on Match.com is 22 years younger than me. We don't live together but only 10 minutes apart. I like my own space. At my age I'm not gasping for sex every time we meet but yes, it's certainly got nothing to do with your age...to a point. Under 25 and they have little to no idea of finesse.
Feeling comfortable with someone is key IMO and I never have had sex without being in a proper l/t relationship, certainly not casual sex.
It depends on what you're looking for. That was never top of my list.

Original poster
fruityloopy · 22/03/2022 21:33

Obviously knickers window wrong way round!
It’s good to hear positives - I probably shouldn’t actually doubt myself as my daughters Dad is 9yrs younger than me.

OP posts:
Shunter350 · 22/03/2022 21:38

As a bloke who's 57 I wouldn't have sex with anyone under say 45.
But it's all wishful thinking anyway at the moment!