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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex with someone 20yrs younger would you do it?

153 replies

fruityloopy · 22/03/2022 15:22

I’m a single 48yr old Mum of one.. I’ve been propositioned by a guy who I’ve chatted to a few times in the pub. I’m not entirely sure how old he is but probably late 20’s maybe 30.
I’m not after a relationship but just wondering am I unreasonable (or completely mad!) to consider it?

OP posts:
Original poster
fruityloopy · 22/03/2022 16:03

Interesting reading.. thank you!
His initial message said ‘would I be interesting in a relationship or NSA with a younger man’
Oh god don’t I did wonder how old his Mum is?! I don’t think he knows how old I am for sure - though he does know I have an 11yr old daughter..
He does have something about him- a man that can use a drill & does carpentry.. appeals to me (state of my house)

OP posts:
Halllyup17 · 22/03/2022 16:16

Now imagine an almost 50 year old bloke asking if it's ok to sleep with a woman in her 20s.

You'd all be horrified.

GahAndTheBear · 22/03/2022 16:19

@Halllyup17

Now imagine an almost 50 year old bloke asking if it's ok to sleep with a woman in her 20s.

You'd all be horrified.

I think it’s fairly routine for men in their 50s to think women in their 20s are their target market. If they’re wealthy enough, it often is.

And people will insist it’s not a creepy old man situation.

LittleGwyneth · 22/03/2022 16:20

Assuming you're not in any kind of position of authority - you don't know him through work and you didn't know him growing up, have at it.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 22/03/2022 16:23

@SucculentChalice

No, probably not, because I'd be worried about him boasting about it to his mates.
He's 30ish, not 17! Why would his mates be impressed he'd had sex with a woman?
SevenWaystoLeave · 22/03/2022 16:23

@Halllyup17

Now imagine an almost 50 year old bloke asking if it's ok to sleep with a woman in her 20s.

You'd all be horrified.

Nope, I'd have the same response, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and is up for it. How patronising to imagine a woman has less agency in this situation than a man does.
Chikapu · 22/03/2022 16:24

I regularly have sex with someone 16 years younger than me, he's my husband! I'll never understand the angst and pearl-clutching with regards to younger men/older women relationships.
Throw caution and your knickers to the wind.

irishfarmer · 22/03/2022 16:28

It would be illegal if I did! But no in all seriousness go for it, FWB situation I can't see the harm. You are both adults.

Just make sure you use contraceptive correctly. There was a poster on here a few weeks ago in her 40s pregnant by her 22 yr old FWB.

PermanentTemporary · 22/03/2022 16:29

At the age of 49 I had an excellent brief NSA fling with a 27 year old. Was terrific fun. I kept my (mental) feet on the ground. He was a sweetheart. I mean, is the guy a grown up? Do it. I do think a relationship is a bit different but have fun.

Mrsbunton · 22/03/2022 16:31

I wouldn’t myself. My husband’s brother has taken up with a woman over 20 years his junior. They are all over each other like a rash. It’s gross.

Workingmummyto1 · 22/03/2022 16:38

Similar situation here chikapu. Happily in a long term relationship with someone 13 years younger. You are consenting adults and if it makes you both happy, other peoples opinions are unimportant.

balalake · 22/03/2022 16:41

OP, is he French and interested in politics?

CheekyMaw · 22/03/2022 16:42

Nope . Too near my son and his pals' age. Gives me the creeps. And yes, I think the same about older men and much younger women.

LondonQueen · 22/03/2022 16:44

I would in your situation. Not in mine as it would make them 5...

ParanoidGynodroid · 22/03/2022 16:45

Oooh, yes please!

LynetteScavo · 22/03/2022 16:47

I think half your age plus 7 is a good minimum standard, so he'd have to be at least 31.

Original poster
fruityloopy · 22/03/2022 16:48

It is interesting men wouldn’t ask for validation as we’re saying.
Good to hear the positive stories of NSA/FWB (obviously am sure there are negative ones)
He seems very kind, he’s level headed from what I can tell & if one can be appropriate in asking someone if they want this sort of thing - he’s been very polite..
I certainly don’t think he’d get bragging rights for doing it though.
I just wonder how one keeps their feet on the ground & gets on & does it?! I can’t lie the flattery of it all is a nice feeling..

OP posts:
SevenWaystoLeave · 22/03/2022 16:57

@Mrsbunton

I wouldn’t myself. My husband’s brother has taken up with a woman over 20 years his junior. They are all over each other like a rash. It’s gross.
Is that to do with the age difference though? Or just them not having appropriate boundaries with PDAs? Or perhaps a bit of jealousy of a new relationship perchance?
BrimFullOfAsher · 22/03/2022 16:58

Not right now, but in a couple of years then sure lol

PenguinPup · 22/03/2022 16:59

Cor, yeah! Are you offering me one?

Calandor · 22/03/2022 17:11

No because they'd be 6.

But 48 and 30ish sure. If the younger was 18-22 I'd avoid because that seems creepy.

1forAll74 · 22/03/2022 17:14

Yes it can be good and quite exciting,if you have a great connection together.

Newyearnewme2022 · 22/03/2022 17:14

Jesus Christ no, men in their 20’s do nothing for me, my DD is 26 and her male friends seem to be overgrown teenagers still. Ick.

AwayInMyMind · 22/03/2022 17:14

No but only because he would be younger than my son, which I wouldn't be able to get my head around.

PermanentTemporary · 22/03/2022 17:18

I mean - just stop overthinking it. Let go. If he thinks an older woman is likely to know more about what she likes in bed and more about how to give pleasure - isn't he right? He certainly would be in my case, I didn't have a clue in my 20s (I accept plenty do). I've said this elsewhere - what people like tends to boil down to smiles, confidence and tangible desire - body shapes and years on the clock don't really come into it. Don't do it as a political exercise. Do it the way you would jump on the dance floor on a night when you deserve some fun.