I know I'm not aibu to say wake the fuck up mn

[Muppetlove]

So many times I've seen people reply to first time posters apparently talking about their teenagers having sick, periods or even sometimes talking about issues with younger kids. Mumsnet make it too easy for people to get their sick jollies on here. I can't change mumsnet but I can say some of you are way too naive about the anonymity on mumsnet and unless you want to contribute to sickos getting their rocks off on your posts, sometimes about your own children start being a bit wiser please!

If you are replying to a thread with sicko potential please take a minute to do a quick search to make sure this is a regular poster or at least someone who has referred to name changing. It's your responsibility to help protect our kids, stop either trusting others like previous posters or mumsmey to do that

Hi all. If you have concerns about a post or poster then please report rather than posting them on a thread.

We've already had two cases today where long-time members of the site have namechanged to ask MNers for info about sensitive/personal stuff and they've been called out on the boards for being trolls.

Whilst it's a good idea to be careful with personal info, we want everyone to be able to access help, support and advice. We're always happy to check behind the scenes if you have any concerns.

@shssandhr that’s an excellent example- I would not have known that would be fetishised and would prefer to know rather than keep posting about the topic and not know!

I am not endorsing censorship at all, I would rather know though if I am posting on a fetishised topic so that I can decide what and how much I want to say.

I can't help wondering if people who are this worried about if someone has a hair fetish and that therefore we shouldn't talking about our own or our DCs' hair are also the same people who would never allow their children to go on a playdate with another child's father or who insist that even their year 13 child cannot walk home alone, ever, in case a "perv" gets them.

I can't live my life like that.

But lots of things are fetishised. Should we post about nothing?

I often switch up how many DC i have, how old and which gender, how long i've been married (or not) and how many times. It's really fine, until you get some troll-hunter going "but last week you said you only had 3 sons and now you have 4 daughters" kind of bs, which i tend to ignore.

I have found some really good info on these boards, including boards that don't touch my life at all, and i have revised my thinking on some things too. (yes, i have changed my mind on one or two issues that i have read about and followed up on the internet! amazing)

I also tend to think there is a kind of Mumsnet Inverse Square Law in action on a lot of threads where the further into the page numbers you get the less useful the comments are. I think that the best advice and the most interesting threads are probably posted at particular times, and unless it really is a good thread, and unless i really really want to contribute, anything after page 5 is less interesting/useful to me.

I keep meaning to post in the site stuff but i wonder if it would be worth the MN PTB going through threads that are over a year old and disabling the ability to post on them except for the OP?

There is a huge difference between being “worried” and being aware.

Being aware that a topic could be pervy doesn’t mean that you are worried or anxious about the topic!

Being ignorant and naïve is worse than being aware - That was my point.

Being aware doesn’t always equate with being worried Or with being avoidant and hyper vigilant

Oh wow I thought I'd learnt a lot about weird fetishes from mumsnet but didn't realise that people got off on reading about a "nice bob"?!?!?!

What is it with plimsolls particularly ? I am not young but really haven't a clue and not sure I want to start googling.

I work sometimes to help parents understand kids with behaviour difficulties and the number of threads I see where people are wanting "punishment" for x or "what to do about daughter who did x" where most people want to take away toys/mean in some way does make me wonder. If obvious I report them, but sometimes I think its a mix of those with a harsh parenting style and those who like thinking about that kind of thing :(

@MichaelMumsnet

Hi all. If you have concerns about a post or poster then please report rather than posting them on a thread.

We've already had two cases today where long-time members of the site have namechanged to ask MNers for info about sensitive/personal stuff and they've been called out on the boards for being trolls.

Whilst it's a good idea to be careful with personal info, we want everyone to be able to access help, support and advice. We're always happy to check behind the scenes if you have any concerns.

Best post I’ve seen from mumsnet

Honestly, fine. But in this context, I don't see what "being aware" does or means or why it's even vaguely important. If I am on a thread and am getting value from that thread as either a poster or a reader, then the fact that I am "aware" that there might be a perv getting off on the fact that lots of 11 year old girls have very long, very curly, very difficult to manage hair really doesn't impact me or my life or my thinking (or my posting) in any way whatsoever.

@Mickarooni

There’s a difference between women discussing the issues we face (periods, birth injuries, menopause and incontinence etc) in various relevant forums such as; chat or health and the ‘new’ poster on AIBU who says “AIBU to ask which sanitary products you use for your 13 year old?”.

Yes, there's a difference, but that doesn't mean the one asking about their teen is a troll/sicko FGS. There is nothing wrong with asking what other teens/parents have found good/comfortable for their young daughters. People shouldn't be put off asking because of lurking sick Fucks.

Not pervy per se, but sometimes posters are stirring up a lot of upsetting stuff to get attention. I recognised one poster who was relating a domestic violence drama, and people were getting more and more involved, trying to help her. It became apparent that it was either fantasy or mental illness, but by then many people had opened their hearts to her. She really milked it, giving updates which implied she was in danger.

I happened to know this poster had been previously banned, but they were obviously free to troll again. She still pops up every so often with harmless comments, so going by length of membership wouldn't really tell you anything.

BTW she had posted in 30 days only, to cover her tracks I assume.

The more I read this thread, the more sad I feel. One of the best things about sites like MN is the need to be less vigilant ALL THE TIME. And I think it's really sad that so many people spend their lives thinking and worrying about this. MN is right - people should be able to ask sensitive and personal questions without worrying that someone will think they're a sick troll.

I was talking about people deliberately starting threads about haircuts in order to collect wank material. I am not saying that people shouldn't post about these sorts of things but that there are trolls around who deliberately start threads in order to collect stories about this and other topics for their own enjoyment.
I find the idea of that deeply unpleasant. Posters posting in good faith and some creep getting off on it.

I happened to know this poster had been previously banned, but they were obviously free to troll again

but MN regularly post and say "report these" - it's really not difficult

@tallulahtoo78 I have no idea what dross you dug up from my posting history but if that's how pathetically you behave may I suggest you find a forum more suitable for someone of your maturity

I was going to say similar to @teaandstrumpets . I really can't be faffed I someone wants to wank over my advice for potty training or what to do about 17 years old having sex with a girl friend. I am more offended if a post is removed where it was a DV situation, or a bereavement, or a MH issue where people have genuinely invested time attempting to help a poster. - fine if they ask for it to go - but mean if they are a troll.

@MsMarch

Honestly, fine. But in this context, I don't see what "being aware" does or means or why it's even vaguely important. If I am on a thread and am getting value from that thread as either a poster or a reader, then the fact that I am "aware" that there might be a perv getting off on the fact that lots of 11 year old girls have very long, very curly, very difficult to manage hair really doesn't impact me or my life or my thinking (or my posting) in any way whatsoever.

@MsMarch

I can appreciate that you don’t care either way about the possibility of content being fetishised- (as someone else said, it seems that everything can be fetishised) but some people do care and don’t want to contribute further when they realise.

Each to their own.

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Putting number of posts or year of joining is a terrible idea.

Some posters (me included) name change for sensitive topics.

There have been quite a few posts namechangers have put up with people outing their main username, it would be worse if users could cross check details.

Much better to report and let MNHQ see what they need to and delete as appropriate.

Its always best not to overshare on the internet though. None of us know who anyone is.

having an approximate number of posts in ranges would work 0-30 30+ 100+

or similar - once someone has made maybe 100+ posts it's a bit irrelevant
I think google (or tripadvisor maybe) has categories for reviewers that indicate volume of posting - helps you spot infrequent posters that might be praising their own restaurant (or running down a rivals).

I was talking about people deliberately starting threads about haircuts in order to collect wank material. I am not saying that people shouldn't post about these sorts of things but that there are trolls around who deliberately start threads in order to collect stories about this and other topics for their own enjoyment.

This is primarily what I am referring to as well. But I am not making my point very clearly.

@ThinWomansBrain

having an approximate number of posts in ranges would work
0-30
30+
100+

or similar - once someone has made maybe 100+ posts it's a bit irrelevant

I think google (or tripadvisor maybe) has categories for reviewers that indicate volume of posting - helps you spot infrequent posters that might be praising their own restaurant (or running down a rivals).

Yeah, a number of 'amount of posts categories' would be a better idea. Like you say - a 1 to 30 one, 30-100, 100-500, 500+ etc. As @WeDontShutUpAboutBruno said, the exact amount could be quite identifying. Never thought about that.

@Mumdiva99

I was going to say similar to *@teaandstrumpets* . I really can't be faffed I someone wants to wank over my advice for potty training or what to do about 17 years old having sex with a girl friend. I am more offended if a post is removed where it was a DV situation, or a bereavement, or a MH issue where people have genuinely invested time attempting to help a poster. - fine if they ask for it to go - but mean if they are a troll.

This. We are all adults (mostly).

If your offence levels are higher than your compassion then maybe take a deep breath and learn how to remove your emotional attachments to threads. Or just report any that you think are iffy without wasting your time posting on them.

And can we maybe have the conversation without all the emotional lading @Muppetlove? I mean did you have blame posters for the actions of others, even bringing their kids into it? That's really unpleasant.

Maybe that's how you get your "jollies" - who knows? It's not as though you have been here long, just this month in fact!

I'd report you as potentially being one of those "sickos" but will assume MNHQ have already checked you out

I just report if I think a thread is dodgy. It’s not my job to police the boards that’s what the moderators are for.

@HollowTalk

Why can't we have the number of posts we've made next to our names even if we name changed? Even if it was just 100 or 200 etc then it would show if someone was actually a regular.

Don't think it would work.

HollowTalk (199 posts) NC to SolidChat (200 posts) would be pretty obvious and if you were up to something like 50,000 posts, it would narrow things down really quickly.

You'd also get people setting up multiple accounts and usage of VPN's if MN start looking at IP address blocking.

Think the spam the thread with aubergines and reporting it is the way to go.

But how often to report? Eg there's a bloody weird thread on style and beauty which seems to have taken a turn. Is it a real poster? Maybe. I shrug and move on. If it's a pervert you can mentally disengage, but stirring up people's trauma is evil.

In the 30 days only DV one I did comment that OP had form, because I was angry she was upsetting people. I know it is frowned on as troll hunting but I was annoyed.

@iklboo

How about 👹 for a troll?

Yep that'll do