Parents smacking and slapping children should become illegal in England

[JC544D]

Today Wales has joined more than 60 nations in outlawing physical punishment of children. The new law means people will be committing a crime if they smack, hit, slap or shake a child in their care.

We don’t allow adults to be hit by another person, nor do we allow adults to hit animals.

I think it's more than time England followed suit in outlawing the physical punishment of children by their parents.

What is your view?

It's shit parenting, always. "Didn't do any harm" is a low bar even on the rare occasions that it's true. And if it's left you thinking it's ok to hit children, it harmed you.

Parents only really hit kids because they are frustrated or at the end of their tether.

I've never seen someone calmly discipline a child by hitting so I don't think children learn anything good from it.

We'd be much better off supporting parents with the really tough job of parenting and dial down the judgement when kids are misbehaving.

@SoupDragon

I wonder what difference it would actually make.

I don't think it would stop any of the cases that are clearly prolonged and abusive and they are already illegal anyway.

I know was smacked as a child although I genuinely can not remember any individual incidents so clearly I wasn't damaged by it. I also grew up in a time when kids got "the slipper" in school (primary - by secondary it was not allowed). There is a huge difference between what I remember and what others have gone through which is clearly abusive.

Oh, I remember! I was only smacked a few times, and I remember every time very well - and not in a good way. I was absolutely terrified of my parents. You may think that's a good thing, but in my book, it's not.

My grandparents looked after me in my early years though and, ironically, they were dead set against smacking. Especially my grandfather who taught child psychology and education.

I totally agree! It's dreadful parenting and makes me really sad that it's still happening in some households.

You will only get an echo chamber on this topic as anyone with a different view won't post. I'm happy for people not to smack if they have other more effective methods of discipline. Many people use no discipline ( ie training) at all and it's obvious. 'No' should be used more often by some parents and children should believe they mean it.

It's not just the smacking that the issue. It's the environment of fear it generates for the child. The fear someone will smack them if.....
Thats massively psychologically damaging.

It should definitely be illegal in England. There are too many old school parents who were hit who think it's fine to hit because they aren't doing as bad as they received.

It's disgusting behaviour and no way to raise children.

Smacking works because it is painful and/or embarrassing and/or degrading to the child.

What a disturbing thing to write. Why would any decent person wish to degrade, embarrass or cause pain to a child? Ever? There is nothing a child can do that an adult should wish to cause them to feel these things.

And as well as causing the child this, it causes any adult watching a parent do this to a child to feel nothing but utter disgust for them. They are degrading themselves, showing themselves to be violent thugs who lack the ability to parent, so resort to choosing violence.

@Fairylightsongs

Smacking works because it is painful and/or embarrassing and/or degrading to the child.

What a disturbing thing to write. Why would any decent person wish to degrade, embarrass or cause pain to a child? Ever? There is nothing a child can do that an adult should wish to cause them to feel these things.

And as well as causing the child this, it causes any adult watching a parent do this to a child to feel nothing but utter disgust for them. They are degrading themselves, showing themselves to be violent thugs who lack the ability to parent, so resort to choosing violence.

That is disturbing I agree. What a thing to think and do.

@Fairylightsongs

Smacking works because it is painful and/or embarrassing and/or degrading to the child.

What a disturbing thing to write. Why would any decent person wish to degrade, embarrass or cause pain to a child? Ever? There is nothing a child can do that an adult should wish to cause them to feel these things.

And as well as causing the child this, it causes any adult watching a parent do this to a child to feel nothing but utter disgust for them. They are degrading themselves, showing themselves to be violent thugs who lack the ability to parent, so resort to choosing violence.

I could not agree more with the above @Fairylightsongs

@Massivecoffeecake

It's not just the smacking that the issue. It's the environment of fear it generates for the child. The fear someone will smack them if..... Thats massively psychologically damaging.

It should definitely be illegal in England. There are too many old school parents who were hit who think it's fine to hit because they aren't doing as bad as they received.

It's disgusting behaviour and no way to raise children.

Actually children who smack (but aren’t beaten) aren’t afraid of violence. This is why smacking tends to get worse as kids get older because it starts losing its effect the older the child gets & in many cases can cause worse behaviour. It’s why in communities where there are gang issues parents (especially single mothers) are being counselled to stop smacking / not start it & to encourage emotional closenes so their kids can open up to them.

Actually children who smack (but aren’t beaten) aren’t afraid of violence. This is why smacking tends to get worse as kids get older because it starts losing its effect the older the child gets & in many cases can cause worse behaviour.

Yep.

Amazing how quickly parents find alternative coping methods once the kid smashes them right back.

To play devils advocate what do you do when a child say won’t stop drawing on the walls, or kicking their sibling?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

To play devils advocate what do you do when a child say won’t stop drawing on the walls, or kicking their sibling?

Well I wouldn't hurt them in an attempt to teach them to stop hurting someone.

Depending on age, I would either supervise them better, or come up with a sanction that doesn't involve pain, fear and humiliation.

For example, TAKE THE PEN OFF THEM.

Amazing how quickly parents find alternative coping methods once the kid smashes them right back

Totally agree when the child gets big enough that there’s a real risk they will hit the parent back and it will be a fight they stop hitting them immediately.

To play devils advocate what do you do when a child say won’t stop drawing on the walls, or kicking their sibling?

If your child is NT and you’ve parented so poorly thay they totally ignore you when you ask them to stop and you have no control, then there are much bigger issues at play and resorting to violence and assaulting the child isn’t the answer.

You use your words. You can remove them from the scene without assaulting them, you then explain the impact of their behavuour, give repercussions and you reward good behaviour.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

To play devils advocate what do you do when a child say won’t stop drawing on the walls, or kicking their sibling?

Tell them to draw on paper and to use words not violence! If you smack them, you have zero authority to tell them not to hit their sibling anyway.

As someone who was extensively smacked and beaten in my childhood, I 100% agree.

The moment you say it's OK to smack as long as it doesn't leave a bruise (or whatever) you legitimise the concept of corporal punishment and for every person who would never give their child more than a 'tap' there will be someone who (to use my father's phrase) will 'thrash the living daylights' out of their offspring.

I was smacked as a child, it didn't have any long term or long lasting effect on me, I appreciate parenting was done differently then and I have no doubt my parents loved me. I don't feel unloved, or uncared for, it didn't make me cry.
It didn't turn me into a violent child, I still knew hitting others wasn't acceptable, but is was acceptable as a form of punishment from parents to children.

I also don't hit my children, mainly because I can hold my temper better than my parents, my own children aren't assholes like I was, and I also as I said think parenting has moved on and it isn't an acceptable form of punishment.

I completely accept that some children who get smacked come from chaotic homes where love is maybe not freely given and I think in those situations the response felt can be very different.
Also everyone is different, so just because snacking didn't affect me, it obviously from this thread affected many others, and I don't think any child should have to grow up feeling like some of the posters on this thread.

@JC544D

I agree 'Idontwanna'. A change would make it very clear that's it is simply unacceptable.

I think with time this is one of those things that people will look back on in shock saying 'I can't believe it was still allowed only so many years ago', 'I can't believe it was still allowed in 2022' etc

I agree. People look back in horror at when teachers were allowed to smack children. Yet parents are still allowed to

@AnneLovesGilbert

lots of 'it didn't do me any harm'

The only response to this is “it did, you think it’s okay for adults to hit children.”

My parents used to say this. It did them a lot of harm, and me too when they passed the violence on.

@AnneLovesGilbert

lots of 'it didn't do me any harm'

The only response to this is “it did, you think it’s okay for adults to hit children.”

100% this. Smacking a child is a sign that a parent has lost control. Smacking is classed as assault and rightly so if someone hits an adult.

OP , 💯 💯💯Agree with you fully.

I’m not agreeing with smacking but comments like this
“If your child is NT and you’ve parented so poorly thay they totally ignore you when you ask them to stop and you have no control” tells me that most on this thread don’t have difficult testing children- you think bad behaviour is solely down to how a child is brought up. Having a well behaved vs a naughty child is mostly down to luck- and if you’re child doesn’t care about losing a toy or a naughty step then some parents have less avenues to turn.
Now I never felt unloved or abused by my parents who occasionally smacked me/ those who did I would say didn’t have a happy childhood with an occasional smack but rather an unhappy childhood where they were also smacked

I was slapped by my mother almost daily for the smallest things (Dropping a mug, spilling milk, being 5-10 minutes late home).

I've been happily no contact with her for almost four years now.

It did leave lasting damage and i'm constantly paranoid of being hit again (even though my partner has never and would never do that).

She's the one who's going to live the rest of her life never meeting or knowing her grandchildren due to the choices she made. And when I do have children I will NEVER EVER hit them, there's other ways to discipline children without resorting to physical violence.

And for context my partner was never hit during childhood, he has a loving, close open relationship with his parents now. Not sure if thats a direct link but it was a big factor in me deciding to shut my mother off.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers if a child is already naughty (and mine was incredibly challenging at times when younger) and doesn't care about other consequences, I imagine the parent would have to hurt them pretty badly for them to take any notice of that.