Parents smacking and slapping children should become illegal in England

[JC544D]

Today Wales has joined more than 60 nations in outlawing physical punishment of children. The new law means people will be committing a crime if they smack, hit, slap or shake a child in their care.

We don’t allow adults to be hit by another person, nor do we allow adults to hit animals.

I think it's more than time England followed suit in outlawing the physical punishment of children by their parents.

What is your view?

I will say though, that as a kid I would prefer a quick smack to some sort of well thought out psychological punishment, like missing a treat.

@Coulddowithanap

Trouble is making it illegal will do nothing. People who smack their children still will.

Same as its illegal to murder but that doesn't stop some people.

I'm not sure this is quite right. For one thing - there would be a lot more murders of it were legal!

Corporal punishment used to be really common. At one time, parents who didn't do it were unusual. Then leaving marks was made illegal, and over time, it became far less common for parents to hurt their kids that badly. Eventually it became socially unacceptable (in most of society) to hit kids at all, and this alone led to a further decrease in smacking.

Banning it won't lead to a massive overnight change, but it absolutely will make a difference.

Just to put an alternative view.

We didn't smack. My DC were small in the Suppernanny phase. We used the naughty step and time out (occasionally).

My dad always argued that a short sharp smack in the context of a loving and supportive home was far less harmful than "banishing" kids. Obviously out and out beating is completely different and already abuse.

Bottom line though, any punishment you need to use more than very occasionally, whether that withholding gold stars, taking a favourite toy, removing screen time or smacking, isn't working.

Smacking is what parents do when they haven't given any thought into how to disapline effectively, they do it on autopilot I disagree, my parents never lashed out and smacked me impulsively, it was a punishment if I miss behaved “if you do this you will get a smack”- and then hours later my dad would get home from work and smack me on the back of the legs- it wasn’t an act of direct anger if was a form of repercussion for one’s actions.
Now I’m not necessarily pro smacking- I do however think some parents who say “I would never smack” have generally well behaved children. I have seen children push and push their boundaries and I’ve witnessed the removal of toys and talking to them and it can go on for hours with an argumentative stubborn belligerent child- I’m not entirely sure it’s better for all concerned than a smack

My parents smacked me daily and I'm sure it definitely did me harm! Not the mention the fact it clearly wasn't working if they had to do it every day, I was impeccably behaved at school where of course I was not smacked.

I did have a major fear of anything being reported home as I was scared of a resultant smack, but it was very much anxiety after the event and did not moderate my behaviour.

I was an anxious child, and as an adult i only really developed a healthy self-esteem or personal boundaries well into my 30s.

I would never do it to my children, I don't want them to be controlled by fear. My parents weren't evil, they suffered their own issues, but they did damage me (they did other things very well, people aren't black and white)

I was the same as a child @Jumperlark. It also made me fearful of making any mistakes just in case those mistakes resulted in a smack. I felt an enormous amount of pressure to be perfect in all areas of my life which meant I took any failings personally, even those outside of my control, and it really affected my confidence. If I didn't think I could do something without any mistakes then I just didn't attempt it in the first place. I was bad at decision making and being independent, I had to check everything with an adult first because if I checked and they said it was okay then I wasn't making any mistakes.

I was scared of my dad, who smacked, and would intentionally hide things from him and not tell him stuff because if he didn't know then he couldn't get angry about it, even so far as lying to his face to try and avoid a smack. My mum didn't smack and I did cinfide things in her, I could go to her when I'd done something I shouldn't and I always told her the truth even if it would get me in trouble as I had no fear she'd smack me.

Fear is not the same thing as respect.

Of course it should be illegal. It’s shocking that it’s not.

Smacking/hitting/slapping & the ridiculous ‘tapping’ that people claim to do is just rubbish, lazy parenting and all children deserve better.

I also remember the feeling of lying in bed after a smack and feeling so unloved and unwanted. Crying, quietly so I didn't get the speech about "I'll give you something to cry for/you're only crying for yourself", feeling hateful about what had been done to me, hateful towards my dad, hateful towards towards to myself, angry at myself for feeling hateful because its wrong to hate, sad about being hateful and angry, sad because I was obviously hated, sad because I was useless and bad or else why would I keep acting in ways that got me smacked, stupid too as I didn't learn, and that brought us back around to unloved and rejected.

It's not a feeling I ever want for my DC.

I thought it was illegal already tbf. Certainly people round here seem to disapprove of it if you do it in public. I'm not sure how I feel about outlawing it to be honest, on the face of it it sounds like a good idea but there isn't another suitable punishment that gives the same effect. Smacking works because it is painful and/or embarrassing and/or degrading to the child. It's these things that children fear from a punishment, it's these things that make them think about their behaviour in a way that sitting on the "naughty step" or getting a "timeout" or not being allowed to watch their favourite TV programme doesn't.

Berlinbabylon's "well thought out psychological punishment" sounds quite disturbing in comparison to a smack, messing with a child's head sounds more damaging long term.

In all fairness, you can see why people are defensive about it if they were smacked growing up.

My dad was and he has always had a very close relationship with his parents. Any suggestion that they did something wrong or to hurt him or bad he gets very defensive about it and tried to protect them and what they did by claiming that it was absolutely fine and taught him how to be better man etc.

I know he doesn't really believe this but he can't face the idea that his parents weren't perfect, especially now they've passed.

Rather than dig into what psychological trauma he probably went through, his warped view of the world and parenting etc as a result doesn't change anything. He happily accepts that I won't have anyone raise a hand to my child though so we have no problems there.

Yanbu. It's embarrassing that all our neighbours have banned it but we haven't. The tories show in their actions that they are anti young people and only care about pensioner voters though. They know many pensioners smacked their kids so won't want to piss them off by admitting it's wrong.

Smacking your child in England is illegal unless it is reasonable to do so.

If you decide to do so you must not leave any mark on your child at all.

So as much as a tap if that

I agree with a pp - parents who have a propensity to smack their child will do so regardless of the law

Oh, @Hospedia, I can relate so much to everything you have said. And I'm sorry that you went through that. My Dad would, if we 'misbehaved', make us stand with our hands out, palms up, and whack them with a wooden spoon. I used to feel so bad and useless and ashamed. I still feel anxious being alone with a man, any man now, 30 years later (other than my husband, and my Grandad when he was still alive). I also did the crying quietly as otherwise I'd get 'I'll give you something to cry about'.

It was so damaging. I can't stand the 'it did me no harm' shite. I was an anxious wreck as a child, still am as an adult. It definitely did me harm.

I agree absolutely it should be made illegal. Hitting your children is totally and utterly fucked up and anyone who does it should be prosecuted.

Now of course it won’t stop everyone, people break the law every day. They rape, murder, assault, rob. But that doesn’t mean those things shouldn’t be illegal.

I would never ever ever smack my child. I don’t understand what it’s supposed to achieve anyway.

And quite apart from anything else - if you smack your child, how can you ever tell them not to hit another child, or someone else, or even you? If you do it, why shouldn’t they?

Either violence is completely unacceptable, for anyone, or it’s fair game for everyone.

@Quitelikeit

Smacking your child in England is illegal unless it is reasonable to do so.

If you decide to do so you must not leave any mark on your child at all.

So as much as a tap if that

I agree with a pp - parents who have a propensity to smack their child will do so regardless of the law

You’re missing the point. It is never ever reasonable to hit your child, your friend, your partner, your boss. No one.

I thought it already was !

No need for it though ever , I was smacked the odd time as a child and honestly it just made me angry

Have never and would never hit my DC it achieves nothing positive and likely the opposite

If you make smacking illegal then it’s possible there are knock on impacts like parents not taking / withdrawing vulnerable kids to school (this has started to happen in Scotland) and kids feeling unable to open up to teachers / adult role models. Since Covid a lot of vulnerable kids have disappeared from school - so until that gets sorted we shouldn’t be giving parents yet another excuse to keep kids away from school.

I don't expect it will be extended to England.

Making it illegal will reduce perhaps stop it in public, but not in private. As well as the issue about school withdrawal, I'd be concerned that false allegations could be made by children either as a form of blackmail, or to be used by one parent in a custody/access battle.

Weird how running into the road is always the thing that justifies a smack.

You pull them back, not hit them, surely.

When parents hit children, they do it because they enjoy it. Not in “that” way - they may feel awful afterwards- but for the briefest of moments it allows them to relieve the tension.

It’s an awful thing to do.

I wonder what difference it would actually make.

I don't think it would stop any of the cases that are clearly prolonged and abusive and they are already illegal anyway.

I know was smacked as a child although I genuinely can not remember any individual incidents so clearly I wasn't damaged by it. I also grew up in a time when kids got "the slipper" in school (primary - by secondary it was not allowed). There is a huge difference between what I remember and what others have gone through which is clearly abusive.

Yanbu

@Auvergnewater

Weird how running into the road is always the thing that justifies a smack.

You pull them back, not hit them, surely.

When parents hit children, they do it because they enjoy it. Not in “that” way - they may feel awful afterwards- but for the briefest of moments it allows them to relieve the tension.

It’s an awful thing to do.

Yes it is weird. Why smack them?

And agree with the rest of it.

@EnglishGirlApproximately

I think it should be illegal in England too. My (godawful) MP has run a poll on his FB page today and the comments are depressing- vast majority in favour of smacking and lots of 'it didn't do me any harm' and 'kids today have no respect nonsense. I'm in my late 40's and wasn't smacked, grew up perfectly well and I don't smack DS who is a great, polite, respectful kid - it's ridiculous to suggest kids need physical punishment to become responsible adults.

I'm guessing Lee Anderson or one of the new 'red wall' Tory MPs? They ban anyone that disagrees with them, so their pages are an echo chamber of nastiness.

One of the few things that I think it's good to outlaw tbh. Children can be disciplined without physical abuse.