Female friendship - am I too jealous?

[amioverreacting6838]

In a new relationship with a guy, coming up 6 months. He has a close female friend and something about it makes me uncomfortable.

I was hoping to make plans with him at the weekend but he's already got plans with her. I asked what he was up to and he said she was coming round his, then they were going for a walk along the river and out for brunch and shopping.

Am I being really insecure to find this a bit much? I have plenty of man friends who I would go out to casual lunch with but I'd never have them around my place one on one and go out to brunch at some fancy hotel.

Apparently she has a partner, not that I'm sure if it makes a difference, but he does have a very high sex drive and something about her coming around his flat doesn't sit right with me.

Am I being massively jealous and overreacting or am I justified in feeling this way? AIBU?

*The friend helped me a lot during my divorce, I'll be forever grateful. We never slept together but where fast friends during this time.

Although she doesn't approve of my DP and early on wanted me elope with her to Dubai for 6 months. I said no.*

Well, your partner is not wrong if she is sensing some not-just-friends vibes on your friend's side then!

To me what your boyfriend is doing sounds more like a date than a friend. If it was just friendship then you'd be welcome too. Sorry OP, but that's how I see it and I think you probably do too - hence your post.

I wouldn't like it either but I think that is more to do with the fact that we all have boundaries and this would be beyond mine rather than indicative of any wrongdoing.

Does everyone see that friends with their partner? I hardly ever do. It totally changes the dynamic.

YABU - the logical conclusion of this kind of paranoia is that he can never see female friends on their own.

I’ll also add that I think it’s really sad how many posters are affirming the OP’s suspicious. Men should have good female friends, it’s healthy.

I don’t think you are being at all unreasonable. He’s behaving as though he’s dating her when he should be prioritising his time with you at this early stage.

Ignore some people on here just being goady. I wonder how they’d feel if their husbands started spending all of their Saturday with another woman?!

@Fupoffyagrasshole

I even sleep over at my best mates house who is a man!! (I’m married!) but live in on a different city to him! So if I go to visit I sometimes crash at his - it’s always been like this and my husband has no issues nor does my friends girlfriend.

He comes to stay at ours sometimes too !!

We would totally go on a day out like that too - just like you would with a girl pal -

What do you think a suitable friend activity is that they could do together if a normal days walk, brunch and hanging out at the house isn’t suitable??

I have a friend like that. We’ve had weekends away together as we live so far apart. My husband isn’t bothered by it.

@MondaysChild7

I don’t think you are being at all unreasonable. He’s behaving as though he’s dating her when he should be prioritising his time with you at this early stage.

Ignore some people on here just being goady. I wonder how they’d feel if their husbands started spending all of their Saturday with another woman?!

Or: he already had plans with a friend that he didn’t want to cancel at the last minute. What an evil bastard.

Ignore some people on here just being goady. I wonder how they’d feel if their husbands started spending all of their Saturday with another woman?!

I’m not being goady. I’m happy for my dh to spend a Saturday with his female friend because I spend a Saturday with my male friend. We’re not talking about every Saturday. That would be a problem if the friend was male.

I would not like this at all!!

Can’t imagine any husband would be happy with his wife going off with another man for lunch and walks.

It’s rare men have this kind of relationship for the banter only

@MondaysChild7

I don’t think you are being at all unreasonable. He’s behaving as though he’s dating her when he should be prioritising his time with you at this early stage.

Ignore some people on here just being goady. I wonder how they’d feel if their husbands started spending all of their Saturday with another woman?!

This question has been asked more than once up the thread, and several of us have said we’re fine with our partners or husbands spending time with their female friends, and/ that we also have male friends and have succeeded in not shagging them for decades in some cases. I spent last Saturday with a male friend driving to a beach, walking on it, and then going for dinner on the way home. It was not a ‘date’.

Can’t imagine any husband would be happy with his wife going off with another man for lunch and walks

Mine is. I’ve got a couple of male friends I’ve known for over twenty years-longer than I’ve known dh. Why would I stop seeing them because I’m married now?

@BulletTrain

*The friend helped me a lot during my divorce, I'll be forever grateful. We never slept together but where fast friends during this time.

Although she doesn't approve of my DP and early on wanted me elope with her to Dubai for 6 months. I said no.*

Well, your partner is not wrong if she is sensing some not-just-friends vibes on your friend's side then!

I think friendships have to be managed sensitively. I don't go galavanting anymore but I do like a good gossip with my female friends. Women are awesome to talk to. The person in question is still dear to me, but I'm aware not to upset my DP and keep liaisons to a coffee and we do text a bit. In fact, I'm going round Friday for a catch-up.

Dp has a male friend, they meet up for coffee or dinner a couple of times a yr. I'm not fussed.