I think you’re not being very fair on him. I’ve read all your posts and you’re seeing problems before they even start - what if the dates don’t work? What if we have to travel for 2 days either end?
You want a 10 day, foreign holiday, which is fine. But own it. Don’t make excuses about ‘making memories’ and ‘the kids need a holiday’. Kids don’t care if you’re in Lanzarote or Land’s End. A beach, some ice cream, they’re laughing.
But your husband has complex, conflicting feelings about the holiday, falling, is it does, over his father’s 70th. On the one hand, he wants it so badly - perhaps even because he’s been grieving for so long, and the last 2 years it’s been set against a time of national sadness and strangeness.
But on the other hand, the idea of being somewhere hot and sunny and living his life, ‘making memories’ when his dad isn’t able to, perhaps feels wrong. His sadness and grief is likely wrapped up in guilt for wanting happiness. These are all very common feelings after the death of a loved one.
Compounding those feelings is that he forgot his dad’s birthday for a moment, when he booked the time off. So he’s feeling even more guilty. But that’s not a ‘gotcha’ moment like PP have implied; it’s another reason it’s even more important to him to connect with his dad again, by visiting the grave, surrounding himself with the people who knew him best, celebrating his birthday. I’m staggered more people don’t see this.
It wouldn’t even occur to me to make it difficult for my husband to deal with the 70th birthday of his dad in whatever way he wants - even if it meant changing our holiday plans from abroad to local. Is it the holiday you hoped for? No. But will you still have fun and make memories? Of course. And you’ll do it knowing you have shown kindness and support to a grieving loved one.
Imagine this thread on Dadsnet: ‘my wife won’t let me see my family for my deceased dad’s birthday because it stops us going to the Maldives’