Can I refuse to have child home from school?

[GreenTeaMom]

So, for the last 3 weeks my daughter has been sent home from school. It tends to happen on exactly the same day every week when the teacher isn’t in and it’s the teaching assistants only and majority of the time, once my daughter is home they are absolutely fine and able to play and run around etc.

To give some background, my daughter is 7 and goes to an SEN school because of autism.

I have had to push back a lot of important meetings because of this. I have written in their journal today that unless vomiting or high temperature etc that they would have to try and remain in school because I don’t want them to then start building a reluctance going into school etc.

If the school ring me this week and just complain that my daughter ‘isn’t like their usual self’ can I refuse to have them home? What would happen if I say no?

Obviously if my daughter is actually unwell I would be the first parent to have her back at home, but I think there could potentially be a few things going on; firstly that my daughter has learnt how to behave in order to come home because the first time she got sent home it was on the day she knew her parcel was being delivered and that’s the first thing she asked for once she got home, and secondly I wonder if it’s a lack of competence on the teaching assistances behalf (there is 2-3 of them) because they tend to send her home on the days that the teacher isn’t in school…

If they phone. Do your best to sound concerned but gently push back asking if they could give her a little longer as she's been sent home in similar circs recently and been absolutely fine.

I have the school and nursery my two attend are great and they're very rarely send them home. I can only think of when they've been sick they've sent them home. They have occasionally phoned "just to let me know they don't seem themselves and might've coming down with something"

I think it's a bit of try at getting me to say "oh dear I'll come and get them" but my usual response is "oh thanks for letting me know, give me a call if they get worse, I do hope they'll be okay, I know your staff are awesome and they'll be looked after.."

I at that point usually tip my manger the wink I might have to leave early but rarely do.

The one that gets my goat is "hi were closing early today because of the weather snow/wind forecast" (not because of the weather!)

Anyway school is not a dumping ground for kids it's not a place for a sick or Ill child and it's your responsibility. So no you can't refuse, but do please push back. They have a responsibility to provide education for your child if she's fit for school.

Personally I’d probably just go to the school and mention that you’ve noticed a pattern in her being sent home. Include that you obviously will collect her if unwell, but raise your concerns about the potential she is being sent home when she doesn’t need to be.

I think direct is best…rather than pretending you can’t collect her etc. Possibly no one higher up has noticed the pattern. Do you have a record on dates?

@Babdoc

What if OP has a job that she can’t leave, and therefore is never available to collect her child during the day? Presumably the school would just cope if it was a minor problem, or take the child to A and E if it was major. I was a hospital doctor, stuck in the operating theatre all day. If my DDs were unwell or upset at school they just had to lie down in the medical room until I finished my trauma list. It is annoying that schools still think mothers (it’s always mothers, not fathers) are just sitting around at home, permanently available.

In the past, they've been looked after whilst feeling horrendous - and then there's been an enraged phone call, three emails and an official complaint because 'it was perfectly possible for you to leave a message with the Theatre Staff, they would have told me and I would have collected ... immediately'.

Followed by the next time, getting bollocked down the phone for calling and disturbing them at work.

@GreenTeaMom

I absolutely feel your pain, I have an SEN child in mainstream. They have been on a part time timetable for over two years now.

I have had my child sent home at lunch time because they 'don't have the staff to watch him'. Sent home because they are becoming restless, after being left sitting all morning unsupported. You name it we've probably had it. Also always an exclusion or suddenly I'll just before the school have a visit from the authority or someone due in or somewhere they are going.

Absolutely does my head in, but I feel like I'm feeling a loosing battle constantly with them!

If your child is at a special school then they are supposed to be able to cope with children like your daughter with autism. There is suppose to be a teacher, though I accept that in many special schools there will be more TAs present.
It is simply not acceptable to be regularly being phoning so you can collect and take daughter home. It is an illegal exclusion. I believe that you need to raise this with the teacher and then with the headteacher. You need to establish exactly how they believe that you cannot deal with your daughter and you need to get agreement from them that the only reason for daughter coming home is for genuine illness.

Unless vomiting, I would say to give them until lunchtime. Could you pop in at lunchtime and dose up with calpol? That way, she knows you care, but aren’t going to take her home.

@Stressedmummyof4 that shouldn’t be happening, the school are illegally excluding DS. If the school want to send DS home force them follow procedure and formally exclude. If you have complained about this already email the Director of Children’s Services complaining, as it is the LA who are ultimately responsible for ensuring DS receives a full time education. Then if it continues threaten Judicial Review, that usually works but if it doesn’t contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter. If DS has an EHCP ask for an early review, if he doesn’t request an EHCNA.

My son with sen had a very difficult time earlier on in the year and staffing was difficult and they were phoning to ask me to pick him up - not due to illness or dangerous behaviour just because they hadn’t many staff. However I did say that for him it would set a precedent and he’d act up to get me to pick him up so both school and I worked together to support him and sure enough I’ve not had a call for quite some time. Def speak to school and try to get to the bottom of things, fine if she is Ill but I think she clearly knows how to behave to get them to ‘call’ home! It’s hard because they are excluded from such a lot in the way of after school activists and clubs - beavers for my son was a disaster and he refused to join anything else after it. Sad as he is quite isolated now!!

School IS childcare. Why do people say this?

I agree, it is childcare. The past two years should have shown everyone this and that is why key/critical workers were able to send their dc in to school through the lockdowns and why during the first lockdown when childcare settings had to close down, schools remained open for those Key worker dc during the Easter and May half term holidays.

I had a student come out in chicken pox and his Mum was hours away. He just spent time in the medical room until he could be collected. Maybe say you can't collect for an hour and could they see how she goes? There should be a teacher at all times in a SEN school. It's worrying that they are so eager to send her home.

I’m thinking that Mum knows her child best. I’d not make being at home quite so comfortable for her.

@Allandnothing

No. School isn’t childcare. You’ll have to sort out other arrangements for when your child comes home, or look into a specialist school. If a child says they’re ill, then there’s not much a school can do. They can’t spare staff to sit with your child for a school Day.

Dear god. There's always one.

"School isn't childcare"

No. No it's not. It's education and every child has a statutory right to it.

It is also absolutely a given that every parent of school-aged children who doesn't actually home-educate, takes a job in the reasonable expectation that they will be available in order to do that job, rather than looking after their child when that child should be at school. Please understand - this is NOT the same as expecting 'child care' but without children being at school, how on earth do you expect most people to keep down a job? Everything would unravel.

OP, I also have a child at a special school (also ASD!) and, well, I feel you. Not entirely the same but we've certainly experienced similar issues. I do wonder how prevalent this sort of thing is in SS and whether it would happen with this regularity in mainstream.

My young stepson went through a phase of saying he was ill at school as he realised that it was an easy way to spend extra days at home with his dad (who he normally only saw at weekends). It made it really difficult as my husband was losing pay to collect him frequently and it was affecting his work reputation too. It was even more difficult as the boys mum encouraged the behaviour and would panic every time he said he felt unwell and would say he needed to go to hospital (there was nothing physically wrong with him). Anyway it was all resolved by sitting down and having a good honest chat about it with the child, mum and school, and making arrangements to meet the child's needs at more appropriate times (ie. Weekday evenings).

Sounds like your daughter is expressing that she's finding it difficult, and the TAs don't feel confident addressing the issue. I reckon a chat with the teacher will help.

It is tricky with SEN kids (well, many NT ones too.....) - they can say things that are untrue, either because it gets the result they want or because they've 'learned' a pattern of behaviour or think they are saying the appropriate responses.

DS is autistic but goes to mainstream school. I've lost count of the times the staff have believed the rubbish he spouted at primary - such as he hasn't slept for a year because he has nightmares (the content of these was different on the three occasions he was asked - and I know he sleeps like a log.....). That was driven by him closing his eyes while sunbathing and the teacher asked if he was tired. Plus I think his classmates had been talking about 'It' and scary clowns.....

But you'd hope for better from a special school. Agree with PPs - talk to her teacher and try to get this sorted now. Otherwise she will do it every week and it will become her normal......

I have had this several times with my eldest. Often there is nothing wrong with her. One time I collected her and she complained she’d not had lunch and was hungry and could we stop at the co-op before heading home!
I also got a call about a 15+ mins nose bleed but when I got there she literally had one drip of blood on her shirt and only had two slightly bloody tissues and an empty bin, no one was even with her! Now when I get a call I ask what the reasons are that they are sending her home? Has she not eaten? Been sick? Bad tummy? In pain? High temp? Any visible symptoms at all? If the answer is no I ask them to keep her and call me if the status of the situation changes…

This situation you find yourself in should never arise. Usually specialist schools are small enough so that all pupils are very well known to staff. Don’t know if your child’s school is just for autistic pupils or other SEN, but usually weekly all staff (literally), meetings discuss & identify issues as they arise, each child has their own teaching & care plan which are reviewed constantly & strategies to deal with issues as they arise are implemented speedily. Complacency on the school’s part would be hugely detrimental to not only your child, but undermine hard work & progress achieved & serves no one’s interest in the long term. It will only compound problems. Speak to the head of school, meeting if necessary & discuss your concerns. Do you use a home/school diary? Because this is typically how areas of concern are flagged up in the first place. Any school worth their salt values parental input & is key to each child’s progress & development. I hope I don’t come across as patronising & am so sorry you feel let down by your child’s school.

I have had similar problems on consecutive weeks and each time handed a pcr test. Understandably they're cautious but on these occasions my child has neither a fever or runny nose and saying not themselves is far too ambiguous. So I contacted the head and questioned the assessment of students by the nurse and whether it's fair to make my SEN child go through a pcr test which also keeps them out of school for a further 24hr at least. I got some explanation that they follow public health guidelines but ultimately didn't answer how they assess students. I implied their approach was a knee jerk one and if temperature, for example, is elevated to check again in 20 mins, remove any layers of clothes etc rather than just call for pick up. I haven't had a call since. No matter how well teachers and TAs know our children, we know them best. They do some wonderful work with them but they're not exempt from being challenged on their protocols.

@Allandnothing

No. School isn’t childcare. You’ll have to sort out other arrangements for when your child comes home, or look into a specialist school. If a child says they’re ill, then there’s not much a school can do. They can’t spare staff to sit with your child for a school Day.

The OP says it is a specialist school.

I would definitely ring the head and ask for an appointment to discuss.

Sorry I haven’t read through all the responses. I work in education, specifically in the team which deals with school suspensions and permanent exclusions. School cannot just send a child home. They have to be unwell or they are being suspended. Sending home informally is an illegal exclusion.

I would use more discipline. If your daughter is being sent home for poor behaviour then I would make home a less pleasant place to be, i.e. no TV/computer games in order to incentivise her not to be sent home.

If she was deliberately coming home for her package, I’d have taken that package right out of her hand and binned it in front of her. You can’t let yourself be manipulated by your kids!

Additionally, if they’re calling excessively I would just not answer the phone. You work, pay your taxes and are entitled to your child to be in education unless she is being violent or unreasonably unmanageable.

@bibera1

I would use more discipline. If your daughter is being sent home for poor behaviour then I would make home a less pleasant place to be, i.e. no TV/computer games in order to incentivise her not to be sent home.

If she was deliberately coming home for her package, I’d have taken that package right out of her hand and binned it in front of her. You can’t let yourself be manipulated by your kids!

Binned the package? Gosh that's perhaps a bit extreme. However, my mum's rule was if we were ill enough to be off school we were ill enough to be in bed. That was quite effective!!

@bibera1

I would use more discipline. If your daughter is being sent home for poor behaviour then I would make home a less pleasant place to be, i.e. no TV/computer games in order to incentivise her not to be sent home.

If she was deliberately coming home for her package, I’d have taken that package right out of her hand and binned it in front of her. You can’t let yourself be manipulated by your kids!

OP’s child has SEN’s, she has Autism, discipline doesn’t always work, it’s not a case of being harder on her, how is that going to work when the school just send her home. They need to work out why she’s trying go home and work on making her want to be at school. Of course OP can make it less fun for her being at home but even that may make no difference.