Can I refuse to have child home from school?

[GreenTeaMom]

So, for the last 3 weeks my daughter has been sent home from school. It tends to happen on exactly the same day every week when the teacher isn’t in and it’s the teaching assistants only and majority of the time, once my daughter is home they are absolutely fine and able to play and run around etc.

To give some background, my daughter is 7 and goes to an SEN school because of autism.

I have had to push back a lot of important meetings because of this. I have written in their journal today that unless vomiting or high temperature etc that they would have to try and remain in school because I don’t want them to then start building a reluctance going into school etc.

If the school ring me this week and just complain that my daughter ‘isn’t like their usual self’ can I refuse to have them home? What would happen if I say no?

Obviously if my daughter is actually unwell I would be the first parent to have her back at home, but I think there could potentially be a few things going on; firstly that my daughter has learnt how to behave in order to come home because the first time she got sent home it was on the day she knew her parcel was being delivered and that’s the first thing she asked for once she got home, and secondly I wonder if it’s a lack of competence on the teaching assistances behalf (there is 2-3 of them) because they tend to send her home on the days that the teacher isn’t in school…

We had this with dd, every time her class teacher wasn't there, later on at secondary she was being sent home 3,4 times a week. I had to insist they make provision in school, yes she had petit mal seizures and anxiety attacks but she had to live with them, her consultant agreed with me and said she should not be sent home unless she required medical intervention (never did). Schools take the easy way out sometimes unless you insist.

This is a tricky one because of your daughter’s SEN. I would arrange a meeting with the school to discuss. It sounds like an issue with the staffing/TAs, she should not be sent home unless she is ill.

@Allandnothing

No. School isn’t childcare. You’ll have to sort out other arrangements for when your child comes home, or look into a specialist school. If a child says they’re ill, then there’s not much a school can do. They can’t spare staff to sit with your child for a school Day.

The child is already at a specialist school, @Allandnothing- you need to read the OP properly. Schools absolutely don't have to take a child's word for it that they're ill, they should make their own assessment - otherwise children would be constantly skiving off. The fact that this is always happening on the day the teacher isn't in and the child is fine once she's at home makes this look very iffy.

Ask them directly.

I have noticed these requests always coincide with the days the teacher isn't in. Is there something I need to know? I think we should consider a review of her ehcp.

Does your child have a 1:1?
My son goes to a special school and his classes usually have 6-8 children in them ,but in around year three he stopped coping in class ,we had it written into his EHCP that he requires 1:1 ,
We did have the odd issue with his Sen primary school sending him home as he " seemed" unwell ,and then he would be fine once he got home ,he's also non verbal so he can't say if he feels unwell
But I used to send him back the next day saying he was fine .

@Allandnothing

No. School isn’t childcare. You’ll have to sort out other arrangements for when your child comes home, or look into a specialist school. If a child says they’re ill, then there’s not much a school can do. They can’t spare staff to sit with your child for a school Day.

Absolutely right.

Like, ohh, I dunno, maybe a "an SEN school because of autism."

Like she already attends.

That sort of thing perhaps?

I had to do this with my eldest when she was 13, at least once a week they'd phone me at work to pick her up as she felt "off". I knew it was anxiety attacks and whilst I felt sorry for her (lifelong suffer of GAD myself) I knew that giving in to it wasn't helping her. The next time they rang me I asked them if they genuinely thought she was ill as I'd noticed this pattern and whilst I'd happily collect if she did faint or vomit, I too was working full time and couldn't keep leaving to collect her for her to buck up as soon as we were home. She agreed that there was a pattern and said she'd leave her in medical and observe without her knowing, she called me back 20 minutes later and said she'd told her to see how she felt after her next lesson, that was it she didn't call again. It's so tricky but sometimes we have to be harder on them to help them in the long run. I'd do as a lot of others have said, go amd see the teacher as soon as possible b3fore the next episode and woth dates so that they can see the pattern amd ask them to find ways to keep your daughter there and feel safe and happy.

Rather than jump to a conclusion of incompetence in the TA, maybe consider that the TA’s aren’t paid enough to look after and educate children that are sick, or who are behaving as if they are sick. Maybe they don’t know your dd as well as the teacher does in order to be able to make a more accurate judgement.

Talk to the teacher to see if you can work out why your dd might be unsettled at that specific time each week.

Arrange a meeting and talk to them about it. Be frank and say you think she's just trying it on because she knows they'll send her home.

YANBU My autistic 8 year old would never be at school if he thought crying or saying he felt unwell would get him sent home.

I missed half of my education for the same reason. I'm also autistic but my mother couldn't be arsed with dealing with issues. So I got to stay home 'sick' pretty much whenever I complained until the school harassed her. Then I'd go in for a few weeks until she couldn't be arsed again and I'd complain I was sick.

I think some people are forgetting that this is a specialist school and that the school should be expected to manage children who are 'not there usual selves', 'tired' etc. It is normal business. Unless the child is actually ill they should be in school.

@FairyCakeWings

Rather than jump to a conclusion of incompetence in the TA, maybe consider that the TA’s aren’t paid enough to look after and educate children that are sick, or who are behaving as if they are sick. Maybe they don’t know your dd as well as the teacher does in order to be able to make a more accurate judgement.

Talk to the teacher to see if you can work out why your dd might be unsettled at that specific time each week.

Agree with this. Even at Specialist schools there aren't enough staff for one to sit out with a child claiming to be ill. The class teacher may have an idea of what can be done but, ultimately, if a child appears ill the staff have to send them home. It would be negligent not to.

Both DS's had chronic asthma and a call from the school wasn't unusual. I did suspect DC2 was laying it on a bit so I made "home" not a fun place. Until school time was over he had to read or do a workbook.

No toys or TV.

On the other side of this a HT at a school where I worked had to contact social services to collect a child who was obviously ill and had been the day before. She'd been sent home with a note to say she should be seen by a doctor and not in school. Mother's response was she "had to work". She refused to collect her so the HT had little choice.

She had measles.

@Allandnothing

No. School isn’t childcare. You’ll have to sort out other arrangements for when your child comes home, or look into a specialist school. If a child says they’re ill, then there’s not much a school can do. They can’t spare staff to sit with your child for a school Day.

Can't you read? This is a specialist setting, the OP says so.

This is illegal exclusion. Tell them you're only collecting her if they complete the paperwork for a formal exclusion. Bet they change their minds at that point.

@Squeakywheels

I think some people are forgetting that this is a specialist school and that the school should be expected to manage children who are 'not there usual selves', 'tired' etc. It is normal business. Unless the child is actually ill they should be in school.

Totally agree,my sons special school ask me to message them daily regarding whether he has slept well,eaten his breakfast etc as it will all impact on behaviour so they know what they are dealing with

You definitely need to speak to the school as it sounds like it’s not illness why they want to come home. If they keep allowing it then she’s going to do it every week. My daughter has a genuine illness and the school phone me a lot, then they sent me a letter about her attendance so I messaged them to say that the school need to work with me to try and see if there’s a way of her remaining in school after resting at student services for a while. No-one bothered to contact me

She is entitled to a full time education. If they aren’t able to meet her needs the school needs to apply for an ECHP. This is time consuming and LA are not receptive but it is what they need to do. They can’t pretend she is ill because they haven’t got a teacher available. They should be making a plan for her during that time.
Make a formal complaint to the school if it persists. Perhaps ask to speak to the SEnCO first. I imagine they will quickly back track.

turn your phone off for a few hours.

So sorry, missed that it was an SEN school. I never sent children home when I was working in an SEN school unless very unwell. It’s even less acceptable (not that it’s acceptable for a mainstream school at all). Definitely complain. If it continues ask for an ECHP early review since the school are clearly not managing.

@Allandnothing

No. School isn’t childcare. You’ll have to sort out other arrangements for when your child comes home, or look into a specialist school. If a child says they’re ill, then there’s not much a school can do. They can’t spare staff to sit with your child for a school Day.

Show me your child is NT without telling me

There is a pattern and I think a discussion with the school should take place.

We have the same issue with my autistic child although he is in mainstream. Teacher phones saying he looks pale or has bumped his head and he comes skipping out of school full of the joys of spring. I'm reluctant to say no he can't come home in case they think I'm uncaring.

How competent do you think this school is? Because it seems like the TA's are sending her home for standard ASD issues they should be able to cope with.

Why is there a day when there's no teacher in?

I’ve had this for years with my dc in a special school.

Once they wanted me to collect them when I was in the hairdressers. I said I would be there as soon as I could. They rang and rang when I was having the dye washed off so I thought it was urgent. When I got to the school (with soaking wet hair) they said, oh they’re fine now, we were ringing to tell you we will keep them in school after all.

I’ve also worked out a pattern where my dc will feel ‘ill’ on a Monday with a bad stomach and I worked out it is anxiety and shared it with the school and they seem to be on board a bit more now.

It’s hard to always know even when it’s your own child.

I've worked as a classroom assistant for children with SEN and no matter how tough a day it was, we always kept the child in school until 3.30pm. It just meant we had to be more flexible and find activities that were appropriate to the behaviours the child was showing. In the case of full blown violent meltdowns, we would have to wait them out and try to ensure the environment was as safe and secure as possible, which is difficult in terms of how classrooms are set up and the materials in them but the child's schedule should be planned with potential meltdowns in mind.

Any changes to the schedule did come from the school but was based on the opinions and experience of all working with the child, sometimes that included cutting the school day down which wasn't always the favoured option for some families but it happened plenty in advance. Calls during the day just wouldn't happen.

I have refused, yes.