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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think paediatric ward should be better equipped for bed sharing?

199 replies

Franklepopper · 21/03/2022 02:31

I’m in hospital with my poorly 1 year old. The care we’re getting is great but the parent bed is a narrow fold down affair with a gap between it and the wall.
AIBU to think that poorly children are likely to want to bedshare with their grownups and that the beds could have been thought about a bit more to make this possible?
I might be delusional but I have had 30min a sleep so far all night…

OP posts:
Hiphophippityskip1 · 21/03/2022 02:35

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Marsmon · 21/03/2022 02:39

No, I don't think so. You're proposing that pediatric wards should have all double beds just in case a child wants to sleep with their parent? That's not practical.

MenaiMna · 21/03/2022 02:43

It might not have been necessary in your dc's case but it's generally built/set up to keep the patient's bed clean & clear of infectious. Haven't you ever visited an adult in-patient and seen the notice not to sit on the beds? It's for cleanliness and preventing cross infection. If you were in the bed you could roll over on vital lines. Also If there's a crash team running in there's no time to get you out of the way.

Original poster
Franklepopper · 21/03/2022 02:43

@Hiphophippityskip1

Be grateful you can stay.
Wow. I don’t think there are paediatric wards (not nicus) where parents can’t stay?
OP posts:
Scotabroad24 · 21/03/2022 02:45

Yep there is. Where I live we aren't allowed to stay in paediatrics.
Hope your ds is okay

RichTeaRichTea · 21/03/2022 02:48

I did manage it with my 1yo once they were well enough, no longer hooked up to monitors, oxygen etc. I still didn’t sleep much tbh but my baby was comforted. I hope yours is better soon

FlissyPaps · 21/03/2022 02:50

Sorry you’re in that situation. I hope your DC gets well soonFlowers

I think there’s a lot of factors to consider.

  • Is the room large enough to fit a larger/double bed?
  • Are the children hooked up to any monitors/equipment which could be seen as a hazard or safety breach if they were to share a bed with an adult whilst hooked up to said equipment.
  • If doctors/nurses were doing obs/checks through the night would they have trouble accessing the patients if they were cuddled up to a parent.
  • Costs. Does the trust have enough money in its budget to support this.

At the end of the day the hospital should have full attention on the comfort and safety of the patients (the children).

In an ideal world, all parents who are staying in hospital with their child should be as comfortable as they can, but we don’t live in an ideal world.

YANBU, but I don’t think you’re thinking of the logistics, access and costings involved. Which is totally normal!! I would probably be thinking the same if I was in your situation.

Legoisthebest · 21/03/2022 02:51

I shared with my 12 year old several times. A bit of a squash but having the sides up meant we didn't fall out.

RichTeaRichTea · 21/03/2022 02:56

“ If doctors/nurses were doing obs/checks through the night would they have trouble accessing the patients if they were cuddled up to a parent. ”

Agree for the other things but this isn’t really a consideration IME - they just move the patient around as needed for obs anyway, either they wake or they don’t, the fact that my 1yo was in a cot didn’t really change anything in that respect. By the time the baby was in with me though there was no longer a need for regular obs overnight

Moodycow78 · 21/03/2022 03:11

Bed sharing isn't safe, especially with an ill child, I'd imagine they design the beds in order to prevent sharing. When my LOs have been in the nurses have been really strict about it

RichTeaRichTea · 21/03/2022 03:13

They positively encouraged it in my case

TomDaleysCardigan · 21/03/2022 03:17

I grew up in and out of hospital. Parents were never allowed to stay overnight with me

Mummy1608 · 21/03/2022 03:22

@Moodycow78

Bed sharing isn't safe, especially with an ill child, I'd imagine they design the beds in order to prevent sharing. When my LOs have been in the nurses have been really strict about it
With a 1 year old?? Of course it's safe, sids is a risk with much younger babies
Kinsters · 21/03/2022 03:23

YANBU. My DD would not sleep without me until she was over 1 year old. When she was in hospital at 9 months old for 5 days with a UTI having IV antibiotics she had an adult size bed so that I could share with her. We're not in the UK though and bed sharing is a lot more encouraged here even with newborns. Unsurprisingly I woke up when the nurses came round to do her observations and got out of their way!

I think it depends on the reason the child is in hospital. If they're just getting antibiotics or similar then I don't see any problen with bed sharing. Obviously if they're unstable then bed sharing would not be a good idea.

I hope your DS is feeling better soon.

RichTeaRichTea · 21/03/2022 03:25

Different hospitals/wards clearly have different policies on whether they encourage or discourage it, and it will depend heavily on individual circumstances. I was encouraged to bed share once feasible, just as I was encouraged to breastfeed as much as my 1yo wanted.

LBFseBrom · 21/03/2022 03:41

I'd have thought you could share her bed with the sides up (as long as you know how to let them down from inside, being trapped is a horrible thought!), she is a year old so not dangerous - not that I think bed sharing with a baby is dangerous anyway if you're careful but many do. Please don't worry about cross infection, you're her mother and as close as can be, especially if she sleeps with you normally and probably slept with you right up until admission.

Having said all that, it would be a bit of a squash. Is she likely to be in hospital for long, Franklepopper? If only a couple of nights, I'm sure you can 'put up' with a 'put you up' bed and will get at least some sleep. Sleep isn't easy in hospital anyway.

I do hope your daughter is well soon, poor little lass. Thank goodness you can stay; I remember being in hospital twice as a child and parents were only allowed to come at visiting time. My son was in hospital once but aged fourteen and a half so staying with him wasn't on the cards though I stayed all day; he was only in for two nights (tonsillectomy).

Let us know how your daughter gets on. I wish her a speedy recovery. x

Morph22010 · 21/03/2022 03:51

@Scotabroad24

Yep there is. Where I live we aren't allowed to stay in paediatrics. Hope your ds is okay
Surely it makes things easier for the staff if parents stay as parents can supervise and deal with non medical needs such as taking child to toilet or nappy changes etc. Do the wards where parents can’t stay have much higher staffing ratios?
LadyPropane · 21/03/2022 04:00

We took a blow up bed into Dd's room. But she was in isolation so there was space for this. I can't imagine they'd allow this in a typical ward where there are several beds in one space.

Tinacollada · 21/03/2022 04:07

If your child is poorly enough to be admitted to hospital I wouldn't imagine bed sharing is practical with the observations your child may need.

RichTeaRichTea · 21/03/2022 04:11

I love all this “imagine” business - I have been in hospital with my 1yo and have bedshared. I’m not imagining what it might be like, I’m telling you that it was feasible and encouraged in my child’s case, though not comfortable (nor did I expect it to be).

x2boys · 21/03/2022 04:12

In my local hospital they of provide camp beds that they bring in from storage ,my son has severe autism and learning disabilities ,he was admitted a few times due to his chronic constipation ,he's always bed shared with us ,I woke up to him climbing in the camp bed with me ,the staff were fine tbh ,and we both Slept better.

betwixtlives · 21/03/2022 04:13

yabu

RedTangerine · 21/03/2022 04:27

I agree with you. My son only slept with me so if we had been admitted to hospital he would have really struggled suddenly being left in a cot. (Luckily we managed to get discharged the time it was possibly needed). A lot of babies bedshare, especially when they are ill.

Maybe monitors/certain illnesses might cause issues but in general I think the option should be available.
It's also associated with breastfeeding which the NHS is supposed to encourage.

FrenchFancie · 21/03/2022 04:27

I’m not in the uk but have stayed in hospital overnight with DD on two occasions. Both times I was told to sit up in a chair and not bed share so I got next to no sleep. She was in a double room with another child and another parent so there was no room for beds for the parents.

The second time was during covid so I couldn’t even swap over with OH during the day, I’m not honestly sure I was safe to drive us home when we were discharged as I was like a walking zombie.

Many parents don’t stay with their kids here and the idea of consent is a bit woolly so procedures and medications are just given to your child without explanation unless you really push for it. It’s a very different medical culture.

thingymaboob · 21/03/2022 04:30

Bedsharing not safe with ill child.
If the child needed resuscitation a wider bed would not be practical