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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think paediatric ward should be better equipped for bed sharing?

199 replies

Franklepopper · 21/03/2022 02:31

I’m in hospital with my poorly 1 year old. The care we’re getting is great but the parent bed is a narrow fold down affair with a gap between it and the wall.
AIBU to think that poorly children are likely to want to bedshare with their grownups and that the beds could have been thought about a bit more to make this possible?
I might be delusional but I have had 30min a sleep so far all night…

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 21/03/2022 16:39

Hope your little one gets well soon.

FWIW parents weren't allowed to sleep in NICU when my DC3 was there (pre covid). Parents were allowed 24h access but there were no beds / nowhere for parents to sleep.

Fullyhuman · 21/03/2022 16:41

YANBU.
I’m so grateful to have only had 2 short stays in hospital with my children. I’ve no idea how single parents are supposed to cope - the hospitals (Kings, Evelina) clearly expected a parent to stay the whole time. My children were 6 and 7 and didn’t need me or dh to sleep in the bed with them all the time but they did need a lot of cuddles and taking to wash/toilet. I’m so grateful they haven’t needed long stays. It was punishing just short ones and hard to meet their needs on discharge as it was.

Rrrob · 21/03/2022 16:47

We had pull down beds when I used to stay with my 1 year old. State of the art London teaching hosp.

SauceGirl · 21/03/2022 17:11

Disgusting that the bed was too small!. Give them s stinking review on trip advisor...

Dinoteeth · 21/03/2022 17:16

@RidingMyBike

It can be problematic having to stay if the child has a single parent, not every family has someone constantly available to be at the hospital but the hospital staffing levels assume someone is always there. I've had to spend evenings in the hospital with my Godson filling the gap between his dad having to leave to care for his other children and the overnight carer from social services arriving to cover the night. Occasionally the overnight carer just didn't show up which caused huge problems because I couldn't stay all night and his dad had two children at home he couldn't leave!
I have often wondered what happens if a parent / family aren't able to provide 121 care in hospital for a young child. Because the wards do not have enough staff for very young children to be cared for adequately they expect an adult to stay.
Sirzy · 21/03/2022 17:33

There have been times when Ds has been in that parents of other children haven’t been able to stay. The staff on the ward made sure they where looked after, one baby was walked up and a down with a staff member all night at one point!

NotMeekNotObedient · 21/03/2022 18:23

Went recently and they asked me if I wanted a cot or bed - I said bed and a single was provided. There was no issue with us co-sleeping.

Original poster
Franklepopper · 21/03/2022 18:59

Switching the cot for a bed is a great idea - thank you!

OP posts:
Boscoforever · 21/03/2022 19:30

|Haven't had time to read the full thread and I'm sure this has been said already. But hospital beds are such a size, that will fit down corridors, in smaller rooms for tests, lifts, etc. If you have a bed, larger than a regular-sized hospital bed-which are pretty big actually for adults, you may not be able to get through some areas.
This happened recently in a new wing of our hospital, where they had trouble getting a bed in a room. They hadn't made it big enough for hospital bed.
Also, the old lift in the old hospital just, and I mean just fit a bed and staff member. It's because the old lifts were made for much smaller beds.

RidingMyBike · 21/03/2022 19:51

@Dinoteeth I wondered the same. Godson had a 1:1 care package so overnight carers anyway - just at home if they didn't turn up his dad just had to get on with it and not sleep all night, whereas he couldn't leave the other kids alone to be in hospital with him.

Basically, it's pretty grim.

maddening · 21/03/2022 20:05

Yanbu, have 2 friends that spent a longer time in with v sick dc, one during covid, came out with ptsd and lost loads of weight.

They won't relieve you to allow you to go to the loo or have a shower, you stay with your dc. They won't feed you (you are not the patient, and for one friend she was actually breastfeeding), or relieve you so you can go and get food ( friend in covid They would not let her dh bring food either or visit, she could not go and get food as policy was once you were in you were in)

There is nowhere to sleep properly, one night OK, but over a longer period it is too much.

This is all on top of being worried to bits about her sick dc, after weeks in she was so stressed, lost lots of weight (was already slim) and exhausted.

maddening · 21/03/2022 20:07

So there should be 2 beds, one for dc and one for parent imo

Dinoteeth · 21/03/2022 20:20

They won't relieve you to allow you to go to the loo or have a shower, you stay with your dc

Thats why very young DC are better with a cot, you can use it during the day like a playpen.
To do the stuff that needs done, visit the loos, shower, get stuff, drink shop etc. And you don't need to worry if they wake when you aren't there.
But it means you can't co-sleep.

May answer is for pediatric wards to have extra space in each bay to accommodate a decent folding bed rather than a useless vinyl chair for parents to sleep on.

yummychoccy · 21/03/2022 20:40

When my baby was in GOSH I asked the nurse for a proper bed (instead of his cot) so we could sleep in it together. Better then squishing on the pull out chair together. Maybe ask if they could do the same for you? They were fine with it as long as I took responsibility for baby's safety.

yummychoccy · 21/03/2022 20:43

And for those talking about bed sharing being difficult with observations, it really isn't in my experience. We have had a few nights in hospital for various things. Nurses have always been happy to work around us, and are just happy that baby is settled (and more likely to stay settled during their observations as they are cuddled up with mummy!).

CrabbyCat · 21/03/2022 20:55

As others have said, with young DC as a parent you are an essential part of the care team, not a visitor. When my 18 month old was admitted with a vomiting bug (on an IV due to dehydration) we were isolated in a side room. I was the one catching vomit, changing sheets and syringing in diarylite. We saw a nurse once a shift change. I did thankfully get a camp bed, and yes, DD ended up in it with me because strangely enough even really poorly she wouldn't settle in a strange cot in a strange room! I was still breastfeeding DD, possibly linked to her not having anything at all except milk, they also fed me.

I don't see me having a camp bed as a luxury, if parents are expected to take over that much of the care then they have to get enough sleep to be functional.

SD1978 · 21/03/2022 21:02

I understand your point, but it's an absolute faff having to wake up and work around a parent, who is taking up most of the headspace, in order to see/ treat the child. And usually disturbs the child more than if there is easy unfettered access to them in the bed.

RichTeaRichTea · 22/03/2022 01:47

@Dinoteeth

They won't relieve you to allow you to go to the loo or have a shower, you stay with your dc

Thats why very young DC are better with a cot, you can use it during the day like a playpen.
To do the stuff that needs done, visit the loos, shower, get stuff, drink shop etc. And you don't need to worry if they wake when you aren't there.
But it means you can't co-sleep.

May answer is for pediatric wards to have extra space in each bay to accommodate a decent folding bed rather than a useless vinyl chair for parents to sleep on.

If they won’t settle in a cot then you may not be able to leave them to do those things anyway. Mine would have been very distressed had I left them awake in the cot even in the day and it wasn’t possible to take them with me. I barely ate, drank or went to the loo and there was no access to showers at all, my hair was full of my baby’s vomit. So having a cot made little difference tbh.
Dinoteeth · 22/03/2022 08:01

If I remember rightly I'd wait until LO was asleep to nip away and do stuff. Although sometimes he was more settled than others.
But I do remember when he'd been really really ill a random dad helping me to the car with him and the stuff because I planned to do two trips - stuff then come back in for DS - but DS was getting so upset and didn't quite get that what I was saying.

No showers is a new level of grim!

Sirzy · 22/03/2022 08:04

I have always fallen quite lucky with staff offering to step in for a minute if needed (normally the amaxing play therapist)

If you can and your on a bayed ward then other parents are often willing to watch for a few minutes (especially when they are sleeping) so you can run for a wash/coffee/wee in peace!

Alondra · 22/03/2022 08:42

The only time I stayed in hospital with one of my children, the fold down single bed was so comfortable, some of the parents slept the whole night thru without waking up to their children's crying. I'm serious.

If you are staying with your child in hospital, you should be awake. Or at least, not so fast asleep you don't know what's going on. One thing is chronically ill children staying for long periods, another a 2-3 night at the most.

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/03/2022 08:43

Underhisi

"Funding is better directed at patient care."

Parents need to be in a fit state to provide that patient care. If ds ( a teenager) was admitted we would be expected to be the ones changing him, managing his behaviour ( including any hours he is loud and awake during the night), stopping him hurting himself or anyone else, explaining constantly to staff how to behave with him“

Sorry, after weeks of giving personal care to my husband, no easy feat with a 20 stone, gibberish/sometime comatose man, on AMU then ICU. I had to do these things because the staff were either just not there or so pushed for time that the care was sub-standard. Every penny needs to be directed at the patient.

Sirzy · 22/03/2022 08:53

Who gains anything from having knackered parents? And don’t forget that when the child is discharged in the vast majority of cases they are still going To need extra care.

If a parents drops into a deep sleep - great! If their is an issue then the staff can wake them up.

Alondra · 22/03/2022 09:01

Parents need to be in a fit state to provide that patient care. If ds ( a teenager) was admitted we would be expected to be the ones changing him, managing his behaviour ( including any hours he is loud and awake during the night), stopping him hurting himself or anyone else, explaining constantly to staff how to behave with him

Yes, parents do need to be in a fit state but it doesn't mean doctors and nurses take over parental responsibility in peadiatrics. They are responsible for medical care, not parental care. It'd be lovely if governments could provide funding to have nannies or carers to look after the children when parents can't be in the hospital or stay awake with their children. But this is utopia when health system are literally breaking for lack of funds for the most basic of medical care.

It's up to us parent to stay with our children and rotate between us, and with extended family and friends if necessary so we can all get a few hours sleep. And if you don't have a partner, close family or friends you talk with the nurses and a solution will be found.

What I found unbelievable is that in a ward of six beds, 4 parents were sleeping like babies while their children were crying their eyes out because their bandages were being replaced, croup medication was given etc...

Doctors and nurses are not nannies. A parent is still responsible for the well being of their sick child in hospital.

Fullyhuman · 22/03/2022 09:06

@Alondra

The only time I stayed in hospital with one of my children, the fold down single bed was so comfortable, some of the parents slept the whole night thru without waking up to their children's crying. I'm serious.

If you are staying with your child in hospital, you should be awake. Or at least, not so fast asleep you don't know what's going on. One thing is chronically ill children staying for long periods, another a 2-3 night at the most.

‘The only time’

That’s really key to your POV I think. Some parents are in and out with children who are frequently really poorly. Inbetween they’re likely to be losing a lot of sleep providing care to try to prevent another hospital stay. Never mind trying to meet the needs of other children in the family, make up time at work etc. For someone to sleep through their child’s crying they’re probably utterly shattered.