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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think paediatric ward should be better equipped for bed sharing?

199 replies

Franklepopper · 21/03/2022 02:31

I’m in hospital with my poorly 1 year old. The care we’re getting is great but the parent bed is a narrow fold down affair with a gap between it and the wall.
AIBU to think that poorly children are likely to want to bedshare with their grownups and that the beds could have been thought about a bit more to make this possible?
I might be delusional but I have had 30min a sleep so far all night…

OP posts:
Jemimapuddleduk · 21/03/2022 12:12

Paediatric oncology ward

DilemmaDelilah · 21/03/2022 12:12

YABU. The beds are for the patients not their parents. You are very lucky to have anywhere at all to sleep. You could be sitting in a chair all night. It is not a hotel - it is a clinical setting where the clinical needs of the patient come first.

RichTeaRichTea · 21/03/2022 12:20

No one thinks it is a hotel, that’s just being unnecessarily sarky. For a baby the clinical needs may rely on a parent, so I’m not sure that’s such a straightforward argument.

LittleGwyneth · 21/03/2022 12:23

Hope your DC is all better as soon as possible, sorry you're in such a hard situation. Flowers

Scarabella · 21/03/2022 12:27

I had to stay a few nights with my daughter when she was one. She wouldn't settle in the cot so I had her in with me. The hospital staff were not very happy about it as she had a high fever that wasn't breaking. But her getting what sleep she could was only possible when she was close to me. I was careful to keep covers etc from her to keep her as cool as possible.

Dinoteeth · 21/03/2022 12:30

@ColdCottage

If she is in a cot I'd just ask to move her to one of the beds for older children so as others have said you can share with them (with the sides up, stops you falling out). I did this for 3 nights when my son was about 3.
There is a huge difference between a 3 yo and a 1 yo. A 1yo needs to be somewhere you can put them and you know they'll still be there when you get back.

You need to be able to get to the toilet, shower, nip to the shop, the nappy & toy cupboards and know a 1 yo is safe in the cot provided.
If they are in a bed you can't leave them for a second.

I do think much better accommodation should be provided for a sleeping parent. Reclining chairs are OK for a nap or one night but 2/3 nights in them is torture.
Coupled with nurses waking you to do meds etc. The sleep deprivation becomes torture.

Sirzy · 21/03/2022 12:31

On the many occasions Ds has been in hospital the admission paperwork included me saying I was happy to do day to day care tasks for him (in his case this also means things like overnight tube feeds). Sleeping in a hospital is hard enough but as parents are very much part of the care team them having the ability to have somewhere to lie down and rest as much as possible.

Spellfish · 21/03/2022 12:41

I’m sure I’ve read about evidence that skin to skin with babies and toddlers can help them regulate their temperature and their heart rate. I wonder if anyone has done any evidence gathering about distress of the child, clinical signs etc comparing bedsharing and not? It would be really interesting.

Anecdotally, cuddling a poorly child does seem to calm them and then they sleep, are more likely to drink etc.

Dinoteeth · 21/03/2022 12:52

@Sirzy

On the many occasions Ds has been in hospital the admission paperwork included me saying I was happy to do day to day care tasks for him (in his case this also means things like overnight tube feeds). Sleeping in a hospital is hard enough but as parents are very much part of the care team them having the ability to have somewhere to lie down and rest as much as possible.
You actually read the admission paperwork. Grin I have no clue what the heck I've signed. My eldest has had one overnight in an individual room with a decent fold up bed. My youngest has had 4 hospital stays between 2&3 nights in an open ward with a horrible reclining chair.

I've yet to read the admission stuff, that said none of them were planned stays kids needed treatment I would have signed anything to get it.

hollyivysaurus · 21/03/2022 13:14

My DS was admitted almost a year ago age 3 with a nasty viral infection and his oxygen low, I slept in his bed as he was really upset at the time. The nurses didn’t say anything and they were monitoring every two hours or so!

RidingMyBike · 21/03/2022 13:42

It can be problematic having to stay if the child has a single parent, not every family has someone constantly available to be at the hospital but the hospital staffing levels assume someone is always there. I've had to spend evenings in the hospital with my Godson filling the gap between his dad having to leave to care for his other children and the overnight carer from social services arriving to cover the night. Occasionally the overnight carer just didn't show up which caused huge problems because I couldn't stay all night and his dad had two children at home he couldn't leave!

Underhisi · 21/03/2022 13:44

"YABU. The beds are for the patients not their parents. You are very lucky to have anywhere at all to sleep. You could be sitting in a chair all night. It is not a hotel - it is a clinical setting where the clinical needs of the patient come first."

I wonder how well the hospital would cope without the parents being there. Ds who is severely autistic has fortunately only ever needed day surgery and he was fairly young at the time but he still needed 2 parents with him to sort out basic needs like changing him, keeping him safe and manage him the whole time he was on the ward.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/03/2022 13:45

That would be nice, yes. I was usually on a chair. Same with very sick husband on iCU and those occasions were before Covid and it’s costs.
Funding is better directed at patient care.

NursieBernard · 21/03/2022 13:48

I always asked for a bed rather than a cot when mine were 12m + then we just shared the bed. Mine always co-slept at home so they hated being away from me.

JustLyra · 21/03/2022 13:49

"YABU. The beds are for the patients not their parents. You are very lucky to have anywhere at all to sleep. You could be sitting in a chair all night. It is not a hotel - it is a clinical setting where the clinical needs of the patient come first."

It’s not remotely lucky for a parent who is required to stay to have somewhere to sleep. Nor is expecting somewhere to sleep acting like a hospital is a hotel.

Parents have to stay with their children. Wards would be chaos and unmanageable without them. Somewhere to sleep is a basic. Especially when said parent will be responsible, sometimes solely, for the care of the sick or ill child when they get home.

Hm2020 · 21/03/2022 13:53

I bed shared in a toddler bed in gosh with my ds for 2 weeks when he was 2 he was up screaming every hour so that was the only choice the most important thing was him sleeping as he was quite unwell lucky although the toddler bed had sides it was full length. Hope your los ok I get completely with what your saying.

RidingMyBike · 21/03/2022 13:53

I was quite surprised when my baby was admitted to SCBU (having been discharged home and then readmitted) - they had an adult hospital bed next to each cot and all the meals provided. I'd assumed I'd have to stay at home and travel in each day. I didn't want to stay as I was so desperate for sleep by then and suggested DH stayed with her instead but this suggestion was met with horror by the midwives!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 21/03/2022 14:01

When I slept on the floor (toddler dc had croup) I also had an ebf baby with me. No chair...bf him on the floor.
Awful nurse shouted at me I should have left ebf baby at home.
Was in the next week with ebf baby with croup. She actually said.. I told you so.

Underhisi · 21/03/2022 14:40

"Funding is better directed at patient care."

Parents need to be in a fit state to provide that patient care. If ds ( a teenager) was admitted we would be expected to be the ones changing him, managing his behaviour ( including any hours he is loud and awake during the night), stopping him hurting himself or anyone else, explaining constantly to staff how to behave with him.

Original poster
Franklepopper · 21/03/2022 14:43

The funding is there. The beds are there - just not ideal to share with a poorly child.
And all those people who think a nurse is going to get anywhere near my child in anything resembling a cooperative state without me next to them obviously doesn’t know much about paediatrics

OP posts:
Simonjt · 21/03/2022 15:37

@DilemmaDelilah

YABU. The beds are for the patients not their parents. You are very lucky to have anywhere at all to sleep. You could be sitting in a chair all night. It is not a hotel - it is a clinical setting where the clinical needs of the patient come first.
So if a patient is vomiting due to(and has aspirated a small amount of vomit) screaming (from 7:30pm until 4am), and is suffering a high temperature due to stress. Are their needs being met?

Are the needs of the other patients being met when patient A screaming means the other patients aren’t getting any sleep and are infact becoming distressed themselves.

MrsMingech · 21/03/2022 16:19

I'm a paediatric nurse.

I'm guessing he has a cot in the room? Ask for it to be swapped with a regular bed, you should both be able to fit in that, rather than the narrow one that presumably gets pulled out of a cupboard.

If a baby is 12 months + I ask the parent if they want a cot or a bed. The majority of parents will bed share when their child is unwell.

thetombliboo · 21/03/2022 16:26

I slept on two different height chairs pushed together for six weeks when my son was in HDU before he moved to ICU and they wouldn't let me stay at all in Alder Hey. He was 1 too.
I think be glad you can sleep by your little one and hopefully you're home soon to cuddle properly. If not you do get used to it unfortunately.

70sDuvet · 21/03/2022 16:34

My DS has been in hospital a lot, in his hospital it is a bed/cot for the child and a chair for the partent that converts into a torture device bed for the perent to sleep in.

His ward is an old victorian ward with about 20 beds and a few side cubicles with 3 or 4 beds in each. After a 3 or so week stay we were moved one evening into one of the these side bays. DS was usually quite good at settling at night. I would get into his bed for a quick cuddle and then go into my own bed.

But I was exhausted and his bed was so comfortable.

I woke up the next morning to absolute panic on the ward. The auxiliary nurse had come to give "Ben" the 13 y/o boy his breakfast and found him asleep in his bed.

But when they went to DS bed it was empty and they had lost DS, the staff were running up and down the corridor outside looking for him, in the playroom, under beds.

Then I woke up and realised they had mistaken me for a 13 year old boy and not seen DS in beside me. And the night staff had forgotten to tell the day staff DS had been moved.

Probably the best nights sleep of my life.

Autumn42 · 21/03/2022 16:38

I totally get this as would be the same with my little one and it would be a lovely idea but certainly not something I would expect them to actually have provision for in an NHS hospital. Perhaps in a private hospital they might have had time to think about and facilitate these sorts of things. Hope you little one better soon x