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Original poster

Husband and toddler dinner time battles

115 replies

babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:24

I have a 14mo DS.

Every evening our routine is that I go take a break for an hour while DH feeds him his dinner. Every day it ends in hysterical child and stressed our DH.

I have a knack (probably cos I am with him all day) of getting Ds to eat and I can normally get him to finish his breakfast or lunch. Yes he does throw some on the floor but I'd say 80% goes in.

DH has little tolerance for DS throwing food and he will simply remove the plate and then hand him tiny bites of food which then upsets DS. I just hate listening to them have this battle every night.

Why is it when I feed ds I can manage to get him to eat and he's happy and full at the end but when DH feeds him it ends up like this?

He asks me to not give him tips or advice as he needs to find his own way which I appreciate but it's becoming a real battle and difficult to listen to and I also think he sleeps better after a full dinner (which on the occasions I feed him he does have).

Is it possible that DS just eats better for me?!? I dread dinner time every day :-(

OP posts:
Nothankyouv · 20/03/2022 18:27

How long has this been going on for?

Original poster
babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:27

I've always been able to get more in to him @Nothankyouv but I'd say this has been going on for a good 3-4 months.

OP posts:
twinsetandpearl · 20/03/2022 18:29

Of course he's going to eat better for you - you feed him his other two meals every single day. Perhaps you need to swap meals around - why does it have to be dinner he feeds him? I have twins the same age and we all sit down to eat together at dinner time?

Ponoka7 · 20/03/2022 18:29

Your DH wants to do his way, without any concern for what your DS needs, so it isn't working. Your DH needs to understand development and why food throwing is a part of that. Ask your DH why it's more important to him to have it all his own way, than it is to have a happy, fed child.

piglet81 · 20/03/2022 18:30

Doesn’t sound like much of a break. Why don’t you do dinner time and DH do bath/bedtime?

DrSbaitso · 20/03/2022 18:33

Find his own way? This isn't about him, it's about getting your child to eat. You know how to do this, so tell him whether he wants to hear it or not, and that this will involve some food going on the floor, because your son is 14 months and that's just hoe it is.

It's a child's mealtime, not your husband's personal voyage of self-discovery.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/03/2022 18:34

Why is it that particular time you have an hour off? Is it because DH really wants to do tea or is it just the only hour that works?

I wouldn't be happy sitting back and listening to this for MONTHS. Yes it's fine you want an hour off, but not at the cost of your son having this bate every tea time.

At the very least can you swap lunch with tea and then DH do a lighter meal?

Or can you feed him earlier and then DH have him and they can tidy up / wash up after dinner.

Original poster
babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:34

I'm reluctant to sort of 'give in' and have to give Ds his dinner too - my DH works out of the house and gets home right at the time my son needs feeding and it's the only time I get to go and tidy up/have a bath/go for a run or whatever. The routine is working pretty well in that respect.

My mum says he's right and he needs to find his own way of doing things. I have asked him to sit with me and watch while I feed Ds and he just takes offence and says I have my way and he has his.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2022 18:36

What time is he eating, why aren’t you all eating together? It’s really good for children to watch us eating and make meals a family time. It might take the pressure off DS and give DH something else to think about. Kids throw stuff on the floor, DH needs to accept that, but it’s okay to put out fewer things as well.

In the short term I’d take your break at a different time but also look at the timing of your meals.

twinsetandpearl · 20/03/2022 18:37

Honestly if my husband said to me to sit and "observe" whilst I feed my child the "right" way I'd think what a condescending so and so not to mention knocking his confidence

Your child is acting out because he knows he can and because he probably wants you to feed him

DrSbaitso · 20/03/2022 18:37

I have asked him to sit with me and watch while I feed Ds and he just takes offence and says I have my way and he has his.

His priorities are arse about face. This isn't about "his way", it's about feeding the baby. Is there a reason he thinks this is about him and won't take advice on getting sustenance into your child when he can't do it?

Your mother agrees with him? Is she from a particularly patriarchal background?

Thinkbiglittleone · 20/03/2022 18:38

What is your "knack" for getting him to eat?

We did the same at about that age, My DH had a "knack" for getting our DS to eat ....which was to feed him, which was not a good knack at that age, so I swiftly stopped. So we all started to eat together and DH did bath and bed instead.

RoseGoldEagle · 20/03/2022 18:38

What kind of food are you giving him? I only ask as at that age (DD3 is a few months older now) I was giving mine a plate of cut up food and letting them get on with it themselves. So say cut up lasagne and veggies or basically whatever the rest of us are eating. She’ll eat some and throw a lot around but over the course of a week seems to get what she needs as she’s growing fine. It’s very hard if your DH is upset about the mess though, that’s just normal for your DS’s age, he’s just exploring.

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 18:39

Can't you just give him food he feeds himself at 14 months and DH just supervise and clean up afterwards?

Original poster
babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:40

@Thinkbiglittleone

So he will literally throw EVERYTHING on the floor occasionally which I find frustrating too. But I can tell when he's about to do it and I remove his plate. I am patient and let him self feed with a spoon but I'll also have a spoon too and get mouthfuls in him whilst he's feeding himself. I don't know what my knack is but I guess patience has a lot to do with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:41

@girlmom21 he would probably shovel two mouthfuls in and throw everything else on the floor if we did this!

OP posts:
Toomanypeople · 20/03/2022 18:42

If you don't all eat together anyway then I would try switching lunch and dinner as main meal

ILoveYou3000 · 20/03/2022 18:42

Your child is acting out because he knows he can and because he probably wants you to feed him

A 14mo literally does not have the capacity to be this manipulative.

OP, why is it more important to your husband that he get his own way rather than making sure your baby is fed? He says he wants to do it 'his way', this isn't working, so he has to change his way.

Gizacluethen · 20/03/2022 18:42

Does it really need to be such a chore? DS is 10mo and we just give him a suction plate of what we're eating and leave him to it while we eat. He usually takes longer than us and I just get him down when he's bored.

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 20/03/2022 18:43

Sounds like our struggles, albeit not with food. We regularly disagree about how to parent with practical tasks. For example getting ready in the day will often become a power struggle for them with lots of crying etc whereas I rarely get tears.

I don't have any advice. My partner and I were brought up quite differently in very different families which I know contributes to our differences in parenting and opinion.

I think ultimately, you either sacrifice your hour of relaxation (which probably isn't relaxing hearing all the screaming) or try to leave the house so ignorance is bliss.

Original poster
babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:44

@AnneLovesGilbert so we feed him at 5.30pm, bath at 6.15 ish and then a breastfeed at 7pm and normally asleep by 7.30pm.

DH and I then sit down and eat our dinner.

5.30pm just seems really early for us to sit and eat? I guess we just aren't used to that. I'd still be full from lunch (and then probably starving at 9pm!)

Is that what everyone else does?

OP posts:
Kaw10 · 20/03/2022 18:44

At 14 months surely your DS can feed himself?! At that age they can eat pretty much everything as long as it is prepared/cut correctly. Confused

Kaw10 · 20/03/2022 18:45

[quote babyandthelion]@girlmom21 he would probably shovel two mouthfuls in and throw everything else on the floor if we did this! [/quote]
Sorry just seen this.
Then dinnertime is over if the food is thrown on the floor!!!

Original poster
babyandthelion · 20/03/2022 18:46

@Kaw10 he will feed himself but he barely eats a thing and then throws everything on the floor.. literally everything. You have to sort of encourage him to eat, pretend to eat it too, hand it to him a bit, distract him...
It does feel like a real chore as someone else mentioned.

He's always been pretty small so I think I'm a little sensitive about making sure he's eating enough

OP posts:
TruffleShuffles · 20/03/2022 18:46

Do you ever do dinner? Does he eat it ok with you? I only ask this as dinner has always been the most difficult meal with my daughter by far and it still is now she’s 3. It wouldn’t matter who did what meal, she’d still eat breakfast and lunch easily and independently and be really difficult for dinner.