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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to local pub for Mother's Day Lunch?

143 replies

PoloPrincess · 20/03/2022 14:50

My OH frequents the local village pub every other day, tbf it has been a life saver for him, the locals have supported him through tough times for which I'm very grateful for. Yes it's a lovely pub and I visit once a week. Occasionally we'll eat there but its not an eatery and they dish up what I call pensioner portions. The usual lasagne, scampi and all day breakfast are on offer and there's a roast on Sunday, which is ok if I can't be bothered to cook.

OH has asked me twice 1) if I'd like to go to another local pub for a date night which I said no to and I told him that I think I deserve better (it's just the same as my own village pub). He said fine, we won't go then. And 2) he's asked me today if I'd like to go to the village pub for Mother's Day lunch? Again I've said no, the reason I gave him is that I can't be bothered and I can cook better food at home.

AIBU? It's been really tough for us and I think that we're doing alright together. I've supported him through his depression episodes, I do everything at home, I carry and fetch, shopping, cooking, and i've been playing nurse to him since he injured himself quite badly at Christmas. I've recently had a bit of an accident and I've hurt myself quite badly but it doesn't stop me from doing the cooking, housework etc.

I think that I deserve a bit more, a nice restaurant so I can put on a posh frock, heels and enjoy being spoiled. At the moment that is just a dream.

I'm so sorry that I might sound a but mardy and spoilt but it is getting me down.

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 20/03/2022 15:44

I always thought Mothers Day when they are young is about the dc's making something cute and giving their mother a lie in before presenting them with wonky toast in bed they have made or buttered themselves, and going for lunch is something you do with your adult dc's for mothers day. Maybe I have just missed out all these years though Confused

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/03/2022 15:45

No, usually it's the case that if the woman doesn't do everything, it doesn't get done.

Haha oh crikey. We're back in the 1950s again.

Want2beme · 20/03/2022 15:47

Mother's day is about being more considerate towards your mother/mother figure or the mother of your children. I don't think you should be made to feel so down about wanting to go somewhere you'd like to go to. He's being inconsiderate. Go where you want to go with your DS. Are there any other mothers who'd like to join you?

Unsureaboutit9 · 20/03/2022 15:47

It’s not your anniversary or wife’s day, it’s Mother’s Day, and he’s not even the father of your child. He doesn’t owe you a posh Mother’s Day meal, and I think it’s unreasonable to be sulking about it. Does your son like the village pub food?

EmmaH2022 · 20/03/2022 15:48

OP "AIBU? It's been really tough for us and I think that we're doing alright together. I've supported him through his depression episodes, I do everything at home, I carry and fetch, shopping, cooking, and i've been playing nurse to him since he injured himself quite badly at Christmas. I've recently had a bit of an accident and I've hurt myself quite badly but it doesn't stop me from doing the cooking, housework etc."

What does he do around the house?

I wish you a speedy recovery from your injury Flowers

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:48

Haha oh crikey. We're back in the 1950s again.

Where did I say it was right? It's simply a fact that some women find themselves in situations with men where I'd they don't do X, the man just won't. I'm not saying she should have to do these things, but a lot of men are still very lacking here.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2022 15:48

You are not his mother and you are not the mother to his children

But she does all the housework and skivvying. She deserves the meal out.

OP just reconsider the relationship. You've put yourself in the carer role and everyone has just forgotten what you do. Don't do it. They'll be better off in the end because they'll learn to fend for themselves.

There are a lot of women who do this stuff thinking it will be appreciated. IME it isn't. It becomes invisible and so do you.

Unsureaboutit9 · 20/03/2022 15:48

@Want2beme

Mother's day is about being more considerate towards your mother/mother figure or the mother of your children. I don't think you should be made to feel so down about wanting to go somewhere you'd like to go to. He's being inconsiderate. Go where you want to go with your DS. Are there any other mothers who'd like to join you?
But she isn’t the mother of his children, so how is it inconsiderate?
Guiltypleasures001 · 20/03/2022 15:48

Op I sympathise with you I really do

But seriously and I say this very gently hop off that fecking cross and start growing a back bone

Where's your self respect and boundaries ? Are you married to this bloke ? If not how about rewarding yourself by kid,img his lazy arse In to touch
Seems to me you divorced one and took on another loser

Sat in your green house thinking about all the help you give him and his kids
Fuck me get in there and make yourself heard
Whilst hopefully packing up his shit up and put it by the door
Maybe the locals can help him move it

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:49

I remember someone saying they just stopped doing all the washing-up once. Did their DP step in? No, he didn't. He just watched it pile-up. He even started only washing what was needed, e.g. there's were no bowls for cereal so he just washed up a bowl and left the rest.

50DaysAF · 20/03/2022 15:49

this screams that he doesn't think you're worth the money
Sorry OP but I agree with this.

If your son is with his Dad, treat yourself to a nice lunch somewhere. Take a good book or something you enjoy.

And to those saying OP is not his mum, she has clarified she does a lot for her partner’s DC. Also it sounds like he offered, probably as an acknowledgment of this.

I8toys · 20/03/2022 15:50

I fear for people's relationships if they can barely even communicate over restaurant choice. Just say to him - we go there all the time can we go somewhere different like.........

Aprilx · 20/03/2022 15:50

@Want2beme

Mother's day is about being more considerate towards your mother/mother figure or the mother of your children. I don't think you should be made to feel so down about wanting to go somewhere you'd like to go to. He's being inconsiderate. Go where you want to go with your DS. Are there any other mothers who'd like to join you?
@Want2beme

OP is neither his mother nor the mother to his children…

My DH won’t have booked anything for me for Mother’s Day either, because we don’t have children, perhaps I should have a big sulk anyway…

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:51

But she isn’t the mother of his children, so how is it inconsiderate?

She takes on a mothering role in the house. She deserves a day just for her. Unfortunately there isn't really a "Wife's Day" so usually Mother's Day gets used to thank the woman in the house for all she does. It really doesn't matter if she is "just" a step-mum.

Fizzbo · 20/03/2022 15:52

Men (and women) aren’t mind readers. If you have something/somewhere in mind, just name it.

PinkSyCo · 20/03/2022 15:53

Why do you everything at home OP? Unless your DH is physically unable to do his share you need to stop that and you also need to learn to communicate because at the moment you are coming across as a petulant, sulky martyr.

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:53

Should step-dads get nothing on Father's Day? Perfectly capable of thanking both the bio dad and the step-dad surely.

She has a 10 year old DS of her own in the house. Her ex doesn't help him do anything for her on Mother's Day, so it would be nice for her DP to step in there tbh.

PinkGinBigGrin · 20/03/2022 15:54

OP I came on here to say "just bloody well tell him where you want to go". Then I see you've already told him and he's disagreed.

Sorry but your OH is a selfish arse.

He wants to go to the village pub on Mother's Day - probably coz it's cheap and he can see his cronies and prop up the bar whilst you sit with your ds.

Tell him to get to fuck and just go out with your son to the restaurant of your choice.
And have a think about why it's so difficult for him to just book somewhere nice, that would make you happy for one bloody day of the year.

5foot5 · 20/03/2022 15:54

I'm thinking that I'll make my own plans and have lunch on my own as DS will be at his dads all day Sunday.

My DS won't do anything except make a card at school, which is lovely and I treasure. I divorced his dad and he won't make any effort to help DS who is 10.

Wow your ex sounds like a selfish dick too. You would think at the ger least it would be nice for your DS to be with you on mother's day

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2022 15:54

SHE HAS SAID WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO!!!

FFS can people please read the thread?

AngelinaFibres · 20/03/2022 15:54

@Want2beme

Mother's day is about being more considerate towards your mother/mother figure or the mother of your children. I don't think you should be made to feel so down about wanting to go somewhere you'd like to go to. He's being inconsiderate. Go where you want to go with your DS. Are there any other mothers who'd like to join you?
She isn't his mother and she isn't the mother of his children . Her own child will be spending the day elsewhere . There seem to be problems in the relationship anyway. He is depressed and goes to the pub every other day and Op is going down the martyr route. The whole thing sounds extremely miserable for all parties. Perhaps it's time for some serious changes Op.
PinkGinBigGrin · 20/03/2022 15:58

He is depressed and goes to the pub every other day and Op is going down the martyr route. The whole thing sounds extremely miserable for all parties. Perhaps it's time for some serious changes Op.

Yep. This isn't about Mother's Day - it's about the fact your OH is a selfish arse who would rather prop up the bar of his local than take you out somewhere nice of YOUR choosing.

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:58

My ex is bitter towards me. He refuses to take DD out to get me when just a Mother's Day card. I get no birthday card either. No presents. Nothing.

But do I get him those things? Yes, from DD because she wants to and I don't put myself before that.

My current DP would step in here, and get a card and present "from DD" to me, for her, since her own dad doesn't.

Why can't her DP step in and do that for her 10 year old DS?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 20/03/2022 15:58

He gets the support of the pub regulars. Who is your support?
Take yourself somewhere posh op. He can eat pensioner portions.
Tight arse git..

MarthaFokker · 20/03/2022 15:59

The OP’s children could be just that - children. It’s hardly uncommon for a father to sort out a Mother’s Day treat (and vice versa).

Of course...a card or a craft/gift but not a bloody meal.

The kid is 10, so more than old enough to do that for his mum and as it turns out, he's not even the OP's husband's child!