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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to local pub for Mother's Day Lunch?

143 replies

PoloPrincess · 20/03/2022 14:50

My OH frequents the local village pub every other day, tbf it has been a life saver for him, the locals have supported him through tough times for which I'm very grateful for. Yes it's a lovely pub and I visit once a week. Occasionally we'll eat there but its not an eatery and they dish up what I call pensioner portions. The usual lasagne, scampi and all day breakfast are on offer and there's a roast on Sunday, which is ok if I can't be bothered to cook.

OH has asked me twice 1) if I'd like to go to another local pub for a date night which I said no to and I told him that I think I deserve better (it's just the same as my own village pub). He said fine, we won't go then. And 2) he's asked me today if I'd like to go to the village pub for Mother's Day lunch? Again I've said no, the reason I gave him is that I can't be bothered and I can cook better food at home.

AIBU? It's been really tough for us and I think that we're doing alright together. I've supported him through his depression episodes, I do everything at home, I carry and fetch, shopping, cooking, and i've been playing nurse to him since he injured himself quite badly at Christmas. I've recently had a bit of an accident and I've hurt myself quite badly but it doesn't stop me from doing the cooking, housework etc.

I think that I deserve a bit more, a nice restaurant so I can put on a posh frock, heels and enjoy being spoiled. At the moment that is just a dream.

I'm so sorry that I might sound a but mardy and spoilt but it is getting me down.

OP posts:
Carrotten · 20/03/2022 15:16

Op jasnt actually said that though she's said 'I deserve better' which would put me right off, and that she can't be arsed to go out for mothers day

Movingonup22 · 20/03/2022 15:16

Why do you do all the housework?

MrsMiddleMother · 20/03/2022 15:16

Not being mardy at all. Just tell him you want to go somewhere nicer for mother's day

Original poster
PoloPrincess · 20/03/2022 15:17

I get what everyone is saying, thank you. I have told him where I'd like to go and he said no because it's too expansive. My opinion is that it's not expensive, it's just one up from the village pub but it has a much better menu. Money isn't an issue for OH so a bit cheesed off. I'm thinking that I'll make my own plans and have lunch on my own as DS will be at his dads all day Sunday.

My DS won't do anything except make a card at school, which is lovely and I treasure. I divorced his dad and he won't make any effort to help DS who is 10.

I'm sat in my greenhouse now wondering what I've done wrong.

I think because I skivvy around for everyone else including OH's kids, that maybe just for that one day I'd get the day off.

OP posts:
SnowCatya · 20/03/2022 15:17

and that she can't be arsed to go out for mothers day

What she said doesn't imply that all. Her DP seemingly can't be arsed to look for other options though.

Carrotten · 20/03/2022 15:18

He DP has come up with 2 places he'd clearly like to go, if OP isn't happy with those you could argue it is up to her to find somewhere she wants to go.

If my DP wasn't happy with my ideas I'd expect him to think of his own. I cant be dealing with people who expect you to guess what they want.

GrazingSheep · 20/03/2022 15:19

Do you want to stay with him?
Are you happy being the skivvy for everyone else?

HelloDulling · 20/03/2022 15:19

the reason I gave him is that I can't be bothered and I can cook better food at home

So you didn’t tell him you want to go somewhere a bit more swish? Just said you can’t be bothered to go out, and can cook better food at home?

SnowCatya · 20/03/2022 15:19

I have told him where I'd like to go and he said no because it's too expansive. My opinion is that it's not expensive, it's just one up from the village pub but it has a much better menu. Money isn't an issue for OH so a bit cheesed off.

There's your answer. Money isn't an issue but it's "too expensive" because it's not a local pub lunch. If money really isn't an issue, this screams that he doesn't think you're worth the money. Angry

SnowCatya · 20/03/2022 15:22

He DP has come up with 2 places he'd clearly like to go

Yeah, he'd like to go. She clearly doesn't want to go a local village pub. I don't see what's so bloody hard about that tbh.

GreenFingeredNell15 · 20/03/2022 15:22

You've told him where you'd like to go on mothers day but he says it's too expensive

And anyway he's going to be at his Dad's all day

And you spend every other day running around after him and DS and step children

Not sure why you're with DH at all.... why are you with him?

Annasgirl · 20/03/2022 15:25

“I think because I skivvy around for everyone else including OH's kids, that maybe just for that one day I'd get the day off.”

Well there is your answer. Why do you go this? Why do you do all the housework etc? You deserve more and clearly this man does not agree, so either accept less or move on.

You say OH so I assume you are not married, so move out (if not your house, move him out of it is) and then move on happily with your life.

We only get one precious life - take control of yours and stop martyring yourself to others.

Moonface123 · 20/03/2022 15:27

Honesty saves so much time, just say "Can you book ....., thanks l' ll look forward to it."

Dillydollydingdong · 20/03/2022 15:28

Just book a table where you really want to go, and then tell him.

berlinbabylon · 20/03/2022 15:30

Fucking hell. All the posts saying op should tell him where to take her on mothers day because why? He cannot think for himself? She already does everything at home. He cannot seriously be expected to book somewhere other than the local pub he goes in EVERY OTHER DAY on mothers day unless she thinks for him

But if she doesn't think for him, it won't happen! You can be a martyr to the cause but if I wanted to go out somewhere specific for Mother's Day I'd either say tell DH to book that particular place or book it myself. I am going to my mum's so asked her to book somewhere she'd like to go.

But even better, I'd like him to take me out for a meal not on Mother's Day so I don't have to put up with hoards of other peoples' kids (and dogs). It is not a treat to be in a busy restaurant or pub with an overpriced mediocre "special" menu.

berlinbabylon · 20/03/2022 15:31

I have told him where I'd like to go and he said no because it's too expansive. My opinion is that it's not expensive, it's just one up from the village pub but it has a much better menu. Money isn't an issue for OH so a bit cheesed off

Different issue. If he can afford it, just say "well that's where I want to go and you can afford it. Will you book it or shall I"

Clarice99 · 20/03/2022 15:31

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to go somewhere nicer, with better food; however, your partner is not a mind reader so this problem could be very easily solved with some clear communication.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/03/2022 15:34

Well stop doing all the housework and looking after HIS kids then. Being a martyr does not entitle you to a posh lunch.

She already does everything at home.

Well that's entirely her choice.

tkwal · 20/03/2022 15:34

Do you have children? If so why aren't they the ones taking you out?
If your husband has mental health issues his preferences are going to veer towards places he finds familiar and comfortable.Does he also have financial issues ? Some restaurants special occasion menus are outrageously priced due to high demand on specific days
If you REALLY want to go, why wouldn't you just book the place yourself, especially if most things are paid for from a joint account. I'm not saying you are unreasonable in wanting to be spoiled, just that it doesn't really matter who foots the bill

Aprilx · 20/03/2022 15:35

You are not his mother and you are not the mother to his children, but you have having a sulk because he has not organised something more interesting for Mother’s Day! Yes, I think you are being mardy. If you want to go somewhere different you can easily organise it yourself.

Original poster
PoloPrincess · 20/03/2022 15:36

@Aprilx

You are not his mother and you are not the mother to his children, but you have having a sulk because he has not organised something more interesting for Mother’s Day! Yes, I think you are being mardy. If you want to go somewhere different you can easily organise it yourself.
Yes you're right.
OP posts:
SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:39

Do you have children? If so why aren't they the ones taking you out?

Because he's 10.

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:40

She already does everything at home.

Well that's entirely her choice.

No, usually it's the case that if the woman doesn't do everything, it doesn't get done.

betwixtlives · 20/03/2022 15:41

martyrs are so annoying

OfstedOffred · 20/03/2022 15:43

Is it not just the price of the meal though? Dh and I once compared total cost of meal in village pub v slightly pricier restaurant in next town. Basically, extra hours for the babysitter, taxis there and back, added a lot onto the overall cost so it really was far more. If the family budget is snug at all in times like these I think a bit of caution is no bad thing.
Also is it standard to expect to be taken out to dinner on mothers day? I've never had this, didnt know it was a thing.