Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner cheating

137 replies

Ellie19881 · 19/03/2022 21:49

My partner is at the pub with friends tonight watching the rugby. I’m not a jealous person so this was fine, sport is not my thing. I’ve just received a WhatsApp from a friend telling me that my partner is cheating. It’s someone who has no reason to lie. I’ve gone into full rage mode! What the actual fuck!

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 20/03/2022 06:33

@Ellie19881

I’ve just called him and asked him to come home as we need to chat about some things in the morning. He’s said that’s fine but he’ll be out for a while still and sleep in the spare room.
So he isnt bothered at all?
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 20/03/2022 06:34

Think I’d be come home now or don’t bother

PinkFluffyUnicornSlippers · 20/03/2022 06:50

@KrisAkabusi

I'm really disturbed at the number of people here who would take a random text as the complete truth without even asking the partner about it first! There are so many comments here saying to throw them out, change the locks, etc, without giving the other person a chance to even know what they have been accused of! Surely if they're your partner, there's a base level of trust where you would at least ask for their side of the story, rather than automatically assume they're guilty based on zero evidence? If this is all it takes, you might as well split up anyway, you clearly don't trust them.
Totally agree with this. But it’s strangers on the internet who are able to say these things easily without having to do them themselves (hopefully)
MigsandTiggs · 20/03/2022 06:53

I'm with you on this. I might even say "thought I'll join you" if he was at the pub. And be all innocent.

user1478639495 · 20/03/2022 07:18

So sorry your having to deal with this shit my only advice to you would be get all your ducks in a row. As hard as it is stay calm, avoid him but get all the facts first if you can, I’d never suggest anyone go through someone’s phone but in this case it could be your only option to get the actual truth so many ppl lie these days it’s disturbing even then he may wel delete all the messages.

Brideandprejudice · 20/03/2022 07:34

Don't let him lie his way out of this OP

MrMrsJones · 20/03/2022 07:41

If you don't have children

I would have gone to the pub to join him...and perhaps catch him out

DrSbaitso · 20/03/2022 07:48

What has this person actually seen? What's her evidence? Will she talk to you and answer your questions?

PegasusReturns · 20/03/2022 08:14

If he can’t even be bothered to come home when you’ve told him you need him to then it hardly matters if he’s cheating.

slashlover · 20/03/2022 08:20

The difference in replies to this and the current post where the OP got an anonymous letter are startling.

yellowbananasinjuly · 20/03/2022 08:20

The messenger could have been told by her ex that she was sleeping with the OP's husband so believes it to be true. But the messengers ex could have any number of motives for claiming such a thing, such as wanting to hurt the messenger, or even wishful thinking if they have flirted for example; it does not guarantee that it is actually what is happening.

Don't lock him out or do anything rash, gather cold hard facts instead. Im sorry this has happened to you, it must be a shock, but as yet there is no proof.

SW1amp · 20/03/2022 08:22

@slashlover

The difference in replies to this and the current post where the OP got an anonymous letter are startling.
I was just thinking the very same thing…
shrunkenhead · 20/03/2022 08:28

I'd get your evidence sorted before asking him as he'll only deny it. And if you're thinking of separating/divorce then get all your personal documents together, savings etc to protect yourself.
I know it's not easy to be calm and collected as you've had a shock but do your research first.

DrSbaitso · 20/03/2022 08:32

@slashlover

The difference in replies to this and the current post where the OP got an anonymous letter are startling.
I haven't seen that one. Can you link/elaborate?
Babadook76 · 20/03/2022 08:38

I’d have gone straight down that pub op. Presumably he’s with her now? Why on earth would you just go to bed after that?

Babadook76 · 20/03/2022 08:40

When you do confront him I wouldn’t even tell him how you now. Just say you’ve been sent all the evidence you need. Harder for him to deny it then when he doesn’t even know what you already know

Lockheart · 20/03/2022 08:46

@slashlover

The difference in replies to this and the current post where the OP got an anonymous letter are startling.
There is one significant difference in the circumstances. You're comparing apples with oranges and being disingenuous.

OP, I wouldn't be flying off the handle until I'd had a chance to talk to him myself. It could be true, but people also love to stir for no reason.

You also can't lock someone out of their home. If you change the locks, he can just have them changed again. I don't know why MN loves to trot this one out. You can't deny someone access to their home and possessions, even if they are a complete bastard.

JennyHogon · 20/03/2022 08:49

@Lockheart I was just about to say that I wish people on MN would stop banging on about changing the locks. You can't just do this. OP, I'd at least talk to him, rather than relying on a weird whatsapp message.

Letsrunabath · 20/03/2022 09:08

It might be that your partner is innocent and will hand over his phone for you to check. I hope that’s the outcome.

Meggie2008 · 20/03/2022 09:11

You definitely need to speak to him instead of just taking a random whatsapp message as gospel. It might well turn out to be true, but I also wouldn't immediately think that someone's ex wife is necessarily reliable information as there could be a lot of bitterness there.

Some people also really hate their partners speaking to the opposite sex. I was physically attacked by a woman in a pub once because her husband spoke to me. My boyfriend at the time's band were playing, and the bloke was sat at the table next to me and a friend, and he literally only said that he thought the band were very good, and did the play xyz song as it was his favourite song? Next thing you know I was being thrown to the floor and punched by some woman. The wife. Because her husband asked about a song...
Was your partner just speaking to the woman and someone's taken it wrong? You can't jump the gun until you have all the information you can get.

Lockheart · 20/03/2022 09:15

@Letsrunabath

It might be that your partner is innocent and will hand over his phone for you to check. I hope that’s the outcome.
If my partner insisted I "hand over my phone for him to check" I'd leave the controlling bugger then and there.
bonfireheart · 20/03/2022 09:22

Emergency locksmith costs a lot, alot to spend based on one text with no evidence. And did you speak to the person who sent you the text?

Dita73 · 20/03/2022 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

nettie434 · 20/03/2022 09:28

I haven't seen that one. Can you link/elaborate?

DrSbaitso

There is another thread in which the poster who is a widow received an anonymous letter stating that her husband and another woman who is also dead (separate unconnected events) had had an affair.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4509304-anonymous-letter-saying-my-deceased-husband-cheated

The replies point out that the motives of the letter writer are malicious and ask her if she has any way of corroborating what the letter says.

Looubylou · 20/03/2022 09:30

Neither am I

Swipe left for the next trending thread