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Original poster

Partner cheating

137 replies

Ellie19881 · 19/03/2022 21:49

My partner is at the pub with friends tonight watching the rugby. I’m not a jealous person so this was fine, sport is not my thing. I’ve just received a WhatsApp from a friend telling me that my partner is cheating. It’s someone who has no reason to lie. I’ve gone into full rage mode! What the actual fuck!

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 19/03/2022 23:44

How many are there? I thought the op said her partner, from which I assumed one.

zgirldreamsoftulum · 19/03/2022 23:46

I found out my DH had cheated on me. We're separated now. He denied it vehemently, acted outraged I should even suggest it, and it was only when I confronted him with evidence that he admitted jt (and with very little remorse or guilt at what he'd done).
You'll be really shocked and upset I'm sure. If you can try to be absolutely certain before you confront him with this situation I think it might be helpful to you (both in terms of dealing with attempts to deny/minimise and being sure of what if anything you want to do next).

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/03/2022 23:46

"Dont bother coming home. Tell [lying cheating bitch] she can have you for good, especially given that her wife doesnt want her either"

KrisAkabusi · 20/03/2022 00:00

I'm really disturbed at the number of people here who would take a random text as the complete truth without even asking the partner about it first! There are so many comments here saying to throw them out, change the locks, etc, without giving the other person a chance to even know what they have been accused of! Surely if they're your partner, there's a base level of trust where you would at least ask for their side of the story, rather than automatically assume they're guilty based on zero evidence? If this is all it takes, you might as well split up anyway, you clearly don't trust them.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/03/2022 00:04

DP has now just text me saying he’s going to stay out tonight as it’s ‘going to be a late one’

Why are you putting up with this crap?

"You need to come home now and talk to me or the door will remain locked. And locks changed in the morning."

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/03/2022 00:07

@KrisAkabusi

I'm really disturbed at the number of people here who would take a random text as the complete truth without even asking the partner about it first! There are so many comments here saying to throw them out, change the locks, etc, without giving the other person a chance to even know what they have been accused of! Surely if they're your partner, there's a base level of trust where you would at least ask for their side of the story, rather than automatically assume they're guilty based on zero evidence? If this is all it takes, you might as well split up anyway, you clearly don't trust them.
I would have taken the word of someone who texted me because I already suspected Ex but couldnt prove it. If it specifically named the person I thought was involved, I really wouldnt have questioned it. As it was, I later found out that a lot of people knew but no one told me, I wish they had!

The OP has said that she has had her suspicions and this has confirmed it.

SouperNoodle · 20/03/2022 00:15

What an absolute pig. I'm so sorry op.
The fact that you've told him you need to talk and he's staying out speaks volumes.

PiperPosey · 20/03/2022 00:22

I wish someone would have told me...I found out 5 years later!

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2022 01:25

I think I would have said "No, you need to come home. I've had a very disturbing text about you. We need to talk RIGHT NOW!".

It may be true, it may be shit stirring, but I'd want it dealt with right away, not tomorrow.

Hawkins001 · 20/03/2022 01:26

@Ellie19881

I don’t think the person who text me has much reason to lie. We’re friends through the previous relationships. All her text said was ‘I think you should know that your DP is sleeping with (insert other woman’s name). I don’t wish to hurt you but think you should know the truth’
with all due respect just because you presume they don't have a reason, why is it an automatic reason to believe ? Bottom line, who can say for sure their motives and besides, what happened to being proven guilty rather than just presuming ?
Hawkins001 · 20/03/2022 01:27

@KrisAkabusi

I'm really disturbed at the number of people here who would take a random text as the complete truth without even asking the partner about it first! There are so many comments here saying to throw them out, change the locks, etc, without giving the other person a chance to even know what they have been accused of! Surely if they're your partner, there's a base level of trust where you would at least ask for their side of the story, rather than automatically assume they're guilty based on zero evidence? If this is all it takes, you might as well split up anyway, you clearly don't trust them.
Exactly, so much for innocent until proven otherwise.
Malibuismysecrethome · 20/03/2022 01:49

Don’t shoot the messenger. The person who has given you the heads up (you can deal with it as you want) has done you a massive favour. Far better to know than to carry on with everyone but you knowing. He subsequently texted that it’s going to be a messy one and that he’s staying out,
confirms the situation.

Pandypuff · 20/03/2022 02:29

Talk to him in the morning? I'd be down the pub right now to see if he's actually there and who with! Just for a sneaky peak, I'd not make a scene. If not there, id text him and ask where he is. If he says 'down the pub' then you know he's lying.

I'd also not talk to him about it and give him a chance to delete evidence. I'd have a sneaky peak through his phone while he was drunkenly sleeping.

I'd also phone back the person who told me about the affair for more info.

But maybe I'm crazy 😂

TatianaBis · 20/03/2022 02:42

No I think I’d do the same.

1forAll74 · 20/03/2022 03:02

Maybe he was just chatting to a woman in the pub that's all. some women don't like their partners talking to another women.

Coolmama85 · 20/03/2022 03:48

Ah OP I hope ur ok.

Does he have a history of cheating/lying? I agree with other posts, he should be straight home when he knew there was something up.

NotNotNotMyName · 20/03/2022 03:49

You sound incredibly calm about this OP. There’s no way I’d be able to sleep if I was given info like this. It does sound like he’s cheating and tbh you don’t seem that surprised….I think you should just get rid of him and find someone way less skanky.

booplefloof · 20/03/2022 03:59

Can you calm this person for further clarification?

MsDogLady · 20/03/2022 04:11

Ellie, I’m really sorry. You’ve had suspicions about your H and this OW, and now her former spouse/your friend has reached out to inform you about their affair. She believes that you deserve to know.

Did you call her back to get details?

You need to get your hands on H’s phone and don’t give him time to delete. Hopefully he hasn’t already done so.

Don’t fall for any manipulation or blame shifting. Keep posting, Ellie. Flowers

MsDogLady · 20/03/2022 04:13

So sorry—Partner, not Husband

Soulstirring · 20/03/2022 04:42

You’ve every right to be upset, true accusation or otherwise. It’s bound to set you off, you need answers. How unfair of friend and husband to a) not provide more proof or detail and b) not get home and sort it out immediately

AnxiousMum875 · 20/03/2022 05:04

I'm do sorry this bombshell has been dropped on you. All I would say, is take a step back, discuss with partner first and then make decisions from there. By no means does this sound very promising, but you deserve a sober chat about what (if anything) is happening.

MNCar · 20/03/2022 05:39

I hope you rang the person for more info

takemeawayyy · 20/03/2022 05:59

Hope you're okay op. Don't take no shit x

LagunaBubbles · 20/03/2022 06:05

What suspicions have you had before?