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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think blocking former friends is often unnecessary and cowardly?

106 replies

cranberryhaddock · 19/03/2022 15:56

I keep seeing this all around social media, not just on MN, often in response to relatively minor things that are annoying someone about a friend. It feels like the standard advice nowadays if someone happens to have put a person's nose out of joint in any way is 'Unfriend, block, and move on with your life.'

Don't get me wrong, if someone is harassing a person, causing major distress or acting in a threatening way, obviously that's different and blocking is the right thing to do. But so often it seems as though the other person is just getting on the poster's nerves or there's been a falling-out or misunderstanding of some kind that could possibly be straightened out with a bit of old-fashioned talking. It feels like people don't value their friendships enough for that any more, and aren't willing to give their friends the chance to put things right - tbh the unfriend/block advice is trotted out so much of the time that I get the impression people don't really care about their friendships as much these days, and also - to be blunt - that a lot of people are just plain cowardly.

I know it sounds like I've had this happen to me - for the record, I actually haven't, but I (like most people, I imagine) do find it painful when friendships end and I just feel blocking someone who isn't acting in a threatening/harassing/distressing way is hurtful and unnecessary.

AIBU?

OP posts:

MushroomCow99 · 19/03/2022 15:58

Not really - if your not friends with someone why would you want them to have access to your private photos you want to share with actual friends etc? I wouldn't block, but I do unfriend.

ThatsNotMyGolem · 19/03/2022 16:00

The older I get, the less patience I have for fuckery. One strike and you're blocked.

dfendyr · 19/03/2022 16:00

You're not my friend, then why do you want to look at me on social media etc?

You're not my friend, then how do you know I blocked you?

MurmuratingStarling · 19/03/2022 16:04

YABU. If someone has caused me problems and hassle, or has turned out to be a bit of a twat, then I am free to block them. Not cowardly at all, and often 'necessary!'

If someone ISN'T behaving in a shitty manner/being a nuisance/being toxic, they generally won't get blocked anyway!

Has someone unfriended and blocked you @cranberryhaddock ?? Are you a bit wounded/butthurt?

Original poster

cranberryhaddock · 19/03/2022 16:11

@MurmuratingStarling

YABU. If someone has caused me problems and hassle, or has turned out to be a bit of a twat, then I am free to block them. Not cowardly at all, and often 'necessary!'

If someone ISN'T behaving in a shitty manner/being a nuisance/being toxic, they generally won't get blocked anyway!

Has someone unfriended and blocked you @cranberryhaddock ?? Are you a bit wounded/butthurt?

No, although I can see why it looks like that. I've had friendships end in painful ways, where I've felt some discussion would have sorted out the problem. I've never been blocked myself.

What I don't get about these responses, certainly as far as Facebook is concerned, is that once you unfriend someone they can't see your stuff anyway, or at least not unless all your posts are public. That's partly why blocking seems like overkill.

OP posts:

SevenWaystoLeave · 19/03/2022 16:14

I agree it's a bit of a dramatic guesture, especially as most social media platforms offer a "softer" option (muting, unfollowing), if you just want to not be seeing each others posts. It's very much a "Not only am I not talking to you I want to make damn sure you know I'm not talking to you" thing. But some people seem to thrive on drama and are constantly falling in and out with friends - I cba with any of that.

Original poster

cranberryhaddock · 19/03/2022 16:15

And also, re the 'if someone's not my friend' thing - part of the reason for my post was to comment on the way people seem to go from 'this person is my friend' to 'this person isn't my friend' the minute someone puts a foot wrong in the friendship these days, without any discussion or possibility for putting things right. This baffles me and is partly what fuels my disdain for blocking.

BTW @MurmuratingStarling re If someone has caused me problems and hassle - I said upfront that I agreed blocking was the right thing to do if someone was doing that.

OP posts:

sunflowerdaisyrose · 19/03/2022 16:20

I was blocked by someone I considered a friend after she treated me awfully and I didn't roll over and reassure her how she acted was ok, but i wasn't unreasonable. She since apologised and unblocked me, weird. It's a very dramatic, immature response in most occasions (not all). I do block annoying people on local fb groups though so I don't have to see their inane posts on the group!

DysmalRadius · 19/03/2022 16:26

@cranberryhaddock

BTW @MurmuratingStarling re If someone has caused me problems and hassle - I said upfront that I agreed blocking was the right thing to do if someone was doing that.

But surely if that black and white approach to friendship isn't for you, then a person who feels that way is not someone that you would pursue a friendship with? Why would you want to 'put things right', with someone who would block you for something you considered a minor issue?

Ponoka7 · 19/03/2022 16:26

They might be able to see stuff that you are tagged in. Not everyone can be bothered to check every bit of online security. It depends on what your messenger is set to, if they can still message you. I've blocked someone because we had friends in common and I don't want to see her comments. She's a hypocrite and I'd be tempted to answer her bullshit. She's a user. People stay at n contact for her children's sake but then she pushes you to your limit.

Wobblykitchen · 19/03/2022 16:27

I’ve blocked someone, there were many reasons why she wasn’t a good friend. Over time I found that she was doing shitty things - basically over two years all our messaging was me asking about her. She ignored major events in my life, didn’t ask me how I was when I haemorrhaged etc. which other friends this happened with but once in contact again they’d be like ‘oh yeah I didn’t message as I was busy’ - no sorry - which isn’t needed because busy lives we all have, totally acceptable. This girl was just outright ignoring me. The final straw was a major invite she didn’t invite me, but the rest of our friendship group. I got in contact, asked if I’d done anything and she told me no. So basically in her eyes I’ve done nothing wrong - or she’s too cowardly to tell me. Or she’s just a shitty person that she didn’t want to invite me as she doesn’t see me as a friend enough, but the rest of our social circle she does.

After this I didn’t want her seeing updates about my personal life. So I’ve blocked her. I’m a very nosey person and blocking stops the temptation of me being a nosey snoop. Which I don’t want to be, hence the blocking.

Hope this helps as experience from someone who has blocked - I might add this is the only friend I’ve ever blocked.

girlmom21 · 19/03/2022 16:29

If they're friends with your friends they can see things your friends tag you in, or if you tag your friends, and can still interact with those posts.

Mary46 · 19/03/2022 16:33

I have blocked. Petty yes. However she kept texting. I said I wasnt engaging. Find women can be difficult. One text leads to another one

thepeopleversuswork · 19/03/2022 16:37

I totally agree. It’s legitimate if someone has bullied you or been neglectful or toxic.

But in a lot of these scenarios it’s fairly trivial: blocking a friend whose stood you up a couple of times etc.

It’s the nuclear option. Blocking someone is an act of war. It’s hard to come back from and it takes no account of miscommunication or nuance or just people moving on.

Time and forgiveness heals a lot of these situations. So much easier just to take a step back but leave the door open.

maddening · 19/03/2022 16:37

Even wrong think can get someone blocked these days.

lanbro · 19/03/2022 16:38

I'm not interested in keeping friendships going if there has been a major infraction. And I don't want these non-friends to have any access to what I'm doing, so I block. However, I've only done it twice to people I thought were good friends, and have no regretted it at all

IncompleteSenten · 19/03/2022 16:42

Do people normally do things like that lightly?

The threads I've read tend to talk of blocking people after a lot of shit from them, not as a first response to a minor issue.

BrightonBunny · 19/03/2022 16:45

@ThatsNotMyGolem

The older I get, the less patience I have for fuckery. One strike and you're blocked.

Me too!

Unsureaboutit9 · 19/03/2022 16:46

If you block them they can’t message you and don’t pop up on your suggested friends every 5 mins. So if I delete someone who’s toxic on Facebook, il pop up as a suggested friend to them, bringing it to their attention that I’d deleted them, and they may message me for it. If I block they probably won’t notice cos they just won’t see me anymore.

Nothing wrong with people being more confident removing toxic people from their lives these days. YABU

TheEarthIsNotFlat · 19/03/2022 16:46

I’ve only officially blocked and defriended one ex-friend on all platforms because she treated me so shoddily. I’m having issues with a family member right now and, whilst they’ve blocked me, I haven’t blocked them because I hope we can come back from it. Also, I’m not as petty as them (siblings, don’t you love them 😂)

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 19/03/2022 16:47

I had a dear family member unfriend me from all social media and I honestly thought it was so ridiculous and hurtful. Which I suppose is why they do it
I just unfollow anyone i don't care to see.

ButtockUp · 19/03/2022 16:47

@dfendyr

You're not my friend, then why do you want to look at me on social media etc?

You're not my friend, then how do you know I blocked you?

Quite.

Thewindwhispers · 19/03/2022 16:53

Totally agree OP, I’ve often thought this. Blocking a creepy date or an ex who won’t give up makes sense, but blocking a friend for a minor thing without trying to talk things through is so childish, very “I’m not talking to you”.

TooBigForMyBoots · 19/03/2022 16:53

YABU @cranberryhaddock. The Block function is there to be used and I think more people should use it. Their motivation to do so is none of your business but it is often for their own wellbeing. Nothing unnecessary and cowardly about it.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 19/03/2022 16:53

It's very much "out of sight, out mind" for many people, I think.

It's often much easier to get over someone/an upset/an argument if you don't have to see them on your social media everyday.

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