to think blocking former friends is often unnecessary and cowardly?

[cranberryhaddock]

I keep seeing this all around social media, not just on MN, often in response to relatively minor things that are annoying someone about a friend. It feels like the standard advice nowadays if someone happens to have put a person's nose out of joint in any way is 'Unfriend, block, and move on with your life.'

Don't get me wrong, if someone is harassing a person, causing major distress or acting in a threatening way, obviously that's different and blocking is the right thing to do. But so often it seems as though the other person is just getting on the poster's nerves or there's been a falling-out or misunderstanding of some kind that could possibly be straightened out with a bit of old-fashioned talking. It feels like people don't value their friendships enough for that any more, and aren't willing to give their friends the chance to put things right - tbh the unfriend/block advice is trotted out so much of the time that I get the impression people don't really care about their friendships as much these days, and also - to be blunt - that a lot of people are just plain cowardly.

I know it sounds like I've had this happen to me - for the record, I actually haven't, but I (like most people, I imagine) do find it painful when friendships end and I just feel blocking someone who isn't acting in a threatening/harassing/distressing way is hurtful and unnecessary.

AIBU?

I don’t see a problem with blocking on social media. If you have had a run in with a friend and discussed it in person. If the friendship is no longer going to be continuing. Then why not block? Then they won’t appear on your news feed and you won’t get notifications about anything involving mutual friends.

I can see if you mean you have had a fall out and the friend has immediately blocked you with no explanation or discussion. Or you get blocked and you have no idea why-then, you would feel more hurt about it and wonder why the block.

But if the friendship has ended in person, then no need to continue the friendship online. Not a friend anymore. No need to see, so no problem blocking.

Just seen this come back on feeds.

I have about 3 ex friends - various reasons why we are not friends any more.

I didn't block them on social media and them not me either.

I think if you want to block someone who's rude, malicious and you fell out as a friend then that's fine. But as in my case - I was friends with one person for 8 years, another for 20 years as best friend - so the doors are open. One person though I just wasn't clicking with after 8 years and she did some things which were unacceptable to me, so friendship had to go.

I don't quite understand what your issue is.

You say you've never been blocked yourself. You also say that if you were no longer friends with someone, you wouldn't want to look at their social media anyway.

So ... what exactly is the problem? You've never been blocked, and if you were blocked it wouldn't actually stop you from doing anything you wanted to do. But you've come here to make personal judgements about the character of people who use the block function?

To be honest, if you talk to your friends the way you've talked to people on here, and make similarly arbitrary judgements about the boundaries they set for themselves, I'm actually amazed nobody has ever blocked you.

@incognitoforthisone

I don't quite understand what your issue is.

You say you've never been blocked yourself. You also say that if you were no longer friends with someone, you wouldn't want to look at their social media anyway.

So ... what exactly is the problem? You've never been blocked, and if you were blocked it wouldn't actually stop you from doing anything you wanted to do. But you've come here to make personal judgements about the character of people who use the block function?

To be honest, if you talk to your friends the way you've talked to people on here, and make similarly arbitrary judgements about the boundaries they set for themselves, I'm actually amazed nobody has ever blocked you.

I've been perfectly civil on this thread and my interactions with friends are not problematic. Like everyone I've had friendships end, but in my personal experience and to the best of my knowledge, I have never blocked or been blocked therefore I was asking why people do this.

I've been judging the action of blocking, not making 'personal judgements' (even though your post has done the latter - oh, the irony). Some people agree with me and some disagree, and that's absolutely fine, it's how debate works. Some of the responses (including some of the YABUs) have given me useful insights, but tbh some replies on this thread, yours included, are far more unpleasant than anything I've said.

I think it's unfair unless there is a genuine reason, for example harrasment. Same as 'ghosting' for no apparent reason. If someone has done something to offend, it would be courteous to at least let let them know why the friendship cannot continue, or allow them to make amends, if appropriate.

Yes YABU.