to think blocking former friends is often unnecessary and cowardly?

[cranberryhaddock]

I keep seeing this all around social media, not just on MN, often in response to relatively minor things that are annoying someone about a friend. It feels like the standard advice nowadays if someone happens to have put a person's nose out of joint in any way is 'Unfriend, block, and move on with your life.'

Don't get me wrong, if someone is harassing a person, causing major distress or acting in a threatening way, obviously that's different and blocking is the right thing to do. But so often it seems as though the other person is just getting on the poster's nerves or there's been a falling-out or misunderstanding of some kind that could possibly be straightened out with a bit of old-fashioned talking. It feels like people don't value their friendships enough for that any more, and aren't willing to give their friends the chance to put things right - tbh the unfriend/block advice is trotted out so much of the time that I get the impression people don't really care about their friendships as much these days, and also - to be blunt - that a lot of people are just plain cowardly.

I know it sounds like I've had this happen to me - for the record, I actually haven't, but I (like most people, I imagine) do find it painful when friendships end and I just feel blocking someone who isn't acting in a threatening/harassing/distressing way is hurtful and unnecessary.

AIBU?

@cranberryhaddock

What's the alternative to blocking? Not blocking them, so they can try to connect with you again and continue to try to message you?

No - unless the person is harassing you, why not just live and let live?

Friendships of mine have ended in the past without either side feeling the need to block, this is partly why I don't get it.

I don't understand your point.

If you don't want to continue a friendship with someone, why would you want to see what they're up to? Why would you want them to see what you're up to? What is the point of not blocking someone when you've cut off the relationship?

What does live and let live mean?

Surely it's kinder on both parties if you just don't see each other online again, so you don't constantly think, oh, there's that person who is no longer speaking to me. Blocking keeps the boundary in place and lets you both go on with your respectful stuff without crossing paths.

I'd say it's more dramatic/cowardly/awkward to end a relationship and leave the door wide open for one of you to send messages. If you wanted to cut ties that much, you should follow through and actually do it.

@ThatsNotMyGolem

The older I get, the less patience I have for fuckery. One strike and you're blocked.

The older I get, the less patience I have for people who are so rigid.

@TooBigForMyBoots

Why is it necessary to block though? Why not just ignore someone or leave them alone for a bit. Blocking is an act of letting someone know they have been rejected. It’s technically “passive” but it’s actually passive aggressive.

Again, totally justified if someone has genuinely wronged you but in most cases it’s just “look at me, I’m independent and I have BOUNDARIES”.

@ThatsNotMyGolem

The older I get, the less patience I have for fuckery. One strike and you're blocked.

Yep. I'm on the same page as you!

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@TooBigForMyBoots

Why is it necessary to block though? Why not just ignore someone or leave them alone for a bit. Blocking is an act of letting someone know they have been rejected. It’s technically “passive” but it’s actually passive aggressive.

Again, totally justified if someone has genuinely wronged you but in most cases it’s just “look at me, I’m independent and I have BOUNDARIES”.[/quote]
It's only all 'oooh, look at me' if you keep blocking and unblocking someone like a teenager.

Blocking someone once and moving on with your life has the least amount of drama attached.

Why is it necessary to block though? Why not just ignore someone or leave them alone for a bit.
That is exactly what blocking is. Ignoring someone.
Blocking is an act of letting someone know they have been rejected. It’s technically “passive” but it’s actually passive aggressive.
Do you receive a notification that you have been blocked?

Does it appear you are " offline " if you block? And as we know you cant always reason with people.

I don't get why you care so much OP. The only reason I can think someone caring is if they're in the habit of visiting that ex friend or whatevers page and now it's been kuboshed.

People can do what they want.

I would rather block tbh
When I am done I am done and don't want to know anything about them
Or them anything about me
I don't wish them any bad I just don't want anymore to do with them

If I'm not genuine friends with someone, I don't want them on social media. I don't care what they're up to and I don't want them stalking me. So I delete.

I look at people with hundreds of "friends" and cringe.

It's really not a 'these days' sort of thing. While blocking online is newer with changes in tech (though it predates Facebook, it was very much a thing in the 90s with AIM, MSN and similar), people have always dropped and then did the socially accepted way to avoid people. Friendships have very much changed since, but you can read the old-fashioned version in some Jane Austen novels.

Also, images put in the header or profile on facebook are automatically public and as of last year, blocking is now the only way on Facebook to prevent people you've previously had a conversation with from popping up at the top of Messenger in the 'make a video chat' area and a few other things remain available to them. You used to be able to delete them, but Facebook took that away in one of the updates last year. I've ended up blocking some people I was never really friends with (and wasn't friends with on facebook) because of that change. Tech limitations can be part of the issue - such as the AIM/MSN where the only way to not have someone see you on was blocking them at times, it can be the only way to control online space when options are limited.

I've been dropped and blocked out of nowhere from my perspective, one hours after we'd exchanged gifts as they were moving - I'd gone to say something and realized I was blocked. I don't have any strong upset or hurt around it, no ill will, it says nothing about me and I see little point in assuming it has anything to do with my 'worth'. I've never thought to view it as cowardly, unneeded, passive aggressive, or that there was a wrong I'd done that needed to be righted .

With all the discussion around about people taking more control of their online spaces and access to themself - and how many online spaces I've been in that have just disappeared effectively blocking us all, I don't really take that stuff that personally.

@Mary46

Does it appear you are " offline " if you block? And as we know you cant always reason with people.

THIS is what you get when you try to access a profile of someone who has blocked you.

I mean when they have blocked you on facebook ^

@gamerchick

I don't get why you care so much OP. The only reason I can think someone caring is if they're in the habit of visiting that ex friend or whatevers page and now it's been kuboshed.

People can do what they want.

Well, that isn't something I do or have ever done. To my knowledge I've never been blocked either.

I just think unless there is some concrete reason for blocking someone it seems an unnecessarily nasty, juvenile and, as some pps have stated, passive-aggressive thing to do.

I've never had the experience of seeing an unfriended person's stuff through mutual friends, so I can't speak to that, but as far as the 'I'm blocking them so they can't stalk me/see what I'm doing' rationale goes - unless there's a specific reason to think the unfriended person will do that, it's a bit self-important to think they would. If someone unfriended me the last thing I'd be interested in doing is wasting time snooping on their profile.

I also suspect that in some cases people block because they've unleashed vitriol on the other person and haven't the guts to allow the person their right of reply.

I just think unless there is some concrete reason for blocking someone it seems an unnecessarily nasty, juvenile and, as some pps have stated, passive-aggressive thing to do.

No @cranberryhaddock, you think that unless the person gives you a reason that satisfies you, you are entitled to know what they post on SM. You are not entitled to the details of other people's lives.

@TooBigForMyBoots

I just think unless there is some concrete reason for blocking someone it seems an unnecessarily nasty, juvenile and, as some pps have stated, passive-aggressive thing to do.

No @cranberryhaddock, you think that unless the person gives you a reason that satisfies you, you are entitled to know what they post on SM. You are not entitled to the details of other people's lives.

Please don't tell me what I think, especially if you're going to get it wrong. Did you not read where I said I wouldn't waste my time looking at someone's SM if they had unfriended me?

It is a bit rude if they know you have done it. I think nowadays we are obsessed with being able to say no - which is great- but should not be at the expense of manners.
I did unfollow people but I don't think they would know.

You'd just waste your time and energy taking it personally.🙄

If it’s someone that I don’t see IRL or interact with regularly it wouldn’t bother me but my ex boss, who I considered a friend too, recently unfriended and blocked me which was really upsetting so I text her and asked if I had done something to upset her. She claims it was accidental and she didn’t know how to block someone (yeah, right) she’s unblocked me but never resent the friend request. I’m ok with that as we speak and message regularly. We get on fine, we’re just not Facebook friends.

I've been dropped and blocked out of nowhere from my perspective, one hours after we'd exchanged gifts as they were moving - I'd gone to say something and realized I was blocked. I don't have any strong upset or hurt around it, no ill will, it says nothing about me and I see little point in assuming it has anything to do with my 'worth'. I've never thought to view it as cowardly, unneeded, passive aggressive, or that there was a wrong I'd done that needed to be righted.

I can't get my head around either the ex friend or you in this situation. Haven't you ever wondered why you were blocked? Haven't you thought what on earth is going on with ex friend that she has shut me out of her life very unexpectedly?

I too find blocking a passive aggressive, flouncy, overly dramatic and very juvenile way of ending a friendship. I would think very little of the 'blocker' who blocks due to a difference in opinion or disagreement.

I tend to stay off SM and reading the replies on here am very glad I do!

I've never blocked anyone. I think its dramatic for the most part. If someone has seriously damaged you - slept with your partner etc - sure.

But otherwise, for most disagreements, I've found it best to just phase people out. Don't engage in messaging and texts for a few days. Short replies when you do reply. The vast majority of people get the message and the friendship then naturally dies out, if you want it to.

If someone unfriended me the last thing I'd be interested in doing is wasting time snooping on their profile.

Then why does it matter if you are or aren't blocked?

I also suspect that in some cases people block because they've unleashed vitriol on the other person and haven't the guts to allow the person their right of reply.

Ah, so you want to keep messaging open. That's the whole point of blocking. You don't want any further communication. You don't want to get drawn into a back and forth when you've already decided you don't want to give any more headspace to the person.

The problem is with WhatsApp though you can see so much photos and when someonev is online.

You can't just read and have a couple of days to yourself as the person you may want to avoid is aware of your online status.

"I have seen blocking advocated for what seemed like a trivial reason on multiple occasions, yes. People reading a forum can only go by the information that's given."

Do you mean that you have seen it advocated on mn? If so, I would take it with a pinch of salt. It's not dissimilar to the famous LTB whenever someone posts a minor grumble about a partner.

"It's about whether or not the wrong someone has done is enough of a reason to just bin off a friendship in such a dramatic and final way."

That's a decision for the wronged party to make. If they think it's time to bin the friendship, it is. Maybe the dropped friend wasn't ever much of a friend so is no loss. If they are upset about being blocked, if they thought the friendship was a valuable one, why do whatever they did to get blocked in the first place?

I went to browse the girl my BIL is marrying and I couldn't find her profile! (My friend found it) turned out.. she already looked me up and blocked me lol.

I find it quite hurtful as she's got my SIL on social media but I guess I'm used to being left out lol