to ask if your 'beer fear' has become worse with age?

[rapture]

Namechanged.

DH and I went out for some St Patrick's Day with friends last night. I drank more than I should have done and feel pretty hungover today, though not catastrophic.

I've always had a bit of a problem limiting myself with booze when I'm out having fun...though these nights are thankfully far more few and far between than they were in my late teens/twenties. I also don't have an issue stopping after just one glass at home, or having 'dry' days - so I'm not sure that I'd consider myself to have an alcohol problem.

HOWEVER, what is a problem is that my anxiety after drinking has become sooooo much worse. The next day I'm always always worrying if I made a fool of myself, offended/upset people, or just generally behaved like a drunken idiot, even if everyone reassures me that this wasn't the case at all!

This is worsening to the extent that I'm hit with paranoia not only the next day, but even when I'm a few drinks down. I begin to think I'm a boring conversationist, that I look awful blah blah. I'm privately a fairly anxious person, but on a day to day basis I think I do a pretty good job of coming across as confident and usually feel quite good about myself.

I know a very simple solution would be to stop drinking, but I feel like that would be so difficult for me socially. Also, I can and do enjoy alcohol in a 'civilised' way - a glass of champagne at a wedding, good wine blah blah. I don't think I could become tee total. But equally I HATE feeling like this. Anyone else found a solution?

I think that as we get older, making an absolute fool of ourselves isn't funny anymore. When you’re young and unaware it's all jokes and "omg we go sooo wasteeed hahahaa". Now we know better, we know of all the things that can go wrong, we have responsibilities, probably a professional reputation too.

I think alcohol hits me a lot harder the older I get so that's why it probably makes the anxiety worse as well.

Yes, I don't drink anymore and know quite a few women my age (40) who've made the same decision in recent years. It started in my mid-30s.

Allegedly it gets better once you're past the menopause!

Yes. I went out this week and like others here just get on one. I'm so good most of the time. I don't drink mostly so nights out, if I really hit it end up with me wrecked, saying all manner of shit that isn't me and I don't mean then I wake up at 4am, can't remember stuff and just feel I made a tit of myself.

I don't want to stop drinking but I wish I was one of those people who can call it quits. If I give in and let my hair down I just accelerate.

My best bet is to hold off drinking and force myself to drink slower at the start of the night. I've been on afternoon to evening pub crawls with friends where I stay dry til 9pm then catch up!

Yes same. I would feel profoundly paranoid and anxious after drinking to the extent that I didn't want DH to leave the room. My solution is to have a firm 2 drink limit, which I do stick to.

Oh gosh yes. I was thinking this the other day. If I have been out and had a few too many I wake up in the middle of the night in a complete panic over something I might have said or done. It puts me off drinking but I enjoy going out.

If literally never come across the idea of anxiety being worse after drinking before. It totally makes sense that this could happen, but I had no idea this was a 'thing'!

If = I'd

Surely if you’re around people drinking, no one will remember what others did anyway? So it’s not worth the anxiety?

Yes mine got the better of me 6 months ago. I've been alcohol free since (very very occasional glass of bubbles for a special occasion kinds of drinker now).

I am perimenopausal and I think that’s one of the reasons why I feel so much worse.

One thing that has helped me is to remind myself frequently that my good friends like my company enjoy my silly stories and like it when we ALL have a few drinks. And if I do say something daft or whatever I KNOW that my good friends let it wash over them. They don’t care they are not scrutinising my every move. And it’s that kind of brain training that helps me in general.

I used to feel quite paranoid generally but it is such a waste of energy.

I don’t hardly drink anymore. Maybe 2 glasses of wine over the weekend. But now and again we have some friends over and I’ll have 3/4 drinks. Enough for me to feel drunk but not messy and not enough anymore to feel the horrible paranoia.

Yes. I stopped drinking at 44 because the hangovers, anxiety and fear became so crippling, even after a couple of glasses of wine. I genuinely don't miss it.

I've stopped drinking too, I realise it has no benefits for me and is awful for my mental health. There's some great books, the unexpected joy of being sober and quit like a woman and there's some fab Instagram accounts to follow.

All aspects of my life are better and like you i wasn't a heavy drinker, just a few glasses of wine a week and maybe a night out every 3-4 months. Everything is better.