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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if your 'beer fear' has become worse with age?

37 replies

rapture · 18/03/2022 18:00

Namechanged.

DH and I went out for some St Patrick's Day with friends last night. I drank more than I should have done and feel pretty hungover today, though not catastrophic.

I've always had a bit of a problem limiting myself with booze when I'm out having fun...though these nights are thankfully far more few and far between than they were in my late teens/twenties. I also don't have an issue stopping after just one glass at home, or having 'dry' days - so I'm not sure that I'd consider myself to have an alcohol problem.

HOWEVER, what is a problem is that my anxiety after drinking has become sooooo much worse. The next day I'm always always worrying if I made a fool of myself, offended/upset people, or just generally behaved like a drunken idiot, even if everyone reassures me that this wasn't the case at all!

This is worsening to the extent that I'm hit with paranoia not only the next day, but even when I'm a few drinks down. I begin to think I'm a boring conversationist, that I look awful blah blah. I'm privately a fairly anxious person, but on a day to day basis I think I do a pretty good job of coming across as confident and usually feel quite good about myself.

I know a very simple solution would be to stop drinking, but I feel like that would be so difficult for me socially. Also, I can and do enjoy alcohol in a 'civilised' way - a glass of champagne at a wedding, good wine blah blah. I don't think I could become tee total. But equally I HATE feeling like this. Anyone else found a solution?

OP posts:
greyspottedgoose · 18/03/2022 18:03

Hanging around for the solution 🤣 I can totally relate, I went out last weekend with my boyfriend and his friends and felt worried until about Wednesday that I'd embarrassed myself somehow even though I had a great time and he said his friends had really liked me

User135644 · 18/03/2022 18:05

Yeah it's just general hangover and anxiety that are getting worse for me. It makes me not want to have a proper night out because it wipes me out for a couple of days.

I can have a few in the afternoon/evening and be okay but that's about it.

superram · 18/03/2022 18:05

I’m such a knob, I just can’t cope anymore! I think it is just drinking less but like you I don’t have an off button on big nights.

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 18/03/2022 18:12

Christ yes. Both me and DP have mentioned this. Suddenly appeared in my 30s, and getting worse. I can’t cope with the anxiety or the need to crawl under a blanket and cry. We call it The Sads!

Original poster
rapture · 18/03/2022 18:17

Glad it's not just me @greyspottedgoose, though sorry you felt this way! I pretty much worry until I have 'sober' interaction with everyone again, if that makes sense. I'm sure lockdowns haven't helped social anxiety either xx

OP posts:
Hasselhoffsheadband · 18/03/2022 18:17

I literally could have written your OP. I get the worst hangxiety these days, it's really putting me off drinking at all. I don't drink much at all now, I don't drink at all at home now (now that lockdown is over!), if I'm not out socialising I won't have a glass of wine at home or anything like that, so when I do go out and drink I don't seem to have an off button either. And then I feel like I have made an utter tit of myself the next day and basically hate myself. Whhhhyyyyyyy?

Hasselhoffsheadband · 18/03/2022 18:20

I pretty much worry until I have 'sober' interaction with everyone again, if that makes sense.

Yes! I will casually text people with a 'lovely to see you last night' and then analyse their reply to see if they now hate me for being such a bellend!

BiscuitLover3678 · 18/03/2022 18:23

Yep! Alcohol is a depressant - it’s literally a drug which increases anxiety and depression. So if I’m not feeling great it’s a terrible idea, even if I get a bit of confidence to begin with.

Just note it’s not you and because of want you’ve consumed. Hopefully that helps a bit.

Original poster
rapture · 18/03/2022 18:23

It's very strange isn't it? When I was younger, if I'd had a brilliant night out that involved getting a bit trashed with booze, I'd have no regrets the next day...it would feel worth it and I'd remember the night fondly! These days I just feel anxious and annoyed with myself.

I'm mid-40s...this started occasionally happening several years ago I guess but now it's pretty much every time I even slightly overdo it...

OP posts:
Original poster
rapture · 18/03/2022 18:24

@Hasselhoffsheadband - I do EXACTLY the same Grin

OP posts:
mintich · 18/03/2022 18:25

Yes! To be honest, I've stopped drinking when I go out with friends because I hate the anxiety afterwards. I used to get a little beer fear when I was young but nothing like this!

Chely · 18/03/2022 18:25

It did. I've been teetotal for 4 years now.

User135644 · 18/03/2022 18:30

I find the key is not staying out late but once i'm out I lose track of time and tend to stay out once i've got the taste for it/having a good time. Also a limit on how much alcohol I drink and to stay away from certain shorts or shots.

My days of being out until 4am are long gone now but even past midnight wrecks me for at least a day if i've been drinking.

georgarina · 18/03/2022 18:32

Yeah definitely worse with age! Barely drink now but a run usually cures it for me x

thepeopleversuswork · 18/03/2022 18:33

Totally. I'm 50 and I'm relatively lucky in that I don't get terrible hangovers from a physical point of view but mentally I feel awful. If I've had a big night I feel downright miserable, anxious, paranoid about my life. It's like having a 24 hour bout of depression. I know it will pass but it warps everything for a bit.

Also the productivity thing: even a relatively small amount of alcohol renders me useless at my job, scatty, disorganised and chaotic the next day. I just can't get my job done properly.

It's got to the point that unless I'm going out properly I don't bother these days. I almost never drink at home unless I have someone over and I avoid " go for a quick drink" type social situations because if you can't afford a day to recover it's not worth the grief.

Blimecory · 18/03/2022 18:35

Yes, I just don’t drink now generally. If I go out, I will only ever have one alcoholic drink. I then drink non-alcoholic drinks. I don’t drink at home ever.

AllotmentTime · 18/03/2022 18:37

Yes!!! I know I had this one or twice in my twenties but only after a seriously heavy night out. Now if I have too much I wake up at about 3am absolutely hating myself, it’s awful.

ooooof · 18/03/2022 18:37

I've had to stop drinking due the crippling beer fear. Even if I have one drink with a good friend it's enough to send me over the edge.

Last Christmas I accidentally had too much to drink at a party with new friends. It was horrific. It took me a fortnight to feel anywhere close to better and my MH was so bad my mum had to come and stay.

That was the nail in the coffin for my drinking career.

It was actually really frightening

Highlandspring1991 · 18/03/2022 18:38

I could’ve written this myself! Used to be fine up until the age of about 23 when I got married and made an absolute tit of myself on my wedding day being drunk (I say tit of myself, my family and friends say I was just drunk having fun) - I want to be able to go out and have a good time which is always is on the night but the next day anxiety is horrible! I always tell myself at least I haven’t woken up in a jail cell and everyone is still talking to me Grin

Fuckitydoodah · 18/03/2022 18:40

Yes, absolutely got worse with age! Very noticeable in the last 4 or 5 years.

At a friend's 40th party several years ago I got very very drunk. The anxiety and feeling low lasted about 2 weeks. Has really put me off drinking since.

I seem to have a terrible night's sleep too. Even after one or two glasses of wine.

Quite happy to be the designated driver these days.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 18/03/2022 18:40

@rapture

It's very strange isn't it? When I was younger, if I'd had a brilliant night out that involved getting a bit trashed with booze, I'd have no regrets the next day...it would feel worth it and I'd remember the night fondly! These days I just feel anxious and annoyed with myself.

I'm mid-40s...this started occasionally happening several years ago I guess but now it's pretty much every time I even slightly overdo it...

Yes, when I was younger the majority of my nights out where 'so much fun' when doing the post night out debrief the next day, with only a few where I genuinely felt anxious that I had been a twat (and that's probably because I had been), but even then it was funny. Now it's totally the other way around.

Maybe it's also just because we are older and so expected to 'behave' better generally?

RampantIvy · 18/03/2022 18:40

No. Since I have got older I have no desire to drink so much that I regret it the next day.

TBH I have never suffered from "beer fear".

MorningSicknessIsHell · 18/03/2022 19:37

@Hasselhoffsheadband

I pretty much worry until I have 'sober' interaction with everyone again, if that makes sense.

Yes! I will casually text people with a 'lovely to see you last night' and then analyse their reply to see if they now hate me for being such a bellend!

I'm exactly like this too! It's awful, I now don't really drink anymore because the anxiety is just too much.
Original poster
rapture · 18/03/2022 19:43

Interesting there are so many of us who suffer with this. I'm aware booze is a depressant and we are messing with seratonin/dopamine levels when we drink excessively. But why does this seem to hit lots of us more with age? You'd think we would be MORE insecure and concerned about what people think of us when we are young...not when we're approaching (or well into) middle age?

OP posts:
1000yellowdaisies · 18/03/2022 19:50

Everything you've written about beer fear i could have written myself except me and my friends used to call it 'the dreads' ! :)

I have no solutions to offer as i decided to quit drinking 6 years ago for this very reason... i was no way an alcoholic but the anxiety it gave me became overwhelming and it wasn't worth it anymore